I'm not coping very well today
I seem to have become ever so sensitive, narky, and can't stand noise. I was in bed working, but I cannot stand to hear OH snore, so I've come downstairs in the dark, in the cold, to work. The dog was barking earlier as OH was playing with him, and I lost my rag. OH cut me some cake, I took a bite and gave it back, saying I didn't want anymore, he should have it. His reply - "I feel bad", so I snapped, exclaiming that he always feels bloody bad. I don't want to take it out on him as I'm not sure why I'm being like this, hence why I am sat downstairs in the dark typing this out. I've been short all day, I thought it might be hormones, but I think I'm just getting sick of trying to please every other sod in the world, and putting myself right at the bottom. Take Friday. It was spent too-ing anf fro-ing round the city, trying to please OH and his daughter and whatever their needs or wants were. He ended up in a bloody bad mood anyway. I went to pick him up today, and all he keeps talking about it bloody birds (he wants to start breeding again). Its all I hear at the moment. Meanwhile I'm at home all day, trying to work, whilst doing a wash, washing dishes, caring for the various animals, keeping the house tidy, sorting out meals. Then I get in the car, get him, hear more about bloody birds, get home, and rush to sort tea, whilst he is planting cactai and sat on his arse watching TV. My 4 hours off today = 1.5 hours driving, listening about birds, going to ASDA, 45 mins sorting out tea and washing dishes, 15 mins eating tea, rest of the time looking after dog and cats, whilst being pretty much ignored. I start work at 10pm, and he sees this as a great time to wind the dog up, making him bark, which, to be honest, leaves me in tears. The barking combined with the noise my computer makes during work drove me mad. Then we go upstairs, and within 3 minutes (no joke), he is snoring. I get up, and he has no idea what could possibly be wrong with me. Maybe its because I have had enough of being a blumming servant. Working till 3am tonight, then I'm up again at 8am to take him to work, I then get back at about 10am, and have an hour in which to strip the bed, walk the dog, wash the bedding, and possibly get a shower, although I usually miss getting a shower. Then I start work at 11am again, till 6pm.
My stress levels are through the roof, as this ranty post probably illustrates! Question is, do I stay down here till 3am then go to bed, or do I skulk back upstairs early, to face questions as to what is wrong with me. At the minute, I'm favouring staying down here. If the spare room was in a better state, I'd sleep in there.
