The journey continues!

Hi Cybill, i have just read through your thread and i could have written it. Im starting Exante this week after loosing 5 stone a couple of years ago and putting 4 stone back on. I know exactly what you mean about hiding behind weight, i feel as though i have always been big so thats how i feel safest, although unhappy! Its strange its almost like im scared to be thought of as slim and sexy!!! Well done on your weight loss!!! xoxoxox
 
I went charity shop shopping this morning, and have found a lovely suit for work in a royal purple which I love. It's too small for me at the moment, but I've bought it to try and give me a soonish goal to get to. I can't wait to wear it to work, as I love wearing bright colours, and most of the work clothes I have at the moment are darker / duller colours.

I'm half way through day 3 back on TS, and my energy is starting to come back and my breathing is better too; I am so determined to see this through and work through whatever issues it's showing up.

I bought the Beck audio CD a couple of weeks ago, but hadn't started listening to it yet. I've just sat here and done some embroidery and listened to the first CD. I've written up my reasons why I want to lose weight. I think I might make them up into a border to go round my poster too. I've not put my poster up yet, so I think I'll sort out the border and then get it up on to the wall to keep myself focused.

It's been good to stop and do something positive... what I felt like doing when little one went to sleep was get some chocolate and curl up on the sofa and watch some telly - feels good to have listened to the cd and done some stitching which I'm really pleased with. I just need to keep fighting these sabotaging thoughts as they come up.

Well, getting through day 3 on TS :)
 
Right, sorted out my poster and got it stuck up in the hall (on top of my previously favourite picture of elephants).

Managed to resist the milky way stars... I don't even particularly like them, but they've been calling me all evening.... I've painted my nails 3 evenings in a row now.... whatever works! Anyway, time to go to bed now, end of day 3 :)
 
Well done on resisting

xxx
 
Had a lovely day, been out on my bike this evening, managed 7 miles, which I'm pleased with. Went to a friends for dinner. I was going to be good and have the chicken & veg.... but then got tempted by dessert... Had a small piece of carrot cake, which was delicious, but back to day 1 tomorrow TS.

Day 2 of Beck completed.... although not sure they'd classify this is reasonable diet number 1, with Atkins as my back up ....

Reading my reasons to diet again, I think I need to tattoo them on my forehead.
 
Thanks Charlie, I was like that in January. When I started back on my bike, I just went round the block, so that I wouldn't have too far to walk if I couldn't make it! It's amazing when I look back at how my confidence and stamina has grown in just a couple of months. I'm hoping to start cycling to work in the summer - my aim is to try and build some fitness stuff into every day life, so that it just becomes part of what I do :)
 
Great cycling, that's a fair distance. I don't think beck is aimed at VLCD that much, however it's not incompatible and I think it's great to get all the practice in for normal eating too, I have a feeling it will make the transition back way easier. I've chosen Atkins as my back up too.
 
Smallerme said:
Great cycling, that's a fair distance. I don't think beck is aimed at VLCD that much, however it's not incompatible and I think it's great to get all the practice in for normal eating too, I have a feeling it will make the transition back way easier. I've chosen Atkins as my back up too.
Click to expand...

That's my hope, to try and get me ready for dealing with normal food (as given my performance in the last month, I seem to just want to go crazy when I have even a little bit of normal food), I really want to gear myself up with whatever help / support /new ways of thinking I need to manage the transition back to food - and find a way to handle it for life that doesn't involve pinging back on all this weight.
 
So cross with myself again today. I'm finding it really hard.

I had my work medical yesterday, and the guy was really annoying. He clearly thought a VLCD was awful, and told me so - now I don't mind people saying that once, sharing their opinion with me, but he kept coming back to it again and again, it was really rude. All the other things they measured came back as great, so my fitness was very good, my cholesterol was low, my blood sugar was fine etc, etc... just that he thought my choice of diet was wrong - I made it very clear to him that I understood about different diets, why I had chosen this one and that it was none of his business... to my mind it's a good achievement to have lost 6 stone, I'm really struggling with being this weight now, and having to deal with food at every meal would in my opinion, add to the difficulties I'm having at the moment. I feel really cross with him.... but even more cross with myself that I've let it get to me. He went on and on about how I would just put all the weight back on, and that it was silly etc etc... I think I may complain to Nuffield about him. But anyway, I've then behaved stupidly today, and munched through far too much chocolate that appeared at work today. It was put on the desk next to mine, and stupidly I left it there, and then grazed on it. Finally this afternoon I took action and moved it far away from me.

Argggg, still sabotaging myself. Why am I finding it so difficult. I'm also getting more comments from different friends / family, that the weight I'm at now is good. I should stop now, I've achieved enough. After all, they're overweight, I should just stick with where I've got to. To top it all, friends were saying, and the stupid guy at the hospital, that I shouldn't be looking at BMI as my target, that it doesn't tell the whole story.

I do know that, but I need to set myself a goal, and I haven't found any other way to set a goal. Stupid guy was saying I should just go until my clothes fit me well - I pointed out to him that my clothes have always fit me well, as I buy clothes for my size, and that really wasn't particularly helpful - it may be useful if you've put on a bit of weight at Christmas and have half a stone to lose, but given a healthy BMI was over 10 stone away when I started this, it wasn't a good enough measure for me.

Apparently my body fat is now 39%, which I think puts me on the border between overweight & obese, so maybe I'll work on that. Perhaps the scales you can get would help me here.

Argggg, time to go to bed, get my weigh in over and done with in the morning, and try and get back on track.

I'm going to stay with a really good friend in a week's time. I'm really looking forward to chatting it all through with her, and hopefully finding a way to get my head clear again. I've been looking at my goals again this evening, and trying to focus on what I want and block out all the other voices.

Sorry this is a bit of a low rambly post, feeling a bit overwhelmed tonight.
 
Omg this post has really got my goat! How dare anyone who doesn't know you even think they have the right to say that to you?
I'd defo be complaining!
Don't stress about it tho hun, I know it's easy for me to say, people like that don't often understand!
Your doing fab (but keep away from that chocolate ;) again easy for me to say) and only you will know when ur at ur ideal weight, when you feel comfortable and happy with how you look then you should decide to stop exante!!!

I'm totally with you on the sabotaging thing, I've lost and gained the same stone since November! I've restarted the beck book and I'm not gonna rush it, I'm thinking a page a day. See how I go on.

Right I'm going on a bit now lol

Ttfn x
 
Thanks Clair, I think I just needed to get it off my chest yesterday. Feeling a lot better this morning, had my shake and lots of water; just making a list for doing the shop at Asda, and I'm going to get some more different things to drink, as I've mostly just been having plain water recently, and I think some variety of drinks might help keep me on track.

Relieved when I got on the scales this morning that I've stayed the same this week, so now to just start getting it going back down again!
 
Just read your post re work medical - what ignorance - I'm sure you know that all the medical research shows you are no more likely to regain having done a VLCD than any other diet - it's simply returning to old habits that we have to avoid when we get where we want to be - which is the same for any dieter - losing easy (ish) maintaining (hard as has to be plan for life) hope you are feeling better and able to get over his negativity

you have done amazingly on this diet - you and starlight and some of the others are what has made me keep coming back

As for BMI it is a useful guide but a Consultant DR for a Diving medical I saw took one look at my frame/boobs and suggested that I would be perfectly fit and healthy at around 13 stone ish - which would still be a couple of stone I think off the healthy bracket of the BMI - I also need a goal which I feel I could sustain - I think you will know when you are happy with what you see when you look in the mirror, how you feel etc etc although BMI good guide - it's hard when people are telling you you've done enough but it's about how YOU feel

I love reading your progress and think you've done fabulously
and great willpower re choc - I;d have scoffed the lot
 
Thank you :) I was so frustrated with the guy at the hospital. I don't mind him having different views to mine, nor telling me once what he thought, but he just went on and on about it, and kept coming back to it. He refused to answer any of the legitimate questions I had, and just kept going on about the diet. I'm glad it was a work thing and not something I'd paid myself for.

I know for myself it's the right diet for me, when I'm on track with it I feel fantastic, so much energy. I'm also managing, albeit slowly, to get my weight closer to a healthier weight - I know I'm finding it hard because it's new ground for me; if I had food choices in the equation too, I'm not sure I'd make progress at the moment.

I think I will get a paper version of the Beck book, as I think I need to read it / concentrate on it in black and white.

He went on about how it's just glycogen & water that I've lost - I did explain to him that yes, the first week is mostly glycogen & water, but after nearly 6 months and 6 stone... I was actually losing fat at this point... argggggg! Anyway, feeling better in myself today. I bought some more Dr Pepper Zero at Asda this morning, and some of their different bars just for a bit of variety, that's at least still on track without diving for the chocolate!

You're right, I'm annoyed with myself for eating some of the chocolate, but at least I did eventually make the right decision and do something with it and not just eat all of it! Relieved that I stayed the same on the scales this week, and optimistic that next week might show a loss!
 
6 stone of water eh, wish they'd make up their minds, are we fat or is it all water ;) . Logic fail or what. I'm sorry to hear he treated you so disrespectfully, it's definitely worth complaining, he was giving personal opinion not medical opinion and he should know the difference between the two.

I'm furious on your behalf, you must be so cross with him, things like that can really knock onto your confidence. Loads of people regain weight, if they don't change their eating habits, you're an intelligent woman who is under no illusion that if you went back to your previous diet the weight will go on again. I really can't stand medics who talk like no one else has a shred of intelligence.

Don't let the asshat get you down. You are doing it in style, it is working for you and 6 stone is nothing short of amazing in such a short time span. Keep going, you inspire me to change for the better.
 
Thanks Smallerme, Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I realise he was out of line. Anyway, glad I'm back on track today, and so determined to get to whatever feels healthy for me, and I know this diet is the right one for me.
 
Woken up feeling lousy this morning. Just having a hot vanilla shake with cinnamon for the comfort factor - seems to be easing my sore throat. Really lucky Mum's home from holiday and was able to have DD today at short notice, so think I'm going to go back to bed and try and stock up on some sleep. Hopefully will be feeling brighter later.
 
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