slow and steady.....

[rachellee]

Thanks for the heads up gals!
I feel embarassed to write down what I had today. I almost feel like lying about what I have been eating..cos I don't wanna seem like a failure in front of all of you. But I know that's not going to help me get better.

I've tried to not eat unhealthy stuff...but what happens is that I end up eating loads and loads of healthy stuff which adds up to loads of calories.....but yet I feel empty and still crave the unhealthy stuff.

I think I shall try allowing myself some unhealthy stuff but in healthier options ( such as reduced fat and smaller quantities)? Liked oven baked crisps and LF chocolate milk?

I jogged yesterday which was good. But food intake wasn't.
THis morning wasn't good either.
BF: 1 WM brd, 1 cup LF choc milk, 1 choc soy dessert, pinch of lemon muffin, 2 mini pancakes, some baked chips, muesli and frosties, 1 wine gum

Arrgg...just looking at what I wrote....I feel so full already. I went really slowly this morning....but still ended up eating so much.

I know I really have to put a stop to this. Been looking back at my posts and everyday seems to be a reiteration of the day before.

You are right girls. I have been try my best to resist temptation. But I'm sabotaging myself. Just wallowing in self hatred and bingeing yet praying for a miracle to happen. My happiness is in my own hands......I want it so bad....yet I am destroying it.

I want to stop writing because I can already feel like tom's post is going to emulate today's. But I can't right? I can't just give up. There is so much in life to look forward and aspire towards. For once in my life....please let me feel good about myself.

 

[rachellee]

carb overload.
I'm setting myself up for failure.
reiterating myself again.
why am I doing this to myself? I hate being fat, yet I eat and eat...then I feel miserable.....vicious cycle...that I am aware of.
DON"T GIVE UP.
B: 1 large WM bun w LF cheese spread, too much granola, 1/2 persimmon, 1/2 cup milk tea.

I think I should measure out my food before eating...... cos when I say granola.....it usually ends up half a big box

my dreams.........

 

[Pink!]

aw hun, well why dont you try drinking a pint of water or squash before every thing you eat. Like have a 35g bowl of cerial (measuring always helps) and when you've finished that, before eating anything else, drink a pint and then see if you really want something else.

I always down a pint before i snack on something to see if im hungry or just bored.

best wishes.

 

[rachellee]

I'm so ashamed.
I binged. big time.
oh my god. what is wrong with me? why am I self-destructing?

I feel so bad.

 

[Lynn_]

You have to be in the right frame of mind to be able to diet, and your head is clearly not in the right place at this time. There is nothing to be ashamed of with that. There isnt a dieter here who not failed and failed time and time again because they are not mentally ready for it.

Is it really a fail though? You have to be ready for it and if you are not then you are not, and it isnt failing. The right time will come for you, it might be in 3 months, it might be in 3 hours. You have to stop beating yourself up, because you will never get mentally prepared for it until you do.

I think right now you should tell yourself that you will not attempt to diet for at least another week, but in that time you can make plans for how you are going to tackle this. I really beleive that joining a slimming group such as WW or Slimming World, will give you the ongoing support you need.

You need to make sure that when you are ready to go for it, that you do not set yourself for failing by having the wrong food in the house. So use the next week to clear it out, make some meal plans and shop for that, ready for when you can go for it.

Right now you need to take the pressure off yourself, because you feel like you are failing day after day, when its not a fail at all. Give yourself a break, you deserve it.

 

[rachellee]

Thanks so much for the note of support.
I really needed it!!
Have sunk to the bottom again. You are right Lyn, my head's fuzzy.
Just swamped with defeatist thought...and bingeing again.

I am so glad for this site.
Am researching on the cambridge diet right now.
I have a very bad relationship with food. I need to learn that it is not an all or nothing approach to eating.
I really wish to become one of the success stories like so many of you here.
I want to be free

 

[Pink!]

Maybe decide what you're going to eat a day ahead of time?
Have cereal for breakfast, a healthy snack, a chicken &salad pitta for lunch, a healthy snack and then a filling dinner with lots of veg, and then maybe some fruit or something in the evening?
I used to do what you do, just eat a load of random things and call it a meal, it was really hard to change, but once you're in the swing of things it's not too bad.

Good luck hun.

 

[Lynn_]

Hi Rachellee, Ive been reading up alot on Lighter Life in the last couple of days, and i think this might be the solution for you.

Its a meal replacement diet, that cuts food out of the equation, but more than that its a support group that seem to really deal with issues of overeating/bingeing and why you do it.

Its pretty expensive, but you get a lot of help and support for your money, and the results seem very good. It might just be the kind of help you need to make the right permanent changes, worth a look anyway, just google lighter life and you will find the website.

On their forum, a lot of people seem to say that they struggle to get through all the meal replacements, so doesnt sound as if they go hungry or crave other food.

There are other replacement diets around of course, cambridge being one which seems very succesful, but im impressed with how Lighter Life seem to tackle the root cause.

 

[Hope123]

@rachellee
I can relate with some of the things you are saying, you want it so bad but you still eat your favourite junk foods...then you give up completly. But what I always say when I fail is "Every Failure is a lesson learn't," Stay strong.

 

[rachellee]

Hi gals
Thanks so much for the head up! SOrry for such a late reply, I've just moved house and my internet has yet to be activated.
I think I have a really unhealthy relationship and dependency on food. Like an addiction. I need food to soothe my anxiety.

have been trying to find an alternative outlet to food for dealing with my anxiety.

Does anyone know the difference between lighter life and cambridge diet? I'm ambivating between the two.=)

 

[rachellee]

Oh man..it's hard....
This is day 3 of my healthy eating plan.
I'm grouchy and listless and have a lack of energy.But it's not as if I've eaten very little.
I do hope that these negative feelings with pass.
i HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF: that the anguish and pain from bingeing way outweighs the temporary discomfort from eating less!

thank goodness for minimins....

 

[rachellee]

God. please help me. I don't want to be in this anguish.

seeing my cambridge counsellor tom.
Please take this pain away.

no more food dependency pls. no more bingeing pls. I love food. I hate food. I am addicted to food.

enough