My journey to lose anywhere between 10-13 stone!

[mummyem85]

Today was my 2nd induction. Today I was shown how to use the weight machine thingys.
I quite like them, I feel the muscles burning but I know it is working on my target areas. I have no idea what they are called but I have to do 2 machines where you have to push pads open or shut with your knees (felt weird just sat there opening and closing my legs when I had a lush bloke watching me ha) then push weights up with my arms, then pull weights down with my arms - then the one that hurt most I have to pull a weight upwards without moving my arms, just by bending my elbows - lastly I have to pull a weight down by using my elbows not arms.

All of this has been added on my cardio workout I had already been given. I was a little worried because I was wiped out after my cardio workout yesterday so to do the weights after sounded scary - but the instructor did tell me if I am really struggling with my cardio then I can switch over to doing the weights half way through then finish off the cardio after which is nice to know I can chop and change it around.

I had to book in my 3rd induction for the 9th January - this one is just to see how I am getting on and if I need to change anything. I told him the cross trainers wipes me out and he said iif it is still the same in 3 weeks they can switch it around so I could skip it out of my routine all together and I could just drop it now if I wanted - I said no, I can tell it is doing me good and I want to get better at it so I will keep going and hope it gets easier. Although I can't get back to the gym until Monday now

Spinning tonight, I am going to have such a sore bum! 45 minutes of it on my own! I hope everyone is friendly!

 

[TootyFrooty]

Hey, first of all, wow...well done on getting your 5 stone award. That's totally amazing. You must be over the moon!! Secondly, well done on joining the gym. Sounds like you've taken to it really well.

Hope the spin class goes well tonight

 

[mummyem85]

Thank you
I do really like the gym, it gives me time out from the usual cycle of school run, cleaning, cuppa, school run, cooking, bath, bed lol never changing!

Spinning didn't go well :cry:it all ended in tears. I will never try it again which is a shame because I liked it

So the first 8 minutes were hard, my bum was really hurting and I had to keep standing to re-adjust myself. I was constantly watching the clock knowing it was 50 minutes long. I didn't watch the clock after the 8 minutes and the next thing I noticed it was at 35 minutes and I was enjoying it.
They had a system - 5 minutes relaxed spin (75rpm) then 2 minutes sprinting (I could only get mine up to 110rpm but I was happy with that) then 1 minute jumping (I skipped the jumping and just cycled at 90rpm) then another 2 minutes sprint and again back to the relaxed 5 minutes.

I was just thinking I would book again next week at around about 40 minutes then all of a sudden my bike seat went scraping right down. A couple of people screamed because it was so loud then giggled (I know it is a normal reaction and they weren't laughing at me) the instructor said 'there is always one' trying to make a joke out of it which I appreciated but the tears of shame were already there.
I got off, had some water and re-adjusted my bike then got back on. I only shed a couple of silent tears, wiped my face with my towel before anyone saw me and carried on.
5 minutes later it made a metal clicking noise again twice, so again I got off, tightened it up and got back on again. 2 minutes later it clicked again, the instructor said 'that seat doesn't like you much today does it?' so I smiled and shook my head. I got off the bike and mouthed to the instructor I was going to leave so she nodded and asked me to do some stretches once I had gotten in the changing room, I nodded but I could feel the tears brimming.
I walked out, turned around to shut the door and as soon as I shut the door the tears just burst out, I was sobbing, I haven't cried like that in a long time. I wa;led down the stairs to the changing room and locked myself in one of the toilets where I tried to calm myself down. It was a good 5 minutes before I could stop. I emptied my locker and left, on my way out the receptionist asked me how I got on and of course I started crying again, I just said no good and left.
I got home and my Husband asked me what was wrong so I burst into tears AGAIN! He is really angry for me, I have no idea who he is angry at but he feels so bad for me feeling this ashamed of myself.

How did I ever get this big?
Before I left tonight I knew they would all be tiny in the group and I was embarrassed about being the only big one but I told myself 'I will not be ashamed of who I am' and then of course I walked out feeling more ashamed than I ever could have thought.

The bikes weight limit is 300lbs (I checked the label after the seat went down 1st time) and I am 283lbs. Yes I know I am close but I thought I would be OK but I'm obviously not.

One good thing from this is I am super motivated right now. I cannot wait to be smaller. Every single lb makes all the difference and I am going to make the most of this to get a good few more off. I don't want to be like this any more.
Normally when I get this upset all I want is chocolate but tonight - no way - I will get smaller as fast (and sensibly!) as I can so I don't feel like this again!

 

[ApplySomePressure]

Well done on the loss.

I'm sorry about spinning class, it must have been a horrible feeling but at least you are losing weight. Look at how much you've already lost- you're doing brilliantly.

Do exactly what you're doing and don't let the bad experience put you off the gym, use it to motivate you even more.

 

[hells2012sw]

Right, number 1, there is a good chance that bike was faulty, the same thing has happened to me I the gym and I'm 100lb under 300lb, so you probably just got unlucky!

Second, you are doing fab and are so motivated, well done, just think where you'll be next year?

Xxx

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[mummyem85]

I have kind of gone a bit mad since the bike incident.
I started off really motivated - then I just couldn't be bothered so ate anything I wanted.
I still carried on with the gym though.

WI I had gained 1lb, happy with that, I was expecting more. And I still have my 5 stone

I am motivated at the moment, yes it is Xmas week but I just have my motivational head on and I am going to make the most of it! Of course Xmas day I will do the usual dinner and dessert but I will have my porridge for breakfast, no idea about evening but I expect I will be picking at left over turkey.
Basically I am just going to go with the flow but not look to have everything possible and feel horrible and bloated after.

As for the gym...... well I think I am a bit of an addict already.
So far this week I have been Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday even though Friday was my birthday! Madness! I am now waiting for my Husband to finish work so he can watch the kids while I go down again!
Also planning on going tomorrow - and if it is raining on Xmas eve my Husband doesn't have to go out to work until 8.30am so I am planning on sneaking in a visit at 7am, just because they shut 12 noon on Xmas eve so Husband won't be finished work in time for me to go.
Gym is shut Xmas day and Boxing day so I can't go again until the 27th

I am really hoping for a STS this week but not going to get my hopes up - Thursday is still a longggggg way off yet

 

[mummyem85]

I am going to have to write about the last 2 weeks in 2 separate posts because they have been polar opposites!

I was planning on a good week last week (20th - 27th dec) and was hoping for a STS. Temptation set in though. There was just nibbles everywhere, it was just too easy to pick up things and eat without realizing.
Everyone was saying 'oh it is xmas, one week doesn't matter' not that I needed much persuading mind!
I thought I had been good up until Xmas eve (you kind of convince yourself of it sometimes don't you? Even though deep down you know you haven't been great!)
I got on my scales Xmas Eve and I was 3lbs up so I thought oh well I might as well go for it now and have fun!
Xmas eve was McDonalds bagel for breakfast and fish and chips for dinner. Xmas day was huge roast with all the trimmings and 2 huge slices white chcoclate cheesecake plus the usual chocolates. Boxing day (last day before WI) was ok-ish, I tried to stick to the healthiest options available but a couple of bags of cheese moments snuck in seeing as I was at the pub all day! We didn't get in home until late either so I had ham sandwiches and opened the roses tin!

Not surprisingly I gained 5lbs at WI I was gutted. I knew it was coming (in fact, boxing day morning my scales showed I was 6lbs up!) so officially I am now 20st 9lbs again and I realized I have 3 more WIs until I have to send off my next referral form and by then I had to lose 10lbs minimum to have the last referral. So I looked in my book and since the last one ran out 6 weeks ago I am only a teeny tiny half a lb down
I have to lose 9.5lbs in 3 weeks to get that referral and I am going to try my very hardest! No 2nd bad week for me - I have to get on with it!

The only thing I can say was good about last week was I kept up my gym, I love it, honest I do!

 

[mummyem85]

Soooooo
Thursday - fresh start, back to basics week for me.
I got my new SW pack and I have read it all cover to cover. I didn't want my usual Thursday night treat either, all I wanted was to get the gain off again because I could really feel it!

I went home and made a huge egg, ham salad and since then I have been completely utterly on track. I have planned out the weeks menu worked around trips to the pub and my Dads new years day dinner (that is a toughy!)
I can honestly say I have not gone over my syns once, and because I have already planned out the weeks menu I wake up knowing what plan I am on for that day - no wondering how many HEBs I can have because it is all written out for me!
All the Xmas chocolates I have seperated up and worked out the syns for so there is no excuse!

You won't believe me, but I have lost a TONNE of weight so far and I am only 4 days into the week!!!!!

The wii fit has been out everyday and so far it has told me
Friday -2lbs
Saturday -1.5lbs
Sunday -1lb
Monday -2lbs

TOTAL 6.5LBS IN 4 DAYS!!!!

Now, I gained 5lbs last week and a lb the week before - so if the wii is right (is is usually bang on) I am now half a lb lighter than I have been so far and all my gain is gone!!!

I am so happy, today I am making a salad to take with me to the pub tonight because everyone takes their own Buffet food and Hubbys mum brings some for us but I am not going to give in!

 

[Nettee]

wow - well done you. I haven't found the post christmas period any easier than pre christmas - amazing motivation. Looks like you will be fine for your next referral - good luck.

 

[mummyem85]

wow - well done you. I haven't found the post christmas period any easier than pre christmas - amazing motivation. Looks like you will be fine for your next referral - good luck.

All the goodies will be gone soon and you should get back into the swing of things soon enough
Best of luck! x

 

[mummyem85]

O...M....G....

I only went and lost a whole 8.5lbs THIS WEEK!!!!

Last weeks WI = 20st 9lbs
This weeks WI = 20st 0.5lbs!

I am so close to that huge milestone of being out of the 20s I am getting so excited! As far as I am concerned this week cannot go fast enough!
I officially want to be out of the 20s so freaking bad!
I asked her if I could take my socks of when I saw 20st exactly hoping it would tip me over the edge but then it settled at 20st and half a lb I decided not to - my socks don't weigh a lb lol.

Just goes to show what a perfect week can do - I treated it as a first week and everything I picked up I double checked. I tend to retain water for the 1st couple of weeks of exercising and this was my 3rd week so I am sure some of it is to do with not retaining the water any more. Also last weeks 5lbs gain helped!

After getting on the scales last week I decided to try my best and was aiming for 3lbs off to cut my gain in half - but I was secretly hoping for 5lbs, never did I dream I could get to 8.5lbs!
I lost 8lbs in my 1st week so I even beat my 1st week loss!

I made a point of setting a mini target in group today for that tiny 1lb so I can see 19 on the scales next week!

Too excited!!!!!

 

[law3a3m]

Well done!!

 

[mummyem85]

Thank You x

 

[mummyem85]

I have decided new year = new me

I am not 25 stone any more, yes I am still around 20 stone but I am going down and I will keep going down until I reach my goal. I am addicted to the gym and I can feel things tightening up already.
No more just waking up, brushing my teeth and going out.
I want to start taking care of myself again.

I have turned really frumpy over the years. Before I had kids I used to never leave the house without make-up and freshly washed hair but now as long as my hair and teeth are brushed I don't care
I don't even think I have plucked my eyebrows for 5 months even though they look dreadful!

I have decided now is the time to change, I can't keep going on moaning about how I look if I don't take any pride in my appearance. I have booked in to have my mousy long brown hair chopped. I have chosen an old Ashlee Simpson chin length choppy bob and I asked the hairdresser (my cousin) if I should go for streaks or all over colour and she suggested streaks so I am booked in for that too! I haven't had my hair coloured for 6-7 years!
I wanted something shocking, something not like me and so I don't look like me any more. Time for some new make-up too - for too long I have only worn make-up on nights out (probably 10-15 times a year!) and the rest of the time I go without. Even when I do wear make-up it is years old that I have just left over, so my mascara is all clumpy and eyeliner is nearly all gone.

When I was at my biggest, even going on nights out I would dread wearing make-up I felt self consious and was convinced people were wondering why I was wearing make-up because it didn't make a blind bit of difference to how I looked, I was a whale and that was all there was to it.

My depression has been gone for months and I am pretty sure how confident I feel at the moment is the most I ever have (yes, even though I am still 8 stone over-weight) I am not ashamed of myself any more and I want to look the best I can.

Think I am finally realizing I am not just a mum, I am a person and I am who I am. I want to look after myself again

Who says you have to be at goal before you feel good again?

How cheesy does this post sound lol!

 

[mummyem85]

arty0011::faint2:
OMG GUESS WHAT!!!!!!??????
I only went and lost 3lbs today!!!! I can't WI tomorrow as I have an appointment so I was a little nervous about changing from morning to evening group.

I am now a teeeeeeeeeennnnn
19st 11.5lbs to be exact

Don't really have much to write about this week because I am in the zone - when you are in the zone it is pretty boring reading lol
Now I have 3 months until my big once in a lifetime holiday......I want to be JUST inside the 17s for it, the same weight I got down to when following WW 2 years ago. 12 WIs and 26lbs to go hmmmmmmm.........
Set a mini target (that isn't so mini!) to be in the 18s by the 1st WI of February - 3 weeks to go. If I am still in the goal I will do it, but I will have to wait an see!

Only downside tonight is I have now lost 5st 6.5lbs - just a half lb away from my next award. Oh well, I will get it next week in my normal group instead - as well as my SOTW sticker I didn't pick up today (because I had to share and I felt bad sharing when I just gatecrashed the group so I left before the other lady seen me so she could take the fruit basket) AND I earned my bronze body magic sticker today too but when I tried getting it at the end my consultant told me to wait until next week so she could do it in the group. AND I need to pick up SOTM for November too because the consultant ran out. I am very organised with my stickers and certificates, my book is covered front and one column on the back and all my certificates are pinned on my kitchen wall in order! I'm pretty freakish about them lol.

Did I mention I AM A FREAKIN' TEEN???????? :banana dancer:

 

[TootyFrooty]

Sorry, I didn't quite catch that. Did you say you are now in your teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeensssssssss??? That's fan-bloody-tastic!!! :wow::happy096:

You really sound motivated and positive which is great. Keep this up and you'll be in the 17s no problem at all in time for your holiday.

 

[mummyem85]

Sorry, I didn't quite catch that. Did you say you are now in your teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeensssssssss??? That's fan-bloody-tastic!!! :wow::happy096:

You really sound motivated and positive which is great. Keep this up and you'll be in the 17s no problem at all in time for your holiday.

LOL Sorry I don't think I said it loud enough!

I'MMMMMM IN THE TEEENNNNNSSSSSSSSSSS!
Thank you x

 

[TootyFrooty]

Ah that's better. I just about heard you there!!! Hehe.

Have a fab day

 

[TropicalFrog]

Hi there mummy. Just wanted to tell you how much I have enjoyed reading your inspirational diary. Good luck with the rest of your weight loss journey. Looking forward to reading about the rest of it. Frog xx

 

[mummyem85]

I haven't been on here much lately as I have had dodgy internet connection and I tried a couple of times then gave up when I lost connection half way through and lost all I had written! Very frustrating.
I can't really say I have been on plan either.....I have been going to group but I'm not scared of gaining any more like I used to be. Since my last diary post I have done
+7.5lbs (I was ill the week after last post so this gain was over 2 weeks!)
-6lbs
+4.5lbs
-1.5lbs
-1.5lbs

So my new weight is once again 20st 0.5lbs.

Things are hard for me at the moment, when I started SW in May I wasn't going out - because of my Husbands job he couldn't go out at all and I was happy enough staying in with him. I don't have many friends and wasn't invited out at all but even if I was I don't think I would have gone, I was so into SW and determined to do well and I didn't like going anywhere without my Husband because of my lack of confidence.
Now my Husband has 4 months where he has weekends free. This means we go out all day Saturdays and Sundays we do too sometimes. It is basically impossible for me to stick to plans over the weekend when out. He wants subway and so do I! when I had those huge gains I was seeing one meal as being off plan so I might as well go for it and ruin the rest of the week too. Now though I have got my head around it. One meal or even one day doesn't mean the end of the world as long as I draw a line under it ASAP then it is fine. Going out is just part of life and I will not be able to say no forever!
I am also a lot more confident and have even organised a girls night out myself for this Saturday. I will be drinking and making a fool of myself I am sure and know there will be a kebab on the way home but I accept that!

I am trying to make the best choices I can - like when I go to subway I have chicken breast, light mayo, loads of salad and on wheat bread. I do have a footlong though and sometimes a cookie but that doesn't mean I should chose the highest synned filling just because I am not following it 100%.
I am no longer aiming for big losses at the moment. May will be here before I know it and I will have to stay in again most weekends so I am going to make the most of being able to go out now! All my aim at the moment is to drop a little or STS every week until then. Just half a lb a week will do to keep me ticking along until I can get back on track 100%. This has been my plan for the last 2 weeks and both weeks have seen 1.5lbs losses so it is working well!

I am 3lbs up from my lightest yet and I know that is basically nothing, but the thing is I feel huge. I look in the mirror and before I had this little SW wobble I would feel good about how far I had come, I knew there was still a long way to go but I could see the difference. Now though I look in the mirror and just see the flab and I feel like my stomach has grown huge again. I don't know what that is about but it really affects me

There is only 6 weeks now until I go to America. I was hoping to be 2 stone lighter than I am now to go but it isn't going to happen! I am still hoping to lose another half a stone before I go which I think following my plan is do able but I have no goal, as long as I am no heavier than I am now I will be happy
Before my SW wobble I had fitted in a pair of size 22 trousers and I still do so I thought I would order my holiday clothes in a size 20 to push myself. I also fit in size 20 tops so thought I would push myself and order size 18 tops to aim for.
It all arrived 2 weeks ago and I was too scared to see how far away I was so kept putting it off. Monday though I tried on the clothes and I could have cried. The tops were like cling film on me, and the shorts wouldn't even go over my thighs. So I returned it all and ordered 2 sizes up in the shorts - size 24 and 2 sizes up in tops - size 22. It all arrived yesterday and I tried it on. *sigh* it still didn't fit. The shorts I can now pull up when I wriggle around and do the button up but I cannot get the zip done up and my muffin top is huge, I can't even breath in them! Tops I think I could get away with soon enough but they are still tight at the moment.
I was absolutely gutted. So the size 24 shorts didn't fit - I could have done with a size 26 but that is the size I started at - over 5 stone ago!!! I refuse to buy my starting size again so I will have to go to the gym and focus on that area or just go with the 2 shorts I bought from another shop that does fit!!! It really made me upset I know all shops have different sizes but still seeing those sizes again was horrible