SpursGem CC Diary to lose 8 Stone!!

[donnajt]

Thinking of you Gem, hope you are ok xxx

 

[spursgem]

I have had a really bad few days, I refused to leave the house for a few days and even phoned in sick at work which is very rare for me! I have had anxiety pains and a panic attack. My IBS has been really bad because of it, which has given me mouth ulcers and swollen gums! I have hardly eaten meals just snacked on crisps and bread! Feel like an absolute mess at the moment! I couldn't face coming on here because i was just embarrassed and ashamed. That's the thing about depression it makes you think you're alone which just gets you into that downward spiral!!

I went back to work today and i was really touched by everyone's concern, My manager pulled me aside and said they have noticed that i haven't been my usual happy self for a while and they have been worried. I thought i was putting up a good front but obviously they saw through it. I've been given strict orders to relax de-stress and have fun so i can get back to being me quickly but it's not that easy is it??

Stu and the boys have been great and so have the in-laws but my mum has switched it round on her saying how low she is. Even inviting herself over for dinner tonight! so after a long hard day at work i had to come home and cook dinner!! Stu came to the rescue though and had it all under control. He cooked a lovely dinner. Spatchcock chicken with hm coleslaw!!

I will start to weigh myself on the Wii this week as i haven't managed to buy new scales, i'm hoping i haven't gained much this week! Also need to remember it's new scales so they might not tally up with the old ones.

I'm going to plan this weeks food and next weeks so i can really focus on this.

I need to get my act together fast my Turkey holiday is in 17 Weeks :faint2: :sigh:

 

[donnajt]

Gem - I completely understand the shame but nobody on here is judging you and a lot of us are in exactly the same position as you..battling depression - we are all going to have down times but the important thing is to keep reaching out, after everything you have been through, its no wonder you had a meltdown, and I love the fact that everybody around you is supporting you - except your Mum - we all have our crosses to bear - just blank her out Gem - she'll only pull you down further if you let her

Sending you big hugs and gonna pm you my number if case you ever want to talk xxx

 

[spursgem]

Thanks Donna.

My mum is always going to be like that so i'm just going to have to learn to ignore her. Ever since i was a child she has been self-centred and ignorant to anyone elses feelings (unless if involves her that is!!)

Yesterday she showed me a picture of my cousin who is a bit bigger then me and her husband who is a bit bigger then my husband and she said look it's little and large how can he sleep with that! 1) that is disgusting how she can say something like that about family or anyone for that matter 2) my children were in the room but the worse one is 3) i'm big and my husband is slim, he is 5ft 7 and weighs 11 stone she knows i am very concious of how we look together and how i have self confidence issues in that department! I'm not sure whether it was a deliberate dig at me or that she is that ignorant that she didn't think!

I broke down crying last night because i'm scared of being back in the hole of depression! I suffered a bad "episode" for 2 years before i had Jamie (my eldest) and then another year or so about 7 years ago. I can recognise the signs and emotions. it was a horrible place to be in and nearly cost my marriage and job.

I got you PM thanks, it's so comforting to know there are good people out there wanting to support each other xx

 

[spursgem]

Tuesday 9th April

Breakfast
Granola with milk - 256

Lunch
WW Chicken soup - 92
Bachelors deli box noodles - 276

Dinner
Slow cooked chicekn curry - 607

Snacks
Sunbites = 120
Skinny cow lolly - 94

Total Calories: 1445 / 1600
Exercise: none

 

[donnajt]

Thanks Donna.

My mum is always going to be like that so i'm just going to have to learn to ignore her. Ever since i was a child she has been self-centred and ignorant to anyone elses feelings (unless if involves her that is!!)

Yesterday she showed me a picture of my cousin who is a bit bigger then me and her husband who is a bit bigger then my husband and she said look it's little and large how can he sleep with that! 1) that is disgusting how she can say something like that about family or anyone for that matter 2) my children were in the room but the worse one is 3) i'm big and my husband is slim, he is 5ft 7 and weighs 11 stone she knows i am very concious of how we look together and how i have self confidence issues in that department! I'm not sure whether it was a deliberate dig at me or that she is that ignorant that she didn't think!

I broke down crying last night because i'm scared of being back in the hole of depression! I suffered a bad "episode" for 2 years before i had Jamie (my eldest) and then another year or so about 7 years ago. I can recognise the signs and emotions. it was a horrible place to be in and nearly cost my marriage and job.

I got you PM thanks, it's so comforting to know there are good people out there wanting to support each other xx

Your mum sounds like she needs to grow up - in fact it seems like you are stuck in role reversal - you parent her

With regards to the cousin comment - she probably doesn't see you and your husband in the same league as your cousin and her husband and lets face it all men like their women with a bit of meat not a bag of bones to cuddle up to at night

Have you been to gp? if not, seriously think you should, you've got my number I am just coming out of my episode (I hope!) so I really feel for you cos at the start of the year I was in a terrible statexxx

 

[Lady_Amalthea]

Sorry to hear you have been having a difficult time lately . Glad your nan-in-law got a good send off though. Any death in the family is horrible but when it is someone you were close with then it seems ten-fold.

It's lovely that your workmates are being so supportive. Always scary going back but well done for getting through it!

The fact you can recognise the signs/symptoms of falling into a horrible, big, depressive rut means that *hopefully* you can start to combat against it and stay above the water, if you get my meaning. My thoughts are with you and I hope you find the strength to get through this.

 

[spursgem]

thanks ladies xx

i have been putting off the Dr's. I don't want pills again! i've started yoga and meditation again today, that helped out loads last time

An elderly customer who comes in the bank who lives nearby just popped in a bunch of flowers, thought that was so sweet.

Thank you so much for your support and kind thoughts, really means a lot. I'm glad i found this forum xxx

 

[spursgem]

Wed 10th April

Breakfast

1 toast, 1 egg, 2 bacon and 100g beans - 363

Lunch

Ryvita, light Philadelphia, ham, cucumber then WW chicken soup and Raspberries - 595

Dinner
Very late one....Fish finger sandwich - 458

Snacks
Sunbites - 120

Total Calories: 1536 / 1600
Exercise: 15 minute walk followed by 10 minutes of Aerobics - 251 Calories burned.

 

[donnajt]

Wed 10th April

Breakfast
View attachment 85920
1 toast, 1 egg, 2 bacon and 100g beans - 363

Lunch
View attachment 85921
Ryvita, light Philadelphia, ham, cucumber then WW chicken soup and Raspberries - 595

Dinner
Very late one....Fish finger sandwich - 458

Snacks
Sunbites - 120

Total Calories: 1536 / 1600
Exercise: 15 minute walk followed by 10 minutes of Aerobics - 251 Calories burned.

Lovely food today Gem - really funny but I have been craving a fish finger sandwich for the last few days

Is that an Iggle Piggle Plate? Noah and I fight over his Mickey Mouse one lol x

 

[donnajt]

thanks ladies xx

i have been putting off the Dr's. I don't want pills again! i've started yoga and meditation again today, that helped out loads last time

An elderly customer who comes in the bank who lives nearby just popped in a bunch of flowers, thought that was so sweet.

Thank you so much for your support and kind thoughts, really means a lot. I'm glad i found this forum xxx

That's brilliant Gem - try and get out walking - get the seratone flowing - I love that one of your customoers gave you flowers - its those random acts of kindness that remind you the world is made up of good people - and a minority of bad ones

Are you sleeping ok?

 

[spursgem]

Lovely food today Gem - really funny but I have been craving a fish finger sandwich for the last few days

Is that an Iggle Piggle Plate? Noah and I fight over his Mickey Mouse one lol x

It's my Thomas the Tank Engine one lol. I think food tastes better on plastic plates and bowls. The kids use "real ones" i use the kids ones

I'm sleeping ok this week which is unusual for me as i normally wake up a few times a night and get night sweats. None since the funeral which is strange

 

[donnajt]

Night sweats are stress aren't they? you are too young to be going thru the change!

I always reach for the plastic plates - when friends come I suddenly think omg X is eating off a plastic spiderman plate - makes them more tasty i think - Mum bought Noah one of those china plates with the bald headed man so you can arrange food like hair etc - Noah hates it which is odd because he is really OCD about food touching one another - i have to make sure every food type is evenly spaced and not touching the next food...nightmare - he also have a thing about dirt and fluff - I have no idea where the dirt and fluff thing comes from but I was the same with my food when I was little - I still hate baked beans on anythign other than toast

 

[spursgem]

How strange! My eldest is a bit like that with mash, he doesn't want he peas touching it or any other veg. Hopefully he will grow out of it.

I have 2 thomas plates but i dropped one, i was gutted. I went to the pound shop and brought another the next day!!!

Night sweats are stress, i wake up in sheer panic over silly things.

 

[jules1981]

Hey sweets, Sorry you are having a tough time of it, it sounds like your work is supportive and you have a fab hubby Just read through some of your diary and your meals look fab i am going to steel some ideas.

Take care

xxx

 

[spursgem]

Hey sweets, Sorry you are having a tough time of it, it sounds like your work is supportive and you have a fab hubby Just read through some of your diary and your meals look fab i am going to steel some ideas.

Take care

xxx

Steal away hun

xxx

 

[jules1981]

Thanks I will hehe. Hope you have a good day.


xxxx

 

[donnajt]

How strange! My eldest is a bit like that with mash, he doesn't want he peas touching it or any other veg. Hopefully he will grow out of it.

I have 2 thomas plates but i dropped one, i was gutted. I went to the pound shop and brought another the next day!!!

Night sweats are stress, i wake up in sheer panic over silly things.

On my first date with Paul - we had a pub dinner and I ordered Sausage Mash and Peas but they gave me Sausage Mash adn Baked Beans - the beans was touching the mash and it had gone orange in colour - I was in complete panic - must have shown cos Paul asked if everything was ok - not wanting to bring our romance to a swift end - i ate from the opposite end of the plate and left nearly all the mash - Paul and i laugh about it now but it horrific for me

We've talked about dreams before - have you ever written a list of your issues and see if there are any that you can tackle? or find solutions for?

Got to run as meeting a friend in 18 mins and still in pjs! but will catch up later I promise xxx

 

[Lady_Amalthea]

Night sweats sound awful - my bf gets them sometimes. I went through a bad bout of sleep paralysis, at one point it was happening twice a night. Only happens occasionally now. Anything that interrupts your sleep like that is horrible . Glad you are sleeping better x

 

[donnajt]

that sounds horrid Erin x

Gem u ok?