My Diary...

[leeds123]

hi all, becca - so lovely to hear from you! hope all is well?

to everyone else thanks for popping by and the kind words.

so week 3 and i lost 1lb but i am delighted with this asi weighed in after 5 days as had to rush off to scotland on thurs night for work. havent been on plan since as came home sat with something like a tummy bug - feeling sick and bad tummy. but am being careful and am hoping to have my shakes today although woke up today with headache and nausea and had to have cuppa tea. hoping the sicky feeling will have gone by this aft and i can have a shake. i think the stress of the past few weeks with TOM due too has made me feel a bit shaky. given that i am due TOM any second i am not hoping to lose this week so think i will STS but would be delighted to lose at least 1lb as that would mean i made my Jan goal of 10lbs. wish me luck ladies!

 

[great things]

hope you feel better soon. i'm struggling. i'm too near goal i think and i'm giving up the ghost mentally. trying to up my mental focus with a few bob harper things but it's hard. going to talk to my cdc on monday as i think i want to up my exercise more and do a couple more classes, on top of what i'm doing now.

 

[slim4life]

hey Leeds How are ya?
Cant believe you only have 13lbs to go well done you that is fab wonder were i would of beennow if i had stuck to it ha ha
Well done again hun xxxxx

S4L

 

[Sarah Lou]

I hope you feel better soon Leeds. Just do what you need to do until your tummy settles. Good luck with the rest of the week, I hope you get to your January Goal you've done so well! xx

 

[great things]

how are you now? any better?

 

[leeds123]

slim!!!! SO HAPPY to hear from you again! how you been girl???

sarah - nikki thanks for popping by. so suffered with diziness and nausea yesterday and ended up having cuppa tea and a biccy to get some sugar in me and then had some fruit (have a real craving for sugar!!) in the evening with a piece or two of chicken. no shakes at all yesterday but havent gained. anyway my period arrived in the night and was super heavy so i think that explains the diziness and tummy upset and cravings. today i still have a sore tum so woke up had a shake and water but for lunch i have had some bombay mix and a biccie again (!!!!WTF!!!). i dont know whats wrong with me! I am so mad at myself but have had some more water and will have a shake before bed to do some damage limitation. i know i should be happy that at least i didnt sink into a huge meal, but i seemed to have weaned myself off eating comfort meals to eating comfort snacks!! from now on am not gonna buy in any tempting snacks. I know i am getting off a bit lightly at the mo as they are not as heavy as meals but they are still not good for you and not good in place of a shake. maybe i need to look at other plans for the last stone. maybe i need to start doing some exercise? its all too much sometimes. anyway, am not going write the last 4-5 days off, am back on with water and shakes for the rest of this week and will STEP AWAY FROM THE SNACKS!

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

 

[great things]

that last few pounds..... killer.

we can do this. i've been 100% so far, 100% in that although i've had some SF gum and a coke zero i'm not snacking on anything else like i was. as far as i'm concerned i'm being 100%. i've been saying that it would be easier to have a couple of stone to go and i'd be more motivated to get back and loose it but i know that the last bit might as well be as far away as a couple of stone the way i'm behaving. i've given myself a week to get my head back into the game and stick to the 810, not to loose all my weight but to sort my head out. if it works i've 2 more weeks after this then i'm moving up. if i can't get my motivation back then i'm moving up next week and calling it quits.

 

[Sarah Lou]

I know I shouldn't laugh but Bombay Mix WTF did make me laugh I'm glad your feeling a bit better.. did you know that the tea and sugar is a way of telling you what it needs after a bad tum.. it's something to do with the tanin.. i can't stand tea, but when I have a bad tum I have to have boiling hot, sweet strong tea ewww.. Not sure about Bombay Mix??? ha ha.. but at least you stopped and do you know that's what I wrote today! My totm arrived two weeks early and I had milky buttons.. but then I stopped so that's that.. so good for you hun and have a good week x

 

[leeds123]

hi sarah - hope you are feeling better, am off to rwead your diary in a bit. i know what you mean about the bombay miX!! the crazy thing is that we only buy in stuff like that at xmas but then go on buying it until about easter time! xmas should be banned.

anyway, nikki i have come to a decision. I am going to give cd another 2 weeks and then think of another plan. i cant do 810 as i cant get my head around the portions and what i am and am not allowed to eat. I might cal count to see if i can move this last 13lbs and if i fail i will be back on cd to see how i fare. Mentally i feel ready for a break. i have had breaks for hols and weekends but they have been complete breaks where i go totally off plan, what i need now is a break where i try and continue to lose so am going to try that. want to finish off my supplies first.

watched biggest loser last night and had to stop as hate the femal trainer with false teeth. also watched will my crash diet kill me and was surprised they had produced it like a comedy when in fact weight is a serious issue. the doctor was terrible. having an okayish day today, not 100% but not too bad.

 

[Goreygirl]

Hey Leeds

Hope you are feeling better hon... just reading what you've been eating the last few days and it seems you are eating very very little even taking into account the odd shake you are having? Just be careful hon because your body will cling to those last 13lbs if you are not fueling it properly (and not just by calorie numbers).


Big hugs

 

[leeds123]

Hi all. Am sat at work. Miserable. There were some leftover sarnies from a meeting and I had some. And I'd just had a bar. What a waste. So mad at myself. But I have news. I have decided that today is the last day I will be here. I am not coming back to this he'll hole! I can't cope. I've triedfor nearly a year but hate it. I will go off sick and hand my notice in. I know it's bad but I actually sit herewelling up and feel anxietyand stress all day. I can't believe I am leaving a well paid job with no otherjob to go to. And in this Market. also am worried about my sick days showing on any new reference and also about getting a good reference! I know I shouldn't have had the sarniesbut feel so on edge here. Hope I don't cave tonight and stick to my decision. Being bullied and demoted has been horrendous. I am emotional typing this.

Has anyone here been off sick and then handed their notice in? Any wordsof comfort for me?

 

[bellefrogette]

Hi all. Am sat at work. Miserable. There were some leftover sarnies from a meeting and I had some. And I'd just had a bar. What a waste. So mad at myself. But I have news. I have decided that today is the last day I will be here. I am not coming back to this he'll hole! I can't cope. I've triedfor nearly a year but hate it. I will go off sick and hand my notice in. I know it's bad but I actually sit herewelling up and feel anxietyand stress all day. I can't believe I am leaving a well paid job with no otherjob to go to. And in this Market. also am worried about my sick days showing on any new reference and also about getting a good reference! I know I shouldn't have had the sarniesbut feel so on edge here. Hope I don't cave tonight and stick to my decision. Being bullied and demoted has been horrendous. I am emotional typing this.

Has anyone here been off sick and then handed their notice in? Any wordsof comfort for me?

Only that when you are at the lowest emotionally it is probably not the best time to make a major decision..but do take sick leave or whatever time you can wangle to give yourself some space and weigh up all your options ..including what your financial situation would be if you leave.

best wishes and sod the sarnies, they don't count.Take care of you first.

Bella

 

[cornishkez]

Hey Hun, before Xmas I would have taken any job that paid the bills, but genuinely couldn't find anything. I cried at the thought of going back after Christmas, and started to work out how we could afford me not working. But with the wedding coming up, I faced that I would have to go back. Luckily for me, it seems to have gotten better since the new year and at the minute I take it day by day.

My only advise is to make sure there are other jobs out there, because in Cornwall there is nothing!

 

[Goreygirl]

Hey hon .. just saw your post in my diary.

If you feel that dreadful in work then yes please see your GP for support ASAP in taking some time out and some space. And please please (if you haven't already) find some talking therapy support to help you get all the anger and hurt out in a safe and therapeutic setting. It will really help as you proceed down the next path.

In relation to ending your contract it very much depends on your employer's policies but the options that might be available for you are:

• medical severance - where both you & your GP and your employer agree that medical treatment etc will not get you fit for that particular post within a reasonable time-frame (this tends to be about 6-9 months depending on the employer) and therefore you receive a lump sum payment and the contract of employment is terminated.
• medical incapability - you go off sick and refuse to return to work (with your GP support) and the employer terminates your employment via the capability process as it becomes apparent with time that you are not going to return to work due to health issues. This may or may not involve a lump sum payment (unlikely though... tends to be a public service thing). Kind of a similar process to medical severance (but without the lump sum) and often used in companies with out a medical severance policy.
• Constructive dismissal - could be a very good idea for you and could also get you a financial package (this could be the best route for you and would vindicate your decision to leave etc on paper)
• you go sick and hand your notice in..

I don't think you should make any decisions for at least 4-6 weeks and until you have had some talking therapy. I've seen cases where people resigned to "escape" a situation and the emotional fallout hits them 6 months later out of the blue as they never processed the emotions with support at the time.


As for future employment options - interviewers should not ask you any sort of health questions in the interview .. this includes questions about sickness absence etc. You can come up with an explanation for leaving such as "I felt I had reached the limits of my potential in that post and that the organisational culture was not going to enable me to grow professionally". If you then get a job offer you may or may not get a health questionnaire included; if so that health questionnaire should have instructions to return it to a separate Occ Health service.

We get cases like yours all the time and our only concerns are that the person has processed the previous events emotionally and that it is not lurking in the background ready to bite them in the ass when they try to cope with learning a whole new organisation. So having some talking therapy now would stand you in good stead from that point of view in the future too as well as being helpful now.

It may be that you would be covered by the Equality Act too (depending on how long you have been on medical treatment for this etc) which would give you an extra layer of protection with future employment prospects.

I hope that helps hon... pm me if you want to chat more

 

[great things]

firstly leeds, hun, no job is worth you feeling this way. i've been there and done that. go on the sick but do not hand in your notice yet. give yourself time and do go for some therapy. i'm waiting for mine to be processed by the doc. get yourself on tablets and get the gp to put down the real reason on the sick note as to why you are not returning to work. take all the time you need and do not feel pressured to hand in your notice or to go back. wait and see.

i left my job with a job to go to but it all went pear shaped for me cause of some daft advice i got from my school when i was applying for jobs and the way sickness was worked out. i've been asked on job application forms about sick but never face to face. i've had to fill in sick forms for my new employer.

just
a) take the time
b) don't rush the decision
c) get the help you need and the therapy before making any decision
d) don't put anything down on forms that are not 100% correct, if you are unsure check.

 

[great things]

as far as the 810 plan goes i'm a lazy person and choose the easiest option going.

i stick to the same meal every night when i CBA to do anything special cause the same meal is quick and needs no thought.

i buy the 300g LF cottage cheese tubs and the bags of salad, ff dressing

i lump the salad on my plate (yes i have the whole bag ), plop on the ff dressing, lump on the cottage cheese and eat it.

no thinking, no problem, no planning - easy. then i eat my 3 cd products throughout the day whatever i choose and have as many decaf or regular coffees as i want with my milk. i do not measure out my milk any more. this is me being very very lazy. i know i can have another 25g of cottage cheese but i can't be bothered breaking into another tub for 1oz.

 

[*Shanny*]

Heey Leeds my lovely how u doing this weekend?? x

im hear if u need me x

 

[leeds123]

hello lovely friends. thank you for the wonderful advice and words of support. i really feel loved on this forum! having listened to you all and absorbed the advice i have decided to get a sick note for approx a month and in that time evaluate my life and decide for SURE that I want out of work. if i still feel like this having had time away from work then i will hand my notice in. I cant tell you how awful the last year at work has been, and knowing that i'm not going back (for now) has lifted a weight off my shoulders.

another decision I have made is that i am off cd for the moment. i'm not in the right mental zone and also i have lost the ability to eat properly. I have forgotten what it is to have three healthy balanced meals a day and what it must feel like to exercise. cd has become my quick fix and i have been losing and gaining the same 8lbs for 6 months. I'm not blaming cd, i am blaming my use of it. this morning i decided not to restart today but to eat healthily and start exercising, after all how hard can it be to lose this last stone???!! so far ihavent dont well with eating sensibly but am going to do my exercise dvd tonight. I must admit i have had my pangs for cd all day but i cant keep using it to lose the weekend bloat anymore. I need to eat sensibly and once i think i have mastered this i will come back to cd to get to goal. this mindset may last a day, a week, a month i dont know. all i know is that i need some time to be kind to myself and in the meantime who gives a f**k how big my backside looks.

I have been thinking a lot too. I have realised that i have spent all my life doing what was expected of me - a good daughter, good sister, good wife, good mother, good employee. now its time for me. I am going to do exactly what i want. i want to go for walks, listen to music, lie on the bed reading a book, learn to bake cakes, meet new people, volunteer on my childrens ward and get to know myself properly. i have been so many things to so many people that i dont know who the real me is anymore.

i will be on here regularly, and hope i stabilise emotionally and can restart cd this week but until then i need to take some time out for myself. on a good note, i am SO excited about being a stay at home mum. I can finally loiter around the school gates and make sure the kids went in ok, I can walk them home from school, I can take baby swimming, i can lie in bed all day if i want to!!!! haha. thanks again to all my wonderful and kind friends on this diary. welcome to my diary, today is the first day of the rest of my life. XXX

 

[great things]

you sound very positive leeds. that's a good thing. exercise is a great way to help you feel tons better. after having ems and getting PND exercise was better than taking the tablets i kept forgetting to take lol. i believe that it lifted me out of myself. it's even better if you can exercise outside with the light helping you too etc. i love running outside and feel relaxed afterwards. i sort out chill out. it's me, the road, my music and the fresh air. i work out lots of my problems and frustrations this way.

 

[leeds123]

so, have been been eating and exercising. Cant believe the difference in mood and appetitie when i exercise. I feel much more positive and my cravings to comfort eat diminish. I have been having my water, granary toast for brekkie with coffee, fruit for lunch and something low carb for dinner. eating before six, and one snack of almonds during the day,

The most important change is that the exercise is making me feel so much better. I am signed off work and know i am not going back and that has eased some stress too. once i have stabilised my weight for a few weeks I will doing cd ss again for a few weeks to try and lose some real pounds. have just finished an exercise dvd and feel good!