Minerva's on a mission!!

Aw Minerva - I'm sorry to hear about your classmate :( And I hope your bf gets sorted quick with the doc! I'm impressed ye haven't slipped! Well done to you and your bf!
 
I know what you mean about kids not understanding death. I dont even want to have to go there with Tabby. And she hasnt really spent a WHOLE lot of time with her Nana anyway, so as awful as it sounds, if she did pass away I dont think Tabby would really notice. She may ask once or twice but I would probably just chicken out and wait until she was older and tell her. Anyway, enough of that horrible topic!

You are truly awesome, you know? A PERFECT situation to drive someone to eat off plan -- and you didnt! Bravo!! You should be so so proud of yourself. Im not really anyone but IM PROUD OF YOU! I really do hope today is a better day for you. I hope OH gets sorted ASAP! :hug99:
 
thinking of u x
 
Hey Hun xxx hope all is well! Hope you're staying on plan and kicking arse!!!
 
LOL right. Ummmm...!!!! Sorry to disappoint everyone! I fell off the wagon yesterday - quite spectacularly! My first really "out of control" day since January 1st. BUT - it's ok...! I'm not feeling awful about it. The way that my moods were going lately - it helped me realise what the trigger here is.

Started off with me craving for over a week... with no explanation. On Monday poor OH got his explodey cyst on face... and my class mate died... My emotional hunger intensified - but with the exception of the extra vegetables that day - I stayed on plan...
Tuesday - emotional hunger got stronger - I REALLY STRUGGLED to stay on plan - had a loooottt of cauliflower and counteracted on calories by having one less pack..
Wednesday - keeping "in control" was just too much, on top of poor OH's problems and my own stress. Binged all day.

Reflecting back on it, I realise that keeping strict control actually takes a lot of energy. I didn't have much energy left for it yesterday - something had to give in the end. There is the added factor of studying EVERY DAY - so I feel like ALL sense of NORMALITY has been taken away from me. My days are dull, repetitive, tough and emotionally draining with panic attacks over not passing exams. Last few weeks have been tough, and I'm only about half way through.

I just wanted to feel / be normal - and that unfortunately translated into having no boundaries around food. Well, at least the cravings are gone and I feel happier generally.

OH's face cyst is still huge :( poor guy, it's a really unpleasant thing to have. We are wondering what is causing them to develop so viciously, but have no answers... :( We'll investigate, this super-strength antibiotic medication seems to be doing the trick for now, but it only decreases it... it doesn't remove it. It may flare up in the future again... and he does have some existing ones on his back and arm which have not activated yet... :sigh:


As per diet - worked out a plan of action!! I'm putting the scales away into the wardrobe until 31st May. If they're not in the bathroom first thing - then there's no chance of me looking. Plus, I just don't want the emo that comes from having a bad loss affect the whole week as a result.

Step 1 - put scales away.
Step 2 - 100% on plan until 31st May - packs + a little veg only!

31st May I will be taking my exam rage out on a bottle of wine, so, let's not skirt around it - I'll be off plan then :p

Also - I have made a decision a long time ago, that in June I was going to get off the strictness of the VLCD and go on to do what I did on my Protein-Week. I'll have more time to calorie count; so I'll be mixing packs with higher protein meals... :) + Exercise! I have a gym across the road, so may as well use it!

That's the plan...

So Day 1 of 37. :) Onwards!

x

PS the only downside is that I don't get to update my ticker!! LAME!!
 
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I think the longer we try to resist the cravings leads to a binge. That's how my head works anyway. If I know I'm starting to struggle I have a meal there and then let it pass then start a new day. Don't get me wrong I have in no way controlled my weight since a started dieting off an on since 17 but at 32 something's gotta give right? Do I really wanna look back on my life and have either starved or binged? Nope. I'm trying and it's small steps. At least now you know resisting the overwhelming urge for food for days will then lead to a massive binge. It's about knowing when it's a problem and you now do :) excellent. I too am not weighing till 31st may, hubby has his the scales and removed the battery. I've now not weighed for over 1 week! That's huge for me as I'd even weigh post pee lol. Nice to see you back Minerva *** hugs *** xxx
 
Thank you Carrie!! You've been my inspiration to removing the scales! :D It really does make for a healthier mindset. And you seem a lot more happy as well, which is lovely to see. :)

I do know from past experience that resisting cravings actually leads to a binge, if it's a PERSISTENT one which lasts more than a day or two - then it's something more serious that the rebellious child wanting a treat. ... but stupidly I denied myself thinking that I could overcome and that I'm just being a brat for wanting some sense of normality. Lol. Not doing that again though!! If the heart wants, then I'll be more sensible in the future.

:)

x
 
Hey there sorry about your binge day but bet it felt good at the time hey? Sometimes immediate gratification is all that will do

Great idea not weighing. I'm having a mini goal not to weigh until Monday lol

Those cysts sound awful :( and with exams too no wonder you cracked, you have been doing this a long time now

Great plans for June, much less stressful on you

Xxxxx
 
Hi Lou :) The binge didn't feel good... but it was LIBERATING more than anything else. I felt free for the day which was nice. :)
Good luck on the mini-challenge!! We can do it! :D

--

ON A SIDE NOTE! I forgot to mention this and share with everyone... If you have the porridge for breakfast - plain oatmeal... you can buy some flavours for it!! ZERO calorie/Zero carb etc - totally nutritionally void of anything, so I'm sure it will not conflict with the plan.

Or you can add a few drops into your water to make it more exciting. :)

I have RASPBERRY flavour right now and have ordered APPLE - I will try it when it arrives. The website also stocks Banana, Chocolate, Strawberry, Toffee and Vanilla.
DON'T expect magic - it tastes slightly synthetic - but think of the flavour systems they put into little kids yoghurts and stuff. :) It still breaks up the monotony of the same porridge, day in and day out!

I am loving my raspberry porridge in all honesty! When the apple flavour arrives, I think I'll add some extra cinnamon into it.. yum!

Flavdrops Liquid Flavouring from Myprotein

:D Enjoy!
 
You're not a machine. You're human. The day off is no big deal. Im actually kinda relieved you had it, tbh. The way we are with food and emotional eating and such, isnt good. It isnt the way it SHOULD be. But to go in the completely opposite way isnt good either. We HAVE to have that day of "whatever" every so often. Its natural. Its human. So Im quite pleased that you did what you did. :D

I hope OH can get some help asap. Sounds painful. :(

Your new plan sounds pretty awesome. No weighing and staying on plan FOR A CERTAIN NUMBER OF DAYS. Not just "til whenever". You have a set date that you can work to and thats brilliant. I noticed how much easier it was for this time around to stick to plan and to actually ENJOY IT as this time I have had no shakes or soups (as you know) and I have a DATE IN MIND for when this (session of the) diet is over. The day before my holiday I will get up and get weighed and that will be my final WI prior to going. I will stick to packs for breakfast and lunch but theres NO WAY Im going to not have a take away or something quick and easy (im not cooking!!) for dinner when I will have myself and the two girls to (finish) pack for and hubbys packing to double check because he is hopeless at it without me :D hahahaha So with that timeframe in mind...Im good to go.

Im proud of you and inspired by you day after day, honey. Hope you have a great day today! :) x
 
I think you reached the point where you needed to relax control! You've had a tough week! We're all human - even you (although you have more determination than ANYONE I know)! I'm gonna be 100% on plan for the next month too! 100%!!!!! We're gonna kick diet booty!

I wonder though - will not knowing how much you're losing each week for the next month affect you? Updating your ticker is a great motivator too. I mean I know if I didn't weigh myself for a month I know I'd be more likely to be slightly demotivated..
 
Minerva said:
Reflecting back on it, I realise that keeping strict control actually takes a lot of energy. I didn't have much energy left for it yesterday - something had to give in the end. There is the added factor of studying EVERY DAY - so I feel like ALL sense of NORMALITY has been taken away from me. My days are dull, repetitive, tough and emotionally draining with panic attacks over not passing exams. Last few weeks have been tough, and I'm only about half way through.

I just wanted to feel / be normal - and that unfortunately translated into having no boundaries around food. Well, at least the cravings are gone and I feel happier generally.

As per diet - worked out a plan of action!! I'm putting the scales away into the wardrobe until 31st May. If they're not in the bathroom first thing - then there's no chance of me looking. Plus, I just don't want the emo that comes from having a bad loss affect the whole week as a result.
Click to expand...

Just trimming this down to the 3 things I wanted to comment on, but hugs and good thoughts for everything (and I hope your OHs cyst get sorted - I can empathise).

1) One of the reasons we gain weight is because control is hard. I beat myself up for ages when I've lost control for days or weeks, cannot understand how I let myself do it. But I do it again and again.

In my case I think that it's the added pressure of needing to lose weight before I can maintain. I believe if I can get to a low enough weight, the pressure of trying to lose weight being gone, I'll find it easier. I could be kidding myself.

2) I am exactly the same - when I let go - I let gooooooooooooooooooo. I'm the original "see food" dieter. Which is why I want to get to a low enough weight where I don't feel I have to lose xlbs as well as any gain (just the gain!). I'm not sure how we can change that reaction.

3) Plan of action sounds great; no loss will feel too small over 6 weeks! I'm weighing this Monday but wil consider lengthier terms between weigh ins.
 
Big hugs to you Minerva!

One binge day in isolation isn't putting you back to square one! These things happen, and as you are doing now, all you can do is carry on.

Your plan sounds really good. I will be here cheering you on all the way!

Really sorry for all the poop stuff that's been going on, at least the studying has an end in sight. Then you will be a free woman all summer (I assume)?

As for the lack of ticker... Do one that counts down the days :)
 
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