nikki's diary - closed...... moved over to maintenance to test the water!

[great things]

my waist's not that tiny lol. 29" busts 36" on a good day. the tops actually XL as i wanted it a little looser than my other gym tops which tend to be 12-14's.

 

[*Shanny*]

Seeing the picture Nikki u do look smaller honestly.

What exercise are u doing tomorrow?

I'm going to the gym to do more cardio for an hour.

 

[Surfhunny]

Ah shame about the hole in the yellow one, hope they sort it for you! I like the blue one too. And shannys right, you look amazing. I can't wait to get exercising again I feel so flabby and I'm sure that's what's contributing to my foul mood!!

 

[great things]

i'm not sure what i'm doing tomorrow. think hubby's back to work again. would like to do a run but i would probably need to go out about 8am and as long as it isn't raining. i could do 2.6 or 4 miles depending on how my fitness has gone run wise. mind..... there's always zumba 3-4pm in a local community ctr.

 

[*Shanny*]

Gosh zumba class on a Sunday that's good ain't it!

Nikki do u pay each time u do zumba ? Or u got a punchcard?

I have a punchcard which is £40 for 10 classes means I get a small saving not much doh x

 

[great things]

i do 3 classes at the gym and i do 1-2 where i pay for them. mind i went to one for the first time friday £3.50 but i won't be going back there. didn't give me a good enough workout. wasn't sweating enough. would like to do one on a monday where my gym instructors does one but it's 6-7pm and i might not quite make 6pm. would like to try though as she's is amazing. then it's going to be trial and error with the others. i'd like a friday morning as both kids are occupied, ems in school and dude in nursery. if i can't find any more that i can go to that are good then i'll just stick to the 3 that i know are excellent and maybe do some other classes at them gym instead. i pay enough for my membership (£66 + emily's membership fo £9 a month so £75 out each month, but it is so worth it, the investment my health etc) so i should do everything i can there. mind i do live in the gym these days. i go about 5 times a week. if i was to pay for 5 classes of just zumba a week for £3.50 a time that would be £17.50 a week x 4 week month.... £70 just for me and just for 1hr x 5. i do like 6-7 hours a week and then i'm back with emily for swimming and tennis. if i can go there more i do.

 

[great things]

flaming weird food/cd day. can't make my mind up what the hell i'm doing!

1 veg drink, 2 shakes so far and then picked at stuff. not massively. a few roast pots, a few parsnips, a lump of cheese.

i just can't get my head round what i want to do ..... 1000 or 810! life was just so simple on ss. :cry:

 

[Surfhunny]

I'm still in a right sulk with myself after grans I was dragged to Asda and watched the parents put nice things in their trolley. Was glad to get home!

But on the plus side I've done more walking than I have in a long time, hope I'm not sore in the morning!

 

[cornishkez]

It'll be worth it mate. When are you going to brave the scales?

 

[Surfhunny]

It'll be worth it mate. When are you going to brave the scales?

No time soon lol. I can tell by my clothes that I still haven't lost much, my measuring skirt is a bit looser but not loose enough yet to brave the scales just yet. Maybe in a month!

 

[great things]

emily's in the throws of a big time tantrum. makes me very stressed. great how kids can hit your buttons. she's been quite naughty today but tonight took the biscuit. hubby said no milk and she's kicking off, screaming etc

 

[great things]

hit the scales surf. get someone else to look at the reading. they can then say good or not as good as you thought.

i'm off to bed soon. had some salad with cottage cheese a bit of hubby's naan, a poppadom (he was having curry from tescos) and a bar. finished off with a coffee and a tin of dr pepper zero.

not as bad as i have or could have been. tomorrow i'll be better. a full 810 day cause of weigh in. i should then continue this on for a week and see where i get myself to. or fully stick to a version of the 1000. carbs in the form of porridge and an apple, no pasta with tea.

 

[great things]

flaming hormones. feeling mega emotional today.

 

[great things]

not sure if this is going to work. here's vid of me with matthew being so cute.

 

[great things]

might work but it takes you to my album to play it. pls let me know.

 

[Surfhunny]

Aw he's so cute!!! I opened minis in safari and it worked!!! Little E's favourite at the moment is heads shoulders knees and toes except she misses out shoulders and knees. She likes pressing peoples noses too, think her big brother taught her that one lol. I'll try add a picture of her.

 

[Surfhunny]

Doing what Little E does best SHOUTING

 

[Surfhunny]

I went on the scales this morning Nikki, I got in a right huff with my measurements so decided the only way I'd know for sure would be to get on the scales. Now I'm not sure how I feel, but I guess my determination is back. I really wanted to be back in the 13's before I went back to work but there's no hope for that unless I'm off for another month or so but never mind.

It's forced me to stick with it!!! (the actual numbers are in my diary - I don't want to post them too many places cos I don't want them to stick around too long.)

 

[great things]

i've posted in your diary bout this too. 3 weeks more off isn't it? that could be another 10lb down.... just think you could be. anything is possible if you make it happen!

 

[great things]

meant to say she's a cutie. girls are so gobbey ems is

so far today.....

2 coffees
3 pints of water
1 dr pepper zero
1 cd choc shake
1 veg flavouring
1 nibble of the kids cheese bread bun (opps) almost on plan, not quite yet.

having a few problems with myself right now. had a bad day yesterday with the kids. i got hit on the head 3 times by dude with a toy. i'd told him now etc in the end i gave his bum a smack. first ever smack. i feel so guilty. i hate myself for doing it. he's my life. i love him so much i can't describe the words for the love i feel. which brings me to my biggest problem. i've never felt the same amount of love for emily. i love her i would do anything for her i could. i kill anyone who'd hurt her or attempted to hurt her but i've always felt that i've just not bonded very well with her. i think it was what happened in hospital with her stopping breathing then she was taken away from me to the nnu. i felt that i had to ask permission to touch my own baby. i always had to wash my hands and they got dry, sore and bleeding. i didn't manage to feed her very well and we ended up at 8 weeks being totally bottle fed. big guilt over this as it was a big thing for me at the time. i got massive PND where i was crying loads and relied heavily on my parents who have a better bond with her than me and love her to pieces, esp as she's the first born and their first grandchild, plus being a girl helps.

just don't know what to do. very stressed about it as i get overly cross with her at times when she pushes me over the edge. i'm glad i've got support at home with hubby. i'd never hurt her ever and would rather walk away from her into another room to scream. she cried so much as a baby that once or twice i put her in her cot and went to the bottom of the garden to get away from the crying. i went back to work at 6 months and was glad to get away from her. at a year old she was put into nursery 2 afternoons a week. which is when i started going to the gym and my PND calmed down.