Pregnancy and Baby Advice Thread: From Conception to Birth, and Beyond!

[Dubchick81]

It's rubbish isn't it. Especially when "I was only joking" comments are thrown back at you! It's like p*ss off! How would they like it if I just said "Hello Fatty!!!!" to someone one day? It's just rude.

You know I said hubby said something a couple of weeks ago which was unforgiveable? Well it was just before my consultant appointment (because of BMI), and although I've been really open about it on here in front of you lot, I've been really embarrassed about it and didn't tell any of my family I was going to see a consultant beforehand. Just John.

Anyway, John wasn't going to come with me, but I was getting increasingly anxious (because I didn't know what to expect, and I was scared she'd make me feel like sh*t) so I asked him to come with me. He said "no". I pretty much begged him to and said to him that it's his duty. This is what he signed up for, coming to all the appointments etc, and his reply? "I didn't sign up for f**king fat club".

Well, I was absolutely inconsolable. Howling (crying) like an injured animal. I was SO upset. He's never in 6 years upset me like he did making that comment. I just walked out of the house in floods and went on my own Anyway, I had like a million missed calls and texts from him apologising, and I'm fine now, but I don't think I'll EVER forget it.

I think it's since then I'm just a lot more paranoid about my pregnant belly The comments I'm getting now do not help things xx

Jess am so sorry he said that.. How awful.. But am 100% the words were before he thought what he was saying and he obviously loves the bones of you and doesn't think that way of you AT ALL.. Men are just plain thick sometimes...
BUT... You know myself and J were together YEARS ago and had split for 7 years?? One of the last comments he made to me back then (2003!!) was "look at the size of you. you wouldn't even lose weight for me"
Those words have stuck with and even now, 10 years later.. They hurt!!
Back then I was 12.5st (strangely almost exactly where I was pre-preg) and when we got back together I was bigger.. One night we were out and I got HAMMERED (really drunk) and had a little emotional breakdown (oops) and brought it up.. He was MORTIFIED he'd ever said such a thing and reassured me as much as he possible could that he never meant them words, certainly didn't think that way of me now and the words were said in the heat of the moment and with the intent of hurting me (we were both saying really horrible things to get the better of each other)
But even now when i'm feeling crap about myself... Those words are all I think of...

As for people touching me... Not gona happen!!! I allow J touch my tummy but only coz its his baby.. And even sometimes when I'm having a self conscious day I ask him not to... I've never gone and mawled anyone when they pregnant.. And I expect the same in return...

 

[MrsLmc]

Some people I think say the first thing that pops into their head and don't think how it affects others. But then what is acceptable to one pregnant person may not be for another. Like I dont' mind people touching my bump, I think they just want to be part of something wonderful. Like my hubbies best friend was staring at me when I was pregnant with my first and I asked him what was wrong. He was all shy and said he'd love to feel a baby move, so I let him feel and he was amazed. Didn't bother me or hubby. But then I know that would bother others. I've even had old ladies have a feel lol. But there really is no excuse to say 'hey fatty'!!! I'd say hey fatty yourself and laugh see how they feel. x

 

[sarah_lou1981]

The only person I allow to call me fatty is my Dad because it's a long standing joke between us both. We do it even when I'm 'thin'. I know he doesn't mean it and he knows I don't when I call him it back. But I would never say it to another woman, whether pregnant or not. Tom calls me tubs but I call myself it but we never do it in front of other people. If anyone at work called me fatty I'd be p!ssed off. I had to get past a woman at work the other week and she needed to move out of her seat because we were in a lecture theatre (she'd have had to move even if I was a size 8) and she said "Watch out, wide load coming through". I was so shocked that she said it that I didn't retaliate and under any other circumstances I would have done. I don't mind people I know touching my bump. I kind of like it. A girl at work will say "Can I...?" and wait for me to say yes before she goes anywhere near me. But if a stranger came up to me to do it I think I'd probably step back so they couldn't. I wouldn't touch someone unless they gave me permission.
A few people at work have said to me "Are you sure there's only one in there?" but I think its because my uniform makes me look far bigger than I am. I work with a lot of young lads (18-21 ish) so they just think they're being funny. I don't take offence with them because to them it's just a bit of banter. I think everyone at work comments etc because they've been there (not literally lol) through the hospital tests etc and they were all so happy when I told them I was pregnant. It feels like this baby has a massive extended 'family' because everyone is so excited and cant wait for it to be here.

Re the John thing - like others have said, it's out of order for him to say that to you but it was probably a heat of the moment thing, especially if he's never said anything like that to you before. I would feel exactly the same as you if Tom had said anything like that to me and he'd have a LOT of making up to do. It's bad enough all the changes we go through with pregnancy without the one person we need more than anyone doing/saying something like that to us. xxx

 

[PrincessPeach]

I wish I was joking, but one of the ladies who feels it's necessary to comment every day, now finds it totally necessary to comment every time she sees me, apparently. She commented this morning about how much bigger I look today than yesterday (and also did it the day before), and walking out to the shops just now I walked past her while she was chatting to someone else and she said "OMG I swear she's expanded since this morning!"

Lovely. Right in front of other people too, who then decided to have a good look at me. I feel like a freak. Like I am abnormally big, or as if there's something wrong with me. Gone are the days where I could breathe in as well...no breathing in for me. I tried it, my stomach barely moved and to be honest, it kinda hurt.

Baby must know I feel a bit... as now I'm getting kicked. Don't worry baby, I love you very much and would happily be the size of a small village if it meant you are happy and healthy xxx

 

[MrsLmc]

I wouldn't bother reacting to her to be honest. Just walk on by and don't comment or retaliate. That woman obviously hasn't got a clue!! Has she ever had children?

 

[PrincessPeach]

I wouldn't bother reacting to her to be honest. Just walk on by and don't comment or retaliate. That woman obviously hasn't got a clue!! Has she ever had children?

Yeah she has, she has a son who is 14/15 I think x x

 

[MrsLmc]

Yeah she has, she has a son who is 14/15 I think x x

Makes it all the more unacceptable really then doesn't it, because she should know that we all be self conscious about our size during pregnancy. Ignore her!!! Going by your last picture you look amazing and not massive at all.....maybe she is a tad jealous at how great you look??!!

 

[Dubchick81]

I'd say Laura has hit the nail on the head there...

 

[Danni86]

I was thinking the same Jess from the last pic your bump was looking lovely x

 

[PrincessPeach]

Makes it all the more unacceptable really then doesn't it, because she should know that we all be self conscious about our size during pregnancy. Ignore her!!! Going by your last picture you look amazing and not massive at all.....maybe she is a tad jealous at how great you look??!!

I'd say Laura has hit the nail on the head there...

I was thinking the same Jess from the last pic your bump was looking lovely x

Awww lol now I feel like I've fished for compliments! lol

Thanks girls, your comments do mean a lot. They really do. I am wondering why this one lady in particular is so obsessed with telling me how humungous my bump is, but I'll just let her get on with it. Before she opens her mouth next time I'll just say "Yes, I know, I've grown SO much since this morning"

lol xxx

 

[MrsLmc]

Awww lol now I feel like I've fished for compliments! lol

Thanks girls, your comments do mean a lot. They really do. I am wondering why this one lady in particular is so obsessed with telling me how humungous my bump is, but I'll just let her get on with it. Before she opens her mouth next time I'll just say "Yes, I know, I've grown SO much since this morning"

lol xxx

Ohhhh thats a good idea! I like it

 

[Kim26]

Re: Pregnancy and Baby Advice Thread: Brands, Feeding, Nursery, Bathing, Everything!

Aww Jess your work colleague's need lessons in politeness. I fully understand that people will want to (even if you hate it) touch your bump but to call you fatty and consistently comment on how big you are is completely out of order. Maybe you can just say "well I am growing a baby!" In a really sarcastic way. It may stop them from commenting it seems like they want you to react hence the constant comments.

As for John's comments I think men REALLY don't think before they speak. Mike has never mentioned my weight and normally steps very carefully but in arguments he has mentioned it but I know he doesn't mean it they just seem to say things in the heat of the moment. I've also noticed his mates will rib each other about being fat so I guess when he's wound up that part of the brain that normally tells him to step carefully doesn't fully engage and maybe John is the same. He said it before his brain had time to consider the implications, not that that makes it ok at all it really doesn't you just have to make sure you make him pay for his comments whenever you want something

As for your bump from your photos you have the perfect little bump.... maybe it's bigger than you expect but some women get big quickly and then maintain for a while. Please don't think badly about your bump its providing a lovely, safe and warm home for your beautiful little girl. Just remember that! big hugs xx

 

[PrincessPeach]

Aww Jess your work colleague's need lessons in politeness. I fully understand that people will want to (even if you hate it) touch your bump but to call you fatty and consistently comment on how big you are is completely out of order. Maybe you can just say "well I am growing a baby!" In a really sarcastic way. It may stop them from commenting it seems like they want you to react hence the constant comments.

As for John's comments I think men REALLY don't think before they speak. Mike has never mentioned my weight and normally steps very carefully but in arguments he has mentioned it but I know he doesn't mean it they just seem to say things in the heat of the moment. I've also noticed his mates will rib each other about being fat so I guess when he's wound up that part of the brain that normally tells him to step carefully doesn't fully engage and maybe John is the same. He said it before his brain had time to consider the implications, not that that makes it ok at all it really doesn't you just have to make sure you make him pay for his comments whenever you want something

As for your bump from your photos you have the perfect little bump.... maybe it's bigger than you expect but some women get big quickly and then maintain for a while. Please don't think badly about your bump its providing a lovely, safe and warm home for your beautiful little girl. Just remember that! big hugs xx

I don't mind the touching of bump so much, but sometimes it catches me off-guard and for a split second I forget I'm pregnant and it's just like WHOAH - you're touching my belly!?!?! lol

I don't know what John was thinking when he made that comment, but I've never been so hurt by him in my life. We always joke to each other about weight, or appearance or whatever and that's perfectly fine and acceptable. Like, we can be really harsh towards each other at times...but we know we're only joking.
When he made THIS comment though, it was in a heated discussion and there were no jokes. It came out of nowhere and it was said with such...nastiness. B*stard! lol

I'm ok now though, think I've toughened up since being with him as I was over it a day later. If he had said that to me 3 years ago I think I would have left!!!

And thank you, that means a lot and you're totally right. It's a nice little home for my baby - who is currently giving me a little kick Thanks Kim xxxxxxxxx

 

[PrincessPeach]

Just to remind you all to do your pelvic floors xx

 

[sarah_lou1981]

Just to remind you all to do your pelvic floors xx

Ooh when I went for my scan last night she sent me to do 'half a wee' and I did it!!! So maybe the not being able to stop myself the other day was a one off!! Doing pelvic floors as I type xx

 

[PrincessPeach]

Ooh when I went for my scan last night she sent me to do 'half a wee' and I did it!!! So maybe the not being able to stop myself the other day was a one off!! Doing pelvic floors as I type xx

Yay! Well done you!! hehe xx

 

[Dubchick81]

Ooh when I went for my scan last night she sent me to do 'half a wee' and I did it!!! So maybe the not being able to stop myself the other day was a one off!! Doing pelvic floors as I type xx

Sarah I've started testing myself most times now when going the loo... Just in case the other day was a once off for me too.. LOL
Things we do eh?! lol

 

[sarah_lou1981]

Sarah I've started testing myself most times now when going the loo... Just in case the other day was a once off for me too.. LOL Things we do eh?! lol

I know. But at least it means we're doing our pelvic floors

 

[PrincessPeach]

Hi Ladies,

Having a bit of a "splurge" on the Babycentre website and thought these links might come in handy if anyone isn't sure (like me!)

(Whilst TTC, I always researched lots about pregnancy - so I know loads about that, I just haven't got past the giving birth bit yet and am a bit clueless!)

1. Seven Reasons Babies Cry - Seven reasons babies cry and how to soothe them - BabyCentre
2. How You'll Feel in the First 24 Hours of Being a Mum - How you'll feel in the first 24 hours of being a mum - BabyCentre
3. First 24 Hours - Newborn Breathing - First 24 hours: newborn breathing - BabyCentre
4. First 24 Hours - Newborn Feeding - First 24 hours: newborn feeding - BabyCentre
5. When can I let my Baby Sleep Alone? - When can I let my baby sleep alone? - BabyCentre
6. When can I give my Newborn a Bath? - When can I give my newborn a bath? - BabyCentre


xxx

 

[sarah_lou1981]

I'm the same. I think about birth, I think about things I'll need but not the things I'll actually do. So they're fab, gonna have a read of them now. Thanks Jess xx