Story thread

[icemoose]

Little did I realise though that it was the national farting championship that very evening and that Kiera was a major fan of the tournament.

I ate my beans and just to be sure I was in with a chance I added some lentils and a shed load of spice to "fruiten" up the smell.

It came to my turn to fart though but unfortunately just as I started I accidentally followed....

 

[Mrs Depp]

.....the farting champion Seamus O'Tool, he was known the whole countyr over for being able to let it rip whilst twirling a hula hoop around each forearm and 12 around his waist. Stiff competition is an understatement! So, I girded my loins and my buttocks, assumed the position and.................

 

[CW Consultant]

suddenly over the tannoy it was announced the competition was cancelled due to potentially bad taste and complaints.

I quickly decided they probably were right and thought okay lets go for a paddle in the sea instead, at that point a large ship docked, but it didn't look right it was deserted as far as I could see and covered in barnacles on the side in large letters I could read Titanic. I turned to call Jack and when I turned back it had gone...........

 

[Isobel1965]

all pink and lit up like a Christmas tree!
"Oh, goody", I said. "Let's climb aboard and see what's on the menu, I'm starving!"

Jack nodded his beautiful head and together we swam through the dark sea - the stars above us twinkling, the waves lapping gently against our naked, glistening bodies. We could make out the figures of gentlefolk standing of the decks when all at once.......

 

[Brad0053]

they shouted there was a shark heading towards us.

I was petrified, but Jack remained calm. He looked lovingly in to my eyes and said

"Swim to the shore my love...and don't look back"

I swam as fast as I could with tears in my eyes.

I looked back just in time to see Jack take out his weapon and with his shiny weapon in his hand he...............

 

[Isobel1965]

slashed open his manly chest, watching the ruby red blood spurt out into the ocean. The sharks needed no other distraction and launched themselves at him in a frenzy, allowing me time to escape.
Forlornly, I stood on the shore - searching the black sea for my one and only lurve.
Wiping away a tear, I turned to walk away when suddenly.......

 

[CW Consultant]

there was a tap on my shoulder, didn't think you would get rid of me that easily didya - remember this is a story

I turned round and it was Jack but he looked a little different could this be his twin who works in the City on a break or had he really come back as anything can happen in this story

Anyway didn't really care as he looked so damn good swaying there with a bottle of rum in one hand and

 

[Isobel1965]

his shiny weapon in the other, that I couldn't resist and flung my arms around him.
"Steady" he said, brushing me off. "Mind the Armani suit! Actually, I'm in a bit of a rush, so would you mind going down the dry-cleaners for me and picking up my LaCroix tuxedo?"


"Are you crazy?" I cried "Of course...........

 

[CW Consultant]

I bloody wont I told you before cooking cleaning washing for you bog off.

So this was the dodgy twin, had I lost Jack for ever?

I heard a splashing noise behind me and out of the water came Leonard Di Caprio carrying the limp body of Jack Sparrow, swiftly followed by Celine Dione screeching the theme toon from Titanic.

I tried running over but it was if my feet were stuck in the sand

 

[Isobel1965]

but when I looked down, I realised that my ankles were smothered in marmite and several strange men were grabbing them for a lick!

"Gerroff" I shrieked, but they were too strong and I was flung onto the warm sand.

I lay there, panting and helpless as they worked their sticky tongues up my legs - I prepared to meet my Maker - when out of the blue.......

 

[icemoose]

Lionel Richie appeared singing the popular 80's hit "Hello".

We all sat round and listenened to him for hours as he banged out hit after hit from his extensive back catalogue.

It only then occured to me how ridicilous that I had once paid £80 for a ticket in row T to see this guy in Birmingham and he was only on stage for 1 hour. (anyway back to the story!)

Lionel has brought with him the fake plastacine head that the blind women in the Hello video had made of him. I decided we could play football with it but just as we started the game one of the other players....

 

[Mrs Depp]

but when I looked down, I realised that my ankles were smothered in marmite and several strange men were grabbing them for a lick!

"Gerroff" I shrieked, but they were too strong and I was flung onto the warm sand.

I lay there, panting and helpless as they worked their sticky tongues up my legs - I prepared to meet my Maker - when out of the blue.......

Slightly O/T isobel, but when did you say Eric was due back? Judging by your replies lately you're in need of him!!!

Carolxxx

 

[Mrs Depp]

Back to the story.

.....kicked the head too hard and damaged his big toe. What a kerfuffle it turned in to! Soon everyone swarmed around the now screaming man (typical of a blurke to throw himself to the ground faking the pain!), but as soon as we all saw that he wasn't really injured we all commenced to playing our footy game and left him wimpering.

Lionel proved to be a great mid-fielder, Leo was in goal and Johnny, well he's too lush to kick a ball around so he was the cheerleader!

At half time I was passing out the oranges when all of a sudden a loud bang was heard...............

 

[CW Consultant]

from behind the ghostly Titanic a large Pirate ship appeared with cannons ablazing

A cannon ball landed just by my feet, Jack screeched and with a Russel Brand run and a cry of the Swines he ran towards the cave.

We looked behind as the rabid pirates ran towards us

Lionel scrabbled aimlessly in the sand looking for the plastecine head just in case he needed in again. We couldn't wait for him, the head had been kicked so many times it looked like Quasimodo anyway.

The cave was dark and damp and slimy we slowly edged our way along, I held Jacks hand and my heart fluttered, as we moved along I squeezed it tightly then suddenly a shaft of light appeared from above when I looked down it wasn't Jack's hand I was squeezing it was..........................

 

[CW Consultant]

Its four weeks I have been waiting to find out what I was squeezing, anyone game

 

[Meneither]

The cave was dark and damp and slimy we slowly edged our way along, I held Jacks hand and my heart fluttered, as we moved along I squeezed it tightly then suddenly a shaft of light appeared from above when I looked down it wasn't Jack's hand I was squeezing it was..........................

The luminous boney skeletal hand of Jack Sparrow, I screamed, and the skeletal head screamed back at me, i stumbled and fell, with a start i awoke to find................

Me.

 

[CW Consultant]

myself surrounded by JS clones dancing in the moonlight

 

[Meneither]

myself surrounded by JS clones dancing in the moonlight

The lights were flashing the music playing and the bass was pumping some bodies grinding together in rythmatical trance when somebody shouted Hey Dj Pump up the bass and the treble of course, the place fell silent.............

arty0023:
Me.

 

[CW Consultant]

As in full view of everyone in walked.............

 

[Meneither]

As in full view of everyone in walked.............

Elvis Presley with Lionel Richie And his Plastacine Head, The King Took a bow And said "Aha Thank you very much, Hello Is it me your looking for".............


Me .