Rosebug's Diary [back on the chain gang~]

Hi Rose just trying to catch up on all the diaries. Such a tough time for you and your Dad, I hope your nana being in the hospital will take the pressure off a little as you need some time to look after yourselves.
 
Evening RB, hope you've had a good day:)
Xx
 
Evening Rose, hope your Nan is still doing well after her op, I know what you mean about the weight, my Dad is down to about 6.5 stone which is really scary. He is not tall, only about 5'2" but even so it is very low. I hope she manages to put some weight on, have they got her on the build up drinks as well as food?
Hugs to you and your Dad xxx :hug99:
 
She refuses to drink the build-up drinks as they're 'too sweet', but 3 months ago she was refusing all food, now she's at least eating a bit better if not what a normal person would consider 'well'. Her idea of a healthy diet is 1 90 calorie cereal bar per day, 3 fishfingers and a spoonful of veg and she goes on and on about the hospital trying to make her fat and telling them there's an obesity crisis. We used to take her shopping every week and make sure she bought food - though she would only buy things with no/minimal sugar salt or fat in - but she would just stash it at home. We couldn't force her to eat it. She's eaten more in the last 3 months than the last 3 years I think. That's the main good point about the stay in hospital, it's given here a little of her taste for food back. Other than that her being in hospital is actually far more pressure. At home, with 3 carers coming in, dad knew someone was there and only needed to visit for an hour a day to help her make her lunch. At hospital she's far more agitated, upset, depressed, picks huge rows with him, and he has to navigate the doctors all the time to find out what's really going on with her. We'd just got to the point where the stress on him was easing a tiny bit and now it's back to square 1. It's especially hard as he was made redundant from a long term job this year, aged 60, and he's been trying to start his own business but this takes up all his time. I know that when I visit and she's having a bad day it leaves my head all over the place and I'm behind on where I want to be with my schoolwork (she first went into hospital right when I'd scheduled to work on last term's essays, and I ended up having to write them all in two days, so getting good grades was a huge surprise) - so goodness knows what it's like for him. He goes every day, I can only go between uni, about 3 times a week.

And there I am going on again. Sorry I'm not around as much as I normally am, so much to do.

Food today, same as yesterday. 12g carbs.

Urrrgh I have to get up by 5am and it's nearly 2am. Not sleepy yet...


WHY is the weather so COLD again.
 
Morning Rose, sounds like my FIL. He eats nothing and we have had real problems with social workers and his care package, it's all quiet at the moment thank god
 
I love her to bits, though. I mean she practically raised me and she'd fight dragons for me. I'd fight them for her, in fact, if it meant there was something more I could do to help. I hate aging.
 
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Oh Rose, wish there was something I could do or say to help :( it amazes me how someone of that age would be so concerned over sugar and calories, when I get to that age I won't care what I weigh!
Do you know how much longer she is likely to be in hosital?
Hugs :hug99:
 
Hi Rose,
How you feeling today? Shattered i bet? Have you been keeping yourself on track? If so i dont know how you do it? I kinda gave into the last of my chocci buttons and i just dont know why coz i knew i would feel sick after them. Been craving sweet things after dinner and the choco mim just doesnt cut it.
Anyway better go and solve a customers problem then trek the 130 miles homeward.
Have a good afternoon.
X
 
Quak said:
Oh Rose, wish there was something I could do or say to help :( it amazes me how someone of that age would be so concerned over sugar and calories, when I get to that age I won't care what I weigh!
Do you know how much longer she is likely to be in hosital?
Hugs :hug99:
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I know! My mum's 60 and always watching what she eats. I feel like when I'm 70-ish I am just going to eat all the chocolate and chips in the world! Maybe I'll change my mind when I get there, though.

How long is a bit of an unknown. Hopefully not another 3 months but a lot depends on her.
 
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julz4gbr said:
Hi Rose,
How you feeling today? Shattered i bet? Have you been keeping yourself on track? If so i dont know how you do it? I kinda gave into the last of my chocci buttons and i just dont know why coz i knew i would feel sick after them. Been craving sweet things after dinner and the choco mim just doesnt cut it.
Anyway better go and solve a customers problem then trek the 130 miles homeward.
Have a good afternoon.
X
Click to expand...

Pretty shattered, it's been a bit of a busy day. Not as busy as 130 miles though, wow.

I'm just coming up to the end of my 7th week and I can honestly say I haven't really 'cheated' once. I did manage to STS one week after eating more polyol based sugar free sweets than I should have during TOTM. After that week I cut anything with polyols in out completely and had a good loss the week after. I haven't had polyols since. I did go out for sunday lunch in the first week and had I think 1 parsnip and some carrots, literally because the restaurant offered no green veg, the lunch was paid for, and otherwise I'd have been left with just a couple of slices of not very nice meat. I was lucky that it was so early on so I still lost that week and I doubt I ate enough to take me out of ketosis anyway, just a couple of mouthfuls. But that's been my only not strictly legal food since starting.

I'm afraid chocolate buttons or a pudding just aren't worth it to me right now. I've done this diet before and allowed myself to have treats now and then: if I do I either gain or STS that week, and if I go a couple of weeks like that I get despondent, feel the diet isn't working and give up. The truth is the diet works fine (for me) as long as I stick rigidly to it and don't have any sugars. I'm even avoiding things like low carb pittas, though they sound nice, just in case they stall me. I refuse to sacrifice a loss for a food I can live without, because that STS could lead to me sacrificing the whole diet. (Though I am having a couple of dietimeal low carb pancakes with splenda and lemon next week >> just a couple.)

It's bloody hard. There are a lot of days when I stare at the food I can't have and think how it would make life easier or make me feel better. But it wouldn't. It would just make me fatter and my life is not easy being fat, my life is miserable. I've had to deal with all the crisps and cake all over the place at the hospital, with train stations only serving carby food when I'm starving, a few days ago someone left an open cake with a couple of slices on the flipping counter downstairs when i came down in the morning.

But if I eat the wrong foods, I won't lose weight. It's a choice and it's as simple a one as that. I can't say it will be that easy for me forever, but I'm only 7 weeks in and sticking to something for 7 weeks when it could make a difference to the rest of my life isn't so terrible. I still get to eat, the only thing is I can't eat some of the foods I do like but which aren't good for me. Slim people make that choice all the time.

I only update my food diary at the end of the day, not at the beginning, so it reflects exactly what I have eaten, not what I'm planning on eating. That helps too as I can't have a sneaky snack in the evening and just not record it. And I record literally everything I eat.

For sweet cravings: I only have about 1 mim a week and it's not usually a sweet one. But I do have a dietimeal chocolate protein shake when I want one (17g protein, 1.5g carbs, sweetened with sucralose, no polyols) or I allow myself two squares (about two cm) of green and black's 85 percent dark chocolate, which has 2g carbs in it and is very low GI so doesn't raise insulin levels like a bit of milk chocolate would.

When I do want a 'treat' I tend to buy myself something like big (expensive) prawns or a bit of fillet steak. Something good for me but still a bit fancy so I feel like I'm having something special.

And, for right now at least, that's how I keep on track. It's not easy, it's a constant constant battle between the emotional binge eater in my head and the voice of reason. For now reason is winning. Sorry to ramble on for so very long.

FOOD TODAY:
Haven't really had time to eat much.

Macademia nuts
4.4g carbs

Avocado, mayo, philly
3g carbs

tuna pate
1g carbs

salami
0g carbs

tea
3g carbs

TOTAL: 11.4 carbs
 
Hi Rose.
Complete respect to you hun for the dedication. So pleased that you have been loosing consistantly. I have not bothered updating my tickers as i havent had a loss. I am maintining i suppose, just a pity im not 10stone and maintaining.

You really didnt have much yesterday at all did you? How many calories do you reckon you have on a good food day? I think thats where my problem lies.

Keep up the good work your doing a fab job and probably without you realizing your being very motivational for others that are going to start eating like this.

Have a good day today and make sure you eat a bit more.
Take care
X
 
Morning Rose, you have hit the nail on the head with that post love. I did it strict on induction, just plain meat and green leaf veggies with loads of butter. No S/F or L/C foods at all,
 
Hope you have had a good day Rose:)
I think it is amazing that you can stick to a diet with everything you are dealing with in your life at the moment. Much respect to you.
 
I second Sorcha...utter respect to you Rose. You are an inspiration to me and a guide in this very dark long tunnel. You have helped me see that I am not a lone in my binge eating; I too have the voices in my head, comforter and reason. I now can listen more clearer to the reason now that the sugar cravings have reduced significantly.

You are going through a lot and I am amazed how you keep focused. I know this forum helps me to be more focused and by responding to posts I am responding to myself.

How are you today?

Thinking of you xxx
 
Rose you wee trooper, your post was brilliant, a micro management inside into how we all feel - up one day, down the next, some of it hormonal, some of it because loads of other b*ll*cks happens.

I look to Jim for inspiration - but Jim (sorry love) doesn't have periods or a young family to deal with. i also get the impression that he is very single minded in his approach - once set on a path, he sticks to it, and has succeeded as a result.

I'm not that single minded. I wobble. I fall. I make all sorts of excuses. I crash and burn - big time.

Maybe the turning point for me is this forum. It's the only place I can talk about how I really feel.

And I got to meet you - so, all good :D
 
Sorry for continued quietishness, trying to juggle so much right now. Got up 2am this morning to finish work due at 9am, have just done it, now i need to get ready to leave. Hopefully I can hold out through rehearsals at 4:30pm and then try not to fall asleep on the train.

just a note to anyone hwo thinks i have strong willpower. I have no willpower. The times I've managed to diet successfully are about 1 in 10 of the diets I've done. This time last year I was having another go at cambridge. I think pancake day was in my first week of it but I stayed strong and 100 percent... then had a disappointing loss... then another disappointing loss the second week. a couple more weeks and I skipped the family get together so I wouldn't be tempted by puddings and chocolate and food in general. at home alone, what did I do? Ordered a whole pizza, and ice cream. I couldn't eat most of it as I had a small cambridge tummy, but I never got back on the wagon after that - and to be honest that go at cambridge was misery making, I was downing half a bottle of laxatives a day through utter necessity.

So I came off cambridge and 'low carbed' which meant living off steak and quorn chicken pieces in a dolmio tomato sauce with cheese - about 40g carbs a day average, and I allowed myself 'treats'. I lost about half a stone in 3 months and gave up completely about june last year.

This is my first diet since then and at first I was going to do this 'casually' too. but sod that, i don't want to lose half a stone a year and put it back on at xmas. I want to be thin. So while I would never ever say i won't fall off the wagon tomorrow, for now it's been working for me and i feel lucky I've managed to hold on. I've been dieting for over a decade now and I'm just over 3 stone off 'normal'. It's the closest I've ever been and it feels like such a small amount compared to what i've lost already. I really really want to get there. even just 'overweight' feels like it would be a miracle.

FOOD YESTERDAY (as no time to post)

sugarfree jelly and cream
2g carbs

Pack pancetta - 1 slice for the cats
0g carbs

grilled salami, avocado and philly and mayo
4g carbs

tea
3g carbs.

TOTAL: 9g carbs

End of experiment with high fat foods. It's so hard to eat enough of them and has made me feel a bit sick and upset my stomach. Have a nice pork chop waiting for me tonight I am REALLY looking forward to. not low fat but a nice fat/protein balance.
 
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