Rosebug's Diary [back on the chain gang~]

Exactly what everyone here says, Rose - hope all was ok with your hospital visit.

And well done on the voddie Lisa hun, sounds like it's the right medicine for bad ex-husbands! :)
 
Leanne1 said:
Rose, my heart goes out to you. I had a couple of sudden gains as you know but now I'm back on track. It's just what the human body does sometimes. I'll bet that most of the half stone is just water.
Keep talking to us sweetie. We all go through this stuff.
Look how well you have done though! My goodness you should be patting yourself on the back continuously. You rock girl!
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Thank you Leanne. Sidebar weight all changed back now to what it was when I started this round of dieting - although I always feel like I've cheated with saying I've lost nearly two stone (before this bloody gain) as 6lb of it was gained over Xmas and I'd grown accustomed to thinking of myself as 14.4 not 14.10.

I prefer not having my highest weight on display because it's taken so long to lose and been so frustrating that it doesn't feel like an achievement I deserve compliments on. I'm bad with compliments - I loathe being told I've lost weight as I still feel so fat that my mental commentary takes a compliment on weight loss as someone just saying that I was bigger before.

I think it's also all part of not wanting to be noticed. When I was at my heaviest I took some very violent and frightening abuse on a train home late at night. After that I stopped leaving the house and every comment I got - and strangers always felt they had the right to comment and shout at me' from passing cars even - was terrifying. I developed panic disorder which I still have. Being normal, unremarkable is such a huge thing I strive for. (at the same time I'd really like to be pretty, which I know is hypocritical).

Anyway, gosh I hope it's water weight. Realistically I know I can't have eaten the calories to cause that kind of gain but it's still a huge shock.

Thank you xx
 
Kat1e said:
Hi Rosebug - you are amazing and have already done an outstanding job of getting to where you have.
Thinking of you and hope visit goes well
Xxxx
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Visits really aren't going well at all right now. I know it's unfair, but I'm dreading them. But I have to go to take a little stress off my dad. It's just so constant.

Katie, I've ordered some of those low carb pitas and wrap things from LCM. Do you think they're okay? I know people seem to be losing fine with them and moderating portion control should be ok as I'm going to freeze them. I'm thinking about trying 3 very low carb, high fat Atkins days per week, one average and three where I'll allow myself up to 25-30g if I need to so I can either have a low carb bread thing, or a little quorn with tomato sauce as low as I can find it, or a little bit of fruit. It just might make me feel a bit more in balance for a while.

This vlcd actually isn't bad but I just can't afford it. The porridge and bolognese are really nice and a couple of the pudding type things are too but... Yeah expensive. And there are a few products I can't stand, so I have less than the 2 weeks supply I tried to work out.

Speaking of, anyone want to buy some cookie dough Atkins bars? I was hoping they'd taste like the ice cream but bleh. Shall keep for emergencies I suppose.

Thank you for being around xx
 
Dietkitty said:
I don't know what to say to try and make you feel better so I'm not going to try! But I'm very glad that you have vented here. It's very therapeutic to just get it all out there isn't it! The thing with this place is we've all been exactly where you are so totally understand. I've been on quit smoking drugs for 8 weeks now and the nausea is almost unbearable. I've gained shed loads of weight but know once the drugs are finished I can get back to it. It's just horrible watching the scales go up every week and knowing that's another x amount of weeks it'll take to lose it and I hate that this is happening but you can only have so much going on at one time and I just have to accept that it is what it is. Huge ((((((Rose))))))
This message comes to you courtesy of an extremely large vodka as I've been forced to be pleasant to my ex husband face to face today and have another 2 weeks and 3 days to get through until I can go back to ignoring him ;) Thank god i gave an o'level in drama and a degree in drinking xxxxxxxx
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I wanted to say in your journal how pleased I was that you were taking the steps you are to give up smoking, but I was very new then and nervous about it. Anyway I am so pleased and you should be so proud of yourself. My parents both used to say they could give up any time, but they never have. I know it's a nightmare to do but it will be great for you and your whole family. And if the nausea is ruling what you can eat right now, at least you know it's only because you're busy with something just as important as losing. You've been brilliant with it. And if you can achieve that, you can achieve a couple of weeks of niceness to someone who doesn't deserve it ;)
 
ladyfelsham said:
Exactly what everyone here says, Rose - hope all was ok with your hospital visit.

And well done on the voddie Lisa hun, sounds like it's the right medicine for bad ex-husbands! :)
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Thank you for all your comments, Susie, and for being so supportive. I really feel like this is going to be your year in all sorts of things. You know, what bothers me often is how wonderful a lot of the people I've met on diet forums over the years really are, and how societal ideas of how things should be means there are a lot of people who never get to know that. It's really dumb and stupid that something as non harmful to anyone as a few extra stone is allowed to make the people carrying it around feel bad and miserable about themselves, no matter how great they are as human beings.
 
Leanne1 said:
Couldn't you put the bars in the fridge or freezer so that they taste like choc ice thingys?
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That's a thought - I might try it. They're so odd tasting though I'm not sure it would help. Whisper it but, they might even be too sweet (not sure this has ever been a problem before).

Freezing might well alter the taste. I got them mostly to have at lunchtimes at college but it's still worth a shot. If not, no huge loss.
 
In utterly unrelated news, Diana Wynne Jones died today. Author and heroine of my childhood, writer of the best children's fantasy in the world. These kids who have only read Harry Potter don't know they're born.
 
About the pittas - i think this is probably like mims ie to be used appropriately to help keep going but not excessively. The net carb effect is due to fibre so should be much better than dodgy polyols in bars etc
 
Yes, I'd be looking to have 1 or 2 per week, definitely no more than 1 per day at any time. I did also get a loaf of that fresh bread which is 1.9g per slice, again to freeze, with the idea that I won't need to buy more for a long time. I just felt so fed up and thought maybe if I could have some quorn and maybe a scrambled egg on toast during a week it wouldn't feel so meat meat meat based. I'm going to do more cheesy things like home made cauli cheese too. And in between all that some very very hardcore days to hopefully kick things into touch.

Which I guess means I'll be back on Atkins when I run out of food packs I like. Should have done this before and never come off. I was so determined not to have anything that might slow me...

Well we'll see how it goes. I'm back in ketosis, anyway.
 
Oh god Rose, I really feel for you, cannot do much except listen and support, please don't give up hope, we are all right there with you xxx
 
I am feeling a bit better, Bren, after spending all day on here rambling at people. I think I have some idea of what I'm going to do and that is something at least. In the grand scheme of things I know it's all a storm in a teacup, it's just hard to rationalise that at times. Am very grateful to the forum for putting up with me. Daft Saturday crisis. How are you love?? Xxx
 
Yeah - Rosebug's back! Glad you have a plan;)
Xxxx
 
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Not weighing in officially today, I'm going to do it on the last day of march (really? Another month gone?), but did weigh in unofficially and am back in the 12s thank GOODNESS. Still up on last week, still mad at myself for wasting a week, but I never never never never never want to see a 13 on my scales again. Unless it's the back end of a lower number, of course.

Doing an add a meal type day today - two packs, some roast chicken and veg.
 
Yep, your plan sounds like a good one Rose, sorry you felt so crap yesterday pet, I wasn't reading much last night and didn't catch this. xxx
 
Glad you are feeling much better Rose, hate to see you so down xx

I am just carrying on as you have to do, bit of a weep in the pub last night (very embarrassing) when the band played "knocking on heavens door" - just hit me out of the blue. But managing to cope most of the time as a normally functioning human being :)
 
I think you're very strong, Bren. There's nothing like music to tug loose the places in the soul we keep laced up tight the rest of the time, is there.
 
Oh Bren hun I really feel for you - those moments will still happen when you least expect it. But the pain will fade, promise xxx
 
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