My journey to lose anywhere between 10-13 stone!

[mummyem85]

OK, my scales this morning still say STS but I need to chillax (did I really just say that!?) and look at how far I have come so far.
I admit last night I was ever so down about it so I threw a hissy fit at my Husband (why it is his fault I have no idea lol) and said I am not going to SW any more, I give up - then went and ate 2 full sized snickers bars! He just laughed and said he didn't believe me and I didn't believe myself when I said it, I knew I would carry on I just had my grumpy head on.

This morning the grumpy head has been taken off and locked firmly away in the attic (anyone remember what TV show that was on? All I can remember is someone sayign 'im going to take your head off and lock it in the attic to some sort of wooden doll?!?! I was trying to describe it to husband last night but he had no idea so now it is driving me mad!) ANYWAY back to the point!
Yes my scales still say STS, yes they might be wrong but they could be right too. Tomorrow at 9.30am is my SW group so we shall find out for sure then. Either way I just have to shrug it off and move on to the next week. It would be sooooo good just to see a tiny half a lb off to be in the 20s though but not got my hopes up.

Right - I have to go work in the kitchen again today and there will be my favourite white chocolate cheesecake flying round everywhere again. Did I mention before I am in charge oof slicing it and dishing up? The temptation to lick the knife is just too much to bare!

Oh, it is my groups tasters tomorrow and I refuse to cook anything in case I poison the whole group! So does anyone have any low syn shop bought treats they want to tell me about so I can just buy a few?!?!? I'm thinking of just taking in some flying saucers at the moment! Completely stuck for ideas! x

 

[annacjames]

Hiya! I'm exactly the same with the weighing myself every morning - I even find myself doing it in the early hours of the morning when I've been up to go to the bathroom. If not it's the first thing I do when I get out of bed. It's the excitement of seeing another loss - it's definitely addictive! Everyone tells you to only check once a week but I can't give it up One thing I don't do though is weigh myself in the evenings - petrified of seeing a scary high number and going off track!

 

[mummyem85]

Hiya! I'm exactly the same with the weighing myself every morning - I even find myself doing it in the early hours of the morning when I've been up to go to the bathroom. If not it's the first thing I do when I get out of bed. It's the excitement of seeing another loss - it's definitely addictive! Everyone tells you to only check once a week but I can't give it up One thing I don't do though is weigh myself in the evenings - petrified of seeing a scary high number and going off track!

lol sooooo glad I'm not the only mad one! It is impossible to give up! I was going to try stopping this week but I forgot and jumped on again this morning whoopssss......

 

[mummyem85]

Just a quicky today I am soooo busy lately!

So WI was yesterday - I lost 1lb after all my whinging about not losing all week. I am more than happy with that I'm now in the 20s! I might have to rethink my Xmas goal now though, the last few weeks I have lost 2.5lbs and this 1lb so another 15lbs in 6 weeks is pushing it a bit now. Although it won't make any difference to how I do the plan, I am going to set a new goal to reach my 5 stone award (9lbs away) and anything else is a bonus! I don't know if now my body has set itself into a usual normal weight loss each week or if it has something to do with me changing the plan again - I was doing red days up until 3 weeks ago and still losing 3-4lbs a week but now changed back to a mixture of all 3 plans. Definitely easier for me to do EE with the odd red day at the moment so I shall stick with it
I just cannot wait to see the 19s on the scales I will be jumping all over the place when I do
I just need to give it time and I will get there!

Oh the taster yesterday was yummy, so many different things to try. I cooked a pheasant and took the cold cuts in because I was so stuck and really scared about trying a recipe. I thought people that have never tried it before could try it to see if they liked it. When the consultant asked me to tell the group what I bought in I went bright red and wanted the ground to swallow me up - I wished I never took anything in it would have been less embarrassing. As I was saying it was pheasant someone in the group did a huge comedy retch pretending to be sick and loads laughed. I just wanted to cry so bad, I was the colour of a traffic light then and was looking at the ground urging the tears not to come.
See the thing is I am on referral from the doctors so I have to go and stay every week. I like the support of staying. I sent off my latest referral form 3 weeks ago to next the next 12 weeks funded and I haven't had anything back yet so I am guessing I won't get it. If I didn't get it I decided to buy a 12 week countdown so i would have to go every week still but after the taster I don't think I will. I'm not at the point of wanting to quit the group altogether but I think just one more thing is going to tip me that way. Since being made to sit on my own and then the taster I kind of feel like the one everyone laughs at. Probably my paranoia at work but it is such a horrible feeling

We shall see though x

 

[Nettee]

How awful, so rude of that person. The people laughing though were probably just being polite (to the other person) at bit of group mentality going on - they probably didn't think you would mind and haven't thought about it since - lots of people would be interested to try pheasant - I think it is yummy!

I have been following your thread for a while - you are doing so well - but have not seen anything about being made to sit on you own? What is going on there? Could you change groups if you feel bad at this one?

 

[mummyem85]

How awful, so rude of that person. The people laughing though were probably just being polite (to the other person) at bit of group mentality going on - they probably didn't think you would mind and haven't thought about it since - lots of people would be interested to try pheasant - I think it is yummy!

I have been following your thread for a while - you are doing so well - but have not seen anything about being made to sit on you own? What is going on there? Could you change groups if you feel bad at this one?

Thank you

Thought I posted about it but must not of? I'm sure it is all in my head but I was sat with a group of women when I first joined and they used to save me a seat. I went to sit with them once and they said 'sorry can you sit somewhere else today, we are saving this seat for someone else' and since then the whole row has had bags put on chairs to save them so I sit on my own now! Went through a few weeks trying to sit there if I got there early enough but gave up in end and decided I would rather sit on my own instead of trying to fit in :ashamed0005:
But then again I am slightly crazy :crazy: and I think things over and over in my head until I make a huge deal out of everything and get upset about it! The group still say hi and a couple ask how I get on, some of them are really nice. x

 

[mummyem85]

Right bad - bad - bad week!

Basically if I can see it I pounce on it and devour it as fast as I can :17729:

I have had a look at my trusty spreadsheet and I definitely have a pattern. Every 5 weeks I have a week off plan. Got to be something to do with my monthly's right? Not that it happens monthly for me, more like every couple of weeks but when I go to the doctor she tells me it is because I am so overweight and won't do any tests. I will make her apologize when I am at goal and I go back down there with the same problem!!!!
Anyway.....so it seems like I can go good for 4 weeks then have a blowout on week 5. Do I wish I hadn't done it? YES - Am I going to stress myself about it? NO WAY!!

I had no choice about it really....I decided I would stick to plan and ignore my comfort food cravings but it lasted about 12 hours then I kind of went mad! It felt like I needed it so I did.
I don't think the odd week off plan does much harm - it can even be good IMO as long as you know how to jump back on the wagon ASAP - something I have learnt to do quite a lot!

I am today back on plan with 2 days until WI. My scales say 4lbs up after 4 days off plan! I will be happy with a 2lb gain so we will see what happens. No matter what I gain this week next week I will be sat firmly back on the wagon again! x

 

[mummyem85]

ok, scrap the last post! today has been a disaster and I think I will skip WI this week

 

[Nettee]

Don't skip weigh in..... that is the worst thing you can do - even if you gain more that you would like to this week, next week you will have lost something rather than trying to catch up. You are doing so well and what I find most inspiring about your posts is that you keep getting back on plan after your very human slip ups. I am up and down with my motivation too but keep coming back to group and back to plan and slowly but surely the weight is coming off.


Not sure what to say about the ladies in your group - hard to judge from here whether some of them are mean or whether you are paranoid (I can be a bit like that when it comes to social situations so I know where you are coming from). Keep going along and chat to someone new and spread your wings a bit so that it doesn't matter if you can sit with one group as you know lots of other people too.

 

[mummyem85]

Don't skip weigh in..... that is the worst thing you can do - even if you gain more that you would like to this week, next week you will have lost something rather than trying to catch up. You are doing so well and what I find most inspiring about your posts is that you keep getting back on plan after your very human slip ups. I am up and down with my motivation too but keep coming back to group and back to plan and slowly but surely the weight is coming off.


Not sure what to say about the ladies in your group - hard to judge from here whether some of them are mean or whether you are paranoid (I can be a bit like that when it comes to social situations so I know where you are coming from). Keep going along and chat to someone new and spread your wings a bit so that it doesn't matter if you can sit with one group as you know lots of other people too.

Thanks Nettee, you made me see sense. I am going to go I think, my scales this morning say I'm *only* 2.5-3lbs up. I can cope with that. Think I need the support from the group so even if I go and just sit for meeting it will be better than nothing, we will see what the scales say first though

I don't think they are trying to be nasty to me, it is more than likely in my head. Some people they sit with come some weeks and not others. So if they come then there is no room for me to sit with them, and if they aren't there they said I could sit there but TBH I would rather sit on my own all the time than be pushed out when there is no room for other people. It is all in my head but it makes me feel bad so I try to avoid it

 

[mummyem85]

So last night whilst eating my milkybar polar bear I emailed my consultant telling her I wouldn't be at group this week. I said I didn't want it as holiday because that just isn't right. It is my last week on referral and I will just skip it and explained my scales say +5lbs and seeing that number officially is going to push me further off plan - I would rather take a little gain next week.
She was so sweet, she said if that is what I wanted to do and I really think it would help me to not record this weeks gain then that is fine, but she also suggested a couple of other options. She thinks it would be best for me to come and weigh as normal because then next week instead of recording a smaller gain I would record a loss and just forget about this week and then she would mention/not mention me, whatever I decided but she would not mention how much I gained. Another suggestion was to go and just go through the payment bit and not weigh so I could still sit in for the chat without facing the scales. She also offered to book it as a holiday week for me if I really wanted.

I also mentioned I haven't had the 3rd referral come through the post so I was pretty sure I hadn't got it. The consultant told me to phone them to see what was happening and if they had received the form or not because the post around here is dreadful. So I did as I was told this morning and it seems the system has messed up my referral. The lady on the phone couldn't find anything about my 2nd referral and something had gone wrong. She has taken my number and she is trying to see what the problem with the system is now then she will get back to me once she has found me and if I have met all conditions (I have!) she will send out the next referral today. Sounds promising! Just waiting for the call now

I jumped on the scales this morning cringing and scared of what number I would see and it says this morning I am +2.5-3lbs. I can cope with that.
My consultant does 3 groups a week - 2 tonight and 1 tomorrow. I usually go to the one tomorrow but I might go tonight because I don't know anyone and so no one will ask me how I have done this week! Also my kids school is closed tomorrow for polling so I would have to take my daughter with me tomorrow and she can be a pain! It is a long time to ask a 3 year old hyper little girl to sit still.
Of course I will have a look at the scales before I make my decision and keeping things light today in case I do decide on tonight!

Today WILL be my 1st day back on track, I am going to catch up on twilight ready for the film this week!!!!! me? sad? never!

 

[SallyVater]

Hi Mummyem.

I've just read your diary and it really is inspiring. You're doing so, so well. Please don't let feeling uncomfortable in group, or being worried about a small gain put you off. Have you thought about permanantly moving to tonight's group? It may help you to feel that you are making a brand new start, and also eleviate some of the tension you are feeling in your "regular" group (which, I must be honest, sounds like something that would upset me as well, and I'm pretty tough)

Up there you asked about the grumpy head, the attic and the wooden doll? You were thinking of Worzel Gummidge! So you're not mad at all!

You can do this!

 

[bigmeeky]

Supeb

So last night whilst eating my milkybar polar bear I emailed my consultant telling her I wouldn't be at group this week. I said I didn't want it as holiday because that just isn't right. It is my last week on referral and I will just skip it and explained my scales say +5lbs and seeing that number officially is going to push me further off plan - I would rather take a little gain next week.
She was so sweet, she said if that is what I wanted to do and I really think it would help me to not record this weeks gain then that is fine, but she also suggested a couple of other options. She thinks it would be best for me to come and weigh as normal because then next week instead of recording a smaller gain I would record a loss and just forget about this week and then she would mention/not mention me, whatever I decided but she would not mention how much I gained. Another suggestion was to go and just go through the payment bit and not weigh so I could still sit in for the chat without facing the scales. She also offered to book it as a holiday week for me if I really wanted.

I also mentioned I haven't had the 3rd referral come through the post so I was pretty sure I hadn't got it. The consultant told me to phone them to see what was happening and if they had received the form or not because the post around here is dreadful. So I did as I was told this morning and it seems the system has messed up my referral. The lady on the phone couldn't find anything about my 2nd referral and something had gone wrong. She has taken my number and she is trying to see what the problem with the system is now then she will get back to me once she has found me and if I have met all conditions (I have!) she will send out the next referral today. Sounds promising! Just waiting for the call now

I jumped on the scales this morning cringing and scared of what number I would see and it says this morning I am +2.5-3lbs. I can cope with that.
My consultant does 3 groups a week - 2 tonight and 1 tomorrow. I usually go to the one tomorrow but I might go tonight because I don't know anyone and so no one will ask me how I have done this week! Also my kids school is closed tomorrow for polling so I would have to take my daughter with me tomorrow and she can be a pain! It is a long time to ask a 3 year old hyper little girl to sit still.
Of course I will have a look at the scales before I make my decision and keeping things light today in case I do decide on tonight!

Today WILL be my 1st day back on track, I am going to catch up on twilight ready for the film this week!!!!! me? sad? never!

Thanks for taking time to capture your journey. I have been a VLCD weight oner and offer for years and am finally going to do something that involves real food and is likely to work for me.

Your journey is honest, well done so far and keep up the good work. Your halfway there in less than 6 months, now that is amazing!

 

[mummyem85]

Hi Mummyem.

I've just read your diary and it really is inspiring. You're doing so, so well. Please don't let feeling uncomfortable in group, or being worried about a small gain put you off. Have you thought about permanantly moving to tonight's group? It may help you to feel that you are making a brand new start, and also eleviate some of the tension you are feeling in your "regular" group (which, I must be honest, sounds like something that would upset me as well, and I'm pretty tough)


Up there you asked about the grumpy head, the attic and the wooden doll? You were thinking of Worzel Gummidge! So you're not mad at all!

You can do this!

Thank you Sally
Changing groups is something I might have a think about, don't get me wrong, I don't hate the group but I just don't fit in anywhere. The only thing stopping me changing group now is I probably won't fit in the other group either, I find it so hard to mix with others but I try my best and hope I don't look too stupid. Doesn't work in this group though
Huge Thanks for wurzel gummidge! x

 

[mummyem85]

Thanks for taking time to capture your journey. I have been a VLCD weight oner and offer for years and am finally going to do something that involves real food and is likely to work for me.

Your journey is honest, well done so far and keep up the good work. Your halfway there in less than 6 months, now that is amazing!

Thanks Meeky, have you joined SW now then? I hate being hungry so VLCDs would never work for me

 

[mummyem85]

WI this morning was a disaster!
My daughter had to come and she was in a mischevious mood.
I wasn't nervous, I knew I had gained and there was nothing more I could do about it. I just had to shrug my shoulders and get on with it from now.
I got on the scales - last week I was 20st 13lbs and I watched the numbers on the scales as I stepped on, it went up to 21st 2lbs then went back down again to 21st 1lb then 21st 0lbs then 20st 13lbs and stayed there! I was surprised and asked if I could try again because I really didn't think it was right - so I got on again and the exact same number came up again!

OK so I wasn't expecting the 5lbs gain any more because I knew I had gotten it down to a more reasonable number. I was honestly - hand on heart - expecting a 1.5lbs-2lbs gain and was kind of wishing for a 1lb gain.
My consultant asked me straight after how I had done as she supported me in the week and convinced me to come to group. She was really pleased for me.

Now the group was a nightmare because of my daughter........she had some colouring to do but she did it all while waiting for the group to start so once the consultant started talking so did my daughter. She got everything out of my bag (including chocolate wrappers lol) and just chucked everything on the floor. She also has a thing about my boobs at the moment and she kept trying to pull my T-shirt down, putting things in my t-shirt and squeezing them. I was trying to tell her off without too much noise but she kept screaming everytime. There was lots of crawling around on the floor, knocked a couple of signs over and climbing under peoples chairs, 4 toilet trips with her in an hour AND then at the end when one of the quieter people were talking - the women paused for a second, my daughter bent over and did a huggggeeeeee bum burp! Everyone carried on and pretended to not hear her but they must have, it was so loud!
She was in BIIG trouble once we left and I am never ever attempting that again!

As for my referral, I phoned them back this morning and I do qualify for the 3rd referral yay! There was a mix up their end and now it is sorted. Next week will be my 1st week of my 3rd referral and the women on the phone was very sweet - she said I need to lose at least 10lbs from next weeks weight - so once I have weighed next week I should phone her up and she will let me know exactly what weight I need to be to get the 4th (and last) referral. I think I can work it out myself mind but I will phone to have the set number from her. She was even offering me advice about Xmas - she said they can't tell you to not follow the plan but over Xmas realistically it is hard so she suggests I should try my hardest now every week and get as much off now as I can and then allow a little breathing space over Xmas. Also warned me they will not send out the next referral unless you have reached the set weight, no matter if you are just half a lb away you won't get it.

Feeling really positive this week
I did give a mini target to lose 2lbs this week to get my 4.5st award but I'm not too worried TBH, my main goal this week is to not weigh myself. I have moved my scales to a hard to reach place andI really do want to last the week without looking. I hope to update here everyday how I have done without them. Wish me luck!

 

[SallyVater]

Wow! Well what I got from your post was pretty much all positive, how fab is that?

I'm sure most of the people in the meeting have had children and were sympathetic to you trying to keep your little one amused - try not to worry about that aspect of the meeting.

You don't need luck - you can definitely do it - you've proved it already.

 

[mummyem85]

Day 3 without the scales......and I am really missing them today.
I managed Thursday and Friday without too much trouble but today I want to know how I am getting on SO bad. Oh well only another 4 days to go!

Diet has been OKish so far, I wouldn't say I have followed SW to the T but I have kind of found myself making up for it. Friday I went to my Grans and she made me sausages, boiled potatoes, carrots and peas. I ate it planning to syn the sausages but then Gran put down about 15 homemade jam tarts and told me to 'eat them all up because no one else would visit and she couldn't eat them all' :gimi:
I did have 2 (with my Gran pushing me to have more, bless her, she means well) but made up for it with my dinner. I had a cod steak with leeks, cabbage and spring onions. Overall I counted Friday as a good day - just not good for SW!

Today though I was determined to stick to SW. I was going to have a red day. I had to cook 30 portions of pasties, fried chips and beans - and buy cakes, crisp and cut and butter tiger bread (my absolute fav!). I was working on my own and had no one to answer to if I did decide to eat anything....no one would know but me!
I planned though - I had my breakfast late and made an egg mayo sandwich to take with me and a yogurt and satsumas. After eating all my SW food I was still hungry though - everything was cooked and keeping warm, it would have been so easy for me to just nick a bit but I decided instead to have just a bowl of baked beans. It filled me up and I was fine! I think I ate half of ONE single chips to see if it was cooked but that is honestly it.
We went shopping after (was 5.30pm when finished) and while my Husband decided on hot dogs for him and the kids I decided I would just chuck a load of stuff in a pot and hope for the best.
I put 2 of those red onion Linda McCartney sausages in the oven then chopped a red onion, pepper and garlic, grated a courgette, chucked in a tin of chopped tomatoes, cayenne pepper and put on the hob for 10 minutes - then when sausages were cooked I cut them up and added it to the mixture.
It was really nice and so filling! I ate about 2 thirds of it and that was a struggle. All of that superfree!
Hoping for another good SW day tomorrow x

 

[mummyem85]

I got my scales out this morning ARGH
They said I was either 1lb up or STS so far with 4 days until WI. I was disappointed and saw the Husbands yule log in the cupboard. It was half eaten and because I was upset with the scales I was going to have a chunk and not syn it.
But I didn't - I was really tempted though although I wasn't thinking of it until I saw what was on the scales. I realised I really do have to stop this scale addiction because it really is controlling what I eat - if I didn't get on there this morning I wouldn't of even been tempted!

I don't know what to do about lunch today - I have to take the kids to a kid from school party. It is 1-3pm and I always have lunch at 1.30pm. If I have lunch at 12.30pm I am always hungry by dinner time. I am quite busy this morning so I am hoping to keep myself busy - have my breakfast around 12ish (never eat before 10.30am anyway) then have my egg mayo sandwich when we get home so I don't pick at the roasters I have to make later.
Hope I can stick to it!

 

[mummyem85]

I had a great week in the end. I lost 3.5lbs!
I got my 4.5st award this week and SOTW again (forgot to get my sticker and certificate though grrrr)
I have now lost 4st 8.5lbs and I am so happy!
Also in group today I didn't have to sit on my own, someone I kind of know through people but have never chatted to before joined SW a few weeks ago and stayed this week so she sat with me, we had a right laugh so I am in a good mood now

The consultant asked me what difference 4.5st had made to me and I couldn't think of anything to say, to me the weight over the 20s is just 'surface fat' once I get out of the 20s I see myself actually doing some good then and that is when the sizes start dropping too! I said I feel good but I am still a long way away from goal and someone across the room shouted over to me (kindly) I should be proud of myself because I had lost twice the weight she had in half the time - doesn't matter what I started at I have still done brilliantly. I went bright red and embarrassed - I was really touched and said thank you.

My scales have just been picked up and put in the bin. I hope I can make the week without going to buy a new set lol! No SPs this week for me!