The journey continues!

Hmmmm, wobbled along a bit more, but line drawn in the sand again, and back TS :)

I seem to be most likely to derail when I'm tired - and doing Children in Need, followed by two bad nights with my little one... I'm definitely very tired. Trying to use Coke Zero instead today, and going for an early night tonight!
 
It's tough when life gets in the way! Hope your little one is better and you get some well deserved rest. xx
 
Rachel, don't be hard on yourself - there are many of us in the same boat, and I think it's time for a :grouphugg:

I've started today (umpteenth time so now really embarrassed but will NOT :giveup:). I've actually started my Beck book which I bought in July :eek: .... we WILL do this together - I just need to be disciplined at popping on here to keep on track.

Good luck for the rest of today ...

Onwards and downwards :D

Cx
 
Rachel, don't be hard on yourself - there are many of us in the same boat, and I think it's time for a :grouphugg:

I've started today (umpteenth time so now really embarrassed but will NOT :giveup:). I've actually started my Beck book which I bought in July :eek: .... we WILL do this together - I just need to be disciplined at popping on here to keep on track.

Good luck for the rest of today ...

Onwards and downwards :D

Cx

Thanks for the hug C :) Much appreciated. I'm trying to make sure I give some time to minimins again, as I know I found it really helpful earlier in the year; and I've not been on it anywhere near as much recently. I just so want to finish this weight loss part of the journey, and start working on a more balanced relationship with food / find a way to maintain / live / be healthy. I know it must be possible; I just need to find what that looks like and feels like for me - I think that will be my challenge for 2012 :)
 
I'm feeling really cross with myself, really binged on chocolate & biscuits this morning (all in the name of essay procrastination - so doubly unhelpful, in that I've not made so much progress on the essay and I've eaten loads of chocolate & biscuits that I went and bought from the co-op.)

Thanks for the useful link Divster:

http://www.minimins.com/bring-your-.../449-why-soooo-different-2nd-time-around.html

I think this is helpful for me. This time last year, I was so large, and really really really needed to lose the weight. This year, I'm on the border of overweight and obese - which is feeling like quite a good place (much better than I've been for years); so I'm finding it harder to really be focused on why I'm doing this.

I know, it's all excuses really; and I have got a bit of a perfectionist streak - which really isn't helping me. I know that when I see things as black & white, that I'm either on 3 packs & strict, or I can jump off and devour chocolate. For me, learning balance (both food wise and life wise) is really important for me at the moment.

Life wise, I'm learning the balance between work, study, family and friends - and learning what's good enough (this time as a student, I can't pull an all nighter to get an essay done - as then I'm wiped for a week, as I can't have a lie-in with a 2 year old, to recover from it... she just doesn't get it!)

Anyway, I'm waffling around. I know I really do want to have achieved this goal (back to my achievement focus); but I'm still a bit nervous about having actually having achieved it and just getting on with life as a healthy person. However, I know that following a healthier lifestyle is rewarding for me in so many ways; not least that it means my asthma is a lot better, and I therefore have the energy to do the other things that I want to do in life.

So why, oh why, do I keep sabotaging myself? I think some of it is that somehow I feel I 'deserve' it, and I don't like to feel 'different' or 'deprived'... which is such crooked, wonky thinking. No-one that I consider normal or healthy thinks it's OK to go to the Co-op, buy a packet of biscuits, come home and hoover up the lot of them one after the other. So how do I catch myself when I first think 'hmmm, wandering to the Co-op and buying a biscuit is a good idea'. I think I need to go back to Beck, and really engage with the exercises again. I need to convince myself of No Choice, rather than accept my very feeble excuses for why today is a different day, and just one will be OK. I need to plan what I'm going to do with all the meals out / celebrations over Christmas, and what I actually am going to eat / want to eat, and actually stick to the plan I come up with.

I want to find a way to hold on to this, that is about me and about being healthy; that doesn't need the approval / nice comments about my looks / weight from other people to keep me going. Especially as I get closer to the healthy weight for me, as I'm nervous that people will start saying more negative things, and saying that I've lost enough already. Hmmm, this is really silly, as now I'm pre-empting the negative things that people might say (haven't even said recently), and using that as an excuse to not get on with what I've already decided that I want to do.

Hmmmm, I really am waffling lots now; Somehow I find it easier to waffle round the houses on here to try and work out what's going on in my head. Now it's just finding a way to use it to keep me going forwards, to keep me heading towards my goal, which really is about being healthy and being able to therefore do the things in life that really do matter to me - in particular being there for my daughter, and having the energy to do my studies at the moment.

OK, so line drawn again - no point drawing it for tomorrow morning. What's done this morning is done, but I can at least have a pack later today and water, and NO MORE CHOCOLATE!
 
Oh Rachel, you are so down on yourself :(, there are too many people who are down on us you don't do it to yourself.
As you said you have already achieved so much you have lost sight of your long-term goal. Being healthy for you and your daughter is what is important.
Pick yourself up hun, you know what your weakness is...chocolate!!
Can you keep chocolate as a treat once a weak so you don't feel the need to binge?

Waffle away hun only you know what you really want and how far you want to go on this journey. Hang in there hun you have come this far hope you decide to stick it out for the duration. xx
 
Rachel, get back to Beck NOW!!! You are not having "no choice" by doing VLCD, you are CHOOSING to do it. And, by choosing to follow the programme you are CHOOSING to be slim and healthy :) You can learn control techniques, and although life does get in the way you can find a way (your way) of dealing with it.

Good luck Rachel, we are all behind you, and know you can do it :hug99:

Cx
 
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I think I need to get this Beck book.
 
Ali, The Works had them on over the summer really cheap (can't remember exactly but £3-5 springs to mind). I also got the workbook from Amazon when it was on offer - amazingly this was in July and I've only just opened them :(
 
They are great books; I think the last few months I'd hoped that I'd learned enough and had been ignoring them. You're right, I am being down on myself; I think I just want to have finished this, and don't really want to have to work at it - which is wishful thinking - I think I' always going to have to be careful about my thinking about food, and need to get to a clearer place thinking about it all.

Anyway, on the plus side, since writing this, I've drunk 1.5 litres of water and haven't eaten anything else :)
 
Had a really good chat with a work friend at lunch today. I've decided I'm going to treat it like a work project, so over the next couple of days I'm going to work out my 'charter', detailing what I'm trying to achieve, why, what the risks are, what the benefits are; and to set out my milestones on the way!
She's agreed to be a diet coach for me, and I'll send her weekly 'project' updates - just like I would on a normal work project! I feel quite excited by it :)
 
Hi Rach.... its soo blooming hard just having the packs sometimes... as we said in my diary ..ya lose the big number and then its the last home run that seems so elusive..

great idea checking in with someone with the project management plan.. Anything that helps us to keep on track and banish the food demons once and for all is a plus...

Good luck huni and just focus on one day at a time xxxxxx You CAN do this xxxxxxxxx
 
Rachel, love the idea about treating it as a work project - "Project Slim You"!!!

Just take it a day at a time - I am, and yes it's hard, but remember habits are made and broken in a couple of weeks :)

Onwards and downwards

x
 
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Hey Cybill!

I can completely relate to how it's hard second time around. I lost a good chunk of weight six months ago. I only have another few pounds to lose, but I keep making excuses, and it never comes off! I think it's partly because I know I can actually do it, if that makes sense? My head says "Well, you've lost more weight previously than you need to lose now. So it's easy." Which means it's easy to keep putting off. The sense of urgency has gone. Plus I'm not that far from my goal, so I look "okay." Not GREAT... but okay. So the drive has diminished too.

Also, completely relate on the tiredness thing! I eat like a HORSE when I'm tired. I reckon it's my body's way of trying to give me some energy. Just crave sugar!
 
Hey Cybill!

I can completely relate to how it's hard second time around. I lost a good chunk of weight six months ago. I only have another few pounds to lose, but I keep making excuses, and it never comes off! I think it's partly because I know I can actually do it, if that makes sense? My head says "Well, you've lost more weight previously than you need to lose now. So it's easy." Which means it's easy to keep putting off. The sense of urgency has gone. Plus I'm not that far from my goal, so I look "okay." Not GREAT... but okay. So the drive has diminished too.

Also, completely relate on the tiredness thing! I eat like a HORSE when I'm tired. I reckon it's my body's way of trying to give me some energy. Just crave sugar!

Thanks Cherry Pie, it's reassuring to hear others encountering the same thing. I guess I'd just assumed this last bit would be easy; but at least now I'm starting to realise that this needs more focus rather than less. Exactly as you say, the urgency has gone, it feels good enough / sort of at the moment.

However, it must be possible to see this through all the way to healthy!

I heard on the radio that apparently 1 in 4 women in the UK are now obese, and 1 in 5 men. So now I'm right on the border of overweight & obese, that still means that 75% of women my height weigh less than me, so it has to be possible!
 
cybill said:
Thanks Cherry Pie, it's reassuring to hear others encountering the same thing. I guess I'd just assumed this last bit would be easy; but at least now I'm starting to realise that this needs more focus rather than less. Exactly as you say, the urgency has gone, it feels good enough / sort of at the moment.

However, it must be possible to see this through all the way to healthy!

I heard on the radio that apparently 1 in 4 women in the UK are now obese, and 1 in 5 men. So now I'm right on the border of overweight & obese, that still means that 75% of women my height weigh less than me, so it has to be possible!

Oh my word- as I live and breath this is me too!!
 
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