Urgh I feel miserable and totally fed up with myself:cry:. I started the day the same way I start every day, feeling strong and determined but by 9am it all went to pot!! I've had a terrible day today, I got hauled into the office and had a 20 minute b*ll*cking:flamingmad:, none of the things were anything to do with me, but because I've been incharge of the team for the last 2 weeks apparently it was all my responsiblility, blah blah blah, the woman all but called me incompetent and it was totally undeserved.:sigh2: The two weeks ran smoothly and all the jobs that needed doing got done.... I have a feeling that a certain person has been in the office *****ing about me to the boss because she's jealous of how I handled everything and I get more respect than she does for it... I know that makes me sound big headed, but I know I do a good job, so to be critised unfairly really got to me. Luckily I managed not to cry in front of the boss but I've spent all day under a big black cloud!!
To fuel my little self pity binge someone had brought in the biggest tin of Quality Street I've ever seen and I must've had at least 20 of them:17729:. I haven't had 2 of my shakes today because I can't face the extra calories, I know this is a really bad thing to do, but I'm just filling up on water and I'll be back to it tomorrow.
I feel lousy:cry:, and the fact that my brother is doing CD again hasn't proved the help I hope it would be, all it's doing is making me feel worse about myself!! :sigh:He's so strong and is sticking to it with no bother at all, while I fail at every little hurdle, I take 1 step forward and 2 steps back
. It p*sses me off that I keep failing, and watching my brother sailing through each day without a bother is making me feel worse.
I rang my CDC earlier and she's advised me to keep a diary about how I feel each time I'm tempted to eat I need to write in it why I want to eat and what I'm feeling at the time:break_diet:. She said it's a pain in the backside, but it identifies patterns and the act of writing it down should distract me from eating or wanting to eat.
I've managed to talk myself out of having a take away tonight to make myself feel better. I know it won't, and I'll just end up feeling worse than I do now if thats possible. I don't feel like I can really talk to anyone about how I'm feeling because, my bro has no sympathy and doesn't understand why I can't just get on and do it. My CDC is at a bit of a loss with what to do with me too and I feel totally out of control and alone with it all. :cry::cry::cry: