I have been a huge emotional eater for the past 10 years or so: I eat in secret, I plan food binges, where I can just eat huge amounts of utter junk, I got into the habit of thinking this was an OK thing to do, I didn't cook for myself or look after myself because I just didn't seem to care.
I used food to stop myself feeling. I remember thinking when I came out of the supermarket loaded up with junk: "oh, things will be OK now."



Er, what kind of screwed logic is that? Within about 30 minutes I was back to self-loathing. So, I'd throw all the food out in a fit of pique the following morning, start a new "diet", manage maybe a couple of days before the cravings/habit kicked in and I started all over again.
Part of me feels really sad that this happened and it makes me really upset to think how much I must have hated myself. But actually, part of me recognises that this was my fault. I was weak-willed, I didn't try, I mostly caved into the bad habits and forgot what it was like to be normal, to eat 3 square, healthy meals a day.
One day I'm going to count up the number of calories, I could, on average consume in 1 day. The result will be terrifying (and hopefully prove to me once and for all that there is no way back).