Tinytootz rant-and-involve-some-food diary

[Tinytootz]

Electric back on, so back to work for me No idea what happened, but oh well!

I think I've eaten too much fruit recently, as my stomach is in so much discomfort! I wonder if you can eat too much fruit?! But anyway, I'm eating more later as I don't wanna gain tomorrow

- when you wrap it in bacon, do you flatten the bacon a bit first, then use cocktail sticks? Only ever wrapped sausages in bacon, as I'm a bit phobic of undercooked chicken, and always thought the bacon would somehow cause the chicken to be raw undernieth

 

[Tinytootz]

Still poorly, and the dog is even poorlier, so we are going to have a duvet day. In my lunch break I'll do the tidying that needs doing, then have a nice shower, and catch up on some sky+. Tea is out defrosting, lunch is already made, just needs heating up, and there is a massive fruit salad in the fridge

 

[sarah83]

Trouble with eating too much fruit is you could be taking in more fibre, and if your guts aren't used to it... they ain't gonna like it!!

Should settle down after a day though (although a duvet day sounds like heaven to me!!)

With the chicken... I think it probably would work better if you flattened the bacon, although I've never bothered tbh. I usually just wrap and secure with a couple of cocktail sticks. Then you just cook for as long as you would normally, obviously checking at the end that the chicken's all cooked through.

 

[Tinytootz]

Half a duvet day for me. No duvet involved, but I am currently in my hoodie watching Sky+ Sadly, had a few things to do in my break, so bang went that idea.

But yeah, tooooo much fruit me thinks.

 

[Tinytootz]

Opted not to weigh in this morning. Why? Well.....

I've been feeling like poo lately, mentally and physically. I am worried I am becoming too dependant on the OH for my happiness, and this is not a good thing. Discovered this when if I didn't get a text in the morning, I would feel down in the dumps. And if he didn't say he loved me, I would feel a little 'hmph' about it. Which is so silly. So I decided to scrap the weigh in, as I have gained for sure, and I could do without that weighing on my mind (see what I did there!). So I'm taking a week or so off from reporting weigh ins. I say reporting, as I'm sure next Tuesday I will jump on the scales, and if I have lost, be on here as quick as anything reporting my good news. However, I am going to try and not be so fixated about SW this week, and focus on finding myself, I guess.

I know who I am, I have always been very intune with what is going through my head, and why I'm doing it. Hence why I noticed I would eat biscuits if I didn't get a text reply or the like, and then not write it down. Saying that, I have been very well behaved (for me) food wise this week, but time of the month and what seems to be water retention is against me

So, I skipped weigh in, did an hours work, then took the dog out for a walk, in the darn rain. Then, I'm gonna do another 4 hours work whilst watching what *I* want to on TV, fix myself a tasty lunch. Then I might do my nails, read a book, and then head to my friends house for a drink later and a good old moan I'm sure. He has text me this morning, but I'm gonna resist replying. Is it punishment? Kinda I guess. Punishment is the wrong word. More of me trying to show that I don't need his attention all the time. The more I do this, the more I might actually believe it myself!

I caught myself being narked this morning as I didn't have a text when I woke up, or a nice note written on the fridge. I then caught myself trying to remember the last time he bought me a nice surprise. That ain't good at all, and entirely my own fault, and in my own head. So I need to be more 'aloof' I guess, so that he has to buck up his ideas! I'm forever telling him I love him, and leaving him cute notes. Now it's his time to start showing me he cares, rather than just responding I know he does, I have no doubts. He is just a bloke, who is becoming complacent, so I best nip that in the bud

Maybe I'm being harsh and expecting too much. But a little 'test' ain't gonna do no harm. I'm not being nasty to him or anything, just showing him that I had a life before him, and in many ways, I still should have a life, even if it's just me reading a book, it's not me sitting brooding over why he didn't leave me a damn note!

Maybe I've overthinked stuff again, I do this a lot. But I liked sitting upstairs earlier planning on how I could combat this feeling. I don't have a lot of spare time with him as it is, so me seeing other people rather than him isn't possible really. We live together, but the only time I'm not working (I work from home) is a Tuesday night (when I ALWAYS see my friends), Thursday night from 9pm (when we usually have an early night, 6am starts drain us!), Friday all day (which we spend together, and with his daughter after school) and Sunday nights. It might sound quite a lot, but considering he leaves the house at 6:30am, gets back at 7pm, and we are always in bed at 11pm at the latest, It isn't much at all. Anyways, my original point. Yes, I don't have much free time as it is, so taking up a hobby/class isn't truly possible at the moment, without losing work hours.

Wow, long winded post. But I kinda needed to put my thoughts and plans down in print, so to speak. I love him to bits, and I know he feels the same. But I need to find other outlets for my thoughts. Even to the extent of when I go shopping, I don't always have to buy him something, whether it be a chocolate bar or a new CD. But I've NEVER been good at buying things for myself. I see it as a waste, probably because I have such a low self opinion of myself. But I'm working on it. I know I am a kind, caring, generous and loving individual, who is also quite grumpy, prone to throwing a strop when I don't get my own way, and in many ways, far too selfless - I often make myself unhappy to make others happy, which is bloody stupid!

Anyways, I have rambled enough now. Time to watch Jeremy Kyle, do a bit of work, decide on lunch (I'm thinking salad and wedges) and take each day as it comes, each one is a new one.

 

[Tinytootz]

Day 14: 17/5/11

Frosties - 5 (last of the box. but )
Milk - HE

Large salad (lettuce, spring onion, gerkins, cucumber, red cabbage)
Sweet potato wedges
Home made low fat potato salad (leftover potatoes from last night) - 2
Chopped bacon bits (leftover from last night)
Small amount low fat mozz (leftover from last night, I see a theme!) - 6

Large portion fruit salad
Muller light

A friends house for drinkies

OH is making tea, not sure what it is yet. Over my syns. Oh well, tomorrow is a new day, lets get the blow out out of my system, and the naughty stuff ooot of ma fridge!

 

[Tinytootz]

Well, tea was skipped as he seemed out of sorts when I got in. So I left him to it, and loan behold, he was ok after an hour. I might aswell admit to the oatmeal & raisin cookie I also ate, and the fruit corner, and the half a twix....

 

[Tinytootz]

Day 15: 18/5/11

Woke up still feeling like cr*p. The gremlin is still in my stomach, and I wish it would naff off! Had a proper blow out yesterday, but got the best of intentions today - woken up with no cravings or anything.

Really must drag myself outside today. Feeling really low though, so the last thing I want is to be out in public, but I know it will make me feel better if I just get out and get on with it!

Rice Krispies - 5 (must get some decent weetabix, only got naff ones in and they taste baaaaaad)
Milk - HE

Not sure yet, perhaps a pasta pack to see if it cheers me up, a good carb fix!
Finish off the fruit salad before it ferments!
Leftover potato salad - 2

We're both feeling a bit ick, so don't want to prepare a tea that neither of us eat. So if we feel up to it, shall have Eat Smart sausages, SW chips, poached eggs and baked beans

Lost my interest in cooking recently, which is an issue. The reason behind it is money worries I think. As soon as money gets tight, then I stop buying decent food like fish. Must try and get out of this mindset. When I was made redundant, I used to aim for £1 each per meal, and I haven't managed to shake this mindset yet - I still can't get over the price of chicken breasts, and the idea of £2.50 per meal makes me worry, and do a quick maths in my head! Must try harder

Also got to do a bit of food shopping later. On my own, then icecream and the like doesn't sneak into my basket! One of them shopping trips when I'm gonna go to different supermarkets to get different deals. Asked if I can finish work tonight at 9pm so I can get an early night, but not too optimistic!

*Him indoors cooked, bless him. Rather over syns, but hey ho.

2x Eat smart sausages - 1
Trimmed bacon
Baked beans
Tinned toms
2 poached eggs
2x Staffordshire oatcakes - 12

 

[Tinytootz]

Day 16: 19/5/11

Weetabix - He
Milk - HE

SW jacket wedges
Leftover tinned toms and baked beans
Leeks

Spaghetti bolognaise in the slow cooker (lean mince, tomatoes, peppers, onions) - hope it tastes good, I'm useless at spag bol on the hob, it always ends up watery and not yummy and rich.

*bolognese might be happening on Saturday or Friday rather than tonight, OH has been having dreams about donner meat, so looks like its a takeaway! Be strong Amanda, choose the chicken kebab!

 

[Tinytootz]

Argh, can't stop snacking! So far I've had my cereal, some homemade low fat potato salad, am about to munch a load of fruit salad and a muller light, and it's not even 11:30! Thankfully, there is no bread in the house at all, so the threat of toast is gone. Lordy, I LOVE toast!

* Hmmm, half the fruit salad is in the bin. It tasted a bit fizzy, which always makes me think its gone funky!

 

[sarah83]

Hi

Hope you're feeling a bit better... hoping you start to feel 'yourself' a bit more soon, the fact that you feel yucky on top really doesn't help...
I've lost my cooking vibe too, really struggling to get it back. I have found that batch cooking when I honestly feel like it, and freezing, has helped.

Good call on the fruit salad... I hate 'fizzy' fruit!!

Word of warning on the slow cooked bolognese - when I attempted it, it was really watery, trouble with a slow cooker is that none of the liquid is evaporated, so sauces tend to be thinner.
By all means give it a go if you want to though
When I do a bolognese on the hob I tend to do long slow cooking - and I'll cook it for a good 1.5hours, which breaks the meat down and goes nice and thick. I tend to use passatta rather than tinned toms too as the sauce is a bit thicker then.

Let us know how you get on x

 

[Tinytootz]

I was thinking that, as any time I have done curry or stew in it, I seem to be spooning water off the top every hour or so. My mum makes wicked spag bol, and I think she leaves it on the hob for ages, so I might try that approach. I'm just always convinced its gonna bubble over or just burn.

Feeling better today. Told OH what was up and he put my mind at ease, had a good chat with friends last night, taken the dog for a good walk, and done a bit of food shopping. Got some pork loin steaks which look really really yummy, so might do them Saturday or Sunday. My stomach STILL isn't right, but it is better than it has been, so whatever it was must be on its way out of me.

It does feel so much better to moan via a medium like this. As said, even if its just me reading it, its out there, and out of my mind

 

[sarah83]

Glad you're feeling better - and you talked it over. It shows the strength of your relationship that you're able to share your troubles with him.

Back to the bolognese situation, I'm always cooking mine for a good 2 hours, I sweat the onion and other bits of 'hard' veg off for a good 15 mins, then once everything's been added I tend to leave it, lid on for a good 1.5hours (stirring regularly of course)... Check how your mum does it and try it out!

How are you planning on cooking the pork? I'm still off a lot of meat at the moment, but I think I could go for pork...

 

[Tinytootz]

Sadly she is on holiday, so I can't ask But i'll give it a shot your way tomorrow and report back. And yeah it's great to be with someone who if I talk to them in person or even via text, they don't skim over things and tell me not to worry. He actually addresses it, and we often chat in bed as its a bit less full on that chatting on the sofa I find.

The pork. I was either going to pan fry it as it is, or perhaps coat it in cajun spices and George Forman it! Or I could do a sage and onion type crust on it I guess. Seems a shame as they are like huge bacon slices, so I bet they are going to be delish just as they are! Quite cheap too, £1.50 for 3 big thick slices, 1 for me 2 for him Must get some lamb soon, we both love lamb but I hate chops as they are so fiddly to eat, and a leg is quite expensive and excessive for two peeps.

 

[sarah83]

A half shoulder of lamb is pretty good for two and gorgeous in the slow cooker. Good luck with the bolognese!

 

[Tinytootz]

Sadly my slow cooker is teeeeeny, just about big enough for a curry for two. Keep meaning to get a bigger one.

 

[sarah83]

A half shoulder might still fit... they're quite small and only do enough for 2 and maybe leftovers... I guess it's worth having a nose in the shops and sizing it up!!
Mind you my slow cooker is huge so I may be a bit jaded in my views!!

 

[Tinytootz]

when I say small.......we're talking about 1 litre! When winter gets closer I will get a bigger one, when we feel more like stews, curries and the like

 

[Tinytootz]

I think when I start back on Tuesday I'm gonna do a weekly tally of syns rather than daily. Going over my past few months, some days I go over, some days I am way under. It might help

 

[Tinytootz]

Well that's my weekend over, Thursday and Friday that is

Thursday tea was Southern fried chicken, skin off, chips and 2 slices of spicy pizza. It tasted good.
Friday breakfast was skipped, Lunch was a seeded wholemeal roll with chicken and bacon, and Tea was a chicken, bacon, cheese and salad club on brown, and a sugared donut. Yup, that was my weekend of eating crap food. And I paid for it this morning, cold sweats, the works!

But I felt ever so close to 'im indoors, so it was worth every single syn. We spent the day together doing, well, not a lot. He then took me underwear shopping, which I have NEVER experienced. Man, I don't think I've ever felt so awkward, but he was so sweet about it, and not even remotely sleazy. He seems to understand that there are all sorts that I'm not used to. Like a boyfriend spending money on me, wanting to hold my hand when we are out, thinking that I am beautiful. It makes me feel a bit hard done to TBH, for what I put up with for all those years. But they are now over So next time we have a falling out, I'll try and remember these happy times, to help me through it.

The only remote fall out was the talk of weddings. My mum has mentioned it, and my friends were talking about it on Tuesday, and I told him about it. He hasn't freaked out, but mentioned it several times on Friday (in a positive light) and I said he was starting to worry me a bit. And he said that's how I felt when you started to wear your rings on your wedding finger. Now. I ALWAYS wear rings on that finger. Dunno why, I just always do. But he doesn't believe me, and thought I was dropping hints. And I didn't like the idea that he felt pressured due to something that I genuinely didn't do on purpose! But we got past that, mind you, he still doesn't believe me!

So, in conclusion, I am aiming to be back on track from today. And I am also going to adjust my own personal targets .