Spangly's tough love slim and save bootcamp!

[weasey]

Heya I've seen this 'Beck book' too what is it about? Awww kids are funny arnt they, they don't understand my friends little one keeps telling everyone that's his mummy is hiding another baby as his christmas present from Santa ha! I still look about 6 months pregnant getting there though! Think I'm going to revert back to 4 packs done 3 with a meal these past 4 days!! I'm totally in the zone but its other people who are my problem!!! Like my Nan "ohh just have a piece if cake, you only live once" it's so hard trying to explain that 1 piece will set me off, then she gets offended so I find myself actually avoiding going round which I don't want to do but I just can't win one minute she's calling me 'big mama' the next trying to stuff cake in my face!!!! Arghhhhh x

There's a book by Dr Beck called something like 'The Beck Diet Solution' which uses CBT therapy techniques. CBT works really well for lots of people - although I personally prefer TA.

Food is about so much more than fueling our bodies - and that's why we have so much trouble sorting out our relationship for food. Your nan is showing how much she loves you by giving you a lovely food treat and yet you are turning down her treat, hence her love. That's the way she sees it without even thinking it through. TA has the concept of an 'adaptive child' mode which we can go into. In that mode we want to please people and make them happy. That's the mode you would be in if you ate the cake just to make your nan happy. This is the point at which you need to put your needs first, despite the fact that it is uncomfortable for your nan, but it is worth understanding where she is coming from and why she is reacting the way she is. I think many of us put other people before ourselves and one of the things I've had to learn for maintenance is to put myself higher up the list of priorities - even though it's uncomfortable at times. So I don't eat because someone has made something just for me or because my mum wants to be able to eat some cake withhout feeling guilty or because my work colleagues expect me to. I put my needs first - even though it's uncomfortable at times.

 

[Slinkyson]

There's a book by Dr Beck called something like 'The Beck Diet Solution' which uses CBT therapy techniques. CBT works really well for lots of people - although I personally prefer TA.

Food is about so much more than fueling our bodies - and that's why we have so much trouble sorting out our relationship for food. Your nan is showing how much she loves you by giving you a lovely food treat and yet you are turning down her treat, hence her love. That's the way she sees it without even thinking it through. TA has the concept of an 'adaptive child' mode which we can go into. In that mode we want to please people and make them happy. That's the mode you would be in if you ate the cake just to make your nan happy. This is the point at which you need to put your needs first, despite the fact that it is uncomfortable for your nan, but it is worth understanding where she is coming from and why she is reacting the way she is. I think many of us put other people before ourselves and one of the things I've had to learn for maintenance is to put myself higher up the list of priorities - even though it's uncomfortable at times. So I don't eat because someone has made something just for me or because my mum wants to be able to eat some cake withhout feeling guilty or because my work colleagues expect me to. I put my needs first - even though it's uncomfortable at times.

Well said Weasey! I studied physiology a few years ago so I completely understand my Nan's way of thinking! She is fully aware of how important it is for me to lose weight for my health if nothing else but she does sometimes take offence and then I have to re-explain why I'm doing this diet! I feel that some people have a negative view about vlcd's but they are usually the people who have never tried one or just don't understand them and that's what my nan is like! So I can't quite get through to her that I only eat packs she doesn't quite get it, as today I went round and she gave me the fruit ball! Urghhh bless her she's such a love, it's hard work it really is! Anyway we'll get there the penny will drop eventually can't believe if never heard of this book before will have a nosey now!

 

[weasey]

Well said Weasey! I studied physiology a few years ago so I completely understand my Nan's way of thinking! She is fully aware of how important it is for me to lose weight for my health if nothing else but she does sometimes take offence and then I have to re-explain why I'm doing this diet! I feel that some people have a negative view about vlcd's but they are usually the people who have never tried one or just don't understand them and that's what my nan is like! So I can't quite get through to her that I only eat packs she doesn't quite get it, as today I went round and she gave me the fruit ball! Urghhh bless her she's such a love, it's hard work it really is! Anyway we'll get there the penny will drop eventually can't believe if never heard of this book before will have a nosey now!

Ah - it's so lovely that she's trying! Perhaps she could treat you with a nice peppermint tea or something rather than food?

 

[Slinkyson]

Ah - it's so lovely that she's trying! Perhaps she could treat you with a nice peppermint tea or something rather than food?

Yeah I've asked her she said she will get some posh decaf coffee in!! God knows what that is bless

 

[Spanglymum]

Hi, safia! The Beck book is great. I need to read it again I think. actually I've got loads of helpful books, i just chose to ignore all their sensible advice and chose the insulin/carb/lard rollercoaster instead. Doh!

Having a bit of a low day today. Been a bit grumpy all day and generally out of sorts. I caved and had a white coffee :-(. Felt I should fess up since I'm the one who started this gung ho thread after all! What's going on with my brain? I feel deprived suddenly at the weekend, and martyrish... I think I really need to work out things that I would like to be doing with my time, and work some of those in with all my family stuff. Thing is, you might think that would be easy, but i'm so out of touch with my feelings that often I don't really know what I want, just 'not this!' Very helpful.

Positives are that one decaf white coffee is NOT half a bottle of something and lots of nibbles, and I haven't wanted anything else since so it hasn't triggered me at all. On the contrary, it's made me think, which is possibly a good thing.

I'm currently reading a low carb book which is new to me (and I've read a lot of them, so this is a treat for me!). It's 'The Low Carb Revolution' by John McLean. It reinforces a lot of the messages from other similar books, and he quotes Gary Taubes and other influential people from the low carb universe, so in some ways the message isn't new to me. But he is refreshingly light-hearted and whimsical about the whole thing, which makes a nice change from some of the more earnest Paleo types out there!

This morning was taken up with optician, then wrangling over my first click and collect order from ASDA, which was a nightmare (long story) but still much much better value than our usual shop, taking eldest to Dramabuds, making soup for the family (which I enjoyed doing - ketosis must be here as I wasn't tempted) - fetching from dramabuds, etc etc. Hubby was out collecting for the MS Society, which is a fab thing to do, but meant the morning was knackering for me!

Got a bit of a quieter day tomorrow. Church followed by Toys R Us (ah, the temple of Mammon - or is that Bluewater?!) so the girls can spend their saved-up pocket money.

Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend and sticking firmly to plan (wags finger in stern teacher stylee!)

 

[Clinquant]

Not too bad a day - housework in short bursts with reading and a bit of telly catch up in between - and definitely sticking to plan. Had a headache again but I've just kept drinking water and it's a bit better. The theatre didn't finish until midnight so it was late by the time I got home. Also it did involve walking and standing for 3 hours without any water so probably just tired and dehydrated. It was amazing though.

Spangly, it sounds like you are starting to listen to what you need and want. Take some time to think about what you could do. I find just putting the question out there, makes you more aware and then ideas come more readily.

Not quite sure what the scales will be tomorrow but whatever the result I will stick with it as I know it all evens out.

 

[Clinquant]

Just back from WI and really pleased to report 2.2kgs. Also really lucky to have a very thoughtful and brave group that are willing to contribute. It's starting to feel like a normal Sunday morning for me again. A nice lazy afternoon beckons then off to see my friends this evening.

Hope everyone is having a good day.

 

[Spanglymum]

Well done, clinquant! Sounds like you're totally in the zone.

I'm not exactly 'struggling' today: ketosis is keeping me on the straight and narrow, but i feel a bit low that I'm doing this again. Feel as though I never learned before. Or rather that I did learn, but chose to ignore what I had learned. It makes me feel sad when I think about how far I have to go - again. I know I had a fabulous loss this week, but that means I'm likely to have a really small one ahead, and my rebellious child isn't satisfied with that idea.

Ugh. I need to snap out of this as it's not helpful!!

 

[Clinquant]

Believe me, those thoughts are very close to the surface for me too. I really regret not dealing with this sooner but I know it isn't going to help me to dwell on that. I'm also trying not to think too far in the future. The idea that it will take me 7 months to get where I really want to be makes me want to stamp my feet and say 'It's not fair'. But I know that if I forward to Christmas time, I will already be reaping the benefits of being slimmer and any food or drink I didn't have today will be irrelevant. I think this stage of the process is an odd place, we have got into ketosis and it's relatively easy but we aren't yet getting the compliments or seeing a big difference in the clothes we can wear. Just another couple of weeks and the resistant zips will be going up and soon after the compliments will start to come. So for now its one day and four packs at a time. Let's stick with it!!

 

[weasey]

This isn't a one time fix - it's a cycle. Each time we go through it we learn and improve. Does it matter if it takes 100 cycles if we get there in the end? You are here, you're 100% and you're addressing your issues. Not just physically but mentally too. You deserve a big pat on the back for getting back on the horse and applying your latest skills rather than standing at the side having decided not to try again. I think we're really good at talking ourselves down and for long term success it's important that we turn that around and celebrate all of the things we are doing well and succeeding with. On my second week on the diet (not this visit - but the last time) I lost 1 lb. I could have given up then but instead I said 'great - another lb gone' and ended up losing over 9 stone in total. The odd smaller loss week makes no difference in the grand scheme of things. Are you measuring yourself? If you do have a lower loss week you might still see a bit difference in your measurements.

There is also no guarantee you'll have a low loss this week. By telling yourself you will you are upsetting yourself and making it more likely that you'll want to turn to food for comfort. It is self fulfilling. Take the good news of your first week's loss and enjoy it!

 

[Spanglymum]

Thanks, guys. I love how everyone on this thread is so thoughtful and wise re this whole weight management milarkey.

As usual, things feel better after a good night's sleep. Got a nice couple of days ahead with very few meetings so lots of time to actually get things done! Am planning to get caught up with the jobs I put at the bottom of my list usually. My boss is travelling this week, so I will still get emails and phonecalls from him but because of the time difference my mornings should be my own!

I'm laughing at myself a bit because I've realised part of what I was allowing myself to get upset about yesterday. It's like my body's going: I've lost 15lb. FIFTEEN POUNDS! And you're saying that's not good enough? What more do you want? Should I just chop off a leg? Would that satisfy you? Eh? Gimme a break! I can't shed pounds any faster so you're just going to have to be patient. Wait, let me spell it for you: P A T I E N T.

(Which is something I could do with getting better at!)

Have a fab-u-lous day, everyone - and best of luck to anyone weighing today!

 

[xxmariexx]

Hi,

Does anyone mind if I participate in this thread? Day one for me today and believe me, I need a bootcamp...

Marie x

 

[Clinquant]

Spangly -sounds like you are through the other side and sense of humour is restored and that you have a reasonable work week, ahead. I think mine will be a bit challenging. Seems to be a series of resignations from key people. Mostly positive as change was needed but it's going to put a lot on those of us left behind. Again I can only do what I can do in a day. Hopefully being really busy will help as boredom is a huge trigger for me.

Weasey - wise words about the cyclical thing. I see a lot of people say I'm not doing this again, this is the last time etc. I think this is a lifelong thing. A quote I saw on another blog is 'Being fat is hard. Losing weight is hard. Maintaining weight is hard. Choose your hard' I definitely prefer the last one but I need to remember that it isn't effortless and for those of us that have lost a substantial amount of weight it is never going to go away. Acceptance of that, stops the foot stamping and kicking back.

Hope everyone is having a great start to the week.

 

[Clinquant]

And welcome Marie. I'm sure you'll find it really helpful.

 

[xxmariexx]

And welcome Marie. I'm sure you'll find it really helpful.

Thank you. I'm sure I will. I've already read lots of helpful and positive stuff. I'm trying to keep myself busy the next few nights until ketosis kicks, which i know will help with the hunger. I'm a night time eater and in my case idle hands want to raid cupboards. So body balance and a swim tonight. Nothing too exerting x

 

[Spanglymum]

Hi, marie! Welcome along to our (good-humoured and thoughtful) boot camp! Hang in there in those first few days: keep busy and stay out of those cupboards!!

 

[xxmariexx]

Hi, marie! Welcome along to our (good-humoured and thoughtful) boot camp! Hang in there in those first few days: keep busy and stay out of those cupboards!!

Thank you Spanglymum. I know il feel better once ketosis kicks in. It definitely gets easier to resist the call of the food x

 

[weasey]

Welcome Marie and hello everyone else. I've been strangley quiet today because I actually had to do work at work today (!) and I've been out at the gym and Starbucks this evening - it's a hard life! Another day on plan - hooray!

 

[Spanglymum]

Lovely avatar pic, clinquant! Nice to see your face! Yesterday I was clinging to what you said about us being in an odd place right now: ketosis is here but the compliments aren't, yet. I had a difficult journey home last night and was soooooo tempted to get carbs (?!) but I got a green tea instead. And thought about how that made me feel. And it made me feel warm inside (literally and figuratively) and contented and pleased that I can look after and nurture myself. The smaller clothes will come. Patience!!

And weasey, I loved what you said about this being a cycle. That's a great way to think of it and in the process challenge some 'all or nothing' thinking. It's a process that is evolving all the time. What happens one day doesn't make any of us 'successes' or 'failures'. We are all learning and developing in our relationships with food and ourselves, and always will be.

So what makes this difficult for me? Impatience. Anger at myself for being back again. Frustration. All kind-of rebellious child stuff. What does my 'adult' say? 'You're doing really well. There's no rush. You will get there. I'm proud of you for not giving up,'

 

[Clinquant]

Thanks - I feel better for showing my face, although I don't have any pictures at current weight so that one is about 100 kilos so where I want to/will be by Christmas.

Well done on avoiding the way home carbs - my absolute downfall. If I could be muzzled between 4 and 7 I don't think I would need to be here. I have thought about this a lot. It goes back a long way to difficult days at school and not wanting to worry my mum with things that had gone wrong. I even encouraged my two sisters to tell me things rather than my mum because I could cope with it better. I definitely could as long as I shovelled down whatever carbs were available before my parents got home.

I felt a bit ropey yesterday, headachey and a bit faint. Strangely I felt fine once I got home and relaxed. Knew that eating would have taken the edge off it but ploughed on with water and redbush tea. A few people round me have come down with colds so it may be that. I have yoga tonight which will be the first exercise since I started this. Looking forward to it and a bit anxious in equal measure. Teacher is lovely and will let her know in advance what I'm doing. It's only in the basement at work with colleagues so no shame if I have to give up halfway. My neck and shoulders really need the stretch out.

Hope you had a good day Marie and are ready for another. If you are like the rest of us you will be in the cupboards tidying and sorting out - we can't seem to help ourselves!