What is the etiquette for teacher gifts

[AnnaFaraday]

It is not the idea of thanking the teacher, or giving them a small gift which worries me. It is the competition - children have enough pressure to conform as it is, without adding extra problems. And parents have enough to worry about without having to think about whether their children are being left out of something.

Schools could stop all this right now if they wanted to. They could make it a rule that the only acceptable thing to give the teacher would be a letter, a card, or a small home-made gift costing less than a couple of pounds.

 

[juicygooseface]

my daughters teacher has been wonderful this and really helped her through her first year of school, really supportive, and yes i kow that's her job but its really helped my daughter blossom from a shy little girl to a confident little one , so she will be making her something, we wont be buying anything, just a little homemade token to say thankyou xxx

 

[Starlight]

Schools could stop all this right now if they wanted to. They could make it a rule that the only acceptable thing to give the teacher would be a letter, a card, or a small home-made gift costing less than a couple of pounds.

Thats a very good point. They should just say no presents at all, cards yes but no pressies. I bet most kids take presents because (like my sis in law) they dont want to be seen to be the only one who doesnt

Course the shops have all cottoned on to it now and have ranges for teachers...

 

[kingleds]

I was joking just wanted to see the reactions

You make me almost wet myself with laughter on a daily basis Bunny. Brilliant!

 

[*Emsie*]

It is not the idea of thanking the teacher, or giving them a small gift which worries me. It is the competition - children have enough pressure to conform as it is, without adding extra problems. And parents have enough to worry about without having to think about whether their children are being left out of something.

Schools could stop all this right now if they wanted to. They could make it a rule that the only acceptable thing to give the teacher would be a letter, a card, or a small home-made gift costing less than a couple of pounds.

I was going to reply to this that I wouldn't want to be told not to give the gifts as like I said earlier some teachers have gone above and beyond this year for my son and I want to give them something to show them that but I suppose I could do that with a card. Not everyone can put things into words well though.
Its not good that people are under pressure to get things they don't want to though but its alsodifficcult to stop people giving what they want to. As a carer we werent allowed to recieve cash or large gifts but people would often try and give them.

 

[MadameLaMinx]

I wont be buying anything for my girls to give their teachers. They can make them a card if they want to - but I simply cant afford to buy into all the various hyped events over the course of a year that they keep trying to make us. Dont even get me started on Halloween...

It is bad enough at the moment with various school events - school discos (x 2 as my girls are at an infants/junior school that are separate) - one of them is a family one, where parents have to attend, and so we end up taking both girls as a family outing, by the time you buy the tickets, drinks, couple of tattoos/face paints, raffle tickets, sweets etc, you have kissed goodbye to £30. Then on top of that, there is non-uniform days - at best, it is 50p "fine", but since my eldest girl has been at the junior school it's been three consecutive fridays of "donations for the school fair tombola (namely bottles of wine/home made cakes/chocolate gifts - none of which are going to cost less than a couple of quid)" - and the epitome of cheek - "we are having a non-uniform day and are going to use the opportunity to take photos for the school calendar, the theme being the Olympics, please have your child come to school in their PE kits - for which there will be a 50p fine, and the calendars will be on sale for a fiver each shortly thereafter". (That was late last year.)

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Rant over. Sorry for the hijack!!

 

[Starlight]

If they had to take gifts to anyone I'd rather my nieces had taken little gifts to their Brownie/rainbow leaders who give up a lot of their time for free for the kids. Not to teachers who are well paid for doing a job

 

[Shirleen]

If they had to take gifts to anyone I'd rather my nieces had taken little gifts to their Brownie/rainbow leaders who give up a lot of their time for free for the kids. Not to teachers who are well paid for doing a job

Amen!

 

[Jenna88]

Ladies, I'm not saying present buying is necessary or that it should happen but I just want to jump in with teachers really are not that well paid for the amount of work that they do. During term time I'm in school from 8am until 4.30pm at least. I come home and have my dinner and then plan/make resources until bedtime on the majority of nights. At least a 10 hour working day and I get £80 per day....£8 an hour isn't bad but after 4 years in uni with 24 grand of debt it sure isn't 'well paid'. Not trying to argue, just showing it from a teacher's perspective.

A favourite quote of mine, and I know no one was saying that teachers are merely babysitter's but again it shows the actual pay in comparison to the work load...God damnit being in dollars lol!
author unknown:

Teachers’ hefty salaries are driving up taxes, and they only work 9 or 10 months a year. It’s time we put things in perspective and pay them for what they do – babysit. We can get that for less than minimum wage.
That’s right. Let’s give them $3 an hour and only the hours they worked; not any of that silly planning time, or any time they spend before or after school. That would be $19.50 a day (7:45 to 3:00 PM with 45 min. off for lunch and plan– that equals 6 1/2 hours).
Each parent should pay $19.50 a day for these teachers to baby-sit their children. Now how many students do they teach in a day…maybe 30? So that’s $19.50 x 30 = $585.00 a day.
However, remember they only work 180 days a year. I am not going to pay them for any vacations.
LET’S SEE…That’s $585 X 180= $105,300 per year. (Hold on. My calculator needs new batteries.)
What about those special education teachers and the ones with master’s degrees? Well, we could pay them minimum wage ($7.75), and just to be fair, round it off to $8.00 an hour. That would be $8 X 6 1/2 hours X 30 children X 180 days = $280,800 per year.
Wait a minute — there’s something wrong here. There sure is.
The average teacher’s salary (nationwide) is $50,000. $50,000/180 days = $277.77/per day/30 students=$9.25/6.5 hours = $1.42 per hour per student– a very inexpensive baby-sitter and they even EDUCATE your kids!)
WHAT A DEAL!
​

 

[AnnaFaraday]

I had a career in politics and had to make a written report of any gift I received, and they could only be small things. I was allowed to accept meals and/or drinks as long as I listed them and gave the list to my boss. I would not have been allowed to accept anything bigger (although I was once offered the use of someone's villa in Spain, and had to refuse, but did accept a bottle of the olive oil from their estate!)

 

[Starlight]

Jenna I don't think any of us would say were particularly well paid but I know a lot of teachers are better paid than I am and my working day/week is a heck of a lot longer and I only get 4 weeks holidays a year. In the 20 years ive been doing my job noones ever given me a gift nor should they have to At the end of the day we all do a days work for a days pay.

 

[juicygooseface]

yes you're right we do all do a job for a wage but for example someone working in a factory doesnt do quite the same job as someone teaching children xx

 

[Shirleen]

Jenna I don't think any of us would say were particularly well paid but I know a lot of teachers are better paid than I am and my working day/week is a heck of a lot longer and I only get 4 weeks holidays a year. In the 20 years ive been doing my job noones ever given me a gift nor should they have to At the end of the day we all do a days work for a days pay.

I agree. I also work all Bank Holidays, Christmas, Easter, Sundays, my day today started at 7am til 10pm when I start a sleep in and am working 7-4 tomorrow, do I don't get to see my family for two days and my husband not until saturday evening.

Ok I didn't go to Uni, I couldn't have afforded to, and my pay at less than £7 an hour reflects that. I also don't have any sort of pension to look forward to. But I love my job and wouldn't do anything else. I have turned down gifts offered by family of my SU, I get paid that's enough.

 

[Starlight]

No that's true but I work in a job dealing with the public. I regularly go out my way to do that wee bit more than necessary but would never expect extra for it. At the end of the day it's the job I'm employed to do

I think kids making cards or something is a lovely idea but I just hate the fact there's now so much pressure on people to buy gifts which ultimately the teachers probably have no use for. my friends daughter hasn't liked hervteacher this year but insisted on a gift because 'everyone else will be taking one'

I have a 'friend' who's a teacher and we've actually got now we've said she can't talk about work if she's out because she does nothing but moan and complain about how hard done by she is. Whatever positive slant we try put on her complaints it never works. She's the ultimate glass half empty person

I'm the same as you Shirl. Work Xmas, weekends etc but that's the nature of my job. We don't even get as much as 4 weeks holidays because they annualised our hours. My annual leave is calculated on my day being 8.33 hours when it's usually 10 so I don't get 4 weeks any more .

 

[Shirleen]

No that's true but I work in a job dealing with the public. I regularly go out my way to do that wee bit more than necessary but would never expect extra for it. At the end of the day it's the job I'm employed to do

I think kids making cards or something is a lovely idea but I just hate the fact there's now so much pressure on people to buy gifts which ultimately the teachers probably have no use for. my friends daughter hasn't liked hervteacher this year but insisted on a gift because 'everyone else will be taking one'

I have a 'friend' who's a teacher and we've actually got now we've said she can't talk about work if she's out because she does nothing but moan and complain about how hard done by she is. Whatever positive slant we try put on her complaints it never works. She's the ultimate glass half empty person

That's the bit I don't understand, if you don't love it, and you have transferable qualifications as Teachers do why not get out and find a job with greater monetary rewards?

 

[Starlight]

I dont understand that bit either Shirl. If I moaned so much about my job Id be looking at doing something else. Just as well I love it mind you cos Id have no chance of anything else lol My mum spoke to her a few weeks ago and even the imminent 7 weeks break wasnt enough for her It annoys me when I see her attitude and I have another friend whos supply teaching and cant get a permanent post for love or money. Shed love to have moaneys job and shed she has so much passion and enthusiasm Im sure shed be a damn sight better at it too

Anyhoo I think this thread has gone waaaaaay off topic now lol x

 

[charliangel]

i did get my daughters teacher a present this year, spent the grand total of £3.50 on a red wooden apple plaque with her teachers name on it and then her name at the bottom. it is slightly different in our case as my daughter goes to a small village school so will still have a lot of interaction with her primary one teacher and to be honest he has been brilliant as she found the transition from nursery to big school rather daunting

 

[jaylou]

I don't agree with buying teachers presents, I agree with Anna - schools should put a stop to it and not accept them.

I have a friend who is a primary school teacher - she doesn't want the chocolates, wine (well maybe!) smelly gift sets, teacher candles, pens, notebooks etc etc etc, which she receives year in and year out.

Let's take out what teachers do or do not get paid and how hard they work. They do a fabulous job, no denying it, but like the rest of you, I do a good job and I am rewarded with a salary and holidays - just like everyone else.

I will put my hand up now and say I never, ever sent a present to school - a card, but not a present.

In answer to your original question BB, the etiquette is whatever you want it to be. Don't spend money just because you feel you have to, the teacher probably will end up re-gifting it!!!

 

[Legomom]

I can see the point everyone makes but frankly I don't want to be TOLD what to do or not do. Nobody forces parents to buy gifts. If you cant deal with the pressure put on you by your child then surely the problem is with your parenting and not your schools policy really?? Without meaning to be too harsh but seriously....just say no!!!

Not one single teacher that I know (and I'm involved in four schools so that's a LOT) or have ever known has EXPECTED a gift. They honestly don't. So before people bash teachers for 'wanting' extra perks..... they really don't ask for any gifts. I was raised to tip. And I do. That's my choice. Nobody else's. My children don't buy gifts for their teacher but they do enjoy making them something. I don't see why they should miss out on that because some parents choose not too.

My eldest is in a specialist school and regularly challenges the staff. Several of them have a very strong bond with him and go waaaaay past what they are paid for. I think that's a very special thing and I'm gratefull for the care and compassion they show him. It's a good experience for him to bake end of yr cupcakes or make Xmas fudges. It's not about money or following a 'trend'. Believe me my kids are ALL on the spectrum and we don't follow trends!! We are a trend of our own lol.

 

[jaylou]

I can see the point everyone makes but frankly I don't want to be TOLD what to do or not do. Nobody forces parents to buy gifts. If you cant deal with the pressure put on you by your child then surely the problem is with your parenting and not your schools policy really?? Without meaning to be too harsh but seriously....just say no!!!

Woah!!! That does sound harsh though, whether you mean to or not!

I'm not sure people's parenting should be called into question, as well as wages, hours worked or anything else. Different schools have different etiquette, I guess it all depends, but I think it's what I call "playground etiquette". Young kids want to take something in for the teacher because ALL their friends are doing it (or so they say). Sending them without a gift often singles them out, and a lot of parents don't want that for their child, which I can thoroughly understand.

I think that's the key issue, not that teachers want or expect a gift, but that children and parents feel they have to send a gift.