This time I will do it!!...

[Texty_F]

Lmao bless ya

 

[flabtofit]

Lol. X

 

[flabtofit]

Another off-plan day. Grabbing food where I can between work and the kids as they're still poorly.

Been over analysing my food habits and am wondering if I'm starting to binge again as I'm starting to feel comfortable with myself and it's either the feeling of being comfortable giving me a false sense of security in thinking I can eat what I want or self-sabotage.

When I was bigger I had much more motivation, determination and resolve to stick to the plan. That seems to be lacking at the moment.
The only thing that I can think has changed is that I feel comfortable and that I'm not staying to IT. This week I need to stay. I always feel like it's late - don't get home til gone 7 but if I don't stay I'm going to easily slip back into old habits.
I seem to eat well until the evenings and then stuff. So, reading/painting my nails/ebaying.... I need to do something with my evenings.

Just hope I can put all this into practice.

Sorry for the random post, just my ramblings lol x

 

[flabtofit]

Right, been think what my food triggers are:

Crisps
Chocolate
Ice cream
Cake

Basically anything that would usually be counted for in my syns. This week I'm going to trial using the majority of my syns within my meals and try to snack on fruit if needed. Maybe that'll stop the binging as once I eat those foods it makes me eat and eat and eat x

 

[flabtofit]

Oh no. Just done something I haven't done in years. OH not happy and reckons he's ringing Dr's tomorrow for an appointment.

I cannot continue with this relationship with food.

Ultimate low

 

[kel86]

Oh no. Just done something I haven't done in years. OH not happy and reckons he's ringing Dr's tomorrow for an appointment.

I cannot continue with this relationship with food.

Ultimate low

You haven't made yourself sick have ya? Don't go down that road it won't help.

I think your right about the feeling comfortable situation that's where I was but a couple of months down the line I've got two stone back on

You can do this, try not to stress about things to much. Put everything in to perspective you had a rough couple of days caring for your kiddies & work.

Forgive yourself, tomorrow is a new day xx

 

[flabtofit]

Yep.

Hubby is fuming and with good reason, I've swung from eating nothing to making myself sick and everything else in between.

SW works for me when I stick to it but am finding it so hard to stick to plan at the minute. The binges are back with a vengeance.

I know my triggers and I think I need to steer clear of them.

Like you said, tomorrow is another day. Just feel like ***** now, so stupid x

 

[kel86]

Yep.

Hubby is fuming and with good reason, I've swung from eating nothing to making myself sick and everything else in between.

SW works for me when I stick to it but am finding it so hard to stick to plan at the minute. The binges are back with a vengeance.

I know my triggers and I think I need to steer clear of them.

Like you said, tomorrow is another day. Just feel like ***** now, so stupid x

Yes try & stay clear but don't push that to far so you feel deprived. The girl who commented on my diary a while ago doesn't eat her triggers at all and probably never will but that's to hard for me.

The problem with sw and most other diets is they give you the tools to loose weight but don't help with the mind. It's something I'm struggling with. Maybe some kind of therapy could help ( sorry if this is nonsense advice)

You can do this xx

 

[flabtofit]

It's not nonsense, it's exactly how I feel. I know what I should do and I know the plan inside out but I can't seem to get my head in the right place and I don't think Image Therapy really helps with that.

At this rate, even if I do get to target, my mental issues with food will still be there.

Thanks for supporting me though hun, I appreciate it xx

 

[kel86]

It's not nonsense, it's exactly how I feel. I know what I should do and I know the plan inside out but I can't seem to get my head in the right place and I don't think Image Therapy really helps with that.

At this rate, even if I do get to target, my mental issues with food will still be there.

Thanks for supporting me though hun, I appreciate it xx

No worries Hun you do it for me on a weekly basis lol xx

 

[Texty_F]

Evening hunnie - Sorry for feeling low. Maybe you should ring the docs rather than OH doing it, tell them you need an appt asap. Then ask for some form of therapy. Kel is right the plan doesn't help with the mind. I could quite easily binge most nights, but at the mo I stop just short. Ive never made my self sick but in the past ive had feelings of self loathing/hatred because I was so fat. I was never happy with myself and would eat family bars of choccy, a 6 pk of crisps etc and yes it was comfort food.

Theres only so much people can do/say to help hun, you have to help yourself, and right now I think is the best time to ask before you do slip back into those bad habits. You know yourself deep down thats not what you want. Try not to be so harsh with yourself its hard but you will come through the other side. You know were all here for you hun x

 

[flabtofit]

Evening hunnie - Sorry for feeling low. Maybe you should ring the docs rather than OH doing it, tell them you need an appt asap. Then ask for some form of therapy. Kel is right the plan doesn't help with the mind. I could quite easily binge most nights, but at the mo I stop just short. Ive never made my self sick but in the past ive had feelings of self loathing/hatred because I was so fat. I was never happy with myself and would eat family bars of choccy, a 6 pk of crisps etc and yes it was comfort food.

Theres only so much people can do/say to help hun, you have to help yourself, and right now I think is the best time to ask before you do slip back into those bad habits. You know yourself deep down thats not what you want. Try not to be so harsh with yourself its hard but you will come through the other side. You know were all here for you hun x

Thanks hun. I've asked for therapy/counselling in the past but was told no. Always hate going to the Drs as I feel scrutinised and that I have to justify my feelings.

OH suggested finding someone private, at least they have to listen to you if your paying them. Just have to work out money.

My parents and hubby are supportive and it's the first time I've done it in years. OH understandably annoyed as he's faced everything with me and thought we'd come out the other end and found a new way of living with SW.

We've been speaking about it and we both think that all the temptation doesn't help. When I first started SW I didn't buy treats as I didn't trust myself around them. Now, I think I've become complacent and have allowed all the snacks and treats in as I thought I could resist.

OH has just been diagnosed with Coeliacs disease so he is restricted with his eating and we encourage the kids to snack on fruit/veg sticks where possible so we've decided as a family to stop buying the trigger foods until I can manage.

Will have to see how it goes, I don't want to go back to that ever and OH will be keeping a close eye on me again now. Guess I'll have to earn my trust again x

 

[Texty_F]

I think I said the other day about it meaning the kids going without if you stop the crisps etc, but if thats what it takes hun do it. Its good that they eat fruit etc and its great your OH understands too. It may mean a little struggle going private but it would be worth it. I hope you can find someone reasonably priced to help you. Meanwhile 1 day at a time is the key. Take it easy hun.

 

[flabtofit]

Yeah the kids will miss out and I don't know if I could do that to them long term.

Ah I dunno. Shattered now from crying and worrying so much.
Can't think anymore.

Like you said I just need to do as I did in the beginning - just get through one day at a time in plan.

Thanks for your support. Would go mad without Minis xx

 

[Texty_F]

It wont be long term hun its just until you come to terms with your "demons" as it were. They wont suffer, the little one is small yet to understand really. Look after number 1 first. Get yourself a nice hot bath and an early night hun.

 

[flabtofit]

Couldn't get a Dr's appointment today so will try again tomorrow.
In the meantime, I an trying to just complete one 100% day at a time.

Will take what I get at WI this week and hope for a STS next week - we have a charity event on Sunday night and OH has arranged to go to a friends caravan with them on Monday, stay over Monday night and then off to Folly Farm on Tuesday. A family weekend.

So, today's food:
HExA = 40g Reduced Fat Cheddar
HExB = Alpen Light Lemon

BREAKFAST:
Strawberries

LUNCH:
Pineapple
HExB

DINNER:
Salad - Potato, Mixed Leaves, Cucumber, Tomato, Radish, Spring Onion and Celery

SNACKS:
Mini Cheese, Potato and Onion pie made with HExA.
Watermelon

TOTAL SYNS = 0 SYNS

 

[Texty_F]

hi hunnie I hope you can get an appt tomorrow. It sounds like you have a good weekend planned relax and enjoy it. One day at a time is the way to do it. Manage as best you can so as not to put pressure on yourself x

 

[flabtofit]

Thanks hun. Been an uphill struggle today - people brought cakes into work - but I did it. Day 1 is over, tomorrow will be easier x

 

[Texty_F]

Good on ya hun well done. It is hard when people put temptation in the way so bloody well done. One of the girls at work brought carrot cake and choccy gateaux in - I had none despite being offered and someone even cutting me a piece.

Why do others do to us what we try and stop ourselves grrrrrrrrrrr. I think ill put a NIL by mouth above my desk lol

Seriously though, your doing the right thing by taking baby steps again (dont mean to sound patronising) just wish I could help you x

 

[flabtofit]

It's not patronising hun, your right, I need to go back to the start again.

It is really annoying, almost as if people like you to partake in eating the office goodies in order to make themselves feel better for doing so. X