Sophie's Slimming World and Cinema critiques!

Feel so crappy right now :( gained a 1lb this morning- what?! After a good Red day and a fast day!? Surely this can't just be from that one kebab on Monday :/ so that's nearly 1.5lbs on this week- fkjerrlfjhfkejrf!
Definitely not due on, the only thing I can think to excuse it (other than slight constipation, I need to go but can't... took a senekot to hopefully sort this out) is that my muscles are really sore and achey from the exercise on Tuesday, and my few sets of strength training yesterday kinda revoked the pain to the same threshold this morning. This thread has made me desperately hope this is just the case: Sore muscles and weight gain | MyFitnessPal.com

I feel SO damn bummed though. Luckily, instead of turning to junk my first instinct this time is to try harder and I really want to fit another fast day or just 100% Red day in since I'm going to be drinking tomorrow...

I also think I feel a bit down because of the 5HTP; it's a very safe AD which I've been on and off (you have to take breaks) for 6 months, you can kinda take it in whatever way you like as long as no more than 3 a day (I'm starting with just 1 a day as you build tolerance through the cycle of it), but I think taking it before bed works better because the seretonin release throughout the night helps you be pepped by the morning. I've been taking it in the morning as it worked the other day, but I'm waking up with a bit of a 'come down' which you get for a day or so when you stop taking it, and it takes a couple of hours to remove that once taking it. I think I'll go back to taking it at night now, is more efficient for helping sleep that way too.

I was going to go into town a couple of hours ahead of G to go to the massive Oxford Street Top Shop and New Look before we went to do Waterstones research (and later meet my India crew to do the same) via a big carby lunch at Misato, but now I just... ugh... I just feel so drained and achy, definitely not in the mood to go clothes shopping. I'm hoping things will improve as the seretonin release kicks in.
It's such a nice day though, the sun is out again- Spring is here! I might just sunbathe on my bed and do some writing. I definitely am not in the mood to eat the big carby meal- I'd feel guilty to eat that after a gain. I know this is all silly to worry over but it just sucks that it's just as I've worked hard this week! I'll have my treat in booze form tomorrow, and try and be good today.
If this gain is down to what that article says, then... Well, I still want to keep exercising, which is good! Last time I had this issue I wanted to cut the exercise because the scale numbers were so important, but that's a shoddy way of looking at it. In fact, I think I'll even push through some exercise this morning to see if I can get some endorphins going ;) inches mean more to me than pounds so I have to keep that outlook right now!

Ok, sorry for all the long posts recently! Writing this has made me feel better though :)
 
Hey Sophie

Thanks for that response. I feel better knowing you know what you are doing, not that I am implying that you don't know what you are doing, but I needed to you know how I was concerned that you are doing a crazy weight loss plan and I wanted you to be safe...which I now know that you are.

Sorry to have come over all "big sister" on you then!! I was worried that you took it personally....

Sorry about the gain too. I don't know much about AD drugs, but it seems you are either on a high or on a low with them. How do you feel without taking them? Is it worse? Or do you think you are bummed because of the gain? Or is it the depression?

I really don't think one kebab would make you gain a 1lb, you have been doing loads of exercise and not eating much - perhaps (and I hate to sound like a broken record here) but perhaps it is the lack of cals / energy / food or whatever you want to call it, perhaps your body is going into starvation mode and hanging on to what it can, maybe the senakot will help, or maybe you need a bit of fibre/fat/oil in your system to shift it!

Why don't you have your big carby lunch (which I bet is still healthy, am I right?) and enjoy it.

It makes me sad to think that you and others on here can be so focussed and worried about losing weight that they are forgetting to live a little more. Is this weight loss thing taking over the majority of your thoughts? It should just be something you do, not something you are..... perhaps I am the wrong one here, perhaps I should think more about losing weight, maybe I take it too lightheartedly, maybe thats why I will never be a normal size for my height....but I am happy.. I spent too many years struggling with my looks and being alone and hating myself when I cheated or never lost on diets and I don't want to do that anymore. I want to weigh less, yes - I do. Do I want to do it safely? Hell yes. Do I want to stop cheating? YES!!!! All I want is to be content and I am. If I am 20 stone or if I am 5 stone. I want to be content and I want to be healthy, what the number says in the back of my knickers, is just a number.

I am not really sure what I am saying anymore here! I have gone off on a little tangent.. all I can say to you, which has been said before, is you are a very beautiful and very talented young lady. Maybe put the weight loss to the side of your thoughts and think about your happiness and what that really is.

Cheer up Cherub! xxxx
 
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Morning got sooo much better, I feel great now :) the seretonin is flowing again, phew. I also ordered myself a heart rate monitor watch- yaaay! Took me FOREVER of researching, but finally settled on the Polar FT60. I had already settled on the FT7 but I didn't really like the colours (LOL) especially as I want to wear it for most of my traveling- I found one for a tenner more than had more functions too but all of the same FT7 ones, then I found one up from that which was £20 more but I preferred how it looked AND it has GPS so I won't have to drain my phone GPS using map my walk while away- I got £7 off because I had an Ebay coupon for fitness stuff that expired soon, so in all I got a much better model than I set out to purchase earlier, for £13 more :D brand new but sadly will have to wait probably a week for it to arrive. So yeah, ordered the Polar FT60F which came to £73 with the coupon (Ouch! Biggest spend in a while, but feels like both a treat and a motivational device for my fitness!)

I decided to do a fast day and I also kicked ass and did a kettleworx work out- woohoo! 25 mins of quite intense cardio/strength work out, so feeling pumped about that :D

Thanks for being so big sister-y Charley :D you honestly do it in the sweetest way, no hard feelings at all!
I spent years and years not bothering with AD's and generally feeling sh*t; taking these gives me a much more positive outlook on life, gives me mental/emotional energy which used to be so low... It's just a shame I have to take breaks from them every 8 weeks, if it could be ongoing it would be great, but I have to break from them so my brain can remember how to produce it's own seretonin :rolleyes: in the breaks the first few days SUCK and then the rest of the gap is just the same as before... But I really do like how I feel on them. Right now I feel awesome- once they kicked in I got really motivated!
I dabbled with perscription AD's before when I was younger and hated it, I felt like a zombie and just indifferent about everything, I had no sex drive, I felt like they dampened my personality... G researched these ones and got them for me and I think once I get the right balance they can be great. I'm going to try some dopamine based AD's soon as G researched that often women with PCOS are short on dopamine; they seem to do similar things otherwise and again with no side effects other than feeling a bit crap when you stop taking them.

Yeah, the gain definitely wasn't the kebab, I'm almost certain it is from my aching muscles retaining water. When reading a book on the 5:2 diet it explained that starvation mode is a myth; people believe it without research and the term gets thrown around on here a lot, but starvation mode doesn't kick in until over 72hrs of 0 food, not just from reduced calories. Starvation mode also doesn't stop you losing weight at all! It just slows your metabolism SLIGHTLY. Muscle doesn't get eaten either, unless you are literally down to such a low body fat percentage that there is nothing else to rely on. There have been big studies on this and the general consensus is: you can't slow down weight loss by starving yourself, that literally doesn't make sense, hens why anorexic people get so skinny. I needed some convincing of this myself as I used to also think this! I used to tell everyone on here how if you don't eat breakfast your metabolism doesn't 'wake up' etc, but it just isnt true :eek: it's why I feel comfortable doing these 5:2 days, because the science behind them is that they are incredibly healthy for your body. Like animals, we were designed to hunt and to eat big meals once we've caught prey, then go possibly a couple of days eating very little until we catch again! So fasting actually is more natural for us than to eat constantly. It also gives our body the time to heal; when we eat and put energy into our body through food, we produce new blood cells. When we stop eating, we stop producing new cells and start healing old! Fasting is thus very good for the liver and has been proven to prevent certain cancers, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, etc! A lot of people do 5:2 as a way of life, not for weight loss but for health, as it also makes you live longer :D so yeah, that's why CheekyChinchilla and I always harp on about feeling proud to have done a fast day: it's more than just about weight loss or 'starving' ourselves, it's a detox and a very good thing for our bodies! It's amazing for the liver too apparently!

You have such a positive look on life- I aspire to have that sort of energy too! I definitely do think about weight loss too much, but it's actually a personality defect/trait rather than being obsessive about how I look; I get like this with everything, and I REALLY need something to focus on (constantly) where I can feel I am achieving something, or I fall into a bottomless pit of despair. If I am not advancing in my career (which I haven't at all in a couple of years) then I need something else to feel I am achieving with, so actually, losing weight has kinda saved me there :eek: I'm quite an obsessive personality too, but it's more to do with my depression and Borderline Personality Disorder.
When I joined SW it was actually supposed to just be an aid to the fact I was going to start going to the gym- which was an attempt to pull me out of a dark place where I wouldn't leave the house, had nothing to focus on, got pent up with agression a lot and would end up having fits where I'd smash things (yaaay) so I thought going to the gym would be a great output for the aggression, possibly help my depression (it's proven that exercise helps) and also as a bonus I'd hopefully lose some weight, which was something I'd NEVER tried before as I was ashamed to admit I was ashamed of my size (bit of a weird ego twist?) so I thought- if I'm going to exercise, it kinda goes hand in hand to diet too as I'll feel stupid burning calories and then eating pizza so counter productively...! But then I never bloody joined the gym LOL! The only gym in walking distance from me costs £100 a month (I sh*t you not!) and I don't drive and didn't want to have to spend £3 on return journeys with busses... So yeah, the gym thing fell through but meanwhile the SW thing took off! And I got the energy boost I needed through the productivity of learning about nutrition and working towards a goal :D SW and weight loss has REALLY changed my life, mentally and emotionally as well- not just because I feel better in myself, but because it's given me something to focus on! So in that sense I really don't mind getting obsessive over it... I have so little going on in my life for weeks at a time when freelancing work is slow, so I need something like this to push myself, to keep engaged in. Feels great to write all this down as it makes me realise just how much this 'journey' has saved me :eek: :D
I definitely feel best mentally when I'm pushing myself in some way- be it with workload or socially or whatever- so I think recently things slowed down for my losses as it became very routine... I've had to throw new elements in to keep myself on my toes... Sounds weird, but if I get used to something, it becomes routine- if it becomes routine, it becomes boring for me, LOL! Back to the shoddy attention span thing. So this also translates to: easy/comfortable eating routine = boredom = straying from the plan. Obviously not at all the case for everyone! But for me, if I get complacent because I'm finding something easy, I get bored! I really need challenges and competitiveness for EVERYTHING I do in life (I think this goes back to my ADHD- could I have made any more 'label' excuses for myself in this post? LOL) even if I am just being competitive against goals I've set for myself... So that's why I'm going at this with an extreme perspective, to keep myself interested really :O it'll never become an eating disorder because I don't have that negative view on my body anymore, I just need to push to get the last weight off, then find a stable maintenance plan when I find my ideal weight. Also, I tell allll this stuff to my mum, who was bulumic growing up so she'd spot an ED from a mile away, so rest assured ;) I like food waaay too much for that sh*t anyway!
I remember seeing people on here when I started at 20st who were already slim, already an ideal BMI (start weight ideal, I mean) and thinking "why the hell are they on here? They're slim!" being slim is something I've never experienced, and while I feel 'average' now, I don't really feel slim- my tummy is still a bulge of fat, I'm still in clothing considered large, I know when I go shopping in Japan the clothes wont fit because they're all tiny out there :rolleyes: etc. I am pushing myself now because I have a time limit of what I can achieve before I go away, and because with 3 work trips to the middle east in the next month will send the scales totally haywire, but when I get back from my travels (where I will NOT be counting syns/calories!) things will be different... probably obsessing over balancing out the huge gain :p today my +1 pushed me back into 'overweight' BMI, so I'd like to be as far away from that as possible before I go away so I won't fall back into it while out there... I really pushed myself last summer before my Florida trip and I remember how fab I felt out there having lost a stone the month before doing Red days only- really gave me a boost! I'm probably looking at no more than 6lbs loss if I'm good as gold for the next 5 weeks, but realistically with all the work trips it'll probably be like 3lbs or something :rolleyes: one can try though!

You're definitely right that I need to work on being happy as I am, etc... But at the same time, I need this weight loss malarky as a project to keep myself entertained LOL! I always get bored of projects and replace them with something new- eventually I'll go back to focusing on hopefully something creative to further my career, but my creativity has been so dead for years now, I need to give that a facelift before I can be passionate about it again (hopefully traveling will help, as I'll be so inspired by what I can photograph! London REALLY bores me..! I'm a nature fiend and it is so built up and industrial here...)

You are in so much a healthier state of mind than me, you really do seem like a well rounded person (I'm a total mess!) and I'm sure that you'll find the balance that suits you to lose the weight you want to. I aspire to that mentality of yours, but I don't think I'm quite ready to work on it just yet. I've come out of such a destructive place since starting this journey, I can't describe how much I've changed as a person this past year... I've had something to focus on, to achieve, have felt fulfilled by self improvement (physically- definitely need to address mentally next!), kinda pathetically because of my weight loss I have a new respect from my assh*le judgemental extended family, which removes a lot of the stress I used to have feeling like a failure to them, but also I'm 2.5 years into my first long term relationship so that has changed me heaps as well! I'm not all airy fairy in love sadly :p but because we live together, work together (or more so: NOT work together!) it really does feel like we're a retired couple who've been married for 20 years :p so yeah, I've learnt a lot about myself socially/emotionally through that too.

Wow, this post has been so reflective on so many different areas, haha! Thanks so much for such a thought provoking post ;) I know I'm quite stubborn with my ideas, but I'll be first to admit I'm a total head case and that no-one should ever listen to my advice LOL! I always have the best intentions when I do give advice on here, I want to help people, I really do, but my knowledge of weight loss isn't that reliable.
BTW- Please do add me on fb if you fancy it (same goes for any of you!) my url is fb.com/ and then my first name and the number 7 with no gaps (trying to be untraceable here hehe, really don't want searches for my fb page linking back to this diary!) or IG.com/ koi (like the fish) + so + photo with no gaps or plusses or bracketed words :p I have a few of you already and it's really lovely to be able to follow each other on a personal level, I do consider you all friends :D

Oh and guess what? My whole day got cancelled today as half the India crew could no longer make it and only the one I'm not that close to (read: film school rival who I'm a bit shifty with :p lol!) could make it, so we decided just to reschedule. I'm feeling pumped from exercising and might do some more soon but will take it easy if I feel weak from fasting. Did research about combining fasting with exercise and the general consensus is: if you feel OK doing it, then go for it.
I'm hoping that if I get into a routine of being strict with myself over the next few days (bar the drinking blow out tomorrow), by the time I go to Dubai (on either Tues or Weds) I'll be in the right mindset to stick to plan and not gain weight like the past few trips!

Anyway, essay over! :p x
 
I use map my run if I go for a jog but it cuts out. I just use it for timings to store info and spur me on with times getting better.

will most likely be the exercise that's made you gain then, that's happened to me in the past! My Zumba/metafit/kettlercise instructor (yes she does do everything lol!) said you have two muscles in your body which are large and expand when you exercise. So if you're doing a new exercise, that's gonna show on the scales. My cousin, who got to target before Christmas, was stressing out about putting weight on, then losing, then on, then losing so the instructor explained this to us. Really helped as I think when you're at target, you don't expect gains here and there so when they appear and you havnt even gone off plan, it really upsets you! My advice to my cousin was just to relax about being a maintainer to be honest, I said to have treats and because of all the exercise we do, we probably burn them off anyway so that's working for her now, she's not even gone out of target range yet. So anyway I guess what I'm saying is, don't give up on the exercise just because of a small gain, it all evens out in the end and the exercise is so much more important than a number on the scale :) x
 
Yo dude!
I did read all that, but I'm off to bed, so quick reply :)

Whatever you think about yourself, you're not a total head case or a lost cause or whatever. You've had some awful sh*t happen in your life and you've had your issues. But you're awesome and you deal with things. And look at all you've achieved! The weight loss is obv incredible, but how about your career? I know you feel like it's stagnant atm, but none of my arty type friends ever made a job out of their skills! No one I know gets paid to travel to the likes of Dubai and do super expensive shoots and stuff.
You have a lot going for you and you are indeed awesome :)

I feel the same on the ad's as you did, mostly numb and a bit cut off from everything, but I do believe they probably saved my life :eek: I would love to come off them one day, but we'll see. So if these pills G found you are working for you then absolutely super!! I think it's fantastic :)

Your Polar gadget sounds dead cool ;) Very jealous! I do like gadgets and I would like to track what I do more carefully. I'm pretty competitive with myself lol.

I'm pretty sure I saw some of my stuff in your speech about fasting that I may have influenced ;) And I totally agree with you! Fast days are awesome and if the science and research is right, then yes, incredibly healthy for us. Doing ourselves a HUGE favour whilst having the nice side effect of some weight loss :) And I don't believe for a second it's about starving ourselves. I mean, look at what we both manage to eat on a fast day? It's about being smart and working out just what you can get out of it :)
Tomorrow I'm taking a leaf out of your book and having porridge for lunch instead of soup. Thought I'd give it a go seen as it helps you on your fast days so much! I just assumed it would be quite high in calories like other cereals and carbs. So cheers for that dude!

Glad you're feeling better and cheerier and all that shiz.
Lotsa love.xx
 
Hey guys! Phwoar, can't believe anyone read all that haha!

Rochelle- I def want to persevere with the exercise! I really want to at least slightly up my fitness levels before we go traveling, so that I'm not huffing and puffing too much while hiking/backpacking... But also the inches are way more important to me than the pounds at this point- I really want to tone up the flab so if I can get my head around the gain aspect, but know I'm slimming down the inches, then I'm happy with that! I hadn't done this sort of exercise in months so I think it probably was just shock to the system; my calves are killing me, can hardly walk down stairs, huuurts!

I'm really glad I pushed through a kettleworx today! I've done at least a bit of exercise every day this week, that feels fab :) even if just the arms routine, I've made an effort to do SOMETHING each day and I'm hoping I can keep that up most days.

Cheeky - Thanks for the lovely words! My Dubai stuff was just a fluke that I got in with that company, it's quite irregular and pretty much stops between June and November when it gets too hot in the Middle East, so it's not really enough to live by. I could be doing so much better if I had the motivation to expand more, but I just don't have the energy to do something I don't want to that will screw with my creative levels- I so easily go off filming if I'm doing stuff I don't like and then I get very negative about it and start fearing shoots and stuff *sigh!*
Re: Porridge - most porridge seems to be higher cals, but the plain oats so simple sachets are 100cal (or 109 or something). The porridge pots and various other measurable stuff all seems higher cal, probably down to portion size though. I'm sure you'll check the portion size/cal ratio before you eat though ;)

Fast day went well today; exercise and the 5HTP satiated my appetite for a while. For fasting they suggest putting food off as long as possible because once you have had something you start to crave more, so I let myself go hungry for a while, though without a big appetite and drinking lots of tea, then at 7pm (!) had my microwave dinner which was a 280cal bangers 'n (swede) mash dish with a side of salad; after this I started getting an appetite as anticipated ;) so had a bowl of cereal and some chocolate later. I didn't need the calories for food as I'd put food off so long, so was happy to kill my choc craving with them instead :D

Fast day/600cal:
______
Mini marshmallows = 20cal

Sausage/mash micro meal = 260cal
Iceberg = 10cal
Fat Free Dressing = 8cal
Squash = 25cal
Splenda in teas = 25cal
Milk in teas = 60cal
Salmon (just a bite, about 1/5th of a fillet) = 50cal
Small bowl of puffed honey oat cereal = 80cal (20g)
Almond milk = 20cal
Maple syrup = 15cal
Mini pack choc buttons = 75cal

Total: 600 calories
______

Today was the easiest fast day I've done so far; I think distracting myself, exercise and putting off food as long as possible really made it easier. Also having these warming ready made meals are really great- recently I've gotten hysterical while trying to count half cups of veg etc and calculate all the calories while cooking while really hungry!
To be honest, I'm wondering why there isn't a 'diet chef' like thing for 5:2 where they send you your 600cal day of food all ready measured, to take that hassle off your hands (or would be really cool if there was a system where you could select how to spend your calories from ready measured options/plans on their site and then they send you the packages of everything nicely measured out!) I hereby copyright this idea ;) haha.

Clubbing tomorrow, my friend Sol is coming, not sure if G will come or not as he's not been well for weeks and is still very low energy, would be a 3am/4am night and he hates clubs... He wants to come to 'escort me' but I'd rather just go with friends as G just stands there awkwardly not able to converse in the loud clubbing environment (he doesn't know the people well at all) and I end up feeling guilty so not socialising much with them so as to keep him company... Ends up defying the whole point of going :rolleyes:
I'll be drinking enough tomorrow to make up for all the calories I saved on today LOL. Also, call me obsessive but I'm totally re-weighing tomorrow morning, I want to know when I'm dancing that I'm 'ideal' and not 'overweight' so am hoping a pound of water gain is back off LOL. I probably have more water retention from the kettleworx today though as that was way more vigorus than the stuff I did the other day, doh! Silly to re-weigh, I know... I haven't even pooped yet still :S
And on that lovely note... ;) g'night x
 
Sophie

What an open and honest and beautifully written post, I hope you didn't feel you needed to share all that because of me and my big gob?!

I will start with the depression. I understand it, my best friend suffers and my nan was a manic depressive, I wrote about this in someone else's post recently, but I recall many times over the first 15 years of my life visiting my nan in the psychiatric hospital and witnessing what mental illness was really all about. My friend suffers with depression and BDD - she is gorgeous, but no amount of me or anyone else telling her that will change the way she thinks. It's the chemical imbalance that I don't have but she and you and millions of other people do. It's an invisible illness and it comes in many many forms. I know this much, but that's as far as my understanding of it goes because I don't have it. It's like someone with a bad back, I can sympathise and I can imagine the pain they are in but I can't quite grasp the pain, because I haven't got that bad back..it's not to say I will never have a bad back tho. It's the same with depression. I can sympathise, but I can't quite empathise. My friend says she looks in the mirror and picks herself apart and wants to break the mirror, she will pick and things that aren't there. She is obsessed with mirrors and will do the same in the next mirror and will carry that hatred with her for days - me, I have body confidence issues, but it doesn't rule my life - I hate looking in mirrors!!!! But I am still ok because I see my life as happy, I think of others less fortunate than me and i can put perspective into everything, which is what my friend can't do. Thankfully her BDD isn't there much now, she is happy in a relationship and is now pregnant, after a big depressive hit just before Christmas, she is, at the moment in a happy place.

I can understand your personality, needing the weight loss exercise thing to take your mind off other things and now your mind is totally set on this goal. It's dedication personified!!!

I know 5:2 is purported to be healthy for you and I honestly hadn't read up on it so your info about makes me understand the process of it a little more. I do want similar things to happen in my diet, not so much the weight loss aspect but the long term physical benefits.... but I can't quite grasp that not eating much for 20% percent of the time would achieve this, but that's only my opinion, maybe I am being ignorant towards trying something new and radical, I am of the old stock who thinks that a healthy balanced diet with all food groups and leaning towards those foods with nutrients for old age illnesses like bones, arthritis, dementia and cancers can be cured or at least eased by regularly consuming the right kind of foods. Surely fasting for 20% of the time means you may not be giving your body the vitamins it needs??

Although saying that, I think it all depends HOW you actually use the 5:2. I have seen your fast days and you do make some amazing foods on 600cals!! You manage to stretch your meals really far...And on your non-fast days you don't go crazy, you just go back to normal eating - but this girl at work does it and she doesn't eat all day long and has an evening meal and then pigs out the next day- to me, that is crazy. But then she is one of those girls who next week will be on the Dukan diet, and then the week after that will be on the juice diet ... The girl is a size 10!!!

Sophie, you have done a fantastic job in losing your weight, you have a great head on your shoulders and you are doing really well in life, despite how you may think sometimes, so don't be too hard on yourself. You seems to be in a good relationship, ok, it's not without it's frustrations, but then what relationship is? I don't think I could spend as much time with Mick as you do with G, and not go stir crazy!!

And so what you are like a 20 year old couple? We are too, there are no secrets or surprises with us, no airs and graces. Mick is like my most comfortable pair of slippers, he is reliable, kind, funny and warm - ok, so slippers aren't generally know for their humorous qualities, but you get my analogy!!! That's how I want to be with my relationship, open and content. A friend is what I need, not someone I feel I have to impress constantly.

Lastly I would love to befriend you on FB but I don't get your 'coding'!! I will pm you my email address and you can find me that way!

Xxx
 
Rochelle- Kettleworx probably is the same sort of thing; they factor in running in circles around the kettlebell, push ups and other things that don't need the kettlebell too, but it's mainly swinging the weight around and such. I don't feel it in my tummy as much as my legs- it ends up being about 15 mins of squats throughout the work out (while using the bell on the arms!)

Charley- I'm quite an open book on here so don't worry, I didn't over-share to defend myself or anything :D it was actually quite enlightening to write about that stuff I'd forgotten about.
BDD sounds awful... I can imagine it being similar to phobias in that you know it's irrational but you just can't talk yourself out of that with logic.
I have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) which involves black and white mood swings (a bit like bi-polar) and bouts of various self destruction and pushing close people away in hurtful ways and then suddenly switching from aggressive to manically sad. Lots of tunnel vision depression where nothing feels like it'll ever get better, I've even experienced times where I've blacked out and woken up unsure of what I've done, usually destructive things. It got really bad one summer and my instinct was to run away, so I was going to move to the Netherlands to start afresh and study; but then it fell through and I met G and his support has helped me a lot.

I can understand why anyone would be skeptical about 5:2, and I definitely think just a balanced diet is, in the long run, most realistic to stick to etc. Statistics show that 5:2 followers don't counter-act the fast days by over eating too badly on the other days, but I definitely wake up the next day feeling like I want nosh, big hearty meals etc because of being deprived, yet I find once I've had a decent hearty SW meal that the urgency goes away. My cousin does 5:2 and as she explained it all to me she was stuffing herself with crisps and stuff at a party buffet- she loses 1/2 a pound a week notoriously and eats whatever on the other days, but she's still quite overweight so clearly hasn't got a great balance going there!
For me, 5:2 is a way of challenging myself, learning about my body and dropping this fear of hunger I used to have... I used to eat loads when not hungry because I wasn't sure when my next meal would be- even on SW! Because the idea of being hungry literally scared me! But now I know that hunger in the short term isn't really a big deal- sure, my energy will wane a bit, but if I have to delay a meal a few hours it is actually OK!
Also I wanted to play with options for when I'm maintaining as I wont be sticking 100% to SW with extra Hex's, I'll be allowing myself treats and it would be good if I could do one fast day a week and a few SW days a week and then eat treats as I wanted either side of that and maintain... I'd like to explore these options before I get to that stage and see what works for me, and if one fast day a week can give me that balance I need then it might just be great!

As cavemen we weren't expecting of 3 huge meals a day as we currently eat though, fasting is actually in our nature, so I don't really see the 20% reduction of calories as a bad thing in that sense- it's western civilisation that has promoted the way we look at food, meals, etc, but going back to animal instinct there would be days we'd feast and days between kills where we'd eat berries and plants.

Stuff with G is pretty good at the mo- there was a bad patch but then we went to Paris, had a busy busy xmas and now are planning travels which is keeping us excited! The stagmant lifestyle and being together 24/7 is totally crap, but we manage :p when we're back from travels things will have to change as G's savings will be low, so we'll have to crack on with getting proper jobs or business coming in! It's going to be quite a whirlwind year ahead compared to the past 2 years of slow pace methinks! Kinda scary and exciting at the same time ;)
I guess what I meant by retired couple who've been married 20 years is just that we've spent so much time together in our lack of proper jobs etc, that it really does feel like our relationship is much more aged than most at our stage! But yeah, comfy is nice within a relationship, 90% of my qualms within the relationship are to do with the stagnant lifestyle thing; situational more than anything.

Haha sorry about my coding! Basically (for others) if you type in www. facebook .com in your browser, then after the slash add 'sophie' and the number '7' without any gaps. I'm silly for decoding it so, but does make me nervous that my ex or a potential employer or something might find this page while doing an easy search of my fb link or something! hehe
 
Today has been interesting- decided not to re-weigh in (silly idea anyway) and let myself have an off plan meal at Harvester ;)
I had a chicken breast burger with cheese and pineapple- mmm! So good :D I hadn't had a burger out since a happy meal in Sweden last June! It was 600cal + I added JD sauce which is another 120cal, I asked for boiled green beans on the side instead of fries and I had salad bar too. Basically- the chicken was just grilled breast, the cheese was HexA and the bun and sauce were the only synnable things, so it probably wasn't that off plan after all! Maybe 10 syns (200cal) for the bun; the menu said the cheese was 75cal and the chicken was the same as the simple chicken option which is 260cal, I didn't realise it came with a mayo based burger sauce but I scraped that out so bet that would account for the other 60cal or so and the rest for the ring of pineapple. Not bad, right? *shifty eyes* haha
We did then share a toffee sundae after ;) 14 syns but I only had 1/3rd so 4.5 syns. YUM!

So yeah, was a really nice meal and felt good to have a reward after doing a week of Alternate Day Fasting and exercise. However... I am supposed to be out drinking later so suddenly that reward gets bulked up by a LOT of syns for booze :p I'm not actually sure if I'll go though as I didn't sleep great and feel pretty zonked today... Will see.

We saw Her in the cinema- absolutely loved it!! 8.5/10 in my eyes. It's the only Oscar nom I've really enjoyed so far- so creative and moving and beautifully shot too. It's about a quite sensitive, sweet guy who falls in love with his intuitive operating system (voiced by Scarlett Johannson who did a great job!); having fallen in love through the internet before I could really related to things, but it was SUPERBLY acted, had a great range of female characters that were all properly developed (Amy Adams was just lovely and so fresh and natural in the roll... she's quite charming! Rooney Mara beautiful as ever too) and they really created a great futuristic element to it- I can imagine our world being that way in 10-15 years, it was all very believable but exciting technology and the video games he plays in it are awesome/hilarious! It was just all really well thought out and the story worked great, the emotional journey, everything was lovely :) I highly recommend it!
 
WOW, I have soooo much to catch up on!!

First of all completely agree with all you said about Dallas Buyers. I did enjoy it but it seemed waaay too long and a bit dull in places, I kept looking at my phone for the time! Alas I'm one of those people who went completely nuts for Wolf of Wall Street! I went in expecting nothing and was completely blown away by it, soo much fun. And although it was a long I was so engrossed it just flew by. Guess we'll have to agree to disagree on that one ;)

Looking forward to finding out the Oscar winners on Sunday, but like you I wasn't fussed with most of them - Gravity, Capt. Philips and Wolf were my faves but I didn't really care for American Hustle (though I love Jennifer Lawrence). I haven't seen Philomena or Blue Jasmine either, but they don't strike me as the kind of thing I'd enjoy. Wish I didn't have to work on Monday so I could stay up and watch it.

Jabs sounded bloody horrific, poor you! I'm quite lucky as not normally too bad with needles, but I used to have panic attacks and know how horrific they are. At least now it's all over with and you can just look forward to your amazing travels!

Agree completely about the off week, I notices quite a few people having them when I came back tail between my legs after a choccy filled weekend. I think you're right with the time of year. The weather is dull and horrible, it's freezing, summer seems forever away and there isn't a lot to get excited about at the moment. It must impact our moods and how we feel about weight loss, even if we don't realise it. I know I can go from being super motivated one day to wanting a carby EE fest the next! Must be so tough when you're so close to goal as I can imagine the temptation is ever present to loosen the reigns a bit.

I feel your pain with the running, I haven't tried it for years but I used to have the same thing at school in PE. When they made us run I could literally not breathe after and tasted blood at the back of my throat, horrible, and I haven't got asthma! Good on ya for giving it a try though, I'm tempted to go for it again when I'm lighter, but I expect it'll be the same story for me too.

Whaaat @ 1.5lb gain this week! Soo annoying, especially when you've been good. Hopefully you've just had some extra salt or something and its retained water (salt in the kebab maybe?). I'm sure you'll get it off for next WI. It's great your reaction was to try harder though, I just felt worse for turning to the bad stuff last week and set myself back further!

Ooh I'm finally all up to date. Harvester meal sounded yummy, glad you liked Her too. I liked it but was kinda expecting more after the anticipation of the trailers etc.. still one of the best movies I've seen this year.

Hope you have a good night out tonight, will be good for you to let your hair down, especially with all the work you've got on this next month. Not at all jel about the Middle East trips! ;)

I agree with what a lot of other people have said. You're doing brilliantly, you're an inspiration to so many and if anything I think you need to focus on loving and appreciating yourself as you are right now. Have a lovely weekend hun, bed is calling me!! (at 10pm on a Fri night, lol) xxxx
 
I desperately want to see HER! I don't think our Cineworld is showing it either though :cry: It looks beautiful!

Well did on another fast day and your meal out doesn't sound that bad at all! Think you did really well there :)

Hope you enjoy your night out tomorrow and G doesn't party poop lol! Just have fun!xx
 
I feel the same way about hunger! like if I'm slightly hungry I'm gonna pass out or something or if I'm not gonna be eating til late evening I feel as if I have to stuff myself incase I get hungry. Stupid really! All psychological of course. A short term hunger is NOT going to kill me or make me poorly. I still couldn't do he 5:2 though, take my hat off for those of you who do but I just know I would binge like mad on the 'normal' days x
 
Night out was really good!! So glad I went :D didnt feel that way the last couple of times at Voodoo.
Firstly, the guy I unofficially dated (Adam) wasnt there so I could relax a bit. Kinda sad though as I wanted to catch up with him and was feeling pretty hot so kinda wanted to "in ur FACE!" him- hahaha! I'm such a b*tch! Sometimes I wonder why you guys put up with me ;) you are all so lovely and I'm such a self absorbed douchebag LOL.

Ben WAS there though. He is the one who I was part of a group with for years as a teenager, but he started datig Deborah from within the group and I sort of silently fell out with her and strayed from the group. Eventually they totally cut me out and stopped inviting me anywhere which was sad, but about a year after that I went to fb Deb and noticed she had deleted me and I had been blocked from the ability to message/add her. Ben had deleted me too, I'm 90% sure because she told him to. That really stung as she still had loads of our school mates she didnt care about on fb, so clearly it had been a conscious decision to block me and get her bf to! I really am not sure why as it wasnt a specific thing we fell out over (that I remember), we just grew a bit sour.
So yeah, they broke up 8 months ago and he was there- I was nervous he'd be negative towards me for whatever unknown reason they deleted me, but he was super friendly and it felt just like old times- it was great! Really nice to catch up and then they were playing all this nostalgic music we loved as teenagers like Enter Shikari and Bullet For My Valentine (a bit cringy now! But was sooo fun to jump around to!) so that was really nice! Lost him towards the end of the night though and couldnt find him to say goodbye. Will be interesting to see if he re-adds me on fb, but am a bit doubtful.

Katt and her bf Adam (other Adam) were there too and chatted lots to them about travels and stuff and to Ben's friends who were nice! Adam has been to Japan and Ben's friend Max had been to China so was cool!
Got lots of dancing in, got a penis painted on my arm, met new people- great stuff :)

So the down point is that syns went out the window :p I didnt get plastered but fairly drunk, measured 250ml of vodka (40 syns worth), but after my throat REALLY hurt so I needed some food to ease that and mcDonalds was the only place open... Wasnt eactly going to order a salad as I felt the hangover coming on :rolleyes: had a happy meal cheeseburger (I think small hamburgers are like 12 syns?) and small milkshake (no idea he syns of that but felt amazing for throat!)- G had the chips. At the bus stop shared a packet of walkers with him which was entirely because of my throat hurting :( they did help a bit... the oil.
Got home at 5am and had a f*cking bowl of cereal too! Puffed wheat which is a Hex but had already had all my Hex's.
I could have very easily had another 15 syns of booze and a big mac so could have been worse, but with the harvester meal... :rolleyes: did know it would be an off plan day though. Not too bothered and will draw a line under it, but slightly miffed since I was really in a good zone this weEk and may have undone the efforts of the ADF.

Today I am going to have a focused Red day and tomorrow another fast day to hopefully undo the damage. At his point I am pretty sure the gain was down to exercise, still havent pooped though (since Monday!! But I guess I have had 3 fast days so there is less in the system... Doesnt feel uncomfortable but did take senekot twice already :/)

Oh and I forgot to say- I got egged when I left my flat last night!! Wtf?! Hit me in the chest and splat all over my coat :mad: must have been out of a driving car as it hit hard/fast from that sort of angle and no-one was around. VERY lucky that I had JUST left and could go home and change!! Had spent hours getting ready, did NOT want to show up all eggy!

I am typing from phones so cant see all your replies I just read but will try to respond from memory-

Rochelle - the huger fear it totally is psychological isnt it?! I dont think 5:2 is for everyone but I cant describe how much I learnt from doing a 100% fast (liquid only)- was going to just do it for 24hrs but ended up nearly 48! Was really cool to test my limits and learn my body's capabilities after a lifetime of not letting it get hungry... Was surprised that the hunger really didnt expand as massively as expected, it felt like I was just a couple of hrs overdue a meal. Learnt so much from that and it really cooled my attitude to food! Just wish I could shake my cinema/airplane munchies, I obsessively stuff myself in those scenarios as my body gets bored!

CT- agree to disagree about Wolf ;) a lot of people loved it but I just didnt find it that fun... It was like a hyper/gore free version of American Psycho in a way (which is one of my favourite films!) but with a totally unlikeable character! F*cking Leonardo Dicaprio too :p
Hustle I much preferred and J Lawrence was fantastic, but it didnt excite me and found it a bit dull. Her- I particularly loved the first half, the honeymoon stage stuff, second half wasnt as gripping to me, but such an awesome concept.

Cheeky- cineworld are a bit crap with slightly artier films, arent they?! Our local one is situated in a rough area, they only play films with explosions, laughter or bollywood :p
Feeling good about fast days- have quite adjusted to them now. I definitely become a massive introvert on them and really dont want to socialise/be around G :p he has learnt to stay out of the way! The ready made meals are so good though! Knowing there is a proper filling meal without all of the calorie counting efforts is really nice.
I'm kinda tempted to do a fast today as I only just got up and am in bed still/havent eaten- day will be over sooner! Will see :p tummy is rumbling... Does the 5am bowl of cereal before bed count in todays calories?! Lol!
Ah f*ck it, think I will have a hangover fry up and do some exercise later. Need to crack on with travel plans so cant really afford a massve introvert day :p
 
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Have had a 100% on plan Red day today, but just had a moment of anti SW sighing. I really fancied a bowl of wheatabix (and was hungry) but I'd used up my Hex B's (on two other bowls of cereal for Breakfast and dinner :p) so had some natural yoghurt instead... Fat free, but I've polished off about 400g of it this evening where really what I've wanted is another bowl of Wheatabix- which would have been less calories! It's annoying sometimes... I wanted to stay to plan but I think I'd have eaten less if I'd just satiated the desire; wheatabix x2 is 140cal, almond milk is 20cal, 400g of fat free yoghurt is about 200cal. Grrrrr... Do I trust the plan or my intuition when it comes to stuff like this? I know the plan factors in things we wouldnt think about (like the whole mashed bananas being synned thing is down to them already being broken up means our body gets less energy out of them) but still seems silly to opt for free food that wont fill a craving of the same calorie allowance...

Red:
_____
B- Wheatabix x2 with almond milk, a sliced banana and golden syrup (2 syns, HexB1, Part HexA1)
L- Spicy beef chilli with onions, carrot, side salad and some quark
D- Repeat of breakfast :p HexB2, HexA, 2 syns
Snacks- mini marshmallows (1), 400g nat ff yog (have never had so much yoghurt in a day :/), sugar puffs cereal bar (3)
Syns: 8
_____

Feel drained this evening, still a bit hungover... Haven't done any exercise yet :( will try and do arms routine before bed but seriously low energy!
x
 
Just did my arm exercises, really struggled! Tiiired (well it is 3.30am :rolleyes: )

Had a 3rd bowl of cereal after all so that uses up the remaining syns for the day. Also had a few mouthfuls of leftover beef from lunch.
Fast day tomorrow. X
 
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I love that you were doing arm exercises at 3:30am. I think the latest I ever did the Wii Fat was about 2am - I'm sure you can imagine the sarcastic comments I got from it?! ;)

Glad you had such a good night out and really doesn't sound like you did too bad at all with post-drinking and dancing food. A kids burger and some puffed wheat is hardly the end of the world. We'll ignore the milkshake ;) Honestly, even when drunk you do well and have SW in mind. You're brill! I just eat pizza or crisp butties or whatever I can get my hands on if I've had a few drinks!! xx
 
Tetris said:
Night out was really good!! So glad I went :D didnt feel that way the last couple of times at Voodoo.
Firstly, the guy I unofficially dated (Adam) wasnt there so I could relax a bit. Kinda sad though as I wanted to catch up with him and was feeling pretty hot so kinda wanted to "in ur FACE!" him- hahaha! I'm such a b*tch! Sometimes I wonder why you guys put up with me ;) you are all so lovely and I'm such a self absorbed douchebag LOL.
Click to expand...

LOL, you are NOT a douchbag! I'd feel completely the same and want to show him what he was missing, don't blame you one bit! :D

I really fancied a bowl of wheatabix (and was hungry) but I'd used up my Hex B's (on two other bowls of cereal for Breakfast and dinner :p) so had some natural yoghurt instead... Fat free, but I've polished off about 400g of it this evening where really what I've wanted is another bowl of Wheatabix- which would have been less calories! It's annoying sometimes... I wanted to stay to plan but I think I'd have eaten less if I'd just satiated the desire; wheatabix x2 is 140cal, almond milk is 20cal, 400g of fat free yoghurt is about 200cal. Grrrrr... Do I trust the plan or my intuition when it comes to stuff like this?
Click to expand...

Completely hear ya on the annoyingness of SW when it comes to things like this! We've spoke about it before and some of the 'rules' seem ridiculous when you really think about them. I prefer to think of them as 'guidelines', if a yoghurt has the same calorie and fat content as a muller I class it as syn free etc. Glad ya had your cereal in the end, no point depriving yourself of something, especially when it's a healthyish food.
 
Cheeky- wii FAT? LOL! I swear every time I type 'fast day' on my phone it comes out as 'fat day' haha!

The sad thing is usually when I've been drinking I really don't have an appetite (and food makes my teeth hurt :S weird) so it was annoying that my throat hurt so much that I thought only food could help...! No idea why, felt OK the next day.

CT- it is a bit weird how 100cal mullers are free but smaller yoghurts like some of the Shape ones that are much less calories need synning :S I'm sure there are reasons behind it but... At the end of the day, anything labelled 'free' on SW could so easily be abused, syns are there to stop us going overboard as beginners, but as we become aware of what our bodies want/need I think it's OK to stray a bit. Wheatabix is a much healthier option than the aspartame clad yoghurts that are 'free'; I ended up having that bowl'o'bix later anyway and just synning it, probably could have cut out the yoghurt all together if I had opted for that first :p


Fast day is going well; stayed in bed as late as I could (woke around noon but didn't get up for an hour!) have been drinking lots of herbal teas and put off my first meal until 6.15pm; I had half of this oven veg lasagne and a cup of shredded iceberg with it which came to 200cal for the half portion- I was going to have the other half later but to be honest it wasn't that great, not as nice as the other ready made meals recently, so I might not bother and have something else!
Already getting hungry again now just an hour and a bit later :rolleyes: hadn't minded the hunger earlier but now that I've eaten my mouth/cravings want more. I have 400cal left so might have baked beans or something... Not sure! There isn't much in the house so feel a bit limited :S maybe a stir fry or half a rice pouch with veg or something.
 
For the 200 cals of lasagne youcould have something much nicer! Like weetabix lol no I'd probably go for some toast and jam right now If I had to choose something under 200 cal x
 
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