The diary of a spod.
- Thread starter spod
- Start date
spod
needs to get out more!
Hi everyone,
Here I am back in sunny Blighty...its sooo cold!
The mess continues....Its now officially a 'trial seperation'. We talked and talked the last night I was there and all his work collegues and our friends have been telling him he will miss me when I have gone, so he asked if it could be a trial seperation rather it just being over. Is this a good sign???? He has said tho that he doesnt think he will change his mind, but it seems like he must be wondering if it was the right thing to do, mustn't he? The way he has behaved, (getting really upset, crying (he never cries), and being very cuddly - we have been sleeping in the same bed for the last 2 nights I was there) isnt the behaviour of someone who wants their wife to leave. I dont think anyway.
Trying really hard not to get my hopes up, but deap down I have.
Did nothing but think for the majority of my journey (the whole 15 hours of it) as there was no tv to watch (2 really awful films were shown which I didnt bother see). I slept for about 2 hours and read half of my book but the rest of the time I just thought about stuff.
Weird being back in the UK and quite honestly I dont want to be here. My parents are being good about me being back, but I am really missing all my friends and my way of life (and obviously my OH). and i have decided to accept the job that has been offered. If OH and I decide to sort things out, then great. If not I have a job where it sounds interesting and I can save a lot of money so that I can set myself up financially.
Ho hum. Need to go and have breakfast. Will catch up properly later.
Thank you for thinking of me. I am honestly feeling a bit better, just trying not to get my hopes up too much. I know you dont know him, but it does sound more possitive doesnt it?? Or am I deluding myself??!
xx
Here I am back in sunny Blighty...its sooo cold!
The mess continues....Its now officially a 'trial seperation'. We talked and talked the last night I was there and all his work collegues and our friends have been telling him he will miss me when I have gone, so he asked if it could be a trial seperation rather it just being over. Is this a good sign???? He has said tho that he doesnt think he will change his mind, but it seems like he must be wondering if it was the right thing to do, mustn't he? The way he has behaved, (getting really upset, crying (he never cries), and being very cuddly - we have been sleeping in the same bed for the last 2 nights I was there) isnt the behaviour of someone who wants their wife to leave. I dont think anyway.
Trying really hard not to get my hopes up, but deap down I have.
Did nothing but think for the majority of my journey (the whole 15 hours of it) as there was no tv to watch (2 really awful films were shown which I didnt bother see). I slept for about 2 hours and read half of my book but the rest of the time I just thought about stuff.
Weird being back in the UK and quite honestly I dont want to be here. My parents are being good about me being back, but I am really missing all my friends and my way of life (and obviously my OH). and i have decided to accept the job that has been offered. If OH and I decide to sort things out, then great. If not I have a job where it sounds interesting and I can save a lot of money so that I can set myself up financially.
Ho hum. Need to go and have breakfast. Will catch up properly later.
Thank you for thinking of me. I am honestly feeling a bit better, just trying not to get my hopes up too much. I know you dont know him, but it does sound more possitive doesnt it?? Or am I deluding myself??!
xx
BBlilsis
My 3 Furry Amigos
Hi Spod, really glad to hear you've made it home safe. In my opinion your not deluding yourself, its good that yourself and hubby have talked and reassessed a little, keep your strength and attitude high and the rest will follow in time.
Wow your flight must have given you loads of time to think, cuz its like a stronger more determined Spod thats arrived on UK shores, so well done :gen126: congrats on deciding to take the job, it sounds like a great offer and keeps you moving in the right direction, up and forward, talk later xx
Wow your flight must have given you loads of time to think, cuz its like a stronger more determined Spod thats arrived on UK shores, so well done :gen126: congrats on deciding to take the job, it sounds like a great offer and keeps you moving in the right direction, up and forward, talk later xx
spod
needs to get out more!
Thanks Lily and Clarri,
I do feel a lot stronger. I will be gutted if it doesnt work out :sigh:, but I am taking control of my life and the job is an excellent opportunity to set myself up for the future. Its not China that I have a problem with, just my OH!!
Spoke to a friend last night and she said she knows my other friends will support me whatever I decide to do.
Emailed China friends and they are really please I have decided to go back.
Felt a lot better knowing that there are people on both sides of the planet who care! Not heard from OH today and I havent contacted him. Will send him an email over the weekend, but giving him some space so he can think too.
So, back to business. Food diary.
Having problems with food. Dont know what to eat! Only been away 5 months and got used to Chinese meals and meal times...Am going to have to work really hard with this whilst I am here. Have told my parents out right that I am still losing weight and my mom said she will do it with me whilst I am here, which is good.
Yesterday:
Breakfast: 1 piece of toast with proper marmite (oh yea!) & no spread (go me!)
Lunch: mushroom soup and 1 bread roll
Dinner: beef and guinness casserole, half a jacket potato and green beans and peas.
Drank a lot of water and orange juice.
Ate a jam doughnut
but it wasnt v. big.
Exercise: Walked to the shops and back (about 20 mins altogether)
Today:
Breakfast: cocoa pops and semi skimmed milk (I know thats a bad breakfast)
Lunch: tomato soup (WW no cal soup) and a bread roll
2 clementines
Dinner will be: toad in the hole (small with 1 sausage), and veg.
said no to cakes when my Dad was trying to buy them in M&S (and so he got them for the rest of my family & didnt try and make me have any, bless his little cotton socks - thats Dad support for you!), so got grapes instead.
Exercise: did 30 mins of tai ji and on my bro's tread mill ellipses thing & rowing machine (burnt off 110 cals on machines + what ever tai ji burns off).
Need to keep up this losing weight thing - it would be so easy to put it back on / not lose any more whilst I am here and I cant afford to do that.
Weight this morning on parent's scales is 78.8kg (it was also a lot of other weights in different places but this one matched my scales at home)
Going to try and do 30 mins exercise every day to try and speed up the weight loss. Want to get to 76kg for xmas still, but dont know if I will make it?? Might have left it a bit too late. Ho hum. (Just add that to the list of other things I have failed at...)
Thanks for your continuing support, it appreciated.
xx
I do feel a lot stronger. I will be gutted if it doesnt work out :sigh:, but I am taking control of my life and the job is an excellent opportunity to set myself up for the future. Its not China that I have a problem with, just my OH!!
Spoke to a friend last night and she said she knows my other friends will support me whatever I decide to do.
Emailed China friends and they are really please I have decided to go back.
Felt a lot better knowing that there are people on both sides of the planet who care! Not heard from OH today and I havent contacted him. Will send him an email over the weekend, but giving him some space so he can think too.
So, back to business. Food diary.
Having problems with food. Dont know what to eat! Only been away 5 months and got used to Chinese meals and meal times...Am going to have to work really hard with this whilst I am here. Have told my parents out right that I am still losing weight and my mom said she will do it with me whilst I am here, which is good.
Yesterday:
Breakfast: 1 piece of toast with proper marmite (oh yea!) & no spread (go me!)
Lunch: mushroom soup and 1 bread roll
Dinner: beef and guinness casserole, half a jacket potato and green beans and peas.
Drank a lot of water and orange juice.
Ate a jam doughnut
but it wasnt v. big. Exercise: Walked to the shops and back (about 20 mins altogether)
Today:
Breakfast: cocoa pops and semi skimmed milk (I know thats a bad breakfast)
Lunch: tomato soup (WW no cal soup) and a bread roll
2 clementines
Dinner will be: toad in the hole (small with 1 sausage), and veg.
said no to cakes when my Dad was trying to buy them in M&S (and so he got them for the rest of my family & didnt try and make me have any, bless his little cotton socks - thats Dad support for you!), so got grapes instead.
Exercise: did 30 mins of tai ji and on my bro's tread mill ellipses thing & rowing machine (burnt off 110 cals on machines + what ever tai ji burns off).
Need to keep up this losing weight thing - it would be so easy to put it back on / not lose any more whilst I am here and I cant afford to do that.
Weight this morning on parent's scales is 78.8kg (it was also a lot of other weights in different places but this one matched my scales at home)
Going to try and do 30 mins exercise every day to try and speed up the weight loss. Want to get to 76kg for xmas still, but dont know if I will make it?? Might have left it a bit too late. Ho hum. (Just add that to the list of other things I have failed at...
) Thanks for your continuing support, it appreciated.
xx
abz
Gold Member
hey there spod darling. just saw your message on my diary. i don't think you are being silly. i agree that it sounds like he's reassessing the situation. i'm glad that you've decided to take the job that's been offered. it is something very positive for you and you alone. and i think that's important right now.
you are obviously a very special person having people all over the world that care about you. look after yourself honey. buy a big woolly jumper
abz xx
you are obviously a very special person having people all over the world that care about you. look after yourself honey. buy a big woolly jumper
abz xx
spod
needs to get out more!
Hiya (and hi Elle too!) and thanks again everyone. I am feisty. Have decided that I need my feistiness back, its been lost too long!
I can honestly say I am so glad I know all of you. You are such lovely people to care about the ramblings of some weirdo who ups sticks and moves to the other side of the planet because they might as well try. (couldnt think of anything else to do his summer!)
I really, really appreciate everything you have said and the time you have taken to talk to me / listen to my inane ramblings.
If the world was full of people like you it would be a far superior place.
Thats wot I fink anyway. :hug99:
So, up date on OH. He sent me random texts last night in Chinese which I had to translate but only really said good night sweet dreams and told me a bit about his day. All conversation started by him. This morning I had texts saying he was with one of our friends and asked a question related to work, which I replied too. I am trying to give him space and he keeps the contact up. I think this is a good sign, but again, not getting my hopes up.
Anyway, today I went boot shopping (for knee high boots - wasnt optimistic) and my mom convinced me to try on some pull on boots from Next. (Next and I have had issues with my fat legs and knee high boots for many a year...) And they fitted!!!! I am now the owner of knee high boots and not from a fat person shop. Woohoo!
Off to do some exercise cos my mom is making a ginger cake and I want to have some, but I wont eat any unless I have done at least 30 mins exercise first and burnt off at least 120 cals.
Hope you are all having a fabulous Saturday. Its weird being in the same time zone as you!:grouphugg:
xx
I can honestly say I am so glad I know all of you. You are such lovely people to care about the ramblings of some weirdo who ups sticks and moves to the other side of the planet because they might as well try. (couldnt think of anything else to do his summer!)
I really, really appreciate everything you have said and the time you have taken to talk to me / listen to my inane ramblings.
If the world was full of people like you it would be a far superior place.
Thats wot I fink anyway. :hug99:
So, up date on OH. He sent me random texts last night in Chinese which I had to translate but only really said good night sweet dreams and told me a bit about his day. All conversation started by him. This morning I had texts saying he was with one of our friends and asked a question related to work, which I replied too. I am trying to give him space and he keeps the contact up. I think this is a good sign, but again, not getting my hopes up.
Anyway, today I went boot shopping (for knee high boots - wasnt optimistic) and my mom convinced me to try on some pull on boots from Next. (Next and I have had issues with my fat legs and knee high boots for many a year...) And they fitted!!!! I am now the owner of knee high boots and not from a fat person shop. Woohoo!
Off to do some exercise cos my mom is making a ginger cake and I want to have some, but I wont eat any unless I have done at least 30 mins exercise first and burnt off at least 120 cals.
Hope you are all having a fabulous Saturday. Its weird being in the same time zone as you!:grouphugg:
xx
Awe knee high boots!!! Have a killer pair just sitting there in the cupboard waiting for me. They will be mine again!!!!! Bet you are strutting about big style in them. Fabulous eh? Good on ya!!!
Things are sounding much more positive for you and you are doing the right thing there, giving space and you're getting some too which is obviously doing you good. Get yer freak on hen!!! xxxxxxx
Things are sounding much more positive for you and you are doing the right thing there, giving space and you're getting some too which is obviously doing you good. Get yer freak on hen!!! xxxxxxx
spod
needs to get out more!
Feel bl**dy stupid now. He sent an email asking me to put down how I was feeling / what I had thought about stuff, so I did and I have just sent it and txt him that he has an email and he replies he is in a bar by the lake having a great night out. Great. So I feel like cr*p about this whole thing and he's out getting p*ssed as if nothing has happened. Wish I hadnt sent it and I wish I hadnt got my hopes up. I am so bl**dy stupid.
Should have just listened when he said it was over and moved on.
Should have just listened when he said it was over and moved on.
caws
Gold Member
Aww Spod, just caught up with things after what seems like ages.
So sorry to hear about everything *huggles*
Good luck and take care. You'll have good and bad days. Think of yourself - I know your OH hasn't been well but it's been difficult for you for months (and longer) Use this time as breathing space - you will pick yourself up, dust yourself down and find yourself again.
I've been divorced twice so know that life goes on !
So sorry to hear about everything *huggles*
Good luck and take care. You'll have good and bad days. Think of yourself - I know your OH hasn't been well but it's been difficult for you for months (and longer) Use this time as breathing space - you will pick yourself up, dust yourself down and find yourself again.
I've been divorced twice so know that life goes on !
