The diary of a spod.

[spod]

Afternoon all,

Thanks for your lovely messages, I was on a bit of a downer yesterday - it honestly came as a bit of a shock to see those photos, cos all the others I have seen recently I didnt look too bad (not great but not too awful)

I have had to ask those questions to myself to make sure I dont end up in that situation again. Although yesterday ended up being cr*p self-esteem wise, it has made me realise what the underlying problems were, so I guess it had a positive outcome... and you are right, I shouldnt beat myself up over it and the past is the past.

So today, like I said yesterday I am more determined to do this. I have to leave what has happened in the past, the comments, the negative nasty people etc and show them (and me) that I am not the fat, ugly, stupid person they convinced me I must be.

So nicking Silence's credit system here we go:

I have lost 16kg since 1st July
I am half way to my weight target.
I moved half way round the world to support my husband despite it being the hardest decision I have had to make so far in my life.
I moved to a country where I knew no one, spoke none of the language and didnt know the area and I am managing pretty well.
I have a husband & friends who love me for being me.
I am a good teacher and my year 6 kids got the highest SATs results the school had ever had.
I have walked away from 2 abusive relationships because I realised I was worth more than that.
I asked questions of myself I had been avoiding and its sorted my head out so I no what not to do in the future.
I am more determined to lose this weight.
I have eaten sensibly so far and I will make sensible food choices this evening.
I walked the long way home from the supermarket.

What doesnt kill us, makes us stronger, right?

Onwards and downwards!!

xx

 

[abz]

sounds like your head is back in the game spod welcome back

good to hear today is a brighter day for you. and of course those photos could just have been bad photos and not a reflection of you at all... just a thought

abz xx

 

[spod]

sounds like your head is back in the game spod welcome back

good to hear today is a brighter day for you. and of course those photos could just have been bad photos and not a reflection of you at all... just a thought

abz xx

Bless your little cotton socks Abz! You always look on the bright side!! Unfortunately I am just a big, fat heffa and thats what the photos reflected. (all be it not such a big fat heffa as I was)


Note to self: stand up any time a camera is pointed in my direction...

xx

 

[abz]

ha. i know that feeling. it's either that or the 'casually draped arm' over where all my flab is. and when you see the pics all you can think is, 'look at all that flab my arm is trying to hide'. hee.

abz xx

 

[clarri]

Oh I have just caught up with yesterday and this morning, sorry, mad day yest. sorry you were feeling the funk yesterday. But CREDIT YOU your credit list is fantastic. Please write it out and put into your bag. And read it when you are feeling the funk!! You are doing absolutely amazing and you need to tell yourself that. over 2 stone gone is amazing. You are amazing.
Hugs
xxx

 

[Silence]

Excellent credit list spod!!!
You should write it out and look at it whenever you feel crap about yourself.
Onwards and downwards. Amen to that.

Abz - I laughed so hard I choked on my tea at the comment about your arm - I do the same thing!!!

~Silence~

 

[Janey2004]

Brilliant credit list Megan!!!! you've acheived so much, time to give yourself a huge pat on the back there girl xxxx

 

[spod]

Morning all,

Hope you are ok and fast asleep as I type this. Its a beautiful sunny day here today and I can actually talk! woohoo! Its sore if I talk for too long, but I think I have broken the back of it, so to speak and starting to feel more human which I am relieved about.

Anyhoo, wanted to say a huge :thankyou:
for keeping me positive and being supportive and listening to me moan and making me smile!

:grouphugg:


This credit thing is good, will have to get a bag / box thing to put them in to remind myself on occassions that I am not a waste of space and useless.

OMG - I hadnt realised other people did the whole 'cover podge with arm' thing. It so doesnt work, so why do we try??!!

Have decided to have a bit of an over haul of my life (cos I am wasting a lot of time!) and have signed up for chinese lessons to learn it properly.
Will write myself a timetable of chores & stuff I have to do at home and the things I want to do, which at the moment I dont feel like I have time for.

I also wont be going in to work early any more because my boss & the uni are taking the p*ss. I work part time, so I need to start behaving as if I do (not working full time and getting paid for part time...) I will be there for the hours I am contracted for and possibly a couple of hours more if I have assignments to mark, but that will be it.

Hopefully that will mean that I have spare time to do the things I want to do rather than spending my spare time doing stuff I have to like washing & ironing.

Sounds like a plan. Lets see if I can stick to it nxt week.... off to write my timetable of chores / things I have to do.

Will be back later to fill in food diary...being good today. No weight gaining.

Onwards and downwards!

xx

 

[spod]

Oh the joys of facebook...!

Well my little over the seas chums, what an interesting day I have had...

Start with the food:
Been v. good & eaten v. healthily.

Breakfast: steamed bun, yalkult drinky thing. Warm water & orange.
Lunch: marmite sandwich. oh yes. proper bread (not sweetened), a little margarine and marmite (New Zealand stuff, not proper :sigh: ...a girl can dream...)
Dinner: sichaun: fish, chilli & ginger soup, sweet potato, spicy onion chicken, potato & pork stew. (a little bit of everything - good with portion sizes!) but I made sure I filled up on the soup (it was basically the water the fish had been cooked in and flavoured with chillies, ginger, oil & random other spices)

Dinner tomorrow we are going to a dumpling restaurant!! Love dumplings, so it should be great hopefully!! Husband is going away on business for the weekend and is really miffed we are going to go tomorrow night. Oh well, he is going to get p*ssed with his work mates so I am going out too. (but cant drink...ho hum, will stick with tea)

So back to my interesting day....

Received a message in my inbox on Facebook, from a friend in the UK who I have known for 12 years who has just got engaged. We were very close for years, he introduced me to his best mate (who is now an ex) who I lived with for a couple of years before it went pear shaped. He was always (*is*) like a brother to me and has supported me through some tough times. I sent him a congratulations message to basically get the reply that he would rather be marrying me and has loved me since we were 17 and how heart broken he was at my wedding...etc etc. you get the picture. To say I am suprised would be an understatement. Dont know how to react to that one - advice would be appreciated! Obviously nowt is going to happen, I am married and live on the otherside of the world but how do I now approach this???

Cheers me dears!

xx

 

[Janey2004]

Oh Spod, what an interesting development! Not sure how I would react to that too. Wish I could be of more help hen. xxxxxx

 

[spod]

Think I will just carry on as if it was never mentioned!

Husband in a really bad mood this morning and has gone away for the weekend for work. He did the whole pretty much silent thing which makes me feel really uncomfortable cos I always think he is annoyed with me when he does it.... and now I will be worrying for the whole weekend about whether he is annoyed with me or not.

I am aware that there are other things in the world he can be annoyed with other than me and his back is really sore and he has to sit on a coach for 4 hours to get there and then 4 hours to get back, but it still makes me worry that its something I have done or said.

AAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

xx

 

[Janey2004]

know exactly what you mean Spod. My hubb has the knack of snapping my face off just as I'm about to leave or he is, then you're left feeling lke poo all day. Can you text him? I usually do. Then I get the "I'm fine dear" text. MMMMMM that always tells me a lot. (((((hugs)))) I would probably do the same with the other situation too. xxx

 

[spod]

Men!!!!! I really hate it when he does that! (which he often does - although less frequently than in the UK) and I do worry all day. I dont know if he realises that, but to be honest he would just say it was my problem...

Yea, I sent him a text and we had a chat via texts whilst he was on the bus and when he got there. Apparently his back is really bad...so I hoping his collegue who has gone with him can sort out a massage place for him to go otherwise he is going to be in awful lot of pain by the time he comes home tomorrow.

I, on the other hand, have had a lovely afternoon (other than worrying about if he is ok & how his back will be by tomorrow night). Met one of my friends for a nice pot of tea, then we met up with more friends and went to the most gorgeous dumpling restaurant. Then as we were leaving we met the gorgeous bloke I work with and his mate (seriously lovely in every way :giggle. Now I am home for a bath and v. early night. Would loved to have gone for a drink with them, but I am still feeling a bit iffy with the old throat so I didnt want to over do it.

So food today:

Breakfast: steamed bun, yakult thing & green tea.
Lunch: marmite (& a little bit of cheese) sandwich
Dinner: 8 dumplings (they are only small!!), 1 mouthful of pork, 1 mouthful of duck. Dumpling soup to drink (who are they trying to kid?? Not soup - its the water the dumplings are cooked in)

So been pretty good, but not had enough to drink through out the day which is naughty and must be rectified tomorrow!!

Hope you are all having a good day.

xx

 

[Janey2004]

Sounds like a lovely day, with nice eye candy too Those dumplings sound so lovely, just salivating at the thought. It was probably that your other half was in pain, but that doesn't negate the fact that it made you feel bad. Glad you're managing to eat a wee bit more. that bad throat of yours ain't giving up the ghost! Hopefull you'll be 100% soon xxxxxx

 

[abz]

hey there spod. glad to hear you're feeling better. however you've given me your lurgy!! i'm at work with a chest infection and i'm really not happy about it!! ha.

docs tomorrow methinks!!

abz xx

 

[BBlilsis]

Hey Spod, glad to hear your recovering a bit and getting some food into ya, eating will help the recovery, or so peeps keep telling me

Abz, sorry to hear your coming down with an infection, if I were you I'd get to a doc asap, its a nasty dose, mine just won't go away no mater what I do

 

[spod]

Oh no Abz! Sorry to hear you are ill. I blame Lily - shes the one with a chest infection!!! If its not laryngitis its not my fault!!!!

Lily - sorry to hear you arent better yet - it sounds likes its really knocked you off your feet. Have you been back to the doctors yet?

Janey - He is seriously lovely to look at and a just a thoroughly lovely bloke too, we spend a lot of time at work together 'cos we do the same office and teaching hours. (And he speaks Chinese with an Irish accent which is v. funny!)
The dumplings were great!! We are planning on going back during the week.

Happy St Andrew's Day! and double celebration cos Wales beat Australia in the Rugby. Hurray!!! Thats all my family happy!

So today; food been really good!!

Breakfast: steamed bun, yakult & green tea.
Lunch: carrot soup & warm water to drink
Dinner: one of my fave restaurants (it was great!!) mashed potato and gravy, lamb bbq and green salad (weird mixture I know but somehow it goes...)
Drank strawberry and raspberry tea. yum.

So now v. full and happy cos Ive been healthy and had lovely food.

My throat is nearly back to normal, so thats v. good too.

Hope you are all having a great Sunday.

xx

 

[Silence]

Glad to see you're feeling better spod!
Keep up the good work. Hope your OH is feeling better!

~Silence~

 

[Janey2004]

Hiya, just popping my head in Hope all is well xxxxxxx

 

[Silence]

Where did you disappear to spod???

~Silence~