Surfhunny's Countdown to Florida

[Surfhunny]

I've texted my CDC to tell her whats going on, haven't had a reply yet but she'll be busy with clients for a while yet. I feel like a complete failure, every time I try to lose weight I feel like something gets in the way. Last year it was my injury, and now my gran is so ill, I can't cope with the stress so I dealt with it the only way I knew how, bury it with food! I'm disappointed in myself and feel like I've taken a massive step back because it's been years since I've done this.

I think I'm the only one in my family who knows what's really going on and how sick she really is. I had to tell my dad yesterday that she isn't going to recover and that was so hard. My whole family look to me for answers and hope because I'm the 'medical one' and I can't give them them hope because there really isn't any. She's a very old lady and is tired of fighting her illness. Everyone else thinks she'll get better.

 

[cornishkez]

Oh mate, I feel for you, I really do! It's so ahrd when you ave to be the rock for everyone else, when inside you just want to fall apart.

You've told your dad now the reality of the situation, hopefully once he's had time to obsorb it and deal with it in his own head he will be able to help you share the load.

I know that food is our comfort blanket, but all you can do it try not to take advantage of the situation in your own head. If you need it, eat it, but don't eat it just because it's there and you don't care.

I know it's a step back, but it doesn't matte, you got plenty of time to go forwards again. It's all about priorities, and CD just osn't one in this scenario.

Thinking of you x

 

[MinnieMel]

(((((HUGS)))))

I am so sorry about your nan. It is going to be difficult to not tell your dad, et al what they want to hear, but you are right -- she is probably tired of "fighting" it and wants peace.

I hope that your father and other family members can find solice in knowledge that she has lived a long and rich life. She is leaving a lot of good work (people) in her place, as she goes on to her much deserved rest.

As far as your diet goes: do what can as you can as you can.

I know that you do not want to be letting yourself down (adn it feels like you are) -- but you should not beat yourself up for having to deal with a stressful situation in whatever way works for you.

You'll figure this out... it is a stress reflex and you will find another means of coping. If not today, then one day soon.

My situation is nowhere near as stressful as yours, but I was "eating" for comfort the past few days (and not enjoying it one bit). I am going to have to find some other way to deal with my issues. It is like the banner someone has in their signature:

If hunger isn't the problem, then food isn't the answer.

I just wish I knew what was.

 

[Surfhunny]

Thank you Kerry and Mel x

 

[Surfhunny]

Oh man just when I thought things probably couldn't get much worse I've just been caught speeding I'd done 30 all the way through the village but on the way out there's a long wide slope and I picked up speed, going with the flow of traffic and hit 40 managed to slow back down as I saw the police car but it wasnt quick enough and he gave me such a smug look when I passed him.

I don't normally go that way either I don't know why I did today. Bloody typical that's all I freaking need, points on my license after the Audi incident last year. Another 6 months or so and they'd be able to offer me the speed awareness course again but hey ho.

 

[great things]

right sally! you know what i went through last year with my mum.... i know your stress, i know that inside you're dying with pain and emotion and outside you're a brick! i feel it all as i was there last year. this time last year my mum was out of it and still had her leg. i really do know what you're going through. you and i are very alike. our pain is taken away by the food that keeps us occupied from actually 'feeling the pain'! we are emotional eaters. i am beginning to think that this is it.... there's very little i can do except pick up the pieces after my emotional breakdown and start again with my diet! you dad isn't ignorant to you feelings either, he will know how much you are going through by the fact that you're eating! however, i know that you are showing him the only strength that you have and it takes its toll!

92 is an excellent age i must say, you're very lucky to still have her and all the knowledge that she must have shared with you over the years.

don't let food rule you. try now and get back to it, limit the damage.

as far as speeding is concerned, well..... it's just one of those things. at least you can do your speed awareness thing and not get points! you need a car with cruise control on it so you can set it at 30

please remember you minimins 'family' are here to support you in any way that we can!

:bighug:

 

[Surfhunny]

No speed awareness course for me :cry: , have done it within the last 3 years so its points and fine. It's just a pain in the backside really more than anything. Im frustrated at myself because I don't generally speed since I went on the course and I also don't usually go the way I went today, but mind was elsewhere and the speed just crept up going down the bank, which is exactly why the police seclude themselves at the bottom of it. Grrr.

Sitting around waiting for news about my gran is driving me insane. The district nurse has arranged for her to go into respite care home but we all think she needs to be in hospital, so waiting for the doctor to come out, been waiting for an urgent visit since 9am, it's appalling really.

 

[MinnieMel]

Are you sure you got clocked? The smug look might have been because he noticed you slowing down. Fingers crossed that there is no ticket, and that your nan's care gets sorted properly and soon.

 

[Surfhunny]

Are you sure you got clocked? The smug look might have been because he noticed you slowing down. Fingers crossed that there is no ticket, and that your nan's care gets sorted properly and soon.

I'm pretty certain because I didn't notice in time. But do you know what, I'm beyond caring now, so much for 2012 bringing lots to look forward to.

At least my gran has been moved into a hospice now, she thinks she's there for respite care for a couple of weeks until she's better. And it's best to let her think that or she wouldn't have gone quite as easily as she has.

I'm not looking forward to being nights tonight but at least I've had today off.

 

[great things]

hey do you know what.... i was stressing for weeks about the one on the A66 pennine route. still waiting for it and it's about 10 weeks gone..... they have 14 days to send you notification through the post. i was so sure i'd got caught. it could be he got someone before you and he just 'loves' his job so much!

 

[MinnieMel]

I hope tonight goes well. I am glad your nan is a good place. I am hoping that he did not "clock" you.

 

[Surfhunny]

I hope tonight goes well. I am glad your nan is a good place. I am hoping that he did not "clock" you.

I'm hoping he was focussed on the white van in front of me instead.

 

[lyndzi76]

I'm so sorry about your nan. I completely understand about the comfort eating thing. I'm having exactly the same my Gran is also very ill and along with my car breaking, not knowing what's going on with me returning to work after maternity leave amd a teething baby CD has gone out the window.
My DH keeps telling me.slowly slowly catch a monkey but I don't want that. The whole reason I'm doing CD is for the fast results.

Good luck and hope you can be strong. x x

 

[MinnieMel]

Morning Sal,

I hope work went well last night. That sounds very likely -- the van and not you. Fingers crossed!

 

[Surfhunny]

I am trying to pull myself together today. I really need to get back on with CD and not let this food thing consume me again. I was talking to my friend last night about it and she said that it's too easy to let it take hold and before I know it I'll be thinking 'whats the point'. She said to try and get back in control while I still feel like I have to do it, because once that feeling has gone it'll be even harder. She explained it a whole lot better than that though.

I have a week until I weigh in again because I'm working late on friday when I usually wi, so I've got a week to try and undo the damage and see if I can manage an sts. I need to be seeing losses on the scales every week from then on. My motivation is the numbers on the scales and if they don't go down my motivation goes out of the window completely, which is why I was so successful the first time round. I never once STS or gained until right near the end.

I have to focus further ahead, I must keep reminding myself that I cannot go to Florida like this, it will be horrible. I'm absolutely NOT being the fat one this time. I need this! I just wish I had the willpower at the moment to get back into ketosis, once I'm back in the pink I'll find it easier.

 

[MinnieMel]

(((((HUGS))))) Sal. You can do this.

 

[Surfhunny]

Thank you I hope so! I have to!!

 

[great things]

we are in it together. i'm back at it today. was wanting to pee every 2 seconds.... not good when i'm teaching in a class!

 

[MinnieMel]

we are in it together. i'm back at it today. was wanting to pee every 2 seconds.... not good when i'm teaching in a class!

Get some of those super Tenalady things!

Happy Thursday, Sal.

How is it going?

 

[*Shanny*]

Evening sal ive missed posting well done on your 4 lbs loss xx