Total Solution Restart 29/03/2015 Exante journey to 9st3 for life!

[Lara1986]

Yesterday was a good day. Had quite a bit for breakfast so skipped lunch just has a few milky coffees and a banana around 5. I then did a lovely 9 mile run to my friends house I felt really good and much stronger and faster.

At my friends house I had a cod fillet, salad, a bit of rice and grapes and berries.

When I finally got home I had some crackers and turkey ham which was probably unnecessary as it was midnight but I stopped before it was anything much.

Seems like having no bread is making me turn to crackers instead but that's much better. Plus u burnt loads jogging maybe 800 cals

Just did hour walk to my morning class. Had a milky coffee and a banana this morning. Going to see family after and on a date then seeing friends so food will depend on whether need to eat with each person. Probably will nibble when I get in from class.

 

[serialslimmer]

A slice of wholemeal bread might be a lot better for you, and a lot more filling, than crackers which basically have very little nutrition. However if bread would set you 'off' and crackers won't, stick with them LOL.

It's all about finding the balance - what works for us. You're doing great x

 

[Lara1986]

A slice of wholemeal bread might be a lot better for you, and a lot more filling, than crackers which basically have very little nutrition. However if bread would set you 'off' and crackers won't, stick with them LOL. It's all about finding the balance - what works for us. You're doing great x

Yep you're right I know they don't offer much but they allow me to satisfy cravings for carbs just enough and yes I think this month I'm avoiding bread to try and work out how much it contributes to the bloat and bingeing.

 

[Lara1986]

Wore the trousers I wore last week again last night. They don't feel like they've got looser in the week. Maybe a bit less muffin top. I can't expect everything so soon. It's only been two weeks since ive been back on track.

 

[Queen Bizzle]

We all expect too much from ourselves too soon I think. After a couple of weeks I get too brave and think some of my smaller size clothes are gonna fit, which they never do Seems like you have a good mindset for not expecting too much too soon

 

[Lara1986]

I binged today. I was just exhausted. I wanted to stay in bed and just rest and watch films but had to be downstairs for a while which is when the kitchen was just all too close and full of all too much food. Oddly enough I still avoided bread but ate a pretty horrendous amount. It included a whole box of alpen.. Half a pack of pink wafers, 3 eggs, loads of crackers, porridge, lots of fruit, big bowl of pasta with cheese sprinkled on top, half tin of salmon, yoghurt oh and a pastry thing. So loads. And I may have missed something out. I was going to throw it all up but I stopped myself because as much as that would help with the anxiety over what I ate and potential weight gain, it would not help break the cycles which I have been working to overcome.

I will cut back a lot this week and exercise Lots. My quad really hurts as well so I didn't wanna go for a walk or run but hopefully tomorrow is better.

 

[Lara1986]

I was pretty much on and off sleeping from 3pm yesterday to about 7am this morning. Waste of time really but it was like I was on a food high. Crazy really. I feel really dehydrated this morning and a bit sick but my stomach and face aren't puffy as I would have expected.

I don't think I've been eating enough or sleeping enough this last week and that contributed to me justifying a "cheat day" which turned into a binge.

I am kind of pleased I didn't add bread to the list of things I ate as I am really starting to think it's something I can so without.

I know I are a crazy amount of calories yesterday and made myself feel so sick and it wasn't worth it.

I want to use my vlcd packs for Monday to Thursday or Friday just to get myself on track again quicker and detox a bit.

My right quad and bum are sore still but hoping by tonight I'll be ok for the class. And hoping this sick feeling from all the food will pass too.

I looked at pics yesterday morning of a year and a half ago when I was so skinny and I wonder if that also contributed to the binge as I had the feelings of disappointment etc

 

[Queen Bizzle]

Well done for looking at the positives If you're anything like me, the old me would have consumed that food and not even considered it that bad, so the fact you recognise and are ready to move on is most of the battle in my opinion Try not to beat yourself up with old pics, if they don't offer inspiration just yet, then don't look at them - hope you're ok xx

 

[Lara1986]

Trying hard to look at positive but feel so sick and constantly falling asleep today. Not good. I can barely drink water even

 

[Queen Bizzle]

Do you think maybe you're actually unwell? Take care of yourself.xx

 

[Lara1986]

Hey no I'm only unwell from the binge. So much food consumed. It's gross and makes me feel awful. It's the whole box of cereal that probably finished me off and it was alpen so it's quite heavy. Feel awful. Manage to drink about 2.5 glasses of water. Oh and the things I forgot to add to that list were two corn on cob and a croissant.

I am starting to think I should skip the class and do one Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday instead. I am very disappointed in myself. But my quad does feel really sore too.

 

[Lara1986]

Left work early as was just falling asleep and feeling sick all day. I won't go to the class I doubt I would be very good at it feeling like this and might make the quad strain worse.

Sickness is passing which is good.

Just need to not binge again it's not worth it. I struggle to just have a day where I eat a bit too much and just leave it a that. It's bad habits though and I will and am gradually unlearning them

 

[Lara1986]

This is quite a good article for tips on bouncing back after a binge:

http://growinghumankindness.com/how-to-recover-from-a-food-or-sugar-binge/

 

[serialslimmer]

Relapse is part of recovery. It would be unrealistic to expect to be perfectly at ease around food 'overnight'. And you're right, Lara, to avoid wherever possible any potential slip backwards. Binge/Purge is in itself addictive and ritualistic - but also a learned behaviour. The less you do it, the less you are at risk of falling back into that trap. You're still moving forward. You binged on carbs, almost solely. I was the same. I never wanted to binge on lettuce or watercress!

When we eat sugary carbs we risk craving a houseful of junk. That's the nature of our addiction. Once years ago I read about a man who was so addicted to little blocks of jelly - like Rowntree's, before you add the water - that he would buy 20 or more at a time then sit in his car and devour them. Often he would drive to the next supermarket and repeat the process. He craved those wee gelatine blocks night and day. His weekly consumption was in the high hundreds. He ended up in hospital being drip-fed because despite being overweight he was severely undernourished. It was hard for him to accept that, in his case, eating jelly was dangerous. Any food or substance consumed in huge quantities is not good for us. This man's 'cure' was initiated by avoiding any and all jelly. As daft as it sounds, those jelly blocks were killing him. But it wasn't the jelly's fault! Rather it was his misuse of and unstoppable consumption of that jelly.

We get sort of crazy around certain foods. We eat some binge foods - we try to stop - and fail. When you try to stop doing a certain thing and find that you can't, you know that you're 'hooked'. But one day at a time you can break the habit.

That's what you're doing, Lara. Every day that you don't binge is great progress. Please watch out for those crackers. They may be innocently triggering you. The same goes for Ryvita. All carbs. It's so unfair that some people can sit and munch Subway sandwiches and ice cream and thick sugary shakes and not gain so much as one extra ounce but that's just the way it is. They are unlikely to be truly healthy eating that stuff in large quantities, but because they don't get fat nobody stares at them or insults them.

I used to get that facial swelling, too - 'carb bloat' - glycogen regain from eating a huge amount of carbs in a short time. My skin used to be tender to the touch, also.

Just dust yourself off now and get back on the wagon. Absolutely no good can come of fretting over this binge. You're still learning and changing x

 

[Lara1986]

Thank you for that post serial. The story about the jelly blocks is one I will think back to. I know what you mean about the carbs. And maybe the crackers were triggering to an extent. I just can't imagine eating no carbs. I don't think it's sustainable. But really the crackers offer little nutritional benefit and are a snacky moreish food.

I can't believe so soon after typing my last post I came home and binged again. Cereal, 2 bowls of pasta, crackers and hummus, cheese. I felt good for a few minutes and now I feel like cr*p again.

I have to get my head back in gear. I think I will try and call the GP tomorrow and ask to be re referred to the psychologist I was referred to before but that I never really went to. Maybe that will help.

I need to go to a class tomorrow. Not sure if I will work at home or go in. Depends how I feel.

This is frustrating. I know I can lose the weight and get fit. Why do I self defeat?

Right. Every moment where don't binge is a small success so right now is a successful moment!

I am trying to say to myself that I love and forgive you no matter whether you binged or not.

It's so hard.

 

[Lara1986]

Oh and the watercress thing: I read something earlier that said you can tell when you feel real hunger because you would be happy to eat most things but binge or emotional cravings are sugar, carbs, fats etc

 

[serialslimmer]

The path to peace and calm seems to always be the rocky road. Seldom if ever smooth and narrow! You can have carbs from vegetables as Dr. Atkins insists LOL. I don't think strict no-carb is necessary or even desirable. Reduced carb and sugar-free items can make the journey more pleasant. One thing seems obvious to me - you do have a carb addiction. And this is well-worth knowing. The items you crave and eat in quantity are almost solely sugary/starchy.

And yes, genuine hunger would eventually prompt us to eat whatever food was available - even grass! In our sophisticated food technology age our appetites are being subverted and led down some very dark roads. Why? Because sugar and junk are cheap to manufacture and generate vast profits. Food companies want us to eat lots and lots of their nutritionally disastrous creations. Money talks! So they bombard us with advertising messages that dress-up patently unhealthy snacks so as to seem part of a desirable lifestyle choice. And it works x

 

[Lara1986]

I agree with that. My only query would be - high impact exercise. When I do lots of exercise vegetables and protein just don't seem to be enough energy wise for me.

It's interesting that you say I have a carb addiction. Probably easy to see from the outside. I think I really do. I've never really looked at it that way. And that would explain why the crackers were building up to the big binge.

 

[yoyoagogo]

Oh and the watercress thing: I read something earlier that said you can tell when you feel real hunger because you would be happy to eat most things but binge or emotional cravings are sugar, carbs, fats etc

So true.. My marker is an apple. If I feel hungry I think "could i eat an apple?" If the answer is yes I make myself a meal, if no, I know it's cravings or emotional eating etc. I don't always listen though "screw the apple give me chocolate!!" ?

 

[Bananas]

Ahhh Lara I am in a similar boat! Its so hard!