Minerva's on a mission!!
- Thread starter Minerva
- Start date
Minerva
...we're sinking deeper.
Lou - I suggest buying some chamomile seeds - they're actually quite easy to grow even in really tough and nasty soils! I was surprised how much they spread since last year! And an added bonus is - when you have enough, you can make some healthy tea! 
If you don't like the tea, at least the flower is really pretty.
-
I wrote out something about today being day 10, but accidentally deleted it. ... well. I don't know if it's a success or not. I ate A LOT, emotional binge. But.... calories... for the whole day only came to .. 700. So... does it count? It's not 100% SnS... but calories are fine? ...
Somehow avoided all the wraps and noodles in the house, by filling up on calorie empty food... when I was working through my binge-eating disorder a few years ago, I limited the damage and weaned myself off sugar by vegetable/salad substitution to dense carbs... it works, because tomorrow I'll be fine and I won't have carb withdrawal which calls for more binges. It gives me space to examine my emotional triggers - because let's face it, I'm human and I still feel... and unfortunately, like so many, some emotions trigger such responses!! ... I still need to work on it. I know it's a fullness of the stomach I want, rather than bread/sugar/whatever.
I know what it's fueled by this time - overwhelming stress. I hate feeling like a failure and I definitely feel like I'm failing with all this exam preparation at the moment. The day off from study - ended up in being 4 days. I just can't face looking at it all ... Going to have to take extreme measures and go somewhere else to study - I'm getting too distracted at home.
Next few days/weeks I'll try to go into Uni / cafes to study, so that the feeling of failing subsides a bit. I'm generally not panicked about the exams themselves - just feeling overwhelmed by the amount of information I still need to get through.
Blergh. No idea why I'm putting myself through this... Just for another degree which is worthless. I'm not looking to become a solicitor or barrister or anything like that anymore ... but, stupidly, I've made that realisation too late!!
Oh well. Onwards... I'll count this day as complete as I didn't quite fall off.
Hope everyone is doing well, I miss you all!
:bighug:
If you don't like the tea, at least the flower is really pretty. -
I wrote out something about today being day 10, but accidentally deleted it. ... well. I don't know if it's a success or not. I ate A LOT, emotional binge. But.... calories... for the whole day only came to .. 700. So... does it count? It's not 100% SnS... but calories are fine? ...
Somehow avoided all the wraps and noodles in the house, by filling up on calorie empty food... when I was working through my binge-eating disorder a few years ago, I limited the damage and weaned myself off sugar by vegetable/salad substitution to dense carbs... it works, because tomorrow I'll be fine and I won't have carb withdrawal which calls for more binges. It gives me space to examine my emotional triggers - because let's face it, I'm human and I still feel... and unfortunately, like so many, some emotions trigger such responses!! ... I still need to work on it.
I know it's a fullness of the stomach I want, rather than bread/sugar/whatever. I know what it's fueled by this time - overwhelming stress. I hate feeling like a failure and I definitely feel like I'm failing with all this exam preparation at the moment. The day off from study - ended up in being 4 days. I just can't face looking at it all ... Going to have to take extreme measures and go somewhere else to study - I'm getting too distracted at home.
Next few days/weeks I'll try to go into Uni / cafes to study, so that the feeling of failing subsides a bit. I'm generally not panicked about the exams themselves - just feeling overwhelmed by the amount of information I still need to get through.
Blergh. No idea why I'm putting myself through this... Just for another degree which is worthless. I'm not looking to become a solicitor or barrister or anything like that anymore ... but, stupidly, I've made that realisation too late!!
Oh well. Onwards... I'll count this day as complete as I didn't quite fall off.
Hope everyone is doing well, I miss you all!
:bighug:
slim_and_happy
Silver Member
Hi Min. Hope you're feeling a bit more optimistic today. Please remember not to be too hard on yourself
Minerva
...we're sinking deeper.
Everything's good on my end.. keeping strong - but adding a little bit more protein / vegetables to my days to give myself energy. Studying is going ok - but starting to panic a bit as first exam is in exactly a week!! I have each of my days planned with targets I need to achieve and it's doable. Hopefully, I'll be ok. *fingers crossed* Can't wait for it all to be over!
carrieclaus
Gold Member
Hugs to you, your an amazing woman. You must be so mentally drained after each day. You've done fantastically to do the diet when you've had all this revision to do. Great choices on the binge though. In an ideal world we wouldn't binge at all, but it's not and the choice you made was excellent. Really well done xxx
Periwinkle
Keep going!
Thinking of you always Minerva! I've little to report diet wise so I haven't on the forum enough x jealous that you have a patch to garden! I really hope my next place has a lil yard!
Minerva
...we're sinking deeper.
Blergh!! BARELY holding it together here!! PANIC ATTACKS galore.
GENERALLY I'm doing ok, but just panicking. I have 3 days left to memorise a sh*t-ton of stuff and still don't know much of it. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
My head hurts like crazy and I'm tired. Want to binge, forget everything and run away. BUT food won't solve anything - it'll just waste my time.
Today hasn't been very successful calorie wise - I had about 400 calories extra - by having two old Lighter Life bars. Of all the things I cheat with - LL bars!! Really?! ... lol. I'm retarded, I swear.
So I marked the day down red in my signature - as a semi-day. Not a disaster, but not 100% success either. It's mostly for me to know afterwards. The underscored days are exam days so I know where I'm at.
*deep breaths ... * ... eurgh. I'm not going back to education anytime soon!! IF EVER!!
GENERALLY I'm doing ok, but just panicking. I have 3 days left to memorise a sh*t-ton of stuff and still don't know much of it. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
My head hurts like crazy and I'm tired. Want to binge, forget everything and run away.
BUT food won't solve anything - it'll just waste my time. Today hasn't been very successful calorie wise - I had about 400 calories extra - by having two old Lighter Life bars. Of all the things I cheat with - LL bars!! Really?! ... lol.
I'm retarded, I swear. So I marked the day down red in my signature - as a semi-day. Not a disaster, but not 100% success either. It's mostly for me to know afterwards. The underscored days are exam days so I know where I'm at.
*deep breaths ... * ... eurgh. I'm not going back to education anytime soon!! IF EVER!!
beelishy
......gettin' it done.
I have to say, in all honesty, that you have done incredibly well. You have come so far and youre nearly done. And you have SO MUCH on your plate (pardon the pun) and most people that I know would have cracked and given up SOMETHING a long time ago....either the studying or the diet...something...would have gone right out the window. You are absolutely amazing. Your resolve is mind-blowing and you should be SO proud of yourself. Really. I only hope that when my girls are older, they have the determination and self discipline that you do. xx
As for "cheating with LL bars" - LMAO!!!!!! Too cute. And totally not cheating. Cheat FAIL. You adorable little monkey. I totally consider that ON PLAN because you A) need extra fuel for all this brain cramming youre doing and B) its still "A"diet plan's bars, albeit not SnS specifically, but still.SO IT DOESNT COUNT AS CHEATING! lol. It counts as extra energy for studying.
Well done, honey. Seriously. Fab!! xxx
As for "cheating with LL bars" - LMAO!!!!!! Too cute. And totally not cheating. Cheat FAIL. You adorable little monkey. I totally consider that ON PLAN because you A) need extra fuel for all this brain cramming youre doing and B) its still "A"diet plan's bars, albeit not SnS specifically, but still.SO IT DOESNT COUNT AS CHEATING! lol. It counts as extra energy for studying.
Well done, honey. Seriously. Fab!!
xxx
SerenityValley
Surgically happy.
*hugs* Min, sorry I haven't been able to keep up to date. You hang in there - and if you really must cheat when a day like this happens, use protein and fat! xx
sukie sue
this is My time to shine!
hey min !!!
so good to see that you still go so easy on yourself .......not !!!!! lol
seriously hunni you are one of the most dedicated individuals ive ever (kinda ) met :0) im sure ive told you many times over the years , be kind to yourself , take time and be forgiving , you are right on track and doing great with all of it , this mad old universe has its plan and yours is just a bit busier than mosts but that's cause you can take it ... you is hard like LolLOL xxx
seriously min , im in awe of you and your achievements over the years , your a fighter and should be very proud of yourself . im heading back on plan tomorrow trying to finally shift this baby flab ( hes a bloomin big toddler now mind :0))and I hope I have a fraction of your determination and grit to get me trough , im back on here in the 'my journey back to me' thread so hope to see you around xxxx
so good to see that you still go so easy on yourself .......not !!!!! lol
seriously hunni you are one of the most dedicated individuals ive ever (kinda ) met :0) im sure ive told you many times over the years , be kind to yourself , take time and be forgiving , you are right on track and doing great with all of it , this mad old universe has its plan and yours is just a bit busier than mosts but that's cause you can take it ... you is hard like LolLOL xxx
seriously min , im in awe of you and your achievements over the years , your a fighter and should be very proud of yourself . im heading back on plan tomorrow trying to finally shift this baby flab ( hes a bloomin big toddler now mind :0))and I hope I have a fraction of your determination and grit to get me trough , im back on here in the 'my journey back to me' thread so hope to see you around xxxx
slim_and_happy
Silver Member
Hey Min! how are you?! Sending you hugs xxx
Tilleymonster
Full Member
Hey Minerva,
I'm back! Can't believe you're nearly at exam time! Good luck!! X
I'm back! Can't believe you're nearly at exam time! Good luck!! X
porshe04
Silver Member
Sorry to butt in but I followed you toward the end of last year when I was thinking of doing a vlcd. I loved reading what you were up to and your plans for getting through Christmas. When I finally took the plunge a month ago with S&S I thought I'd look you up but couldn't remember your name. Really nice to see your posts. I seem to remember you we're doing so well, what's happened?
Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
Minerva
...we're sinking deeper.
Hello And hi Porsche, are you sure it was me you were following? I wasn't on a VLCD before January this year! Previous LL attempt was in 2011 - when I reaaalllyyy wasn't ready to do it. I'm glad you're on track with S&S though, it's good to hear you found this forum as an inspiration. There are so many positive stories and so many inspiring people - part of the reason why I'm doing well right now. After all, this diet is a horrible, lonely thing, but the forum and the support here is second to none
Hi Tilley - I saw your post earlier on my phone, I'm so glad to see you're back! I was hoping that you were ok - I'm glad you're holding up... This journey has its ups and downs, and as I wrote on Blond Logic's come-back thread a few days ago - we have to sometimes reach the very bottom of the pit before we can even begin to see our way up again... the bottom, so we find our feet and know which way is up! I definitely have been down these last few years, but finally, am on the up. It's not a smooth journey though, but it's going in the right direction.
My LL counsellor a while back said - that the Lighter Life ribbon was designed with that very journey in mind... We take the plunge with a VLCD, then go down.. then go up again (almost back to the starting point!), then down again, back up, down and up.. and each time the loop gets smaller until it levels out. I thought it was poignant.
As per exams ... today I found out, with my first exam (of 6...) that my brain doesn't work that way, no matter how much I study, I still failed. Give me an essay any day of the week to be honest and I'll write a splendid one. Exams? F*ck no. No no no no no. Can't do them. Mind goes blank, no matter how much I know. So with a high degree of certainty - I can say, I am going to fail this, not due to lack of understanding or knowledge. But only due to not being able to do a 3 hour exam on the subject. I applaud people who can do it. Really. But, I'm not one of those.
And hi Sukie - great to see you back too! After I'm done failing my exams I'll come and support you as well! Just right now, I may as well try to ... you know.. fail with dignity.. if there can be such a thing and give it a shot. So.. I'm not around on the forums much.
Diet wise... apart from a small set-back on Friday which I won't go into, I'm still going strong.
My head hurts though... ugh... back to revision I go...
And hi Porsche, are you sure it was me you were following? I wasn't on a VLCD before January this year! Previous LL attempt was in 2011 - when I reaaalllyyy wasn't ready to do it. I'm glad you're on track with S&S though, it's good to hear you found this forum as an inspiration. There are so many positive stories and so many inspiring people - part of the reason why I'm doing well right now. After all, this diet is a horrible, lonely thing, but the forum and the support here is second to none Hi Tilley - I saw your post earlier on my phone, I'm so glad to see you're back! I was hoping that you were ok - I'm glad you're holding up... This journey has its ups and downs, and as I wrote on Blond Logic's come-back thread a few days ago - we have to sometimes reach the very bottom of the pit before we can even begin to see our way up again... the bottom, so we find our feet and know which way is up! I definitely have been down these last few years, but finally, am on the up. It's not a smooth journey though, but it's going in the right direction.
My LL counsellor a while back said - that the Lighter Life ribbon was designed with that very journey in mind... We take the plunge with a VLCD, then go down.. then go up again (almost back to the starting point!), then down again, back up, down and up.. and each time the loop gets smaller until it levels out. I thought it was poignant.
As per exams ... today I found out, with my first exam (of 6...) that my brain doesn't work that way, no matter how much I study, I still failed. Give me an essay any day of the week to be honest and I'll write a splendid one. Exams? F*ck no. No no no no no. Can't do them. Mind goes blank, no matter how much I know. So with a high degree of certainty - I can say, I am going to fail this, not due to lack of understanding or knowledge. But only due to not being able to do a 3 hour exam on the subject. I applaud people who can do it. Really. But, I'm not one of those.
And hi Sukie - great to see you back too! After I'm done failing my exams I'll come and support you as well!
Just right now, I may as well try to ... you know.. fail with dignity.. if there can be such a thing and give it a shot. So.. I'm not around on the forums much.Diet wise... apart from a small set-back on Friday which I won't go into, I'm still going strong.
My head hurts though... ugh... back to revision I go...
Minerva
...we're sinking deeper.
So... I don't know what to write here. I found that the stress and exam pressure was too much. I had a breakdown. I'm not as mentally resilient to stress as I thought I was before. I can't even begin to describe what it made me feel like, all of it. And for what? A degree in a subject I'm not even going to use for further career choices. I feel so emotionally drained, tired and my head hurts. I've called it quits - not going to take the exams. Not going to take the resits because I want to move on. Start doing the renovations on this house, start looking for work. And heal for a while. I feel like a failure right now, but I know realistically, this isn't the end of the world. This is a learning experience - don't take on too much all at once.
As per diet, I appear to have lost only 4lb in 3 and a half weeks. That is highly disappointing given the fact that I've been sticking to it about 98% of the time. So I've taken the decision to move my plan of eating a little bit more normally forward. There are a lot of social events coming up - which I plan to be sensible for and will be doing SnS/protein+low carbing on days where nothing is going on.
Not to fall into a pit of despair over this, I'll remain busy, need to source tiles, sink and toilet for the bathroom upstairs, along with a plasterer. Then the house needs a proper tidy up as well as other bits and pieces which need doing.
I just feel so .... blegh.
Oh well, onwards...
As per diet, I appear to have lost only 4lb in 3 and a half weeks. That is highly disappointing given the fact that I've been sticking to it about 98% of the time. So I've taken the decision to move my plan of eating a little bit more normally forward. There are a lot of social events coming up - which I plan to be sensible for and will be doing SnS/protein+low carbing on days where nothing is going on.
Not to fall into a pit of despair over this, I'll remain busy, need to source tiles, sink and toilet for the bathroom upstairs, along with a plasterer. Then the house needs a proper tidy up as well as other bits and pieces which need doing.
I just feel so .... blegh.
Oh well, onwards...
