nikki's diary - closed...... moved over to maintenance to test the water!

you are totally right. the problem is, is that emily is the golden child. the 1st born grandchild. matthew gets the brush off a bit. hope it changes as he'll soon realise when he gets older.
 
hope it changes as he'll soon realise when he gets older.

That strikes a chord.

My parents moved about 4-5 hours away nearly 10 years ago and stated they didn't want anybody nearby as they didn't want to become 'babysitters'.

A few years back my sister moved up there with her son. My parents look after him a couple of nights a week - my sister and him stay every weekend even though they only live 15 mins drive away. If I ring to tell them about something my son's done, my dad always tells me about something 'wonderful' my nephew has done.

When we go up next week, my sister will make sure my nephew's round so my son doesn't get something that her's doesn't (bearing in mind how much they spend on my nephew on a weekly basis) and then we'll have to do what he wants as 'it would be unfair' for things to be done differently just because my son's there. We went up on my lad's birthday a few years back and we had to have MY son's birthday cake when my nephew wanted it otherwise he'd sulk. My son ended up in tears that holiday as he felt so unwanted.

I'm absolutely dreading it. If my dad hadn't have been diagnosed with cancer a month or so back, I wouldn't be going.

Sorry to moan on in your diary. xx

Really just wanted to say I can sympathise to an extent - although it must be harder when both children involved are yours xxxx
 
cripes.. you've got it worse than me. it think it's about time your sister grew up. it seems like your son needs to have gran and grandad time without your sister's son there too.
 
well a rushed reply but matthew was squwaking lol.

another day and another 810 plan. i don't know about anyone else but... this sounds strange so stay with me but.... my pee smells odd. i've noticed it for a few weeks now but have only just remembered to mention it. very strange smell not the normal smell.. gross of what :D

anyway, another day of cottage cheese and tuna with vinegar. wow it was fantastic. the vinegar makes all the difference. i like it lots. i love my porridge too. i think that i could eat it for every single meal.

i believe i have a winning combo for my shakes in prep for the gym. i have a late porridge, then a bar (cause they're slightly higher in cals and carbs), then i do my running and my body seems to react favourably to it all. that and i think that there's some food left from my meal. the next step for when i'm feeling low in energy would be to move my meal to before the gym.... or half and half it. so brekkie, shake, half meal, gym, half meal, veg drink, last shake. that could work.

i went to the gym today, as usual. i thought that i'd consolidate my 33 mins of running but got there and pushed onwards and made it to 36 mins. i'm starting to cut if fine now over time though. ems is in the gym play for an hour and by the time i've dropped her off, walked down, done 10mins on the bike then had a wee (i have to before i run) and than i do my running it's getting on for the whole hour. i think i'm going to have to bite the bullet and start running outside again. i think that this is the only way forward as i just don't have the time to do the inside treadmill running. now there's good points and bad points about outside running.... the good points are:
  • it's nice to see other runners
  • it's nice smelling all the smells
  • it's a release to be viewing other things than one certain aspect.
  • my running improves quicker as i tackle hills where as on the TM i run on the flat.

the bad points are...
  • sometimes it's cold until you get going
  • i have to do hills whether i want to or not
  • it sometimes rains on you
  • you need to be sharp when crossing the road and you can't stop running so if there's something coming you jog on the spot (just harder to get going when you stop that's all)

sooooooooo, looks like i'll have to do it. plan on leaving dude with my parents whilst i do it when ems is at school then it frees up my 2 hours at the gym to do other machines. it's that or take dude to the gym creche and he's there for 2 hours which i'm not keen on. if i get my running pram then i can take dude out with me for the run and on friday's i can add in an extra run and take the pram and pick up ems then run home with her. not sure what she'll make of being in a pram though :confused: she's 3 and hasn't been in a pram for ages. she might not like it. very independent.

anyway, i'm going to go off and read my book. i finished the last one in 3.5 days and have had nothing to read for a full day. now i have it and it's all MINE!!!! ems is at grandparents for the night, matthew's in bed. nothing to do til 10pm... a good 2 hours of reading ahead. yeah!
 
don't know why but today or i should say this evening is a struggle. i am hungry, or at least i feel that way.... maybe just a mental thing. i had my tea an hour early cause i felt hungry. so 4pm was tea and i scranned it down and licked the plate clean (another one back in the cupboard then :))

took ems to see how to train your dragon. she was pretty good throughout but being a pg rating i think that it was a little scary for her and i think she was glad to go home. she said she missed dudey (our nickname for matthew).

she's spent the rest of the day winding me up tighter than a coil. grrrrrrrrrr.... kids! she's been hurting matthew at every opportunity including grabbing him off his toys and spinning him onto the floor so he bashes his head. there's so many little red marks on his head i'm quite worried and i'll be making sure i check on him before i go to bed. poor dude.

hubby's back from denmark, thank goodness. at least the house has been clean and tidy whilst he's been away, that is now going to end.

i think i'll have a bar tonight. need the carbs i think. so much for me limiting them this week :(
 
Hiya I know exactly how you feel on the food front. Since I've started 810 I'm permanently starving. I don't know now how I managed SS for so long. Maybe it was just easier not having food and not having to think about food.

Just posted on the Day 2 thread to say only 1.5 off this week. I am disappointed even though I know that I wouldn't carry on losing at the rate I had been doing - but still even 2lbs would have been respectful. So am thinking maybe another 2 weeks on this and then see.

Found your comments about grandparents interesting yesterday btw. I have 3 girls and my brother has 3 boys and my mum (and dad when he was here) have always made a conscious effort to make sure they are all treated the same - I know because my mums told me! And I've got to say that from my point of view she does a good job of it. Hopefully over time as your youngest starts to grow up and develop his personality things will change xx
 
1.5lbs is still better off than on. you do get slower weeks and you're losses have outstripped mine most of the time.... go away green eyed monster :D

still only 10lbs to go. probably 3 weeks or so should shift it maybe less if you have an amazing week this next week, which you may do after your smaller loss this week. it could be that your body is getting used to the 810 plan. the thing i've found is that i stay in ketosis at 810 so i'm quite lucky in that if i drink enough i'm not hungry. i think my hunger is quite often mental hunger. the need to just eat a bit more i think.

my weight's up and down like a yoyo this week. up one day, down the next, back up the next day and down the next etc. so i have no idea about how much i've lost. i should really give my scales the elbow :)

although it's warm today i'm frozen to the bone. i've got a cardi on as well as a gap fleece and i'm not warm at all. the sun is up and it's about 22deg c so i shouldn't be cold but i think it's the ketosis doing it or well i should say the starvation mode my body is in. just need a fire and i'll be fine.

i was thinking about doing a bbq tonight for everyone but i have body pump at 5pm and think that 6.30pm would be too late. the kids usually go to bed at 7pm. might do one tomorrow. i can have a tuna steak with salad :) nice. yum!

need to go shopping.... :( don't really want to but... we are just short of stuff for the kids mainly. there's always loads in the freezer but no yogs, no milk stuff and not much salad left for me ... oh, well maybe tonight on the way from BP!
 
I'm really inspired by your diary, you have done really well.
Hope I can keep it up and do the same.
I was thinking of doing a bbq tonight but I'm on ss so that would be daft as I would be sat there with a shake.

What do you eat on an average day being on 810?
 
I'm really inspired by your diary, you have done really well.
Hope I can keep it up and do the same.
I was thinking of doing a bbq tonight but I'm on ss so that would be daft as I would be sat there with a shake.

What do you eat on an average day being on 810?

there was bbq whiffs in the air tonight, my neighbours' are obviously having one :D so i went to body pump lol.

i'm sure that with the right mind focus that you'll do really well as it's mind focus that is the most important. if you are in the right place this diet works well.

i'm pretty much samey with what i have on the 810. i like quick meals as i'm usually desperate for them. so tend to stick to salad as you can bung it on your plate quick.... no thought about it at all. then mix and match with tuna, cottage cheese, tuna and cottage cheese, tuna steak. really nice and quick that's the key for me.

if i was having a bbq i would have bought a tuna steak for the bbq and had my salad as usual.
 
what a day!

so tired! i've been so busy i'm suprised at myself.
  • swimming this am with hubby and the kids (not much of a workout).
  • then straight back and ems in the garden.
  • washing out on the line.
  • picnic lunch for the kids me trying to hold off on my 2nd shake of the day.
  • dad over checking out our lawn mower for us.
  • 2 hours of grass cutting then i realise it's past 3pm and i'd still not had my lunch time shake.
  • so had shake.
  • then helped hubby put the new slide together for emily, took an hour.
  • quick change and off to body pump.
  • an hour of body pump.
  • popped to tescos for 'fooooooooood' stuff etc.
  • back home.
  • put things away.
  • bathed matthew.
  • put him to bed.
  • bathed emily - hubby finished off whilst i
  • had my tea and popped on here :D

phew! i'm exhausted..... actually i'm bursting with energy today even though i went to bed past midnight and then got woken up at 6.30am. think i'll sleep well tonight.

tomorrow is hopefully a little more relaxed, garden playing for emily, washing on the line again, off to a party at 12 then back for tea, bed.
 
i certainly did but again we went to bed late at 11pm and i was up at 6.30am with ems banging on the door.

maybe tonight we'll go to bed earlier.

well ems had a party today and it was hard to resist the lovely food. then hubby made nachos for him and the kids and they looked amazing.

my weight is not shifting this week. it went down 2lbs and then back up again. although i seem to wake in the mornings and feel totally puffed up. my rings are tight so i think i might be holding onto water. i might have to start drinking more to get rid of it and do some body brushing before bed and in the morning every day.
 
had a really bad emotional day yesterday. not food problems or anything just my daughter's really trying and i'm finding the 2 weeks off with her hard. she's pushing to the limit. i just wish it would get out sunny and warm as then i can let her play outside and she loves it and is out of my hair.

my laptop charger is also dying on me. they never seem to last longer than 14mths. this is my 2nd and it looks like i'm going to have to go and get another one. the cost is daft for it too. as it's an apple mac they cost around £50, so not cheap. just fed up at the moment. my laptop is also running slow so it looks like i'll have to shut it down until i get my new charger as well. i can use my hubby's laptop but it's a pc and i hate them compared to my mac as there's things you can do on a mac that you can't do on a pc :( i love my glide pad for instance. you can use 2 fingers and it'll glide up and down the page. normal pcs don't have these and those that do are not very sensitive to be able to do this properly or at least as well as my mac. things don't seem to load as well on a pc too. they're also very slow too and progressively get slower and slower.

anyway i'll have to go as i have 11 mins left on my laptop battery.
 
flaming sick!

bloody NHS!

mum went to see the specialist about her leg today as they couldn't finish the last op and put stents in as it was too far gone. i thought that she would have her op very soon but it turns out that she won't be having an op at all. apparently she's too high risk and there's a possibility that if they do the op that she will have to have her leg amputated. :( if they tw*t doc had sent her 7 years ago to see a specialist about it, instead of giving her pointless tablets and physio, then she would have been fine today. totally sick.

totally sick 2

ems is deteriorating back to peeing her pants. 6 times today for no reason that i can see she wet herself. just can't believe it. pi$$ed off, pardon the pun. just gone back to telling her to change herself again and not getting worked up. her behaviour is also poor. just so sick of it and i need a break away from her.

totally sick 3

weight is just not shifting. fed up! :( probably down to stress.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
 
laptop charger still not working. :cry:got to use hubby's pc laptop and it's driving me mental. so i went onto the apple store to order one and it's getting updated so i can't order anything.

anyway, 2.5lbs lost this week! very happy. wish it was more, as normal like 1.5lbs more but i did eat my bars this week whereas the previous week i was experimenting on not eating the bars and i lost 4lbs. i'll have to experiment again this week.... mind i've hit a perfect combination for the gym and that's porridge and a bar, one for brekkie, the other for lunch. :)

gym day today. can't really progress running wise anymore until i get my butt outside running. best way to improve my fitness, stamina and my legs. think i'll have to have discussions with my parents about looking after dude for 45mins twice a week.

a week on thursday to matthew's first birthday, a photoshoot for that on sunday. then a further 6 days to disney and i've been thinking hard about what i'm going to do over there for the 4 days. i'm strong minded and i do not want to break my diet and eat anything in site..... this is especially true of that fact that i wouldn't be able to do ss and loose it asap afterwards as i'm too close to a good bmi.

i'm considering taking my running shoes and going to the gym early one or two mornings a week that or running outside for 3 miles.... will have to think about that one.

so anyway, i was thinking of taking 2 bars with me and my cdc said what about packing some tuna and a tin opener so that i can have that for my tea minus the salad. i think i might just have to put up with low carb atkins type veggie style for 4 days. i suppose it's not the end of the world. i could be 5 to 7lbs closer to my 9.5lbs to go target. i'm thinking i'd like to go lower. try for 11st then try for 10st 7lbs.... bit by bit, but i won't decide that until i get to 11st 7lbs. i'm not as athletic looking as i was last time round as my running is still on the improving rather than getting there list. by this weight and time i was running 7 miles outside easy..... well easyish. i'm only up to 3 miles inside. anyway...

t.b.c
 
well, i've been a bit lax reading other peeps diaries of late. been stressed out with things but the one constant for me is my diet. i'm quite obstinant and will not break from it.

went to the gym yesterday and there was a really strange woman there. i put my things on the one and only downstairs treadmill that runs in miles and then popped for a quick wee. when i came back there was a woman on this treadmill. so went to get my stuff and she said oh, i didn't know that was your water. i said yes i was going to use the treadmill with it being the only one in miles. she gave me a blank look then carried on. just can't believe it. if that was me i would have apologised and got off the thing. anyway i went upstairs. my heart rate strap wasn't working.... typical another thing gone. anyway i felt mega energised and ran over 3 miles in 36mins. felt quite effortless. i just can't move forward in the gym with my running now though so outside is where i need to be. just need to organise my time to fit it in.

had 2 bars yesterday..... just really wanted them plus i had the gym so i knew that i could work off the higher carbs no probs but i forgot how windy they made me which gave me a couple of stitches when i ran. so a bit uncomfortable. mind i was really energise so maybe i need more carbs now????? who knows. worried about saturday as i've booked into an hour of body combat followed by an hour of body pump. 2 hours of solid exercise. i'll be hungry and knackered

ems played me up after the gym and refused to get her swimsuit on, kicked it around the floor, the started spitting on the floor so i'd had enough and told her to get dressed we were going home, not swimming. so she flung her clothes at me and nearly hit me in the head with her shoes. smacked bum. her temper was bad. when she and i calmed down i talked to her. told her i really wanted to go swimming and she'd let us both down. told her that mummy didn't like getting cross etc etc she calmed down and i had a better afternoon with her. no accidents till bedtime. she played up again and hid under the table. hubby put her to bed. argh! she's got a right teenager temper tantrum attitude. what to do!

i drank loads of water yesterday about 7 pints and all it did was made me feel bloated and my fingers swelled up so that i couldn't get my rings off, which are normally loose, so loose that i worry about loosing them. so went to bed and had a very disturbed night as i got up 3 times for mega pees. felt pants this morning. ems awake at 6am again.

i'll be so glad when the schools go back as then the urge to kill her will pass. think i'm going to have to book her into nursery for the 6 weeks school hols or i'll be demented. that or i'll have to take her to the caravan but i think that that will be hard this year with matthew still very young.
 
Hey nikki, I've not been on for ages, sorry to hear that Em's is playing up again. Does she wet herself at school?

Do you find running outside harder outside than inside. I started running a few years back and even though I was easily managing 3 miles on the TM, I couldn't do twice round the race track outside?! My thinking was that on a treadmill, you are basically jogging on the spot as the TM is doing the movement bit for you and when you go outside you have to work harder as you need the extra momentum to move yourself forward. Does that make sense?! I remember being gutted when I finally decided to up the anti and go outside and then couldn't do it?! Also, I found the cold air outside really hurt my lungs.
 
hi

it's nice to see you back again. been wondering how things were!

ems is off school at the moment but she doesn't wet herself at school. i have to say last time i had 'problems' she was off school too. maybe she just misses it.

i've curbed her weeing though cause i just reverted to ... you wet yourself, you change yourself and she only did it one day rather than a full month.

initially i find outside running harder and it takes me longer to cover the same distance. however, once i've got into my stride it is far easier to run outside than in cause you legs get used to it and tone up faster which makes them work more efficiently. it's the first few weeks outside that is the killer.

i love running outside the best though as there's more to see and more to take your mind off things like the smells etc. i used to get up at 6am before and go for a run and it was fantastic as it was really quiet and peaceful. you got to know other runners and people who'd take their dogs out at that time. also with it being the coolest part of the day you don't get sun burn or feel too hot (most of my training was during the summer months as it will be this time round).
 
At least that suggests that the weeing is a behavioural thing rather than a medical?

I wish I could get motivated to do some running. Well, to be honest even walking would be good! haha. My elderly neighbour walks my dogs every morning (along with his) round the aerodrome near our house, which I reckon is about 3 miles?! It's beautiful as we live right out on the cliff edges and at 6am in the morning, it smells and looks beautiful. Sets me right up for the day, but I just can't get my lazy arse out of bed early enough to join him!
 
bleurgh, bleurgh! feel like the world is against me.

not really but.... it doesn't matter....

anyway. did body pump and body combat this am. fantastic. loved both and want to keep on doing body combat. going to swap pilates for combat. i'm a def high impact person. bouncing, punching, kicking, cutting, etc etc etc fantastic!

had a bar before for brekkie, a bar afterwards for lunch and a tetra. drank over 2l of water so far. although i've had my 3 shakes i might have one more. i really needed the tetra as i came across massively hungry about 3.45pm. really kicked in. i think it was the 1000 cals burnt today doing classes.

will have a massive heart to heart with my CDC on tuesday about my exercise and CD plan.
 
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