Step 1 Sole Source The Last Re-start!

wow well done Bev! I don't think I could be that strong with Chinese food around! It's my addiction lol

So - 1 & 1/4lbs put on this week :( so annoyed! but back on track now, 5 days til weigh in so could lose that and some more! Hoping for a good couple lbs this week. Still on 810. 2 weeks and 5 days til holiday time. Still time enough to lose 5lbs! Wiggle station and zumba look out this week, you're being hit hard!
 
How you doing Vikki? I'm sure you'll drop any gain in no time - 19 days is definitely enough for 5lbs+ !
 
Not too bad hun. Stuck to it yesterday and really enjoyed my garlic and chilli chicken and veg last nite - yummy!

On in 100% again today, just had a tetra this morning then I have a yoghurt bar for lunch then more chicken for tea and another yoghurt bar for pudding. Got half hour of wiggle station and an hour of zumba again tonight so hopefully shake some of these lbs away. Hoping for a couple of lbs this week, off what I was prior to the 1 & 1/4 lb gain last week :)

How's everyone else getting on xx
 
Sounds really good, carry on like that, and you'll lose more like 9lbs!
 
Hi all! I'm still fighting the good fight.... Broke my own cardinal rule and weighed myself yesterday am (well I had to. CDC was coming and insisted) 15 bl00dy stone exactly. What the heck did I EAT!!!!!! Okay. Breathe. Onwards. Another 100% day under my belt, looking calm on the surface but paddling away furiously to stay afloat and battle my mind demons underneath!

Saw orthopaedic surgeon today (could have really done without all the prodding of my right knee) and he's going to schedule me in for surgery. Who knows how far away that'll be, so not worrying about it and just dealing with today :)

I've been so shattered recently (alarmingly so!) unsure if this is the longest ever ketosis headache, or need my iron again or flu on the horizon. But can barely stay awake laspast 8pm :eek: these days!

So all in all not too bad - not having laptop, and phone wireless being temperamental doesn't help either! I need you guys :)

I hope the diet wins are piling up for everyone! xx
 
Hi all! I'm still fighting the good fight.... Broke my own cardinal rule and weighed myself yesterday am (well I had to. CDC was coming and insisted) 15 bl00dy stone exactly. What the heck did I EAT!!!!!! Okay. Breathe. Onwards. Another 100% day under my belt, looking calm on the surface but paddling away furiously to stay afloat and battle my mind demons underneath!

Saw orthopaedic surgeon today (could have really done without all the prodding of my right knee) and he's going to schedule me in for surgery. Who knows how far away that'll be, so not worrying about it and just dealing with today :)

I've been so shattered recently (alarmingly so!) unsure if this is the longest ever ketosis headache, or need my iron again or flu on the horizon. But can barely stay awake laspast 8pm :eek: these days!

So all in all not too bad - not having laptop, and phone wireless being temperamental doesn't help either! I need you guys :)

I hope the diet wins are piling up for everyone! xx


Welcome back Bev. Missed you xx.

It wont be too long till you are properly in keto and burning fresh fat (to quote cliq) :D.

Hope you have another wonderful 100% day today xx
 
Hi Bev, i know exactly what you mean about fighting the food fight and how does one gain 7 lbs in the blink of an eye? Been there done that and got the T Shirt!

Hope surgery gets done soon and you get sorted. Pain and illness don't go with vlcd or and diet for that matter.

Have a good day and hope ketosis headache goes soon. I am giving it another go on vlcd after 2 weeks of on for the week and off for the weekend. Got me no where but have found a new found determination out of nowhere it seems but this extra 7 lbs is just too awful and it has to go as quickly as I can get it off.
 
I just typed a big HUGE message and it's frigging disappeared!!!!!

So here I am at work taking a quick few minutes to re-type it.

Last night was a disaster. Self sabotage AGAIN. It's embarrassing, and makes me feel totally stupid and ashamed ... :break_diet:

Here's what happened - RC got in touch full of love, attention, hearts, flowers and sexy texts; as with men and buses, you know how this goes: I also met a lovely new guy (MH), and we got along so well we decided to exchange mobile numbers to continue the conversation (totally out of character for me!) - the WhatsApp chats and texts have been fun and crazy, sexy, cool (and if you get that reference you're as old as me lol)....

On top of that one of my sisters (M - the eldest) is acting bafflingly selfish because my Mum's carer dared to call two months ago and ask her to call/visit Mum as Mum was slipping out of the house and roaming looking for my sister (Alzheimers strikes again. Bl00dy disease) - so my eldest sis is sulking because "how dare she call me, who does she think she is?"; I pointed out this is exactly why we're paying the carer to be 'johnny-on-the-spot' five days a week - for exactly those kind of observations (as well as the live in care obviously), but it made no difference and she's decided to not help with having Mum ANY weekend nor visit. Her long running sibling rivalry with my middle sister has reared its ugly head and she snipes that E (middle sis) can be the "superstar" - she (M) is 'washing her hands of it' (?). I say all that because E always carries the whole burden every weekend (lives closest to Mum), and I chip in for long weekends when I can and when King Twat can drive her up. The downside is of course the exhaustion with my knee (luckily the ovarian surgery is out of the way and all is healed - touch wood! - but I can't use my crutch or knee brace when Mum stays over as it greatly distresses her), it all falls solely to me when Mum comes over so I don't sleep because she can't settle, and feels lost and depressed as the sun goes down (literally called 'sun-downing in Alzheimers), roams throughout the night so I don't sleep, then wakes up at first light etc, and king twat uses that as an excuse to stay over to drive Mum back - so is in my house throwing me longing looks, trying to touch me at every opportunity (*shudder*) for 2 or 3 days. Plus I will have to cook and entertain for all three days of the long bank holiday weekend, then come straight back to work, exhausted and depleted. I'm already running on empty. I want to run away, just take to the hills and keep running!

So. I binged like I was going for Olympic Gold!:eek: What the heck is wrong with me? I know better. I've worked my butt off to get this far. And I'm actually embarassed and sick of my own whingeing and bleating - they're all excuses. All. Of. Them. I overate because I'm addicted to comforting and soothing myself with food - well, I'm tired of eating my emotions, internalising my angst, and killing myself with food. I'm tired of it. I want a success story of my own.

Years ago I went on a fabulous counselling session (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - with NLP) and the HUGE breakthrough was that my 25 year old subconscious self had decided to protect me from mental, verbal and emotional abuse by overeating and getting Fat - thereby protecting me from King Twat. It worked. I got divorced and got strong; unfortunately my 'Fight or Flight' response to anxiety, fear, uncertainty or depression is 'Fight/EAT or Flight/EAT'. I have to stop. I'm 38! I HAVE to. I need to unlearn this behaviour. I need to believe that I deserve to be happy. And loved. And don't need titanium armour to survive romantic relationships (and King twat can jog on. He tries one of his creepy 'oh let me give you a casual hug hello then try to hang on, draped over you, with soulful gazes at your mouth, like a persistent case of head lice, hands trying to touch you .:9529:.. yuk!). I'm grown, surely I can handle the awkward and embarassing (for him!), the wonderous, and the new, with confidence and style without food?

At 15 stone I'm rapidly losing my grip on all I've fought for and achieved. My size 16s are tight, my face is bloated ... I'm sick of feeling embarassed and like I'm failing myself. I need an intervention guys. I need to wake the heck up to how far I've come and how far I need to go. I need to get that blasted ticker moving again!

I've got to get in the groove *sigh* I just don't know how.

Okay. Day 1. One hour, one day, one month at a time. I can lose a stone and get down to 14 stone by 1st June. I can. I can. I'm the pilot, the navigator and the Queen of my destiny. I am.

Goodness, I'm so sorry for this long essay guys and dolls :rolleyes: - but I actually feel slightly less frantic, I think having to write it twice helped me mentally, - and all my self-anger is here on this page, not rattling around in my head. Thank you for giving me a safe place to land :D I actually feel better xx
 
Hi bev, I know I'm new to this diary and haven't posted before, but I have been reading avidly for a while. I too am a serial self sabotager and an emotional eater (food = love, yawn at that old chestnut) and when it felt like my life was going down the toilet (redundancy, financial worries, three family members diagnosed with cancer one of which was terminal, the hugely messed up woman I call mother) one though kept me going. Somewhere at some point someone has gone through all this and worse and she/he has come out on top, it's my turn to be that person.

Stick with it chick, you're doing brilliantly x

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Oh Bev. I am so sorry about what's happening :hug99:

You CAN !!
 
Hi bev, I know I'm new to this diary and haven't posted before, but I have been reading avidly for a while. I too am a serial self sabotager and an emotional eater (food = love, yawn at that old chestnut) and when it felt like my life was going down the toilet (redundancy, financial worries, three family members diagnosed with cancer one of which was terminal, the hugely messed up woman I call mother) one though kept me going. Somewhere at some point someone has gone through all this and worse and she/he has come out on top, it's my turn to be that person.

Stick with it chick, you're doing brilliantly x

Sent from my GT-I9300 using MiniMins.com mobile app

Blimey Coggers, you're so right! It's my turn to be that person too.

We can do this! Thank you for all of you who help me find my strength x
 
Bev I understand all too well the self sabotage due to emotions as it is exactly what I have done and still do from time to time. I am so sorry you have al this going on and as I posted on my thread at some point we all have stuff going on in our lives that are difficult, heart breaking (as is Alzheimer"s in a loved one) and all the financial and practical issues that happen coupled with difficult people, friends and/or family it simply adds to the trauma we feel. So we self medicate with the soporific affects some food give us and the cycle continues.

It is absolutely a mental process that breaks the cycle of emotional eating be it for a short time or a longer period or forever. We just have to make the start and you have. You have done it before and will do it again. Use all the mental strength you have to get the single minded approach of putting your first to keep going. You have made that start today and we will all keep cheering you, urging and nagging you on. Don't let yourself regain a single more pound as like me that gain will turn into several......then some more. Don't do what I did and be kind to yourself as Clin would advise.
 
Just happy to help x. We all have our low moments and sometimes all it takes is a little perspective a few kind words and a moment to take a breath for us to shake it off clear our heads and start seeing solutions. Own it and then make it your bi**ch haha.

Cripes I'm just full of motivational mumbojumbo today, must have been the good nights sleep.



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Oh Bev. I am so sorry about what's happening :hug99:

You CAN !!

Jeez. Just had a huge text bust up with my eldest sister (M). Well she did ask (in that censorious: "but men fancy you, what the hell is wrong with you?") hrmph. So I told her. All of it. Aaaaaannnd it became all about her (" why are you trying to fight with me? My sore eyes/headaches/hypochondria are more important than your issues, I'm so upset now " blah blah. Huh? Seriously, I have no clue either) and you know what? I'm okay. That grounded me in a perverse way. Forget 'men' this is a battle for MY life and health. I can only deal with so much of my own neurotic crap before my mind says: stop thinking, and just DO. So as ever you've gotten right to it, Bonkers, I can.

Two shakes down, 2 litres down, 2 products to go. "if not me, then who? If not now, then when?"

Onwards!!
 
Go girl! Sometimes it's something awful that kind trigger that fighting mental spirit we need to protect ourselves from ourselves. Keep those thoughts, feelings and spirit. You will back fully back to being a fat fighting furnace!
 
Texts are not the way to discuss family issues. Tensions will be high at the moment for all of you, tone can't be inferred properly and people will read the worst into what's said.

About the diet, please stop beating yourself up. You'll end up punishing yourself and that'll take the form of food.

You will not magically cure your issues overnight, and it might never be gone completely but it'll get easier and become a habit.

You're strong, intelligent, insightful and you're definitely going to win here, even if it's not a straightforward journey!
 
Thanks guys.

Kira, you get it: I'd reached saturation point on the ups and downs, so I'll just quietly do what I know how to do: Get through one sip at a time :)

FF, I totally get your point. They weren't family issues though - I was just at work (hence the texting) and she asked how my night was diet-wise (crap).... And from there it became about her. Believe me when I say we're all used to the illogical blow ups. I love her dearly nonetheless, but the Sister-hystrionics? Not today.

And I need to take your wise words to heart - Im going to win, even if it's not a straight forward journey! xx
 
Woohoo! What a day! Deep in the zone, busy, busy, busy at work, long hilarious lunch with the girls (don't worry, they love me so didn't bat an eyelid at my shake in my snazzy silver thermal cup lol).... And applied for an internal job!

All is gooooood in my 'hood. I kicked day 2's a$$ :D xx

Off to catch up on threads (& see if Clinquant is hung over from her birthday lol)
 
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