Story thread
- Thread starter CW Consultant
- Start date
CW Consultant
Gold Member
LOL and I wrote that at 7am this morning - bit too much Pirates of the Caribbean watching last night
Back to the Story:
Where is the head of Lionel Ritchie
Back to the Story:
Where is the head of Lionel Ritchie
Mrs Depp
Gold Member
"I really don't know what you're talkingabout", replied Jack. He was also rather shocked that he and the alien woman could understand each other.
"Keep up Jack! Shouted the alien woman. "If you don't tell me where the head of Lionel Ritchie is then I will have no altenative but to punish you - severly!"
Jack thought about that for a second and then replied........
"Got any rum luv? I'm absolutely gasping!"
"Keep up Jack! Shouted the alien woman. "If you don't tell me where the head of Lionel Ritchie is then I will have no altenative but to punish you - severly!"
Jack thought about that for a second and then replied........
"Got any rum luv? I'm absolutely gasping!"
CW Consultant
Gold Member
Of course we have rum its to use to make the saw sterile, I said before If you don't tell me where the head of Lionel Ritchie is then I will have no altenative but to punish you - severly!"
Bit lost in translation I meant I am going to sever your head and stick it on the body with a bit to stickyback plastic and tape we should be okay might even win a Blue Peter Badge.
Jack looked at her in horror my god it was the original presenter of Blue Peter but he couldn't remember her name........
Bit lost in translation I meant I am going to sever your head and stick it on the body with a bit to stickyback plastic and tape we should be okay might even win a Blue Peter Badge.
Jack looked at her in horror my god it was the original presenter of Blue Peter but he couldn't remember her name........
Mrs Depp
Gold Member
................VALERIE SINGLETON!!!!!! said Jack. "Oh lord luv a duck I thought you'd died YEARS ago!"
Valerie was just about to emit a raucus MUWAHAHAHAHAHA type laugh when Jack suddenly turned his head and looked to his left, who should be coming towards them but none other than........................
said Jack. "Oh lord luv a duck I thought you'd died YEARS ago!" Valerie was just about to emit a raucus MUWAHAHAHAHAHA type laugh when Jack suddenly turned his head and looked to his left, who should be coming towards them but none other than........................
CW Consultant
Gold Member
John Noakes with Shep firmly attached to his leg, down Shep he said.
My god Jack thought this is worse than the trip to Ikea several pages back with Shaun the Sheep.
I must stop the drink...........but not just yet give me that rum he cried
My god Jack thought this is worse than the trip to Ikea several pages back with Shaun the Sheep.
I must stop the drink...........but not just yet give me that rum he cried
Fuzzys Angel
The Lovely James Hetfield
....Lars ulrich walking towards him with the head of Lionel Ritchie in a sparkly scarf under his arm but it wasn't, it was just Jacks wishful thinking. Infact what he saw comingtowards him was....
Mrs Depp
Gold Member
.......Lionel himself!! Wearing the sparkliest sparkly scarf he'd ever clapped eyes on (and Jack had seen and worn many over the years!)
"Helloooooo" sang Lionel, "Is it me you're looking fooorrrrr"?
Jack pulled himself up to his full height of 5ft 10ins, his head bumped underneath Lionel's nose and both men sprang backwards in pain.
"So, what's a nice middle of the road cum disco singer like you doing in a place like this?" asked Jack.
"Well Jack, Lionel began, "it's like this.............................
Wearing the sparkliest sparkly scarf he'd ever clapped eyes on (and Jack had seen and worn many over the years!)"Helloooooo" sang Lionel, "Is it me you're looking fooorrrrr"?
Jack pulled himself up to his full height of 5ft 10ins, his head bumped underneath Lionel's nose and both men sprang backwards in pain.
"So, what's a nice middle of the road cum disco singer like you doing in a place like this?" asked Jack.
"Well Jack, Lionel began, "it's like this.............................
CW Consultant
Gold Member
I decided to book my holidays in the Caribbean and just for a laugh I took the plaster head from my video along. Couldn't believe some bloody pirate stole it and I have been looking for it now for weeks.
Anyways, was on the beach when a beam of light surrounded me and I was teleported up to this spaceship they have had me singing non stop for weeks now.
The one who looks like Valerie Singleton fancies me and keeps running her hands all over my face like in the video, its a real pain she keeps smearing my make up.
Did they dry clean you too, its just that you haven't got any trousers on, should I be worried..........
Anyways, was on the beach when a beam of light surrounded me and I was teleported up to this spaceship they have had me singing non stop for weeks now.
The one who looks like Valerie Singleton fancies me and keeps running her hands all over my face like in the video, its a real pain she keeps smearing my make up.
Did they dry clean you too, its just that you haven't got any trousers on, should I be worried..........
CW Consultant
Gold Member
Without a second thought Lionel dropped his trousers. He was in such a hurry he forgot they were still around his ankles when he decided to skip around the ship celebrating his new found freedom.
He crashed down with an almighty thump landing right in the middle of a crowd of aliens who all thought they should do the same
:massmoon::massmoon::massmoon::massmoon:
He crashed down with an almighty thump landing right in the middle of a crowd of aliens who all thought they should do the same
:massmoon::massmoon::massmoon::massmoon:
Last edited:
CW Consultant
Gold Member
(back on track)
Large pointy tails with barbed ends.
Jack looked worried and ran looking for a way out, Lionel got up and started to run but forgot about his trousers around his ankles and kerplunk he went flying through the air straight into
Large pointy tails with barbed ends.
Jack looked worried and ran looking for a way out, Lionel got up and started to run but forgot about his trousers around his ankles and kerplunk he went flying through the air straight into
CW Consultant
Gold Member
Jack looked back in horror he thought he had seen enough beasties in his time but lionel with all those prickles in his stomach scared him. Lionel shot up in pain and suddenly started to float, he was dancing on the ceiling trying to pull out the barbs.
Right Jack said what did you put in that rum, the aliens started to laugh but they didn't realise that Jack was related the Samantha from Bewitched, he started to twitch his nose and before you could blink he was back on the Black Pearl
Right Jack said what did you put in that rum, the aliens started to laugh but they didn't realise that Jack was related the Samantha from Bewitched, he started to twitch his nose and before you could blink he was back on the Black Pearl
Mrs Depp
Gold Member
Jack noticed a wooden chest on the deck in front of him. He didn't remember it being there last time he'd walked the deck, he knew he'd most definitely have fallen over it if it had been!
Jack walked slowly towards the huge chest wondering what he might find inside. He tried to open the lid but it was locked and there was no sign of a key, so he decided to get out his musket and shot at the huge padlock.
It took Jack four attempts before his befuddled eyes finally managed to guide the musket towards the lock. The first had gone through the mainsail, the second had gone through the only barrel of rum left on board and the third went through Jack's left boot - "It's a good job I'm wearing dead man's boots and they're 3 sizes too big!" he said out loud to no-one in particular.
He opened the lid and to his suprise, inside he saw.....................
Jack walked slowly towards the huge chest wondering what he might find inside. He tried to open the lid but it was locked and there was no sign of a key, so he decided to get out his musket and shot at the huge padlock.
It took Jack four attempts before his befuddled eyes finally managed to guide the musket towards the lock. The first had gone through the mainsail, the second had gone through the only barrel of rum left on board and the third went through Jack's left boot - "It's a good job I'm wearing dead man's boots and they're 3 sizes too big!" he said out loud to no-one in particular.
He opened the lid and to his suprise, inside he saw.....................
CW Consultant
Gold Member
:cry::cry::cry:I just typed a whole page, a masterpiece and somehow deleted it:cry::cry::cry:
CW Consultant
Gold Member
Another chest across the lid it said Top Secret do not open, sod that Jack said and with his sword he forced the lid open. In it was a month’s supply of the new chocolate orange CD milkshake and 14 packets of the new mushroom pasta!
Also there were 6 litres of fresh water and some mousse mix.
Oh healthy nutritional supplies he said with slight sarcasm, he pushed the packs to one side now where’s the bloody rum. Then he gave a Jack Sparrow grin the sun reflecting on his gold tooth, choc orange rum mousse mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Well I am on maintenance.
He then remembered he still didn’t have any trousers on so while still thinking about the mousse he went below and got his strides. Thought he had better dress for dinner.
As he came back to the deck he had a look at the pasta hmmm needs something else for a growing lad like me. At the point from behind a huge sea monster appeared its tentacles slid across the deck ready to drag Jack into the deep ocean.
Jack turned and saw the creature that’s it he exclaimed squid and mushroom pasta with seaweed on the side.
The creature took one look at Jacks sword and recoiled back into the Ocean.
Bugger said Jack plain mushroom pasta it is then.
Jack quickly started to boil the water in eager anticipation at that point……
Also there were 6 litres of fresh water and some mousse mix.
Oh healthy nutritional supplies he said with slight sarcasm
, he pushed the packs to one side now where’s the bloody rum. Then he gave a Jack Sparrow grin the sun reflecting on his gold tooth, choc orange rum mousse mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Well I am on maintenance.He then remembered he still didn’t have any trousers on so while still thinking about the mousse he went below and got his strides. Thought he had better dress for dinner.
As he came back to the deck he had a look at the pasta hmmm needs something else for a growing lad like me. At the point from behind a huge sea monster appeared its tentacles slid across the deck ready to drag Jack into the deep ocean.
Jack turned and saw the creature that’s it he exclaimed squid and mushroom pasta with seaweed on the side.
The creature took one look at Jacks sword and recoiled back into the Ocean.Bugger said Jack plain mushroom pasta it is then.
Jack quickly started to boil the water in eager anticipation at that point……
