What is the etiquette for teacher gifts

[Legomom]

Woah!!! That does sound harsh though, whether you mean to or not!

I'm not sure people's parenting should be called into question, as well as wages, hours worked or anything else. Different schools have different etiquette, I guess it all depends, but I think it's what I call "playground etiquette". Young kids want to take something in for the teacher because ALL their friends are doing it (or so they say). Sending them without a gift often singles them out, and a lot of parents don't want that for their child, which I can thoroughly understand.

I think that's the key issue, not that teachers want or expect a gift, but that children and parents feel they have to send a gift.

Can't young kids just want to take something in for teacher because they care? Or do we not put any faith in our children these days? It really riles me when we underestimate kids like that. A year spent in class with someone is a LONG time to a young child. Why is it so hard to appreciate that a child may wish to mark that in some way??

I'm not saying your a bad parent if you don't buy gifts. I'm saying your not parenting strongly enough if you can't say no to a primary age child. I have three primary age children. I know how they can be. But at the end of the day the parent only has to say no if they dont wish to do something. It's not that difficult. Most parents say no to their kids on a daily basis!!

In ten years of various school pick ups at several schools I have never ever once asked or been asked about what gifts we did or did not send. It's really never been an issue. I very much doubt its an issue at any school really. Parents will moan about buying the gifts for staff but then just keep on doing it!! Where is the sense is that?? If they don't want do something then they should just not do it and stop moaning.

 

[MadameLaMinx]

You arent just saying "no" to a gift - you are saying "no, and you are going to have to just put up with being different from the other kids regardless and get called a cheapskate and mean". Kids can be cruel and competitive. It isn't the parent that deals with the consequences of not buying a gift for the teacher, it is the child. It is a tough time for a child leaving a class and moving to a new classroom and new teacher, regardless of any ASD, lots of kids find this a hard time and it can be a good way to finalise the process in their minds. "Thankyou for being a good teacher and goodbye". (I have one adult child with ASD and my youngest is awaiting diagnosis - but is very similar, so they need a LOT of preparation for changes, which makes me more acutely aware of how the other kids feel at the same time.)

The reason I have put my foot down and said "no more", is partly financial and partly because the first year my youngest daughter was in reception, one of the mums was going round with a collecting box asking for money so we could all chip in and send the teacher and classroom assistant on a Spa day. I didn't realise this until Mr LaMinx told me he would need to take some money in because we "owed" it for the teachers present. I was furious - there is nothing personal in the gift, and sure, it is a nice thing to give the teacher, and not something that is going to end up in a bin or a charity shop - but it also was inflicted without much of any choice and was given by the parents, not the children.

It is getting out of hand. My kids can make something if they want to, but a handmade card says so much more to a teacher about how they were valued than a mug.

 

[jaylou]

Can't young kids just want to take something in for teacher because they care? Or do we not put any faith in our children these days? It really riles me when we underestimate kids like that. A year spent in class with someone is a LONG time to a young child. Why is it so hard to appreciate that a child may wish to mark that in some way??

Not about underestimating kids at all..... ask a 5 year old why they want to buy a teacher a gift and they will most likely tell you it's because everyone else is doing it!!

I really think that at that age, children don't really have the capacity to think that it's because Mr/Mrs/Miss X has looked after me so well for the last year.

Perhaps your children are different.

It's not saying no, it's singling out the child to be different. A big difference from the normal no you can't have a sweet or stay up later or have another bag of crisps etc etc.

Anyway, I'll agree to disagree. I've answered BB's original post with my opinion on gift buying etiquette.