Sophie's Slimming World and Cinema critiques!

Oooo not played Guitar Hero in months. I have it for the wii. I used to play it all the time at college. Managed to get 100% on Linkin Park 'What I've Done' on expert. Took me hours to do though and my housemate was about to kill me but the end lol. I can't play it as well now though. Can't even manage to play hard mode, which I used to be able to do on a lot of songs.
 
Hey- Expert! NICE! I got 100% on Expert for Rage Against the Machine 'Bulls on Parade' but it's a super easy one, just aches the fingers a lot as there are a lot of green to orange switches :p
I love that Linkin Park song, reminds me of being in the car with mum as she was obsessed with the little 'ch-ch-ch' noise before the first big loud bit kicks in, so she'd always whack the volume right up and then go "WOOOO!" after haha!

Felt fab to buy something nice in a MEDIUM!?! First time in my whole shopping experience ever I've fit into a Medium. I've been wearing L/XL since I was about 14 :/ I remember being 15 and wearing a size 18 *sigh* how sad is that? I've never EVER been able to clothes shop for nice things- all to change soon!
I know the Medium was a generous one, there's no way I'd fit into like a 14/16 yet like Medium probably implies, but it still felt good- needed that boost after all this STS crap.

I feel REALLY great about managing two red days when I thought there would be interferences that made them EE. I plan on another Red day tomorrow- am meeting a friend in the eve for drinks but that shouldn't interfere and I'll probably stick to diet cokes like tonight. I've been a bit more regular recently so I think the Red days have helped unclog me a bit. Also (TMI warning, this is totally gross, look away from the grey sentence ahead if you don't wanna know, lol) I've been quite gassey today and it smells REALLY like Asparagus... BUT I HAVEN'T HAD ASPARAGUS IN WEEKS!? LOL.

I felt MASSIVELY inspired on the long journey home today and I wrote about a chapter of my new novel (which I've still be struggling to get going, weird things holding me back mentally) which I scribbled in the back of American Psycho as I had no paper (but had lots of stolen (free) ikea pencils, hehehehehe) and 3 things that happened on the way home inspired the chapter including this pretty hot Irish guy trying to chat me up in the stupidest way ever (he literally started the conversation with "Excuse me... Hey, you with the book. I read that... Can't believe he dies in the end." and then "Just kidding. What book is it?" and then went on to explain how the film American Psycho was **** and "2 hours I'll never get back." and THEN started to hit on me, lol!? Reminded me a tiny bit of my ex who used to put people down before complimenting them.

So yeah, I wrote down stuff based on the tube ride- I felt like I was on drugs, everything (mundane) was exciting and inspiring and I sculpted it into interesting parts of the chapter- lol!
When I got to the bus stop there was a hugggeeee tree covered in pink and white blossom and it was perfectly illuminated in a really weird way by the bus stop- which had a poster missing so was just a big bright light at it in a dramatic way. I took a dozen shots on my film camera, which I've just recently cracked out again, and it really inspired me :D I want to go back and have a photoshoot under it with a model shooting up at the cherry blossom illuminated like that! Hope the pics come out OK, had a slow film (200 ISO) in the camera so had to shoot at 1/8th of a second shutter speed (wide open at f/1.7) which means if I moved in the slightest the whole shot will have motion blur... But I took enough shots for at least some to come out hopefully! It's really rare for me to take more than 2 or 3 shots on film of one subject though- usually I really savour each film shot but this was so inspiring and I got loads of different angles and such!
FEELS SO GOOD TO BE INSPIRED.
I think it was partly from socialising, it had been way too long since I did something social and chilled without Gerard, it was really nice to have a girls night. I'm seeing a friend tomorrow, a friend on Tues and on Thurs- suddenly got in contact with a load of people this week and arranged meet ups and am glad I did :D
x
 
Hey girlie, awesome news about the GAP dresses. Sometimes I feel better about NSV's than I do about actual lb loss.
That's really great about getting out and socialising, I can totally relate to not seeing people without the bf in tow because I often tend to put spending time with hubs before my mates. I never used to do that but I think because of shift work our time together feels more precious.
 
Summer86 said:
Hey girlie, awesome news about the GAP dresses. Sometimes I feel better about NSV's than I do about actual lb loss.
That's really great about getting out and socialising, I can totally relate to not seeing people without the bf in tow because I often tend to put spending time with hubs before my mates. I never used to do that but I think because of shift work our time together feels more precious.
Click to expand...


Thanks hun!

Ah, it's the opposite here. I drag him out because otherwise he has no reason to leave the house :/ I feel guilty so usually bring him along but don't like him being there.

I'm literally out and about socialising every day this week now- Weds too and two seperate people on Thurs- ha, yay!
Feeling good about 3 Red days in a row, hoping it pays off for Mon WI.
x
 
RED, yo.
_______

B: banana + kiwi chopped into yoghurt
L: defrosted soup, full of speed foods, with a small leftover hamburger in HexB1 bun with HexA1 (1/2) cheese + ketchup (1) and side salad
D: Cheesy scrambled eggs (HexA2) with a stir fry of onion, courgette and bacon in wozzy sauce with a bit of sweetner to caramelise and balsamic vinegar. No ketchup- BOOM.

Snacks: Apple, Velvet Crunch (4), wholmeal roll (HexB) with cheese (1/2 hexA1) and pickle (1)
Drinks: 2x Green tea, 2L NAS Squash

Syns: 6
_______

Managed a fully Red weekend :D yay! Fri, Sat and Sun! BBQ at dad's tomorrow so might have another but might go EE as then I can have corn on the cob and stuff. Family still don't know I'm on SW and I might tell them... but might not. Scary. But they have got some chicken for the BBQ and always have a salad option so will have those and probably stay away from the sausages. I just looked up beef burger syns and it's around 6 each so might take a wholemeal roll and have one :) would be totally cool if I can swing it as another Red day but have a feeling it'll be EE.

Was so inspired last night by the blossom weirdly lit by the bus stop that instead of going for drinks with my friend I invited her over so we could go there and take pictures (she's modelled for me before!) which was fun!

Tummy feels a bit bloated again today, grr. Hoping for good WI, PLEASEEE?! Gimmie a moral boost, scales! I've been good! :rolleyes:
x
 
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Sounds like you're doing really well at the moment mate! Would be interesting to see some of the shots you've taken of the bus stop tree :D
Well done on resisting the Pringles and stuff, it's so bloody hard.
And it sounds really good to get away from G for a bit. Not in a mean way, but to give each other some space and do stuff without one another always being there. Really does help :)

Get you with all the socialising planned!

Lots of luck for WI. Hope it's a good one for you.xx
 
WI sucked- half a pound off (right direction, blah blah, but after all the Red days and crap WI's I hoped for something good!!)
So that means I've lost half a pound in 2 weeks or something? ARGH.

I'm looking forward to some more girl time after Sat which was lovely, but today we had a really nice day together at my dad's- had a BBQ and played Rounders (I hit the ball so hard/far that the bat broke- lol!) and then we all went in the pool and had a laugh for at least an hour. It was nice family+BF time :)

BBQ: EE
______

B: Banana, blueberries, yoghurt
L: 1.5 BBQ's burgers (6 syns each = 9 syns), in HexB wholmeal roll with 1/2 HexA cheese 3 mini chorizo bite sausage things (3 syns each = 9), salad with tsp garlic mayo (1), 2 chicken thighs (without skin - free) and ketchup (2)
D: Syn free but after Red lunch decided to swing it to EE- Pasta with onions, some shredded bacon, reduced fat cheese (other half HexA)
Snacks: 2 apples, 2 muller lights
Drinks: 1L squash, diet coke

Syns: 21, oops!
Exercise- 2 hours of very active rounders and swimming/being a climbing frame in the pool to my little sisters :p
______

Sigh. Feeling a bit pooey about WI/Red days. Am going to have a relaxed (low syn) Green day tomorrow methinks, enjoy some potato pancake comfort and pasta.

Here are a couple of pics from the blossom night shoot yesterday :)

1IMG_4404 koi.jpg1IMG_4459 koi.jpg
 
Thanks Lil'Hip! Good luck with your WI. X
 
Wow mate! Those photo's are stunning. The tree is so beautiful!! They're amazing :)

Oh no, totally sucks about the half a pound off. I know you're really disappointed, I certainly would be after all those red days!! It makes no sense :( x
 
Thanks Cheeky :)

Had a green day today but only the dinner was carby:
______

B: Blueberries, banana, yoghurt
L: Salad with spinach, rocket, tomatoes, cucumber, 1 syn for dressing
D: Potato pancake (potato, onion, carrot, 2 eggs, olive oil HexB) with some pasta and a side salad as well as some caramelised onions and a chicken frankfurter (3.5) chopped in, + Ketchup (2 syns) and HexAx2 cheese - realised I could have had this (minus pasta)on a Red day too, counting the Potato as the other HexB, but I wanted a Chewy D at the cinema so decided to call it green and have pasta too :p

Snacks: ChewyD (hexB2), muller, activia, half an apple
Drinks: 1.5 green teas (love the lemon ones, perhaps even more than my fave of the exotically flavoured ones), 1.5L squash, one Lilt Zero

Syns: 6.5
______

Had a huge BPD outburst last night, went psychotic and started screaming at Gerard, saying the most hurtful things ever, telling him to pack his sh*t and leave, knocking his confidence with photography, just... utter B*tch zone, and pretty much over nothing :( I've been so emotionally volatile recently and I feel terrible, but I have felt my Borderline Personality Disorder really creeping up on me recently, getting really bad again. Should probably start seeing my psychotherapist again but last time I saw him we had a pretty rough session that I was uncomfortable with, and it's not something I can really afford right now either. Sigh. I don't know what to do but this situation is unhealthy. Yesterday I felt like I was watching a film- like I had no control of what was coming out of my mouth, like I was inside watching someone else say all this stuff... just talking thoughts and not understanding what they were until they were said :( one of the things I went on about though is how I invited Gerard into every aspect of my life and he has taken over everything for me. My career, my creativity, my home, my bed, my social life, my family- everything 100% involves him and there is no space to breathe. It's not right! It's like he has BECOME *me*, taken over my life and pushed his away, and I feel like it's a lot for someone as independent as myself to have sacrificed.
Anyway, I'm at a bit of a loss of how to deal with this stuff but he's very patient with me. Even after I yelled all that stuff at him, he gave me space then came and cuddled me after. I just lash out and it isn't me, it's this borderline stuff just taking over me when it happens. I get so overwhelmed and I start attacking myself. Yesterday I was clawing myself until I had scratches all over my chest from my fingernails, previously I used to go mental and burn myself and black out and not remember anything- I would find out what happened through my Ex who I'd been messaging as it took over, or through diary entries- but it literally was this psychotic outburst... Often when I was alone and it was untriggered. And now I feel it coming back and it's scary :(
Gerard has been going out for shoots on his own, giving me space, but it isn't helping.

Awkward. I needed to get this sh*t out (don't have a personal diary anymore) but hope anyone who reads this knows they don't have to try and help or feel sorry for me, I just... Needed to get it out, you know? I'll probably feel quite embarrassed about writing this by the morning.
 
No need to be embarrassed, mental health is something which really shouldn't be a taboo subject but still is in this day and age. I don't know a lot about personality disorders but have experienced friends and family with a variety of mental health issues from schizophrenia to depression. I don't feel the need to help or feel sorry for you but if my own experience has taught me anything it's that you need to get some help before you drive people away. I know therapists are expensive but put this need first. Good luck and please don't apologise for writing what you feel.
 
Thanks Summer :)
My psychotherapist actually gives me half price sessions but part of me thinks it's not really worth it; I never felt better from seeing him- and he was great! But I usually felt pretty **** after talking about my problems for an hour, it would drain me for the rest of the day and didn't really feel productive.

Sigh, think I balls'd up tomorrow's WI by having a huge synful meal out tonight. I saw some girl friends I hadn't seen in ages and it was really great to catch up! We were talking for 4 hours at a bar- I sipped my squash while they had yummy fruity ciders and I watched them eat a plate of chips without even having one!

But then at 8pm I got hungry and we went to a Mexican place; I looked up syns on the 'net and saw that a Chicken Enchilada was listed as 22 syns, so decided to go for that. I recon I could even take 5 syns off that technically because I hadn't had my HexA for cheese, but I wont do :p but anyway- the wrap part was probably 9 syns or something? And then the rest was just for oil and cheese so I recon it was maybe nearer 17 once I'd deducted the HexA, so might not screw me up tomorrow? I don't know. More the point was that I was really full and probably shouldn't have had all of it. I managed to avoid the sour cream and guac though- best bits! But I know how high syn guacamole is!
The sad part was I didn't properly enjoy it, it didn't taste that great, but I was really hungry! I had the side of rice/beans that came with it too, probably some oil there too but it wasn't oily, tasted a bit like the uncle bens pouches so maybe 1 syn in there (uncle bens Mexican express rice is 2.5 syns for three times the amount).

EE:
______

B: Banana
Brunch: Potato pancake (made it carrot based rather than potato- used one very small potato, one fairly big carrot, two onions and two eggs, hexB Olive Oil) with scrambled eggs and a frankfurter (2.5) - didn't like it so much with carrot as the main ingredient and it didn't cook as well with so much onion pulp as it was too wet. +2 for ketchup.
D: Chicken Enchillada (22 possibly -5 for cheese as HexA) with mexican rice and beans (1)
Snacks: Apple
Drinks: 1L NAS squash, green tea

Syns: 27 (or possibly 22) eek!
I had 8.5 saved syns yesterday but had a synful BBQ the day before- am about 5 syns over what I should have had this week so far, so will be good tomorrow! Just goes to show... If I actually had a social life this past 6 months on SW, I'd probably have found it much harder!
_______

Not hopeful for the scales tomorrow, lol. Might start just weighing once a week as my excitement for WI's isn't high right now!

Talked to my friends today about maybe going to Portugal together, possibly in June! Nadia is from there and she and Tina (her girlfriend) go there to visit family for a week and a half but aren't near the coast- I said that we should time it to go to my dad's villa out in the Algarve after some time and they were really up for it. I'd love to have a friends holiday- haven't had one since I was like 18 and that was with a person I half despised in tow!
Would love to have some beach/pool time with a couple of friends and Gerard for a week, really craving a holiday... But we're going to Florida at the start of July!
I think in Portugal it would be fairly easy to stick to plan as we'd be trying to do things as cheap as possible anyway, so would probably make most of our own food at the villa. The beach area restaurants aren't sort of greasy ones- places I could order grilled things or salads pretty safely.

Spoke to my Ex for a while on Skype IM last night, was kinda weird after though because the convo ended on a half sour note and made me feel a bit weird. Then I read the most disgusting chapter of American Psycho and it made me feel quite sick with the two combined! I love that book, it is really a favourite of mine, but the gore scenes are too much even for me! The humour is incredible though :D I've nearly finished it now. Feels nice to be reading a lot again- guess I needed a book I actually enjoyed to get stuck into!

x
 
ST-bloody-S :p though looked closer at Wii chart and actually looks like I lost a pound on Monday, not 1/2...! And I guess when adding that to the pound I lost on Thurs (that I gained on that Mon) I technically lost 2lbs last week... even if one was just chipping off a gain. So that's made me feel a bit better :) I'm now at 17st 7lbs, so I'm 3 pounds away from 3 stone award!

Still NO-ONE has mentioned that I look any different though *sigh* but I am very happy about my new dresses and that NSV.

I measured myself recently and have lost 2cms off my arm width (2.5cm = 1 inch) since 31/Jan (the rest are from 8/Jan as I forgot to do my arms then), 6cm (2.3inch) off my hips, 2cm off my thigh, 15cm/6inch off my stomach :O WHAT? half a foot? and 5cm/2inch off of my waist. Sweet!
 
Nice losses there in measurements.
 
Thanks Ally! Confirms that the change is physical as well as numerical, even if there isn't a difference I can see.

I just made extra lean turkey meatballs- using half a hexB for breadcrumbs, a grated apple and a sachet of ikea meatballs sauce. I looked up the sauce and the calories per tablespoon of powder (1/4 cup of made sauce) is 30cal! So the whole sachet is 60cal! I made the sauce with SS milk (hexA) instead of cream. Some of the meatballs sort of fell apart and it looke like vomit, but taste really good :p 1.5 syns- awesome! Def will make it again.

My friend bailed on me today (seems to be a reccurring theme) but seeing the one who bailed on Tues, tomorrow.
 
Red day:
________

B: Nat FF yoghurt, banana, blueberries, splenda
L: Homemade extra lean mince turkey meatballs in ikea meatball sauce (1.5 syns for half the packet, HexA for milk) with an onion chopped into them and HexB wholemeal breadcrumbs, sugar snap peas and spinach on the side. NOM!
D: Leftover mix from lunch but made into more of a burger, with asparagus, sugar snap peas, cherry tomatoes and some spinach, also a tiny bit of ketchup (+1) and a dash of low fat balsamic vinaigrette (.5)
Snacks: 4 crab sticks, HexB ChewyD, 3x activia 0%, 2 small bananas (was v. hungry before lunch!), 1 mikado (.5)
Drinks: 3L NAS squash, 3 green teas

Syns: 3.5
________

Man, def going to get some more extra lean turkey mince- loved the recipe for meatballs today: BBC - Food - Recipes : Turkey meatballs with spaghetti and tomato sauce (substituted Ikea sachet sauce for that tomato one though) - Not the most presentable meatballs, I must add, but they were super yummy.

We've got ex Lean minced beef and some salmon in the fridge so hopefully make a nice Red day or two with them :) felt quite snacky today but the meals were really yummy and I didn't crave carbs.
I want to try these soon! Bacon Jalapeno Pepper Chicken Bites Recipe - Allrecipes.com mmm!
 
Just updated my ticker and I'm 1 pound off of the 40% mark! I decided my target was exactly 100lbs when I made my ticker.

I'm really, really looking forward to getting the 3 stone award, just 3 pounds away! I feel positive even after another shoddy WI today, I think my measurements perked me up.
x
 
Well done on the inch losses! That's amazing. I wish I'd have done that when I started SW. Clothes sizes help, but obv takes a while to drop sizes!!! But you've done amazingly.

As for the mental illness side of things, I feel for you SO much. And it is nothing to be ashamed of at all. Gerard sounds like a very good guy being so patient and all :)

Sounds like you had a nice night with your friends too. Just think if you'd have caved in to alcohol and chips as well as a meal! You did very very well just having the main meal and it is quite an achievement. Better than I would have done ..... I had a 3 course Mexican yday ;)

Hope you're doing ok today.xx
 
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