Isobel1965
Gold Member
WOAH - honey - I'm not worthy! lol - You have really got your head round this management business, hey? Very, very well done on avoiding a pig-out last night - though it sounds as if you were nowhere near caving in! You ROCK!
Westiegirl: Restarted Day 1 Under my Belt!
- Thread starter westiegirl
- Start date
sarahjj
Full Member
Hey Sarah!!
Sorry Ive been a bit quiet recently - work has been mad! Only just got broadband back at home last night so I've been on all morning!!
You are doing so well - you must be so proud. I love reading your threads, I find them so inspirational. I'm still on week one of management, but finding it okay. Have to say though, I completely agree with you when you say you 'mourn' your last pack! I find myself mourning every pack once its gone! Sad isn't it!
You seem to be learning something new about yourself every week that you are on management. I suppose as new things are introduced so comes more and more temptation.
Good luck with this week - what are the new foods you're allowed now?
Love Sarah x
Sorry Ive been a bit quiet recently - work has been mad! Only just got broadband back at home last night so I've been on all morning!!
You are doing so well - you must be so proud. I love reading your threads, I find them so inspirational. I'm still on week one of management, but finding it okay. Have to say though, I completely agree with you when you say you 'mourn' your last pack! I find myself mourning every pack once its gone! Sad isn't it!
You seem to be learning something new about yourself every week that you are on management. I suppose as new things are introduced so comes more and more temptation.
Good luck with this week - what are the new foods you're allowed now?
Love Sarah x
westiegirl
Gold Member
Day 16 - Saturday - Busy Busy Busy
After my early morning posting on Saturday I haven't had a another chance to post, so I'm back at work today using my lunchtime to try and catch up!
Saturday was a lovely day. Started by being pampered - my mum and I had a hair appointment at 10.30 am - hair coloured and cut. When I move I will have to find another hairdresser - what a trauma! I love the way the hairdresser does my hair!!!
We then hit the shops and looked for a dress for my mum. Found a lovely one and a nice skirt and top for her too. We also found some lovely accessories and I bought 2 handbags and 4 pairs of shoes in the sales. Indulgent but fun! Just the first of many shopping trips with my mum!
Didn't eat much during the day - bought some carrot batons out of M&S and sat outside in the sunshine. Looked at the Thousand Island dip that came with them and was very tempted, but I decided no - gave the pot to my mum to take home and stuck to the carrot sticks!
Came home and sat in the back garden with a caffetiere of coffee and a frozen lemon bar. Nice way to spend a late afternoon!
Got some really good news - the cafe sale is finalised!!!! At f****** last! The confirmation letter from the solicitor arrived at my mum and dad's today and my dad went to meet the buyers at the cafe at lunchtime and handed over the keys. What a relief!
We decided to go out to celebrate! Went out for a meal at an Italian restaurant (it was also to celebrate their wedding anniversary). Had a really nice meal. I had a starter of melon and parma ham. Fruit isn't on my allowed list until next week, but hey, I don't think a couple of slices of fruit with kill me! Main course was on track - chicken cacciatore with no potatoes and plain salad (dressed in balsamic vinegar). It was gorgeous and the social aspect was fantastic - felt like a normal human being! I did go "off piste" by having 2 white wine spritzers, but it was a celebration after 16 weeks of faffing around and stress so I felt like I deserved it! Did make me a bit tipsy mind - and that was a nice feeling! The only bad side was that alcohol is definately going to be a trigger for me. Once I had it I felt a bit out of control and worried myself stupid that a binge would occur. When I came home I just couldn't help myself - I went mad and wait for it - had 2 Elizabeth Shaw chocolates and a piece of biscotti! Oh-my-god!!!
Call the diet police! 6 stone is going to reappear on my thighs by morning!
Realised what a fool I was being and chilled a little - had a coffee, a bottle of juice, watched BB and went to bed. Phew think I just might be alright! 2 chocolates is nothing compared to the poke of chips, 6 rounds of toast and butter, a cake, a cheese and onion slice and a chocolate bar I would have eaten in the same situation last year!
After my early morning posting on Saturday I haven't had a another chance to post, so I'm back at work today using my lunchtime to try and catch up!
Saturday was a lovely day. Started by being pampered - my mum and I had a hair appointment at 10.30 am - hair coloured and cut. When I move I will have to find another hairdresser - what a trauma! I love the way the hairdresser does my hair!!!
We then hit the shops and looked for a dress for my mum. Found a lovely one and a nice skirt and top for her too. We also found some lovely accessories and I bought 2 handbags and 4 pairs of shoes in the sales. Indulgent but fun! Just the first of many shopping trips with my mum!
Didn't eat much during the day - bought some carrot batons out of M&S and sat outside in the sunshine. Looked at the Thousand Island dip that came with them and was very tempted, but I decided no - gave the pot to my mum to take home and stuck to the carrot sticks!
Came home and sat in the back garden with a caffetiere of coffee and a frozen lemon bar. Nice way to spend a late afternoon!
Got some really good news - the cafe sale is finalised!!!! At f****** last! The confirmation letter from the solicitor arrived at my mum and dad's today and my dad went to meet the buyers at the cafe at lunchtime and handed over the keys. What a relief!
We decided to go out to celebrate! Went out for a meal at an Italian restaurant (it was also to celebrate their wedding anniversary). Had a really nice meal. I had a starter of melon and parma ham. Fruit isn't on my allowed list until next week, but hey, I don't think a couple of slices of fruit with kill me! Main course was on track - chicken cacciatore with no potatoes and plain salad (dressed in balsamic vinegar). It was gorgeous and the social aspect was fantastic - felt like a normal human being! I did go "off piste" by having 2 white wine spritzers, but it was a celebration after 16 weeks of faffing around and stress so I felt like I deserved it! Did make me a bit tipsy mind - and that was a nice feeling! The only bad side was that alcohol is definately going to be a trigger for me. Once I had it I felt a bit out of control and worried myself stupid that a binge would occur. When I came home I just couldn't help myself - I went mad and wait for it - had 2 Elizabeth Shaw chocolates and a piece of biscotti! Oh-my-god!!!
Call the diet police! 6 stone is going to reappear on my thighs by morning! Realised what a fool I was being and chilled a little - had a coffee, a bottle of juice, watched BB and went to bed. Phew think I just might be alright! 2 chocolates is nothing compared to the poke of chips, 6 rounds of toast and butter, a cake, a cheese and onion slice and a chocolate bar I would have eaten in the same situation last year!
chicken on a mission
Restarting to lose 4stone
Very positive Sarah so a big well done to you
westiegirl
Gold Member
Day 17 - Sunday - Housework done - strangely satisfying!
Up quite early today (8 am) which is not bad considering I had a quite late night. After getting home from night out quite early on Saturday I ended up staying up to look after my flatmate who came home from a drinking session very drunk! She was quite upset because I'm leaving and had a bit of a cry and almost suffocated the dog by hugging him! She did need to use the sick stool and spent 40 minutes with her head over the toilet. I had to force her to go to bed and made sure she had a bucket, a glass of water and some alka seltzer!
Needless to say I was glad not to be in her head this morning!
Whilst she stayed in bed and nursed her hangover I decided to clean out the kitchen. Man I went for it hammer and tong! Cleaned all the hard to reach bits that just usually get a wipe and even scrubbed the oven and the microwave. Sorry if I sound minging for the kitchen needing such a good clean, but we do clean it - just not with such intensity!
FM was well impressed and by 2pm when I sat down for my lunch she was actually out of her bed! I think it was more out of necessity as her niece was visiting and due to arrive at any minute.
After her niece arrived we went to the shops for supplies. I did a good old quorn and vegetable healthy shop and they got comfort food to combat a hangover.
Felt quite good foodwise today. No obsessing. Had my salad snack on a plate as lunch. Very nice to sit and eat it with a knife and fork. Then after the shops I had a frozen lemon bar and a coffee. Evening meal was the leftover chicken provencal from Saturday and veg, followed by jelly. Sat in the garden on the new bistro table and chair set that FM had bought from Sainsbury at a bargain £30 reduced from £60. It was lovely out and I felt quite continental!
The Edinburgh Fringe Festival started this weekend and Sunday/Monday have 2-for-1 ticket deals, a good way to have a cheap night out, so the evening was spent at a place called the Pleasance. It's a venue where they show lots of comedy acts as part of the festival. It's one of my favourite places. There is a large courtyard with picnic benches where you can just chill out. There are lots of bars and places to buy food and the atmosphere is just relaxed. You can quite often star spot, lots of the performers hang out there too. So the 3 of us grabbed a drink (I'm so glad I can drink diet coke now) watched the world go by, then went to watch a comedy show. We just went into the box office and asked what was coming on soon. Saw a comedienne called Natalie Haynes. She was very good but a bit close to the knuckle sometimes - but that's what the Edinburgh Fringe Festival is all about!
All in all a nice relaxing day made better by the fact that I have Monday off work! Yippee!
Up quite early today (8 am) which is not bad considering I had a quite late night. After getting home from night out quite early on Saturday I ended up staying up to look after my flatmate who came home from a drinking session very drunk! She was quite upset because I'm leaving and had a bit of a cry and almost suffocated the dog by hugging him! She did need to use the sick stool and spent 40 minutes with her head over the toilet. I had to force her to go to bed and made sure she had a bucket, a glass of water and some alka seltzer!
Needless to say I was glad not to be in her head this morning!
Whilst she stayed in bed and nursed her hangover I decided to clean out the kitchen. Man I went for it hammer and tong! Cleaned all the hard to reach bits that just usually get a wipe and even scrubbed the oven and the microwave. Sorry if I sound minging for the kitchen needing such a good clean, but we do clean it - just not with such intensity!
FM was well impressed and by 2pm when I sat down for my lunch she was actually out of her bed! I think it was more out of necessity as her niece was visiting and due to arrive at any minute.
After her niece arrived we went to the shops for supplies. I did a good old quorn and vegetable healthy shop and they got comfort food to combat a hangover.
Felt quite good foodwise today. No obsessing. Had my salad snack on a plate as lunch. Very nice to sit and eat it with a knife and fork. Then after the shops I had a frozen lemon bar and a coffee. Evening meal was the leftover chicken provencal from Saturday and veg, followed by jelly. Sat in the garden on the new bistro table and chair set that FM had bought from Sainsbury at a bargain £30 reduced from £60. It was lovely out and I felt quite continental!
The Edinburgh Fringe Festival started this weekend and Sunday/Monday have 2-for-1 ticket deals, a good way to have a cheap night out, so the evening was spent at a place called the Pleasance. It's a venue where they show lots of comedy acts as part of the festival. It's one of my favourite places. There is a large courtyard with picnic benches where you can just chill out. There are lots of bars and places to buy food and the atmosphere is just relaxed. You can quite often star spot, lots of the performers hang out there too. So the 3 of us grabbed a drink (I'm so glad I can drink diet coke now) watched the world go by, then went to watch a comedy show. We just went into the box office and asked what was coming on soon. Saw a comedienne called Natalie Haynes. She was very good but a bit close to the knuckle sometimes - but that's what the Edinburgh Fringe Festival is all about!
All in all a nice relaxing day made better by the fact that I have Monday off work! Yippee!
Isobel1965
Gold Member
Hello, darling - so glad you're in fine fettle!!
OOh one day I'd love to go to the Fringe - it sounds so exciting! Have a fantastic time, babes!
OOh one day I'd love to go to the Fringe - it sounds so exciting! Have a fantastic time, babes!
westiegirl
Gold Member
Day 18 - Monday - Rebellious Child Spitting the Dummy
Don't speak so soon Isobel, it's all gone Pete!
Monday dawned beautifully up in Edinburgh. Day off work, festival calling, good day ahead right? Wrong!
Woke up hungry and didn't improve all day! Sat in the garden and had a vanilla coffee foodpack whilst FM had her toast and felt totally envious and completely unsatisfied.
So I stuffed myself up with coffee, fizzy juice and jelly. Good girl!
By the time 3 of us got showered and ready to go out it was 1pm. Headed into Edinburgh centre and had a wander down the Royal Mile. It was totally manic - full of tourists but a great atmospere! The place is dominated by street performers and you can watch so many different acts for free. It's a great place to start if you are a festival virgin!
This is where it all started to decline. The Royal Mile is full of cafes and restaurants with outside tables. Lots of people were having their lunch and I felt really hard done to. My poxy protein meal to come in the evening and salad snacks were just not going to hit the spot. We stopped in Starbucks for a coffee and a spot of festival guide perusing to decide what we were going to see. As I sat down I decided to have one of my LL bars - I had brought 2 with me, a nut bar and a lemon bar, so I could make a decision when I was out. Bad idea! I scoffed them both! Bear in mind I'm on 2 packs a day now, so that made 3! I was so "hungry" I justified so that's OK then!
We then moved onto the Pleasance again and were accosted by a leafleter who was offering free tickets to see a comedy play starting immediately. Why not we decided not and took our seats. After only 10 minutes we knew why the tickets were free as there really wasn't much comedy in it! Still it was free and only 45 minutes out of our life!
Has anyone seen the advert for the E4 Udderbelly on C4? It's a festival venue that's a huge inflatable cow? Our next stop was the there. It's another place with a courtyard bar so we sat and had a drink whilst listening to some show going on in the venue that sounded quite cool! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! It's not fair! I'm on holiday! I should be able to eat and drink what I want! LL Management is rubbish!! I hate it!!! Man did I really throw my toys out of the pram! It was just mentally but by the time I got home I knew a binge was on it's way! Tried to stop it with coffee lots of jelly but no, that wasn't enough! Sat outside again and had another 2 LL bars. Oh dear, that's now 5 packs today!
Tea was quite nice - quorn fillets, salad and baked beans. At I did something right, but it just didn't hit the spot (again). CHOCOLATE, CHOCOLATE, CHOCOLATE!!!!! I have a small stash left over from Easter that I have been saving, and have not been tempted by at all. Small tube of mini eggs in the mouth, in very quick sucession. All done whilst sitting in my room, hiding from FM so she wouldn't see me. Oops. Secret binge behaviour has returned with a vengence!
Luckily we had more festival stuff planned, so back to the Pleasance for a comedian called Frankie Boyle. He was absolutely hilarious! LMTO!!! BUT, sat there the whole show obsessing about chocolate and what I would eat when I got home!
True enough, it was too late! Home, bed, cuppa of tea and chocolate. The sorry line up was:
2 tubes mini eggs
1 bag mini creme eggs
1 bag of mini dairy milks
Did I feel sick - strangley no! Did I feel guilty? Not really! In the scheme of things, I can cope! Back on the wagon tomorrow!
Um, I have been rushing to write this down as I have to leave work now. I had to finish writing as I had to get it out! But I have more I need to say. I don't have time to proof read either, but I will continue when I get home! Just couldn't risk losing this long post by not submitting it!
Don't speak so soon Isobel, it's all gone Pete!
Monday dawned beautifully up in Edinburgh. Day off work, festival calling, good day ahead right? Wrong!
Woke up hungry and didn't improve all day! Sat in the garden and had a vanilla coffee foodpack whilst FM had her toast and felt totally envious and completely unsatisfied.
So I stuffed myself up with coffee, fizzy juice and jelly. Good girl!
By the time 3 of us got showered and ready to go out it was 1pm. Headed into Edinburgh centre and had a wander down the Royal Mile. It was totally manic - full of tourists but a great atmospere! The place is dominated by street performers and you can watch so many different acts for free. It's a great place to start if you are a festival virgin!
This is where it all started to decline. The Royal Mile is full of cafes and restaurants with outside tables. Lots of people were having their lunch and I felt really hard done to. My poxy protein meal to come in the evening and salad snacks were just not going to hit the spot. We stopped in Starbucks for a coffee and a spot of festival guide perusing to decide what we were going to see. As I sat down I decided to have one of my LL bars - I had brought 2 with me, a nut bar and a lemon bar, so I could make a decision when I was out. Bad idea! I scoffed them both! Bear in mind I'm on 2 packs a day now, so that made 3! I was so "hungry" I justified so that's OK then!
We then moved onto the Pleasance again and were accosted by a leafleter who was offering free tickets to see a comedy play starting immediately. Why not we decided not and took our seats. After only 10 minutes we knew why the tickets were free as there really wasn't much comedy in it! Still it was free and only 45 minutes out of our life!
Has anyone seen the advert for the E4 Udderbelly on C4? It's a festival venue that's a huge inflatable cow? Our next stop was the there. It's another place with a courtyard bar so we sat and had a drink whilst listening to some show going on in the venue that sounded quite cool! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! It's not fair! I'm on holiday! I should be able to eat and drink what I want! LL Management is rubbish!!
I hate it!!! Man did I really throw my toys out of the pram! It was just mentally but by the time I got home I knew a binge was on it's way! Tried to stop it with coffee lots of jelly but no, that wasn't enough! Sat outside again and had another 2 LL bars. Oh dear, that's now 5 packs today!Tea was quite nice - quorn fillets, salad and baked beans. At I did something right, but it just didn't hit the spot (again). CHOCOLATE, CHOCOLATE, CHOCOLATE!!!!! I have a small stash left over from Easter that I have been saving, and have not been tempted by at all. Small tube of mini eggs in the mouth, in very quick sucession. All done whilst sitting in my room, hiding from FM so she wouldn't see me. Oops. Secret binge behaviour has returned with a vengence!
Luckily we had more festival stuff planned, so back to the Pleasance for a comedian called Frankie Boyle. He was absolutely hilarious! LMTO!!! BUT, sat there the whole show obsessing about chocolate and what I would eat when I got home!
True enough, it was too late! Home, bed, cuppa of tea and chocolate. The sorry line up was:
2 tubes mini eggs
1 bag mini creme eggs
1 bag of mini dairy milks
Did I feel sick - strangley no! Did I feel guilty? Not really! In the scheme of things, I can cope! Back on the wagon tomorrow!
Um, I have been rushing to write this down as I have to leave work now. I had to finish writing as I had to get it out! But I have more I need to say. I don't have time to proof read either, but I will continue when I get home! Just couldn't risk losing this long post by not submitting it!
Isobel1965
Gold Member
Call that a binge?? lol - you complete amateur! LMTO!!!!!!
Sweetie - forget it - back to basics in the morning - you're not going to put back all the weight with a couple of choccie things.
You wanted them - you had them - you don't feel guilty - fair enough!
You'll cut back tomorrow - that's what skinny people do!
Lotsa love
Sweetie - forget it - back to basics in the morning - you're not going to put back all the weight with a couple of choccie things.
You wanted them - you had them - you don't feel guilty - fair enough!
You'll cut back tomorrow - that's what skinny people do!
Lotsa love
chicken on a mission
Restarting to lose 4stone
I seem to remember back to my skinny days that balance was the key to skinnydom?
If you ate more than you needed to one day, you made up for it by adjusting downwards again until you made up for it.
If you can continue to do that then you should be alright
If you ate more than you needed to one day, you made up for it by adjusting downwards again until you made up for it.
If you can continue to do that then you should be alright
sarahjj
Full Member
Hey Sarah!
Well done you!!! The good thing to come out of that was that you knew when to stop. Before you would probably have had twice that amount! As Isobel said, you aren't going to put on everything you've lost, but I know what you mean, it's hard not to feel a little bit guilty! I had a Werthers Original earlier and felt sooooo bad! Weird huh, before you wouldn't hace thought anything of it!!
You've been doing soooooo well! I'm really impressed!
So long as you can come out of it with the attitude you have then that's a good thing right??!!
Looking forward to reading your post later! You should publish it! !!
Take care,
Sarah x
Well done you!!! The good thing to come out of that was that you knew when to stop. Before you would probably have had twice that amount! As Isobel said, you aren't going to put on everything you've lost, but I know what you mean, it's hard not to feel a little bit guilty! I had a Werthers Original earlier and felt sooooo bad! Weird huh, before you wouldn't hace thought anything of it!!
You've been doing soooooo well! I'm really impressed!
So long as you can come out of it with the attitude you have then that's a good thing right??!!
Looking forward to reading your post later! You should publish it!
!!Take care,
Sarah x
westiegirl
Gold Member
Day 19 - Tuesday - Downward Spiral
Phew, what a busy night last night - didn't get near the computer to continue my diary, so here I am in my lunch hour again! Thank you guys for your lovely positive comments - that's why I love this place so much!
Tuesday morning back to work. Back on track I thought, no problems. That lasted approximately 1 hour after I got out of bed. CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE!!!! So for breakfast I had 2 cadbury creme eggs and another bag of mini creme eggs! Bugger! The good intentions of the evening before - out of the window so early in the day!
Did feel a little sick on the bus and more than a little guilty! Work was just a stream of food obsessed thoughts broken by a mixture of a nut bar, coffee, fizzy juice and jellies. Love ya lots jelly pots (LOL!).
After work I stood at the bus stop and felt like a junkie going home to get my next fix! I could not stop thinking about chocolate and the stash in the house. My rebellious child was going into meltdown. My adult was trying to come out but the rebellious child kept kicking her! I was physically shaking and totally agitated. My adult was saying send a text to my LLC and ask if she was free to chat. NO my rebellious child said, go home, get chocolate, hide in your room and EAT!!! Finally, the adult won. PHEW! I sent the text and funnily enough I felt better immediately. Decided to go home and ask Janice for help. My LLC was in a meeting so I just went home and told FM I was perching on a ledge about to fall off. She was fantastic and talked me down. As a result I went into the kitchen and made an absolutely lovely tea of vegetable and ham omlette with a huge salad followed by jelly and cup of coffee.
FM had people coming to view the flat so we did a clean up and waited for them to arrive - that's why I no chance to get on the PC. It was after 9pm when we were done. At that point my LLC was free so we had a chat.
Basically I had managed to analyse the situation and we discussed a few things that were going on for me, which boiled down to the following:
1. Rebellious child was chucking the dummy because she's not used to not eating on holidays. It's just an old habit and I am learning new ones. It's not that I can't eat, just not what I used to!
2. STILL haven't got my period - over a week and a half late. Really pre-menstural now!
3. I'm very bad at asking for help. I tend to internalise any issues and stress leads to eating. As soon as I made a move to get help from LLC and FM I felt better and the need to eat chocolate almost all but disappeared.
4. The stress of the cafe sale has really affected me - living the last 16 weeks in limbo is not a good thing. But now I have to make plans but I think the reality of leaving Edinburgh and FM and my support network has hit me. Whilst my FM has been really upset I have not cried once. I have been pushing the feelings away. Last night we actually spoke about the reality of the situation and it was good to clear the air.
5. Due to go to the nurse tomorrow for my blood test and I'm bricking it - I'm scared of needles.
Anyway, I was really proud of myself that the adult came through victorious and the rebellious child was kicked into touch. I'm learning that each slip can make me stronger, that it's not the end of the world to need people and that I have come so far I can do this.
Phew, went to bed exhausted but pleased!
Phew, what a busy night last night - didn't get near the computer to continue my diary, so here I am in my lunch hour again! Thank you guys for your lovely positive comments - that's why I love this place so much!
Tuesday morning back to work. Back on track I thought, no problems. That lasted approximately 1 hour after I got out of bed. CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE!!!! So for breakfast I had 2 cadbury creme eggs and another bag of mini creme eggs! Bugger! The good intentions of the evening before - out of the window so early in the day!
Did feel a little sick on the bus and more than a little guilty! Work was just a stream of food obsessed thoughts broken by a mixture of a nut bar, coffee, fizzy juice and jellies. Love ya lots jelly pots (LOL!).
After work I stood at the bus stop and felt like a junkie going home to get my next fix! I could not stop thinking about chocolate and the stash in the house. My rebellious child was going into meltdown. My adult was trying to come out but the rebellious child kept kicking her! I was physically shaking and totally agitated. My adult was saying send a text to my LLC and ask if she was free to chat. NO my rebellious child said, go home, get chocolate, hide in your room and EAT!!! Finally, the adult won. PHEW! I sent the text and funnily enough I felt better immediately. Decided to go home and ask Janice for help. My LLC was in a meeting so I just went home and told FM I was perching on a ledge about to fall off. She was fantastic and talked me down. As a result I went into the kitchen and made an absolutely lovely tea of vegetable and ham omlette with a huge salad followed by jelly and cup of coffee.
FM had people coming to view the flat so we did a clean up and waited for them to arrive - that's why I no chance to get on the PC. It was after 9pm when we were done. At that point my LLC was free so we had a chat.
Basically I had managed to analyse the situation and we discussed a few things that were going on for me, which boiled down to the following:
1. Rebellious child was chucking the dummy because she's not used to not eating on holidays. It's just an old habit and I am learning new ones. It's not that I can't eat, just not what I used to!
2. STILL haven't got my period - over a week and a half late. Really pre-menstural now!
3. I'm very bad at asking for help. I tend to internalise any issues and stress leads to eating. As soon as I made a move to get help from LLC and FM I felt better and the need to eat chocolate almost all but disappeared.
4. The stress of the cafe sale has really affected me - living the last 16 weeks in limbo is not a good thing. But now I have to make plans but I think the reality of leaving Edinburgh and FM and my support network has hit me. Whilst my FM has been really upset I have not cried once. I have been pushing the feelings away. Last night we actually spoke about the reality of the situation and it was good to clear the air.
5. Due to go to the nurse tomorrow for my blood test and I'm bricking it - I'm scared of needles.
Anyway, I was really proud of myself that the adult came through victorious and the rebellious child was kicked into touch. I'm learning that each slip can make me stronger, that it's not the end of the world to need people and that I have come so far I can do this.
Phew, went to bed exhausted but pleased!
westiegirl
Gold Member
Day 20 - Wednesday - Back to Normal!
Woke up renewed today! Felt much better after getting so much off my chest the night before. I know why talking therapies are so popular!
Had my appointment with the nurse at 9.10am. I was surprisingly calm, even waiting in the surgery. Eighteen months ago I would have been a wreck. A lot has changed in that time. Since my split with my ex I have learnt how strong I actually am. I have rebuilt my life, regained my independence, lost 6 stone and my self esteem is coming through! Phew, when I write that down, it's a lot isn't it? Not bigging myself up, but gosh I'm OK aren't I?
Did feel a bit nauseous after the needle came out and had to sit still for a couple of minutes but up and on my way to work in no time!
Work busy today and that was a good thing because I didn't have time to obsess about food! I know my triggers are boredom and tiredness. I just need to remember to ask myself what is really going on!
My evening meal was nice, had my leftover omelette and salad for tea. It was followed by a lovely blamange. I made it out of raspberry sugar free jelly mixed with a chocolate pack. Mmmmm! Chocolate raspberry! It's not quite facing my unhealthy chocolate obsession at the moment lol, but ho hum, at least I haven't had real chocolate!
I also did some cooking tonight. Made a quorn curry and a veggie stir fry. I know preparation is the key for me. I will freeze them and therefore have meals ready for when I come home from work and that will be a strategy to combat my major danger time when I used to sit down and consume a whole loaf of bread spread with butter!
Blissful evening. FOOTIE SEASON HAS RETURNED! Champions League football with my team, Liverpool. Hurrah! Could life get any better? Feel like normality has returned! Liverpool didn't play particulary well, so it was a nervous night! They better improve for Sunday and the Community Shield v Chelsea! Man, it's gonna be a long season otherwise!
Did realise another habit, sitting down to watch telly in the evening = snack time! Wanted a "snoozy" ie a cup of tea and a biscuit. Funnily enough it never such a big problem in the past when I was "allowed" to eat what I wanted at any time of the day (but I was fat then lol). I know it's only because I was feeling deprived because I had finished my daily food allowance. I'm sure that rebellious child of mine has grown balls in the last 3 weeks! Get down you little f*****r! When we are allowed more food, we will have it if we need it and until then, we stick to the programme and remain in our size 12 jeans!!!!
Had a chat with Mrs Chatterbox and asked her what she wanted? She wanted to go to bed with a cup of tea and have a sleep, so that's what I did and boy did I feel much better!
Woke up renewed today! Felt much better after getting so much off my chest the night before. I know why talking therapies are so popular!
Had my appointment with the nurse at 9.10am. I was surprisingly calm, even waiting in the surgery. Eighteen months ago I would have been a wreck. A lot has changed in that time. Since my split with my ex I have learnt how strong I actually am. I have rebuilt my life, regained my independence, lost 6 stone and my self esteem is coming through! Phew, when I write that down, it's a lot isn't it? Not bigging myself up, but gosh I'm OK aren't I?
Did feel a bit nauseous after the needle came out and had to sit still for a couple of minutes but up and on my way to work in no time!
Work busy today and that was a good thing because I didn't have time to obsess about food! I know my triggers are boredom and tiredness. I just need to remember to ask myself what is really going on!
My evening meal was nice, had my leftover omelette and salad for tea. It was followed by a lovely blamange. I made it out of raspberry sugar free jelly mixed with a chocolate pack. Mmmmm! Chocolate raspberry! It's not quite facing my unhealthy chocolate obsession at the moment lol, but ho hum, at least I haven't had real chocolate!
I also did some cooking tonight. Made a quorn curry and a veggie stir fry. I know preparation is the key for me. I will freeze them and therefore have meals ready for when I come home from work and that will be a strategy to combat my major danger time when I used to sit down and consume a whole loaf of bread spread with butter!
Blissful evening. FOOTIE SEASON HAS RETURNED! Champions League football with my team, Liverpool. Hurrah! Could life get any better? Feel like normality has returned! Liverpool didn't play particulary well, so it was a nervous night! They better improve for Sunday and the Community Shield v Chelsea! Man, it's gonna be a long season otherwise!
Did realise another habit, sitting down to watch telly in the evening = snack time! Wanted a "snoozy" ie a cup of tea and a biscuit. Funnily enough it never such a big problem in the past when I was "allowed" to eat what I wanted at any time of the day (but I was fat then lol). I know it's only because I was feeling deprived because I had finished my daily food allowance. I'm sure that rebellious child of mine has grown balls in the last 3 weeks! Get down you little f*****r! When we are allowed more food, we will have it if we need it and until then, we stick to the programme and remain in our size 12 jeans!!!!
Had a chat with Mrs Chatterbox and asked her what she wanted? She wanted to go to bed with a cup of tea and have a sleep, so that's what I did and boy did I feel much better!
westiegirl
Gold Member
Man - It's Hectic!
I'm getting withdrawal symptoms! I have not been able to get on here for days and I'm missing you guys like crazy! Not up to speed with what everyone is doing, but I was hoping to catch up soon. That looks unlikely in the next couple of weeks as I am on my last week and a half at work and there is so much to do! My replacement starts next week and I only have 2 days to train her! My FM has found someone to move into the flat, which looks like being 1st September, so I have to organise my packing! Not even started yet!
Finally, I'm away for 3 days at the most anticipated event of the year - VFBC in the toon! How am I going to fit it all in?
Still going on management, but it's a bumpy road - mostly mentally - food is not good! I want foodpacks! Haven't really strayed. Had a bit more fruit than I should have but I don't think that's a crime! Will need to learn to deal with the guilt - ie give it up!
Ho hum, just a quickie during afternoon tea break, so back to work.........
I'm getting withdrawal symptoms! I have not been able to get on here for days and I'm missing you guys like crazy! Not up to speed with what everyone is doing, but I was hoping to catch up soon. That looks unlikely in the next couple of weeks as I am on my last week and a half at work and there is so much to do! My replacement starts next week and I only have 2 days to train her! My FM has found someone to move into the flat, which looks like being 1st September, so I have to organise my packing! Not even started yet!
Finally, I'm away for 3 days at the most anticipated event of the year - VFBC in the toon! How am I going to fit it all in?
Still going on management, but it's a bumpy road - mostly mentally - food is not good! I want foodpacks! Haven't really strayed. Had a bit more fruit than I should have but I don't think that's a crime! Will need to learn to deal with the guilt - ie give it up!
Ho hum, just a quickie during afternoon tea break, so back to work.........
Isobel1965
Gold Member
Hey sweetie - I haven't been on here as much as I would like myself recently, so I feel a bit out of the loop too! We will have a fab time at the VFBC so really looking forward to having a good chat then, babes!!!
And you will deffo be skinnier than me - I seem to have lost the plot bigtime! Eek!!! lol
Ah well - still got a couple of weeks lol.
lots of love
And you will deffo be skinnier than me - I seem to have lost the plot bigtime! Eek!!! lol
Ah well - still got a couple of weeks lol.
lots of love
Brightness
Happily on CD
((((((((Sarah)))))))) I've been reading your thread and bless you, you really did have a choccie fix thing didn't you?
I laughed at your binge (sorry) but you were on holiday. We all do things that are out of character whilst we are on holiday. You weren't pre-menstrual were you babes?
Just wondering as it's really weird but I've never really been a chocaholic but when I used to have periods I would just crave the stuff so badly about a week before I was due on I tell you, I could have killed for it and on more than one occasion I have driven to the all night garage wearing jeans over my pyjamas just to get some
Hubs used to think it was hilarious as whenever people have given me chocs as pressies, its almost always him and the kids who scoff them LOL
Glad to see you're almost back on track, anyway and I really don't think that a bit of extra fruit will kill you xxxx
I laughed at your binge (sorry) but you were on holiday. We all do things that are out of character whilst we are on holiday. You weren't pre-menstrual were you babes?
Just wondering as it's really weird but I've never really been a chocaholic but when I used to have periods I would just crave the stuff so badly about a week before I was due on
I tell you, I could have killed for it and on more than one occasion I have driven to the all night garage wearing jeans over my pyjamas just to get some Hubs used to think it was hilarious as whenever people have given me chocs as pressies, its almost always him and the kids who scoff them LOL
Glad to see you're almost back on track, anyway and I really don't think that a bit of extra fruit will kill you xxxx
westiegirl
Gold Member
Day Whatever - Off the Rails - Self Destruct!
Sitting here at lunchtime, writing up the last days traumas, eating a choccie biscuit! Oh dear!!!!
As I wrote yesterday, things have been quite hectic recently and it's no secret that I'm finding management very difficult. So what did I do? Last night I went into self destruct mode and binged on chocolate.
I came home from work and was having major cravings so I ate jelly, apples and cherry tomatoes. To be honest they just didn't hit the spot! FM was going out for tea with her niece so I dropped her at the restaurant. I was glad to take her as it was a good excuse to stop at the shop and buy rubbish food. So I did and came home and ate 2 bars of chocolate, a 6 pack of fox's classic biscuits, a packet and a half of shortbread finger biscuits and a mini tub of pringles. The whole time I was doing it I was analysing what I was doing and I knew the reasons, but felt unable to stop myself!
So by the time I made a desperate call to my LLC I knew why but it was good to talk to her. I think the need to binge was created as a plea for help! In lots of ways I am more confident but my low self esteem still makes me feel like I am not worth very much. Basically I should have called my LLC earlier but felt that I would be bothering her unless I had a valid reason to call, ie a call to say I was just thinking about eating wasn't as good a reason as a call to say I've already done it!
So after the chat the results of my self analysis are:
1. I went into management before I was ready. My decision to start was fuelled by timescales of moving and trying to be a good part through the management programme before leaving my group and going to Wales. I was also a few pounds above the target weight I had set myself but I thought that I could deal with that later. So my thoughts recently have veered towards calorie counting and losing more weight instead of maintaining the weight at which I started.
2. I have too much on my plate at the moment to devote time to management. I knew that it would be the hardest part of the programme - so much to think about and not enough time to really do it properly.
3. I am using food to invoke some feelings. Last night whilst I was eating I was completely aware that I was trying to make myself feel sick. I am about to make a major life change and I actually feel numb about it. I just wanted to feel something! Since telling FM and workmates I haven't cried once! Usually I am the biggest baby in the world and can cry at the drop of the hat! So far, I haven't shed a tear - I'm a dry husk! I know it's all going to reach crisis point and the floodgates will open. I just wish it would be soon so I can get on with it and get over it!
4. I am using food as an avoidance measure. Last night I should have started packing up for the move but if I was sitting down to eat I couldn't do both. The reasons for it are the same as the above - numbness!
5. I have to call the doctors tomorrow about the results of my blood test. I know I'm probably making a big deal over nothing but I am worried. What if there's something wrong with me? I'm sure there's not, but it's on my mind all the same!
6. It's my birthday on Thursday. That's a problem twofold - first I'll be 35 and in my head that makes me middle aged! Of course it's not but I feel I've wasted so much of my life not doing things and feeling fat and frumpy when I should have been having fun. I know I am still young and my new life will be fantastic! Secondly who wants to be on crappy management on your birthday weekend when you are going out and partying? I want to eat a nice meal and drink alcohol <throws toys out of pram again >.
7. Donna, I am probably very pre-menstural!! My period just hasn't appeared this month at all, so I'm waiting for it! I'll be 2 weeks late this weekend. And no, there is no way I could be pregnant! My hormones are all to pot so it's probably a very good reason for my cravings!
Well analysis over, solution discussed with LLC. I'm going back to abstinence until I move and am at the target I want to be at. I'm going to meet her for coffee on Sunday morning and we will discuss how we can manage management over the distance of 300 miles. What that means for me getting my packs and also arranging to have a weekly phone call instead of a meeting. I'll do management for the right reasons and suceed as well as I suceeded at foundation. I need to be settled and devote my attention to it. My LLC is fab isn't she? She will always go the extra mile for you. When I apologised for calling her she just laughed, said that's my job and what I'm here for! She's the best and I feel much calmer for it!
True enough, I've had chocolate today but I need to develop a strategy for coping over the weekend and just eating normally, not binging on chocolate! I know I'll get there!
Isobel, looking forward to a good chat at VFBC. Last night in my depressive mood I told my LLC that I was absolutely fine about not eating at my weekend in Newcastle, but thinking about it now, I'm not too bothered about eating but I don't want to just drink black coffee and water again like I did last time. I know I can do it but that's just not what this weekend is about is it ! I will discuss my strategy with my LLC on Sunday, hey we all gotta live haven't we! I have to learn to make adult decisions and be happy with them!
Finally, just to say that the call to the doctors this morning revealed that 1 of my blood tests is pack and is OK. The other one is still to come and I have to phone back on Friday. I feel half better!
Ho hum, well back to work for me. Hopefully I'll get back on soon, but I have such a hectic time coming up goodness knows when that will be!
Sitting here at lunchtime, writing up the last days traumas, eating a choccie biscuit! Oh dear!!!!
As I wrote yesterday, things have been quite hectic recently and it's no secret that I'm finding management very difficult. So what did I do? Last night I went into self destruct mode and binged on chocolate.
I came home from work and was having major cravings so I ate jelly, apples and cherry tomatoes. To be honest they just didn't hit the spot! FM was going out for tea with her niece so I dropped her at the restaurant. I was glad to take her as it was a good excuse to stop at the shop and buy rubbish food. So I did and came home and ate 2 bars of chocolate, a 6 pack of fox's classic biscuits, a packet and a half of shortbread finger biscuits and a mini tub of pringles. The whole time I was doing it I was analysing what I was doing and I knew the reasons, but felt unable to stop myself!
So by the time I made a desperate call to my LLC I knew why but it was good to talk to her. I think the need to binge was created as a plea for help! In lots of ways I am more confident but my low self esteem still makes me feel like I am not worth very much. Basically I should have called my LLC earlier but felt that I would be bothering her unless I had a valid reason to call, ie a call to say I was just thinking about eating wasn't as good a reason as a call to say I've already done it!
So after the chat the results of my self analysis are:
1. I went into management before I was ready. My decision to start was fuelled by timescales of moving and trying to be a good part through the management programme before leaving my group and going to Wales. I was also a few pounds above the target weight I had set myself but I thought that I could deal with that later. So my thoughts recently have veered towards calorie counting and losing more weight instead of maintaining the weight at which I started.
2. I have too much on my plate at the moment to devote time to management. I knew that it would be the hardest part of the programme - so much to think about and not enough time to really do it properly.
3. I am using food to invoke some feelings. Last night whilst I was eating I was completely aware that I was trying to make myself feel sick. I am about to make a major life change and I actually feel numb about it. I just wanted to feel something! Since telling FM and workmates I haven't cried once! Usually I am the biggest baby in the world and can cry at the drop of the hat! So far, I haven't shed a tear - I'm a dry husk! I know it's all going to reach crisis point and the floodgates will open. I just wish it would be soon so I can get on with it and get over it!
4. I am using food as an avoidance measure. Last night I should have started packing up for the move but if I was sitting down to eat I couldn't do both. The reasons for it are the same as the above - numbness!
5. I have to call the doctors tomorrow about the results of my blood test. I know I'm probably making a big deal over nothing but I am worried. What if there's something wrong with me? I'm sure there's not, but it's on my mind all the same!
6. It's my birthday on Thursday. That's a problem twofold - first I'll be 35 and in my head that makes me middle aged! Of course it's not but I feel I've wasted so much of my life not doing things and feeling fat and frumpy when I should have been having fun. I know I am still young and my new life will be fantastic! Secondly who wants to be on crappy management on your birthday weekend when you are going out and partying? I want to eat a nice meal and drink alcohol <throws toys out of pram again
>.7. Donna, I am probably very pre-menstural!! My period just hasn't appeared this month at all, so I'm waiting for it! I'll be 2 weeks late this weekend. And no, there is no way I could be pregnant! My hormones are all to pot so it's probably a very good reason for my cravings!
Well analysis over, solution discussed with LLC. I'm going back to abstinence until I move and am at the target I want to be at. I'm going to meet her for coffee on Sunday morning and we will discuss how we can manage management over the distance of 300 miles. What that means for me getting my packs and also arranging to have a weekly phone call instead of a meeting. I'll do management for the right reasons and suceed as well as I suceeded at foundation. I need to be settled and devote my attention to it. My LLC is fab isn't she? She will always go the extra mile for you. When I apologised for calling her she just laughed, said that's my job and what I'm here for! She's the best and I feel much calmer for it!
True enough, I've had chocolate today but I need to develop a strategy for coping over the weekend and just eating normally, not binging on chocolate! I know I'll get there!
Isobel, looking forward to a good chat at VFBC. Last night in my depressive mood I told my LLC that I was absolutely fine about not eating at my weekend in Newcastle, but thinking about it now, I'm not too bothered about eating but I don't want to just drink black coffee and water again like I did last time. I know I can do it but that's just not what this weekend is about is it
! I will discuss my strategy with my LLC on Sunday, hey we all gotta live haven't we! I have to learn to make adult decisions and be happy with them!Finally, just to say that the call to the doctors this morning revealed that 1 of my blood tests is pack and is OK. The other one is still to come and I have to phone back on Friday. I feel half better!
Ho hum, well back to work for me. Hopefully I'll get back on soon, but I have such a hectic time coming up goodness knows when that will be!
Awww Sarah I think you're right to go back to SSing. You need to have the right head on for SS and management.
Yes, management can be hard. I found it so. Screamed through it all. You do need to really commit to it though, and it sounds like you have enough on your plate at the moment.
Best of luck with whichever road you take
I think you're right to go back to SSing. You need to have the right head on for SS and management.Yes, management can be hard. I found it so. Screamed through it all. You do need to really commit to it though, and it sounds like you have enough on your plate at the moment.
Best of luck with whichever road you take
Hi sarah,
really understand what you are going through, i too am really struggling at the moment!!
i ahev been on hols for 2 weeks and didnt take my adult with me at all!!! i ate all sorts and as a result gained 3 lbs!!( not so bad you might say) however since i came back despite my efforts to go back down i seem to be going up!! 2 more lbs , this puts me 11.8, which i no way want to be!!
i did go back to SSing for a week about a month ago and lost 7 1/2 lbs in a week but of course 5 went back on so bit of a waste of time really!!
i am going to london to photographed proffesionally on sep 16 and i really would like to be 11 or under by then, i know if I ss I can do that but i am really loathed to "give up" food again as I do love it so however i think thatnis going to have to happen as I have become once more food obsessed and "hungry" all the time!!!
i have promised to take the kids to "wagga mammas" on saturday for lunch and I want to eat with them so i think i am going to try to have just 1 meal and packs today and tomorrow and see where that gets me!!
hope you are ok and not in megga beat up mode, take care
love heidi x
really understand what you are going through, i too am really struggling at the moment!!
i ahev been on hols for 2 weeks and didnt take my adult with me at all!!! i ate all sorts and as a result gained 3 lbs!!( not so bad you might say) however since i came back despite my efforts to go back down i seem to be going up!! 2 more lbs , this puts me 11.8, which i no way want to be!!
i did go back to SSing for a week about a month ago and lost 7 1/2 lbs in a week but of course 5 went back on so bit of a waste of time really!!
i am going to london to photographed proffesionally on sep 16 and i really would like to be 11 or under by then, i know if I ss I can do that but i am really loathed to "give up" food again as I do love it so however i think thatnis going to have to happen as I have become once more food obsessed and "hungry" all the time!!!
i have promised to take the kids to "wagga mammas" on saturday for lunch and I want to eat with them so i think i am going to try to have just 1 meal and packs today and tomorrow and see where that gets me!!
hope you are ok and not in megga beat up mode, take care
love heidi x
Summerskye
Gold Member
Hey Sarah!
I can't believe I've not seen your most recent post before - and feel awful about not having responded before.
I hope you're feeling a bit better now, sweetheart, and feel much more in control again.
Can't wait to see you tomorrow and give you a big hug! We'll make sure you stick to 'sensible' eating too .. just like moi! (where's me halo? *lol*)
Lots of love, honey xxxx
I can't believe I've not seen your most recent post before - and feel awful about not having responded before.
I hope you're feeling a bit better now, sweetheart, and feel much more in control again.
Can't wait to see you tomorrow and give you a big hug! We'll make sure you stick to 'sensible' eating too .. just like moi! (where's me halo? *lol*)
Lots of love, honey xxxx
