Muffin top / bingo wings / back boobs no more!
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So nasty fat aunt dressed like a hippo ...
Hang on before I continue this woman is a beetch , therefore I am entitled and at liberty to mercifully slaag her off...
As I was saying
So nasty fat aunt dressed like a hippo And looked like a gray haired, bon marche wearing old age pensioner at my cousins wedding. She looked a right clip. Tights and sandals and like white face powder make up.awful.
Little lord Fauntleroy, aka cousin dearest looked smart just was also rude.
Crazy aunt ignored our family completely. Completely. And turned her back on us in the church and then actually walked away from me when I tired to speak to get.bear in mind I saw her a month ago and happily exchanged two faced pleasantries.
Mah.
It only actually annoyed me when she ignored my elderly gran.
Back to her outfit those calfs had clearly not seen daylight since 1980 and it was a low calf skirt.
What made it bearable is the mother of the bride, lovely lady, looked fabulous.
And she didn't have whiskers like nasty aunt.
Needless to say she won't be on the Christmas card list
Hang on before I continue this woman is a beetch , therefore I am entitled and at liberty to mercifully slaag her off...
As I was saying
So nasty fat aunt dressed like a hippo And looked like a gray haired, bon marche wearing old age pensioner at my cousins wedding. She looked a right clip. Tights and sandals and like white face powder make up.awful.
Little lord Fauntleroy, aka cousin dearest looked smart just was also rude.
Crazy aunt ignored our family completely. Completely. And turned her back on us in the church and then actually walked away from me when I tired to speak to get.bear in mind I saw her a month ago and happily exchanged two faced pleasantries.
Mah.
It only actually annoyed me when she ignored my elderly gran.
Back to her outfit those calfs had clearly not seen daylight since 1980 and it was a low calf skirt.
What made it bearable is the mother of the bride, lovely lady, looked fabulous.
And she didn't have whiskers like nasty aunt.
Needless to say she won't be on the Christmas card list
Oh also church was really hot and sticky.
Elf tired herself by singing and humming throughout the entire service, especially the quiet bits.
And then weed so much it filled her nappy, spilt over and actually just covered my skirt in wee. And she then pulled her vest top up to reveal her stomach, all during the service, while sticking her finger in her tummy button and laughing hysterically.
I ended up sitting her on a disposable change mat next to me before running out as soon as it finished to change her.
If social services had weighed that nappy I would have been done for.
Elf tired herself by singing and humming throughout the entire service, especially the quiet bits.
And then weed so much it filled her nappy, spilt over and actually just covered my skirt in wee. And she then pulled her vest top up to reveal her stomach, all during the service, while sticking her finger in her tummy button and laughing hysterically.
I ended up sitting her on a disposable change mat next to me before running out as soon as it finished to change her.
If social services had weighed that nappy I would have been done for.
Elf today managed to naked bum smear my newly polished windows. By crawling at warp speed 9 while I screamed "for the love of God, no!" At her dirty nappy.
Seriously one year on and I still can't stand nappy smell.
Anyway she stood up so get stomach wiped the window, then she shuffled round and managed to bum smear
Later over a cup of tea and a bottle of milk I tried to calmly tell elf she is now one and the time for bum smears is over.
She stuck hummus up her nose and then actually attempted to pat her tummy and rub her hair while covered in hummus.
I realised I'm barking up the wrong tree.
I have a nice Aunty, not crazy beetch Aunty from the wedding who has surpassed herself by buying elf a four foot high industrial German rocking horse. Apart from the fact it looks evil, no cushions or passing just ninety degree wooden angles and a frightening square wooden horse head. It will not fit anywhere in my house. What on earth do I so with it?
Crazy Aunty has however done, me a favour. Crazy present aside crazy aunt lost loads of weight a few years ago and has kept it off.
She sat me down and told me I'm getting too fat.
She has given me the dukan diet.
In line with my love affair with diets I have instead decided to do the south beach.
Has anyone ever done that or dukan?
Hubby looking forward to bad low carb breath.
Seriously one year on and I still can't stand nappy smell.
Anyway she stood up so get stomach wiped the window, then she shuffled round and managed to bum smear
Later over a cup of tea and a bottle of milk I tried to calmly tell elf she is now one and the time for bum smears is over.
She stuck hummus up her nose and then actually attempted to pat her tummy and rub her hair while covered in hummus.
I realised I'm barking up the wrong tree.
I have a nice Aunty, not crazy beetch Aunty from the wedding who has surpassed herself by buying elf a four foot high industrial German rocking horse. Apart from the fact it looks evil, no cushions or passing just ninety degree wooden angles and a frightening square wooden horse head. It will not fit anywhere in my house. What on earth do I so with it?
Crazy Aunty has however done, me a favour. Crazy present aside crazy aunt lost loads of weight a few years ago and has kept it off.
She sat me down and told me I'm getting too fat.
She has given me the dukan diet.
In line with my love affair with diets I have instead decided to do the south beach.
Has anyone ever done that or dukan?
Hubby looking forward to bad low carb breath.
Fricking amazing idea.
Went on walk round village with elf today.
She insisted on blowing one continual raspberry round the entire village as we went.one long "brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrttttttghhh" noise.
Walked past the yummy yummy gang. I met the gang at one baby toddler group. They all hand bugaboo push chairs and babies wrote hand made Boden clothes while they were burped with organic hemp cloths. And I was not allowed in their group as I couldn't afford or justify baby sign language / baby one on one swimming when elf was two days old.
Also every single one had a 4x4 and I didn't.
Any hoo elf refused to stop rasberrying even though I bribed her with a apple. Typically yummy mummys were discussing the modules the children were doing at their nannies.
Stormed off meakly lol to continue walk.
Passed woman and dog that always farts.
Dog clearly farted as elf stopped raspberry and started choking and spluttering. I said to woman "I think your dog must have a poorly tummy it just pumped"
She said
"no that's you're baby, every time I see you she makes that noise"
Looked at elf who was Purple in the face desperately trying to poo. Veins sticking out, the works.
Admitted defeat and waked off.
Any hoo hubby says he's going to ask her to stop the dog farting infront of house as he had to close windows today.
Otherwise I'm throwing a dirty nappy at her window and running off
Went on walk round village with elf today.
She insisted on blowing one continual raspberry round the entire village as we went.one long "brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrttttttghhh" noise.
Walked past the yummy yummy gang. I met the gang at one baby toddler group. They all hand bugaboo push chairs and babies wrote hand made Boden clothes while they were burped with organic hemp cloths. And I was not allowed in their group as I couldn't afford or justify baby sign language / baby one on one swimming when elf was two days old.
Also every single one had a 4x4 and I didn't.
Any hoo elf refused to stop rasberrying even though I bribed her with a apple. Typically yummy mummys were discussing the modules the children were doing at their nannies.
Stormed off meakly lol to continue walk.
Passed woman and dog that always farts.
Dog clearly farted as elf stopped raspberry and started choking and spluttering. I said to woman "I think your dog must have a poorly tummy it just pumped"
She said
"no that's you're baby, every time I see you she makes that noise"
Looked at elf who was Purple in the face desperately trying to poo. Veins sticking out, the works.
Admitted defeat and waked off.
Any hoo hubby says he's going to ask her to stop the dog farting infront of house as he had to close windows today.
Otherwise I'm throwing a dirty nappy at her window and running off
xena
Full Member
Dog farts are the worst, I feel your pain!!!
I hate to have to tell you this but DO NOT DO THE DUKAN!!!!!
I have done it and lost about 10 pounds in 3 weeks, but was miserable, stinky and my friends stopped speaking to me for these reasons. i barely had energy to get out of bed. i was lighter but no thinner. Not to mention my bowel situation was not pleasant and had me in tears at one point. NOT WORTH IT!!!! All the meat is v expensive too and by day 3 the sight of eggs will make you want to bork. when i stopped I put all the weight back on and more (i know that is just something annoying skinny people say will happen but it is true).
In 4 weeks of Slimming World i lost 9 pounds so not that much different apart from now I get to eat carbs and am much happier and actually thinner. I know there's more preparation involved but it is so worth it. I've done all the fad diets in the world and the only one i've ever recommended is Celebrity Slim which is like slim fast but lower carbs. The people I recommended it to hated it though and after the first couple of weeks the weight loss is just as slow as slimming world if not slower.
You deserve to eat!!!
I hope this has persuaded you a little...it's your choice of course and you've got to do what's right for you, whatever you do we'll still be here reading your diary and cheering you on :-D x
I hate to have to tell you this but DO NOT DO THE DUKAN!!!!!
I have done it and lost about 10 pounds in 3 weeks, but was miserable, stinky and my friends stopped speaking to me for these reasons. i barely had energy to get out of bed. i was lighter but no thinner. Not to mention my bowel situation was not pleasant and had me in tears at one point. NOT WORTH IT!!!! All the meat is v expensive too and by day 3 the sight of eggs will make you want to bork. when i stopped I put all the weight back on and more (i know that is just something annoying skinny people say will happen but it is true).
In 4 weeks of Slimming World i lost 9 pounds so not that much different apart from now I get to eat carbs and am much happier and actually thinner. I know there's more preparation involved but it is so worth it. I've done all the fad diets in the world and the only one i've ever recommended is Celebrity Slim which is like slim fast but lower carbs. The people I recommended it to hated it though and after the first couple of weeks the weight loss is just as slow as slimming world if not slower.
You deserve to eat!!!
I hope this has persuaded you a little...it's your choice of course and you've got to do what's right for you, whatever you do we'll still be here reading your diary and cheering you on :-D x
Xena you talk a lot of sense.
But I love fad diets.
And of I'm truthful I do not believe the lack portion control on slimming world and the use of carb heavy almost nutrient free food is not sitting well with me.
When I did the sugar fast with the Zoe harcombe, after the initial withdrawals I felt amazing to get rid of my carb cravings.
However.
The lack of fruit and veg nearly caused me to actually vomit in pain when it came to poo time. Sorry if that's too much info, but you should know what I'm like by now.
So the new plan is trying to follow the primal diet as it allows veg and fruit.I'm going to limit potatoes and legumes and see how I feel. If out didn't work out great but I really hate artificial slimming food that purports to be healthy when its full of sweetner and e numbers and makes you even hungrier.
So I'm going to try and eat clean and see how it goes . I'm going to gradually cut out carbs and see how it goes
If my breath smells worse than that dogs farts I'm stopping
But I love fad diets.
And of I'm truthful I do not believe the lack portion control on slimming world and the use of carb heavy almost nutrient free food is not sitting well with me.
When I did the sugar fast with the Zoe harcombe, after the initial withdrawals I felt amazing to get rid of my carb cravings.
However.
The lack of fruit and veg nearly caused me to actually vomit in pain when it came to poo time. Sorry if that's too much info, but you should know what I'm like by now.
So the new plan is trying to follow the primal diet as it allows veg and fruit.I'm going to limit potatoes and legumes and see how I feel. If out didn't work out great but I really hate artificial slimming food that purports to be healthy when its full of sweetner and e numbers and makes you even hungrier.
So I'm going to try and eat clean and see how it goes . I'm going to gradually cut out carbs and see how it goes
If my breath smells worse than that dogs farts I'm stopping
My new name is "mrs denial".
I got weighed.
Ladies its bad. I have stuffed my face up to by ten pounds.
So I have started "eating clean". And gradually building up to going primal I hope.
Basically no pasta, lots of fruit and veggies and meat and fish.
I cannot control myself with pasta.
I have pastaitis
I got weighed.
Ladies its bad. I have stuffed my face up to by ten pounds.
So I have started "eating clean". And gradually building up to going primal I hope.
Basically no pasta, lots of fruit and veggies and meat and fish.
I cannot control myself with pasta.
I have pastaitis
Lindz82
Member
I'm going to try doing original days on SW to see if I lose weight any quicker. It seemed to be really slow on extra easy.
I don't think I could handle having no carbs at all but I need to cut down on the pasta...
Just watching Jamie Oliver actually and he has done cauliflower rice, I'll have to try that. I did do a cauliflower pizza base a few times and it worked out quite well.
I don't think I could handle having no carbs at all but I need to cut down on the pasta...
Just watching Jamie Oliver actually and he has done cauliflower rice, I'll have to try that. I did do a cauliflower pizza base a few times and it worked out quite well.
Half my problem is I have no control with certain foods. Pasta its one of them, so there is no moderation with me.
I don't like the way slimming world make things like smash pizza and rely heavily on sweetner - weight watchers is the same mind- but like any diet I know it works its just not me following it properly.
Today had fruit, fruit, fruit, steak and steamed veg for tea and a bit of cheese, and one tea with milk in.
I also took my friends daughter to get injections as she can't core seeing her cry. It was rather a rough area sacs seriously the mothers and kids in clinic scared me.
Favourite comment was a toddler to me saying "why doesn't she have get ears pierced?".
However snobbery aside I realise all
I'm rather lucky to have elf and not twins. The twins in the clinic jittery didn't stop moving..scarily their mother was massively fat and seriously didn't attempt to run after them. I nearly got chinned when I told her one was trying to knock over a bin.
Good luck lyndz x
I don't like the way slimming world make things like smash pizza and rely heavily on sweetner - weight watchers is the same mind- but like any diet I know it works its just not me following it properly.
Today had fruit, fruit, fruit, steak and steamed veg for tea and a bit of cheese, and one tea with milk in.
I also took my friends daughter to get injections as she can't core seeing her cry. It was rather a rough area sacs seriously the mothers and kids in clinic scared me.
Favourite comment was a toddler to me saying "why doesn't she have get ears pierced?".
However snobbery aside I realise all
I'm rather lucky to have elf and not twins. The twins in the clinic jittery didn't stop moving..scarily their mother was massively fat and seriously didn't attempt to run after them. I nearly got chinned when I told her one was trying to knock over a bin.
Good luck lyndz x
Day two.
Up at seven. Elf.started screaming like the exorcist with her new noise of "urggggghhhhhhhhhh" repeatedly.
Mug of peppermint tea and two plums. Off to doctors, giving friend a lift, then soon on coming home to my smoothie I think
X
Ps no carb breath not occurred yet. Neither has no carb pumps. As always there is time!
Up at seven. Elf.started screaming like the exorcist with her new noise of "urggggghhhhhhhhhh" repeatedly.
Mug of peppermint tea and two plums. Off to doctors, giving friend a lift, then soon on coming home to my smoothie I think
X
Ps no carb breath not occurred yet. Neither has no carb pumps. As always there is time!
Went to inlaws.
No heating on or fire lit.
Elf was freezing.
I left after my mother in law suggested I PULL HER HOOD UP ON HER COAT. She was wearing a cardi with a hood.
Seriously, a hood inside on a one year old?
I didn't help myself by pointing out old people die on the cold and was she therefore on a suicide mission?
Muh.
Dog still farting outside our house.
To make it worse I think they (evil woman and smelly dog) have recruited a trained sniper pigeon to poo daily on my car windscreen when parked infront of my house.
Daily now I get a fresh pigeon poo and a dog fart.
No amount of Febreeze and Yankee candles will sort that out.
No heating on or fire lit.
Elf was freezing.
I left after my mother in law suggested I PULL HER HOOD UP ON HER COAT. She was wearing a cardi with a hood.
Seriously, a hood inside on a one year old?
I didn't help myself by pointing out old people die on the cold and was she therefore on a suicide mission?
Muh.
Dog still farting outside our house.
To make it worse I think they (evil woman and smelly dog) have recruited a trained sniper pigeon to poo daily on my car windscreen when parked infront of my house.
Daily now I get a fresh pigeon poo and a dog fart.
No amount of Febreeze and Yankee candles will sort that out.
I sleep soooo deeply when its colder. Today I had a duvet cocoon going on. Hubby said it was so hot under duvet it was "gross". Ice man was laid intop of duvet in his dudds. He said it was too hot for clothes but cold enough for his man bits to get frost bite.
Todays post is all about hibernation.
I would love to hibernate over winter, wrapped up warm in bed.id I had a TV, a laptop and a endless supply of clean bedding and food I reakon a week in bed would sort me right out.
Even a day in bed would be brilliant.
I don't do onsies, I'm all about a dressing gown and slippers. In my hibernation it would be all about gin and tonic as well
Got brought back to life with a Bang, elf just threw her banana at the wall
Todays post is all about hibernation.
I would love to hibernate over winter, wrapped up warm in bed.id I had a TV, a laptop and a endless supply of clean bedding and food I reakon a week in bed would sort me right out.
Even a day in bed would be brilliant.
I don't do onsies, I'm all about a dressing gown and slippers. In my hibernation it would be all about gin and tonic as well
Got brought back to life with a Bang, elf just threw her banana at the wall
