Third Time Lucky...!

Been having egg and feta and spinach on toast for breakfast recently and have been full until lunch time. I bought some belvitas as they are much easier when I am on placement and getting up so early - but I'm hungry this morning and have already eaten! Ahhh! Hope this doesn't mean today will be a struggle.

Great thing about working in a
School - you can't eat when you want! Plus i don't want to look like a pig in front of them so encourages me to eat healthy food in the staff room!

They do have cakes in there most days but I'm staying away!

My scales are broken so not sure what to do - its quite nice not having them so I may just leave it and weigh whenever I go to my granny's maybe. I don't want to weigh on public scales.

If I work from how my work trousers feel then I'll know if this is working or not!
 
Another day down!

Manic day at placement towards the end - am booked in to teach almost the whole week next week - I shouldn't be doing that yet - am
Only in 2nd year and we should only start doing this in fourth year! Also itll only be my second week.

I'm fine to teach - I could do that easily! It's just the planning that goes with it, alongside all the other work I have. Feel a breakdown coming on!!
 
Ah I know that feeling well! What course is it you're actually doing? Because for some reason I knew you had placements but didn't think you were doing actual teacher training but now I'm starting to think you are!
 
How did I not know that!? How's it going? I can't believe that I've only got 9 more weeks! 9 weeks to find a job then, eek!
 
Yeah it's going ok! I'm just mega stressed with the talk I had with teacher yesterday - he doesn't understand the paperwork and where I'm
Supposed to
Be spending my second week mostly doing group work and maybe a lesson or two, he has me teaching most of the week!

At least I'm doing more rather than less!

I can't believe you only have 9 weeks left- scary! I've got 2 years!

Am feeling grotty today - had a cold the last few days - that's what you get from being around kids I suppose!
 
Have you got a mentor in the school that you could talk to about it? I'm teaching a lot of next week, all day monday, we're on a trip tuesday and then all day wednesday and probably a fair chunk of the rest but then I'm near the end now, I should be able to do that. It says for this week up to 50% and so there are some going well I don't have to do 50% and trying to do as little as possible, which is just doing themselves out of experience really but in your situation, you've not been doing it that long really and it's a bit much to expect you to teach that much whilst you've got other things to do as well. For us, we've got 9 weeks and then we should be able to take on a class by ourselves and do all of it so if we can't even do 50% I'm not sure how much hope we've got! But for you, think that's definitely asking too much at the moment so I'd have a chat with them about it, explain your concerns, speak to your mentor or uni tutor if you need to.
 
Ah that's good then. That's the thing, it's not the teaching that's a problem, it's all the planning! We also have to do assessment and evaluations for each lesson. *yawn* Honestly? At least once a week, if not more! But the thing to remember is that this right now, it's not reality. At the moment you have so much loaded on you but when you get in there and it's your class it's different and they're yours, it's worth it. I doubt it under stress but I know that it's the right thing for me because I've never loved anything as much. I've never looked forward to going into any other job as much. But it is a little different as a trainee. I don't get my own classroom to do what I want with. It's not my class so I can't just do what I want with them. I have to follow someone else's rules, in someone else's classroom because it's someone else's class. It's different when they're your own, trust me. It'll be worth it in the end!
 
Bad day yesterday but I was on my feet all day so hopefully it won't have done too much damage.

I'm still in bed now. I have no plans for today and it is disgusting outside!! I have old windows and they are banging away with the wind and rain!

I've upped my calories slightly as I was on 1200 but think 1440 is better for me.

Won't bother with breakfast this morn as a bit late now and I have no intention of getting out f bed for a while!!
 
I am impressed with myself - just done kettlebells! I realised I haven't properly exercised in ages. I mean, I went for that 12 mile walk which ruined my foot for a while but it's been ages since I did some proper exercise! So, I got up and did 25 mins of kettlebells. Good job as I am going to my Mum's for dinner which is sausages and mash which is my fave!! Haven't had breakfast though so should have plenty of calories really.

The workload that comes with my placement at the moment is immense and doesn't leave me much time in the evenings. However, I reckon I can fit in Kettlebells as it is only 20 mins, 3 x a week.

I went shopping yesterday and bought myself a few nice things!

A stripey skirt from Primark - SIZE 12!! Well, it is a stretchy pull on one but still, quite pleased to have a size 12 skirt! Haha!

A black and cream lacy dress - size 14.

A lovely dress for a wedding in a size 16 - it is too big though but it was the only one left and in the sale - it's not noticeably too big but I deffo could have had the size below.

Bought myself a necklace, ring, earrings, shoes and underwear too! Went a bit crazy!

I realised last night that it was a year exactly to when I met my ex - he decided he can't be friends with me and deleted me on FB, won't talk to me etc - he still had feelings and was calling a lot, at stupid times of the day - 3am! So, I asked him not to and he obviously took offence - oh well! No great loss to me.

Made me think though, I really want to meet someone (Caroline I'm getting jealous!!) and I do feel I need to love myself first - losing weight is the only way for me to do that. I was about this size when I was with my long term bf a few years ago and was really confident. But with my last bf, even though I was the same size, I really lacked confident - I never even wore trousers in front of him in 9 months because I thought they made me look bigger - I can't believe I was like that!!!

So... hopefully for the last time of saying this... THIS IS IT!!!
 
Well done - I have to fight with myself to log the food on - I feel so guilty sometimes writing EVERYTHING ive gorged myself with...sometimes i feel so bad I throw it up so I dont have to log it!!! Am not bulemic, dont even have the willpower to keep that up!!!! Just a way of coping I suppose....Im surrounded by skinny and skinnier people that eat like horses - doesnt help!!!! xx Minimagri on mfp - please add xx
 
Even if you aren't doing it regularly, I don't think making yourself sick is something you should be doing.

I can't even bring myself to log what I eat if i have a binge it's that embarrassing.

Thought I would post pics of my news clothes!
 

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Both those dresses are LOVELY. You're gonna look knock out in them hun.

I think love comes when you are not looking for it. I think the harder you try, the harder it is. I believe in fate though, I know not everyone does. I totally agree about having to love yourself first. I'm going through exactly the same thing right now. Some days I think it will never happen because loving yourself can be so hard, but we'll get there. I'm sure Mr Right is just round the corner for you. :) xxx
 
MiniMagri hun, if you're making yourself throw up after a binge then that is bulimia or on the road to it, whether you do it a lot or not. I don't know you really so please don't take any offence to this but maybe if that's how badly you feel about it, it might be worth having a chat to someone about it? Because it's not a healthy attitude to have and I'd hate to see you get into that horrible downward spiral chick.

Aww Sarah, it's taken me 25 years to find this! You'll find someone, someone who wants all the same things you do, who is heading in the same direction as you and all this, all the waiting, all the wrong ones on the way will have been worth it.

Loving what you've bought. Reckon you needed a bit of a treat!

Have you thought about doing exercise in the morning? On this placement I'm teaching 80% of the timetable so lots of planning, teaching, assessing and evaluating! So I know the only way to make sure I exercise is to do it before school, getting to the gym for when it opens at 7. Just a thought?
 
Hmm my only prob with exercising in the morning is the shower! I am bad at getting up anyway, actually, but I always need to wash my hair after working out and I won't have time to wash, dry etc. will also wake up my dad as he is right next to the shower.

I reckon kettlebells 3 x a week in the eve for 25 mins each should be ok.

Ive become a lot closer to a friend recently ( girl!) as she is newly single too so it's nice to have someone in the same situation! She is moving on Friday so we have a whole new circle of friends to make which will hopefully bring male opportunities! Haha! Just got to get out there!
 
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