what's your favorite bad joke
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Emmaline
Hippety Hop!
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"
tasi
Silver Member
Genuine explanations written on insurance claims
- The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him.
- The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
- I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
- To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian.
- The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.
- The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again.
- I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.
- A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
- I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact.
Emmaline
Hippety Hop!
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
TheMachine
Full Member
Haha! These are hilarious! The one above me got me laughing! Thank god im in my 20's ha!
Emmaline
Hippety Hop!
strawberry
Gold Member
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved
Nothing, they just waved
Emmaline
Hippety Hop!
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."
Emmaline
Hippety Hop!
Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight . When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills. The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad, they're very strong and very expensive." "How much?" asked Grandpa. "£10.00 a pill," answered the son. "I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow. " Later the next morning, the son found £110 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was £10, not £110. "I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!"
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