Seems Saturdays are my down days. This Saturday especially - working 11am-7:30pm, then 10pm-3am. OH has to get up at 6am to get the bus to work, and I feel so bad for it. It's only 20 minutes earlier than Mon-Thurs, but it seems to effect him, and in turn, me. Proper gloomy day. The weather is grey, not quite rain, but not dry. I think it's cold, but the thermostat is telling me otherwise. Had to do a wash, and put it out inside on a rack. It'll take days to dry, as there is no heating on, and I can't put it out as it will drizzle for sure.
So yeah, thought I would use this little box here to rant a little. All I want to do is eat in a stupid attempt to cheer myself up. But I know it won't, it will only make me feel worse. So far, I've caved in and had a mini milk.
We went to the dogs home yesterday. OH wants another dog, and I'm ok with it. So along we went, and we saw a beautiful German Shepherd, which OH fell in love with. But as we had Hugo, they insisted we brought him along. So we went and got him, and Hugo barked at every person we saw, and when introduced to the GS, he barked, snarled and foamed at the mouth. So we were told it was a no go. The drive home was awful. OH was silent, I was crying, it pretty much tainted the day.
We then went to do some shopping. OH is insistent that we go swimming, so we went to get some swimwear. We bumped into his daughter and his grandparents when out, so his daughter wanted to come with us. I know she is his daughter, and I know she wants to spend time with him, but, I dunno. We get 1 day a week together, and I guess I get a bit miffed when our plans are sidelined. I know he feels the same, but he won't say it. We see her every Friday, and that I am fine with. But we went to take her back at 4pm, so we could get on with what we were wanting to do, but nobody was home, so we had to sideline that too. Then we get home eventually at about 7:45, walk the dog, then we finally get time alone at about 9pm, but have to sleep early as he is up at 6am. So our Friday was spent not doing what we wanted, or needed to do. I dunno. Perhaps its because I am feeling gloomy, and perhaps I am being overly selfish. We are taking her swimming next Friday in the morning, in an attempt to have the rest of the day to ourselves. His idea and words, not mine. It wouldn't be so bad, but she is so shy, she hardly speaks. She has been saying she wanted her ears pierced for ages, so I said we should do that. OH asked her, and she said she didn't want them done, so of course we didn't get them done. When she got home, her great nan asked her if she wanted them done, and she said yes. Asked her why she had said no, and she shrugged her shoulders. So I'm kinda hoping our plans next week are possibly go swimming, get some lunch, perhaps get her ears done, take her back, head home, have an afternoon nap, then we can stay up a bit later. Oh, we also have to pick up some birds to breed.......
I don't resent his daughter at all, not one bit. I think its the fact we have one day off a week, we enjoy each others company, and sometimes timings, and the fact he doesn't arrange anything (like telling his grandparents we will be back at 4pm, or the like) seems to throw everything else out the window.
Money is also a mini issue. I don't have a lot, he doesn't have lots. He often spends his money on me, which makes me uncomfortable. But then, I end up spending more when we go food shopping or the like, and I pay for the petrol *we* use, and the parking, and stuff, so it's almost like I am buying myself the things he buys. It's a mini niggle really. I use about £20 a week in petrol for us, but then he buys a weekly bus ticket for £18 to get him to work and back. So does that make us even? I spent £30 in Morrisons last night on stuff, much of which was stuff he picked up. He said he would give me £10 towards it, but it hasn't materialised, and I doubt it will. Even if I mentioned it, his reply would be along the lines of "well, I bought......for you", not in a nasty way. So I guess I will have to let it slide. Yesterday I spent about £100, lord knows what on! £25 petrol and some drinks, £30 Morrisons, £5 lunch, £20 Sports Direct, £10 Matalan and £15 on a shelf. OK, so that's where it all went! I need to stop spending so much. The £20 petrol will have to stay, need to stop buying bits for the house, and no more clothes. Infact, I have about £11 to return to Sports Direct, and £17 to Primark, so I guess that helps
There's ANOTHER two pizzas in the fridge from his nan, and a pack of sausages, some sandwich steak and an Ugo's panini. So I better offload the pizzas on mother again, the sausages can stay for OH (or offload on mum), steak in the freezer, and the panini, dunno!
That's a long ranty post. And it has no conclusion really. But it did keep me and my brain occupied for a bit, and helped me to possibly work out why I feel like I do.
