Sick of carrying 2 hitch hikers about, so this is my diary

Evening Lily, first can I say :woohoo: to your fantastic weight loss over the last 5 weeks and shows that you have certainly found the ideal plan for you and your body :):)

Secondly I'm sorry to read that you have felt so emotional recently, tho totally understand why, hopefully once the anniversary (strange word I always think when talking about someone's death) of your brother's passing has gone then you will start to pick up again. So much seems to have been thrown at you recently.............:(:( The weather is supposed to be changing for the better at the end of July, so you should at least have some good weather and sitting on a beach is a really cheap way of entertaining you all ................... burying the adults up to their necks is a good start :giggle:
 
Lily x x have missed you x I am glad you have your lovely Mal and girls and sister round you at the moment . You have been through so much in your life but you come through it still strong, your kindness and strength shines through lovely lily x x i did know a lady that went through something in her childhood nothing like what you have had to endure and she ended up very bitter and was very negative about everything . Im not saying she should of just got on with things just puts into perspective how you can get through things i think you would be a fantastic councellor x c wow fancy mark Gettng thro to the finals !! I'll keep everything crossed for him .
I do hope you enjoy your well deserved holiday x and let's not forget the fantastic weight loss you have had in the last few weeks go you ' x x
 
ginlin said:
Well done on the loss Lily!:wavey:

:thankyou: xx




I cried when I read your post about you beloved brother, and what he did or you x, and I have every ounce of feeling for you, as my younger brother, one of twins, committed suicide six years ago, and it is something that you never recover from, it just seems to get more bearable, but still heartbreaking :hug99:
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Hello Lynne, thank you for your lovely comment, I am so sorry to hear about your brother too, and you are right it does become more bearable as time passes, but there are times like now when I question if I could have done more to help him....he was adorable and life is definitely a lot emptier without him in it :hug99: xxx

Dawnejoy said:
Evening Lily, first can I say :woohoo: to your fantastic weight loss over the last 5 weeks and shows that you have certainly found the ideal plan for you and your body :):)

:thankyou:

Secondly I'm sorry to read that you have felt so emotional recently, tho totally understand why, hopefully once the anniversary (strange word I always think when talking about someone's death) of your brother's passing has gone then you will start to pick up again. So much seems to have been thrown at you recently.............:(:( The weather is supposed to be changing for the better at the end of July, so you should at least have some good weather and sitting on a beach is a really cheap way of entertaining you all ................... burying the adults up to their necks is a good start :giggle:
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It could be the weather that is making me feel a lot more emotional, I am beginning to notice that there are a lot of people on here feeling much the same and of course that could be down to the lack of sunshine.
I do hope it picks up for the holiday, I'm not worried if it's not boiling and I'd even forego sun every day but just a few days would be lovely ............between you me and the gate post, I have never been to Yarmouth and not had beautiful sunny weather even when we've gone much later in the year, so :fingerscrossed: lol and I like the idea of burying a few of the adults too and I know who I would choose as first choice :giggle: xxx:hug99:xxx

Katierose said:
Lily x x have missed you x I am glad you have your lovely Mal and girls and sister round you at the moment . You have been through so much in your life but you come through it still strong, your kindness and strength shines through lovely lily x x i did know a lady that went through something in her childhood nothing like what you have had to endure and she ended up very bitter and was very negative about everything . Im not saying she should of just got on with things just puts into perspective how you can get through things i think you would be a fantastic councellor x c wow fancy mark Gettng thro to the finals !! I'll keep everything crossed for him .
I do hope you enjoy your well deserved holiday x and let's not forget the fantastic weight loss you have had in the last few weeks go you ' x x
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Ah bless you Katie, what a sweet thing to say :hug99: x
To be honest there was a time when I was bitter and resentful and negative about everything and that was when I still "hated" my parents and felt I couldn't forgive them, but all that did was eat me up inside....I learnt through the counselling to let go of the anger and resentment and to actually forgive them, not for them .....but for me and the sake of my family,but even after forgiving them, I chose not to have them in my life ...I spoke to both of them after I finished my counselling, I went and confronted them and they still blamed me for what happened even though I was under the age of 10 when I was first abused, so I said my piece and left and that was that, some people can never be what you want and I decided then and there that I would not let them ruin my life anymore by being bitter and angry and that I would have a life and enjoy it and would be something they were not and that was a good parent to my children and to my grandchildren too.
I don't think I would make a good counsellor, purely for the fact that I get too involved in peoples lives and you have to be a bit more what's the word...standoffish maybe ....but I am a good listener and because of my experiences I am able to hopefully give good advice ...but thank you for saying that, it was very sweet of you ....

Mark oh boy wait till I tell you what's been going on with him :woohoo: lol xxx
 
Last night Mark got a phone call about 6.30pm from the modelling agency asking him if he could pop into their London office as they wanted to take a lot more digital pictures to send off to a fashion house in Paris.

So being as he is self employed (he's an electrician) he decided to take the morning off and go along and see what it was all about.

So when he gets there the guy Charlie from the agency doing the photo shoot told him that when he first saw him he thought he was French....and that he decided then and there that he wanted to sign him as he has a look that he likes....but that they were short of Male models for the competition and he decided to put him through with the intention that should he not have made it to the final he was going to sign him up anyway.
Now this is the bit that is top secret so not a word ok lol.....The photos that were taken today were as I said sent to a fashion house in Paris...the fashion house is SL....which is the new name for YSL (Yves Saint Laurent) they are dropping the Y (Yves) and renaming the company and as a new company they are looking for new unknown models and they are interested in Mark....should they like the photos that they were sent today he would be put on a retainer for September and October, meaning that he couldn't work for anyone else for those 2 months....I am not allowed to tell you how much the retainer is but I will say it would be a great yearly wage and a very good deposit for a house ...so we really have everything crossed for him ....either way it looks like he will probably get some modelling work out of this anyway xxx

This is the picture on the Elite Modelling Site that was taken on Saturday of some of the 40 odd guys that were in the semi finals...Mark is 5th from your left xx

56918-albums3562-picture56997.jpg
 
Morning Lily!

Fingers crossed for your son, he is gorgeous!! And having worked on the YSL advertising account for many years a few moons ago, he is right up their street!

I am so happy to have finally found and had time to look through your diary, I always see such lovely comments and messages you leave for our mutual minimin friends.

Your diary is so beautiful honest, sad, funny and full of hope. You are one inspirational lady and if its ok with you I am subscribing!

Lots of love you lovely lady, donna x
 
Mumma K said:
Aww Lily.....

It all sounds very emotional indeed
I always think its hard enough mourning those we love
who have died from natural causes
A suicide death ....is much harder to deal with because
there are so many grey areas...
I'm glad going to your brothers grave has helped you x

and woo hoo to your 3 lbs this week
15 pounds in 5 weeks brilliant stuff
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Sorry Kally I was dead tired last night and headachey (can't shake this bugger off lol) and seem to missed replying to you x
Thank you ....2lb this week but still all good I am chuffed to bits ...been a long while since I had consistent losses, so looks like I am really back in the game here x
You have hit the nail on the head, had he died of natural causes I really believe that I would be less emotional about it and honestly Alan was such a vivacious personality, everything he turned his hand to he was good at (I was so bloody jealous of his ability lol) and he loved life....his suicide was really just so out of character and as close as we were I am still mystified as to why he took that route....believe me I have been to some very dark, low places in my life and even flippantly if you want have said I wish I was dead, but I have never ever really wanted to do it or seriously contemplated it ......I really believe in my heart of hearts Alan's suicide was a cry for help that went too far....I know most suicide attempts are but some aren't as well....
I love you guys because I can talk about these feelings and I don't feel as though I have to hold back because you might not like it and for that I thank you all so much, it really helps to actually "talk" about it, puts it all into prospective ...so thank you all again from the bottom of my heart :sign0168: xxx:hug99:xxx

donnajt said:
Morning Lily!

Fingers crossed for your son, he is gorgeous!! And having worked on the YSL advertising account for many years a few moons ago, he is right up their street!

I am so happy to have finally found and had time to look through your diary, I always see such lovely comments and messages you leave for our mutual minimin friends.

Your diary is so beautiful honest, sad, funny and full of hope. You are one inspirational lady and if its ok with you I am subscribing!

Lots of love you lovely lady, donna x
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Good morning Donna and :welcome2: to my diary, you are most welcome to subscribe even if I feel I do talk a load of carp at times lol.....like I said to Kally just now I love the fact that I can come here and just talk and boy can I talk lol, about everything and no one judges me, I love the fact that I can and do sometimes give good advice even though it still shocks me that people want to listen to me :giggle:
Thank you so much, your comment brought a little tear to my eye, I am nothing if not honest, brutally so sometimes ...but after being brought up in a household that was based entirely on lies and secrets, I am no longer willing to take that route so I will apologise in advance if I upset anyone with my honesty. Your description of my diary sounds a lot like my life lol honest, beautiful, sad, funny and definitely full of hope, so I guess I have gotten across exactly who and what I am about.
Thank you for the lovely comments about Mark (he's actually my son in law but what's an in law between friends eh? lol)....he is a lovely boy inside and out and absolutely perfect for my daughter, I couldn't have chosen better for her myself lol

Have a lovely day and welcome once again, good to see you and hope to see you again xxx:hug99:xxx
 
Hope you've had a good day lovely Lily and that the headache passes soon. Sounding really hopeful for Mark which is excellent news. In a way it's also good he's self employed cos employers might get a but funny about randon days off for shoots etc. He'll just have to give himself a right talking to. ;) Sounds like he's in no matter what and if per chance it doesn't go past October he can always go back to being a sparky. :D

Well done again for your loss, you are deffo back in the zone. :D
 
Morning Lily :):)

How exciting for Mark and Kirsty and what a fantastic opportunity for him :woohoo:
 
well done on that 2 lb xxxxx:happy036:

i understand completly what you are saying about not being a good counseler because of getting to involved, but i also think you are selling your self short.

you already act as a counseller on here i know the anonymity helps but even so you are brilliant at it xxx

congrats to mark and fingers crossed for him :D
 
Hello everyone, for once in my life I don't really have a lot to say, I just popped in to let you know I am ok ...don't want you fretting over me like you all do :sign0168: ....I am not feeling too bright right now just when I was turning a corner my sister in law received a package from my sister, the one we haven't spoken to in about 15 years and inside was a note which was part of a calendar which just happened to be dated the 5th of September...that was my Mother's and my Brother Alan's birthday...which straight away upset me a little as I was already feeling emotional about them both, but worse was to come on the note was written, give these to your sisters...now that didn't upset me, Sue my sister that sent the package and I have never ever been close in fact I would go so far as to say we have probably always hated each other...what was upsetting was the contents of the package. She has apparently had a sort through of my Mother's photo albums and sent a big bundle of pictures that my Mother had of the kids and grandkids (those of us that she didn't have any contact with for the last 20 or so years of her life) ....there are pictures of Dave my eldest brother as a baby and toddler and a young man, his wife, his son as a baby and a teenager, My sister as a toddler and as a teenager her kids as babies and toddlers, My 2 daughters as babies and toddlers, even pictures of my niece that they fell out with just before my mother died, but not even 1 picture of me ...there must be 60 photos or maybe even more .....it's like a knife through my heart that she didn't for whatever reason have any pictures of me at all...it's almost like I don't exist and has just completely confirmed what she thought of me....I am not disillusioned or never have I been to believe that we were close we weren't, but it's hard to face the fact that my mother really didn't care enough to want to keep a photograph of me...so when I have finished crying about that and got that out of my system I will be back but right now I need to go and lick my wounds.

Have a good day and speak soon

Lily xxx
 
Hugs Lily
Just lots and lots of hugs
I don't know what to say, because words can't express
how sad....your post made me feel
I hope one day.....you can get closure
 
The thing is lovely lily nothing can make up for the cruelty of your mother but am sure you will get closure x and you are surrounded by love which is what you deserve as you are a very kind honest lovely person and you have alot of people on here myself included who think an awful lot of you and value you as a person x x I will be calling you soon to discuss baby colours x x x x x lots of love x x x
 
:bighug:for you lily cos words will just not cut it xxx :bighug:

take consolation hunny from the certain knowledge it was her loss not yours, look to your lovely family and all your friends on here. You inspire people Lily, you support and care for them and that shines through on every page of your diary xxx

Will be thinking of you xxxxx
 
Lily I am sending you massive hugs and kisses xxxxxx
 
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