2013 the year to lose 100lbs+, 19lbs gone exactly 100lbs to go :D

[porkypaul]

Now I'm here reading this diary too

Keep up the good work...

 

[skinnylegs]

Look at you being productive rather than turning to food, that's a real step forward. The hairy dieters has some great recipes in it hasn't it. The cottage pie is nice I keft the topping of mine. Try the jambalaya too it's lovely a tad spicy mind.
Sorry about the hub just keep your head up and try and stay positive.

 

[madmuppet]

Oppps i seemed to have missed yesterday so a quick recap on yesterdays food first

1 muller light
1 muller rice
4 wholewheat cream crackers
5 crackerbread
hairy bikers spag bol no pasta
1 caramel
1 crunchie
and some pretzels
loads of water and quite abit of coffee

Yesterday was going quite good till the evening me and hubby had a talk/shout/cry hence the need for the chocolate (once upon a time i wouldnt have admitted the chocolate so not to disappoint everyone but hey ho it is what it is and honesty is needed this time round to get to where i want to be and understand why i make the choices i make).

Today has been hectic woke up way to early and weighed in 1lb loss this week and im happy with that was expecting a STS or even a gain so the fact i lost a 1lb is awesome and brings me to half a stone so far in 2 weeks
The kids are at school despite the snow which is nice orthough i did have a slight panic when digging the car out to take eldest son to the orthodontist in the next town but main roads were fine.

Food wise all i've had today is 2 slices of multigrain toast and lots of water think i may have a yogurt in abit and then tonight for tea we are having bangers and mash mash will be made hairy biker style and sausages will be quorn for me and normal for the boys will also do some veggies with it so looking good so far. Will update later if needs be lol

Thanks for all your supports peeps its keeping me going hope you all have a great day xx

 

[jayde1148]

Sorry you had a difficult time with OH but we'll done in admitting the chocolate! and like you say you nee to be honest so that's great. It doesn't look like you eat that much at all gun I hope your not going hungry! Starving yourself does not work! X x x c

 

[madmuppet]

Hi Jayde, generally i can eat quite well it's all the binges that i have/had though out the day where i go wrong and also the not having breakfast, it is something i'm trying to get a grip with in that i have breakfast weather it be just a shake and then have a sensible lunch of shake or crackerbreads and then a good dinner.

I think in the past i have gone all out and then burnt out within a few weeks which is what im struggling with at the mo. I think i need to get a grip on it all but am slowly getting there and realising that yes i need to eat i just need to make the right choices and also make sure i have enough as this can also lead to a binge. It's all trail and error but im making progress to be honest it's not till 2ish on a general day that i start to feel hungrey but then i could eat till i go to bed but it would all be rubbish lol

This week im planning evening meals better so that im more fulfilled and perhaps keep the salad for lunchtimes and see how the weight loss goes trying that

Hoping for no more self sabotarge

Ooo and ive just noticed that i have 8stone exactly to loss now woo hoo xx

 

[slimsarah]

Hello


I was brutally honest in my diary, and at times found it really hard admitting things however it does help. One thing I love about minimins is you don't get judged, we've all been there.

So sorry to hear about the depression with your OH. I wish I had some words of advice xxx

Well done on the weightloss, craving malteaser bunnies now xxx

 

[claire_oh]

Congrats on the loss madmuppet! I also dont have any words of advice regarding depression but you seem to be doing a great job of being supportive of your OH which is I guess all you can do.

I think meal planning is definitely part of the key to success, I have found that exercise is making me really happy too, which I find quite frankly shocking!

 

[madmuppet]

Oh dear Oh dear Oh dear what can i say about today i could sit here and type lots of happy things and say how well i have done today i only ate salad and fruit and pretend that everythings alright or i can face the truth and tell you all about my day so here goes :sigh:

So after my chat/cry/shout with hubby on sunday he was suppose to go to the docs yesterday, this didnt happen and instead said he would go this morning before his appointment with the people at the hospital (mental health team) so off he went to que up half hour before they opened he was 2nd in line they open at half 8 but you have to get there early lol anyways so he got in and his doctor wasnt there which was fine just meant he had to see a different doctor well i got a phone call at 9 saying he didnt think he could wait any longer to be seen otherwise he would miss his other appointment, i told him to speak to the receptionist as surely they must have overlooked him, i walk pass the docs not long after and hes outside of it after walking out in a mood (which i cant really blame him after standing in the cold for 30mins just so that he would get seen quickly) He was in a right temper again i can understand but all i was thinking was 1, if only he had gone yesterday he would have got his pills and 2 oh great means hes got no pills and god knows when he will bother to go back to the docs, he ended up going to his hospital appointment and said he would ask them if they can give him his pills like before. For the next hour I felt like crap waiting for him to phone to let me know how it went (orthough this normally consists of it was fine we spoke i go again next week, not really helpful but atleast its something) He eventually phoned and said that his caseworker was going to phone the docs up and sort it out for me to pick his pills up for him aswell as have a go at making him wait so long and not getting him seen so all good on that front and she is going to give me a call in the week to see how im doing and how hubby behaves at home etc my side of things again this i think is great as perhaps they can see how bad he is at times and how he can put on such a front for people but change as soon as he walks though the front door. But i also worry about what im going to say to her aswell, Im going to be brutally honest about hubby not because i dont care but because i love him so much and if i can help him in anyway i will, i said to him on sunday how its got to breaking point again if he doesnt want to help himself that is fine but as much as i love him i pointed out that in 6months time we wouldnt be together as i really cant cope with it anymore (cue tears as i type) Im so so tired of putting on this fake happy face and telling everyone im fine everythings good yes hubbys fine thanks etc etc when all i seem to do the last few days is get more and more frustrated at not being able to help him or get him to see how all of this affects me and the kids how i cant talk to him without him thinking im having a go or im moaning at him when all im doing is trying to explain how im feeling how for the last week or so i know he hasnt been taking his pills, how it scares me he has them with him and i cant keep track of them again i explained atleast 1 i can see if you have took them and 2 if you havent i can see if you intend to do something silly and get help, i panic if he is late from work as my mind goes into over drive (my hubby once lefted for work absolutley fine kissed me goodbye in the morning said have a nice day see you tonight etc only to drive 300miles away to end things which he proceeded to phone me and tell me exactly what he was doing as he was doing it that was 10yrs ago but the fear panic and every emotion i felt whilst trying to get to him and get someone closer to where he was to him has and will forever stay with me) how i have to question everything i want to say to him incase i say something that he is going to twist and see wrongly. :cry: how do you tell your son he cant have a friend round because of his dad they dont understand and im sure there mums dont either i dont even know how to start that convo hi thanks for having my son round today but i cant return the favour as my hubby is a nutcase at the moment.

Grrr so after all this i have picked my hubbys pills up a months supply from the doc when normally hes only given 5 days max ive split them up and hid the rest, hes got to go see mental health team next week again and finally got a physciatrist appointment though for march all heading in the right way i hope he just carrys on with it all its so hard hearing your loved one say how they just dont wont to go on anymore when he is the nicest man ever who would do anything for anyone who has so much to live for and so many people around him to help and support him if only he would let us in that bit more.
So why have i told you all this well heres my food diary for today
2 muller rice
1 family size bag of pretzals
8 crackerbreads with cheese
chicken and pasta in tomatoe sauce
1 custard tart
and half a big box of thortons i feel sick and have just opened the back door and chucked the other half of the thortons down the garden.
Im so angry with myself but i just couldnt stop i tried to not do it but it was just like fighting a losing battle all the time as i was eating all i could think of was why am i doing this when im going to feel worst, why do this when i dont want to be fat, why eat all this c r a p when i have be doing so well why eat all this when it really really does not help me in the slightest it didnt make everything all right no food is going to help that, it didnt make me feel better it just made me feel worse and it certainly didnt help me lose weight it just made my journey that bit longer!

In saying all this i dont want you all thinking i want pity or anything i just wont you all to know that Ive had a c r a p day and this is what happens, this is just one of the ways i became fat and its just one of the things im struggling with changing, perhaps when i speak to hubbys case worker they can point me in the direction of a support group or something as i think i really need to let some of these feelings out to someone other then hubby as its not going to help him at all and keeping everything to myself and trying to be wonder woman and do every single thing in this house myself is certainly not helping me either or my waistline!

So heres where i say thats been today and tomorrow is tomorrow a whole different day, a better day, a day where i wake up and dont reach for food to comfort and console me a day where i keep on track and repair some of todays damage a day of new hope and new determination most of all a day of trying to succeed and not a day of oh well ive messed up big time whats the point as despite everything i am going to succeed in losing this fat i just may have a few more down times then some but im here and im going to stay im not giving up on me and this journey however hard it can be im going to fight this!!

 

[jayde1148]

It's amazing how honest you are being hun and I think it's a good idea to seek as much help as you can get. I hope you don't mind butch have prayed for you and your hubby, I truly hope that things get better soon . I too have eaten some crap today so we can be starting again tomorrow together hugs x x x x

 

[mybodyisacage]

Oh baby girl, I cant imagine the struggle you are going through at the moment. I truly feel the pain you are experiencing and desperately hope that you reach out for your own help. Maybe you yourself could go to the doctor - there may be charities or support groups that you can be referred to.

Regarding your relationship with food and the abuse of food during high emotion times - There is specific help for this. I am currently on a waiting list for a company who the NHS outsources healthcare too. Their aim is to help you loose weight but there is far more to it than that- They get to the bottom of eating habits, possible eating disorders, help you form new patterns of behaviour and coping mechanisms. You have to be referred by your GP for this and you have to work the steps - Ive had to do a years worth of meeting with a weight councilor before I could have access!

Please reach out for help, you do not need to fight this all alone XXXXXX

 

[slimsarah]

Hi Hun how are you today? Xxx

 

[madmuppet]

I just want to tell you that there is always someone you can call when YOU need someone to offload to - the Samaritans. They're not just for people who are suicidal they are there for ANYONE that needs a non judgemental listening ear. They're not religious, they don't tell you what to do, they just listen and help you work out your own answers.

I have called them myself and they are wonderful.

Their number is tel:08457 09 90 90 (Samaritans | Samaritans)

Thanks Jezzi

It's amazing how honest you are being hun and I think it's a good idea to seek as much help as you can get. I hope you don't mind butch have prayed for you and your hubby, I truly hope that things get better soon . I too have eaten some crap today so we can be starting again tomorrow together hugs x x x x

Jayde, of course i dont mind everything that can help is much appreciated Hope you have managed to start again today and eaten lots of the right things xx

Oh baby girl, I cant imagine the struggle you are going through at the moment. I truly feel the pain you are experiencing and desperately hope that you reach out for your own help. Maybe you yourself could go to the doctor - there may be charities or support groups that you can be referred to.

Regarding your relationship with food and the abuse of food during high emotion times - There is specific help for this. I am currently on a waiting list for a company who the NHS outsources healthcare too. Their aim is to help you loose weight but there is far more to it than that- They get to the bottom of eating habits, possible eating disorders, help you form new patterns of behaviour and coping mechanisms. You have to be referred by your GP for this and you have to work the steps - Ive had to do a years worth of meeting with a weight councilor before I could have access!

Please reach out for help, you do not need to fight this all alone XXXXXX

Thanks Laura, Im going to wait to speak to hubbys case worker and see what they recommend regarding groups and help for me who knows just speaking to her might be just what i need. Am going to try and get a doctors appointment for the beginning of feb and see what help i can get though them aswell, i have a lovely doctor but unfortunatly he never gets the hint when im talking about my weight not once has he told me to lose any or asked if i wanted to lol may try and see a different doctor actually to get the ball rolling xxx

Hi Hun how are you today? Xxx

Hi Sarah Im not to bad today thank you, a little bit emotional but have got though the day in one piece and am starting to feel abit better about things xx

Had a rubbish sleep last night tossing and turning but got up this morning and orthough alittle bit tired and emotional saw it as a new day and just to crack on.
Took boys to school and came home and watched my 600lb life (recorded from the really channel afternoons at 3) it was the second part of the first ladys life and omg i felt for her it made me realise though that no matter how hard things get there's always someone worst of then myself, the lady really changed and went though so much it was inspiraring cant wait to watch todays one. After my bit of sofa sitting i cracked on and completely cleaned the lounge from top to bottom as far as washing all the paintwork down and the windows
all spik and span and tomorrow the dining room is on my agenda and i even managed to fit in my wii fit aswell. I've been really good today food wise i decided to have a shake day to try and recover slightly from the carb over load yesterday so had a shake for breakfast and lunch then a big salad for tea with alittle cheese. Ive found that although ive been abit up and down today i have been very focused so i see this as a positive and maybe i can actually crack this
I think im going to do the same tomorrow 2 shakes and a evening meal just to try and stay on track with a loss this week.
Ive been watching exercise bikes on ebay and keep getting outbid at the last moment
so i may just think sod it and get one from argos on my argos card (buy now pay later lol) i would really like one by next month so i may be going to the shops the weekend
Whilst sitting and thinking today i realised that just by cutting down to one sugar in my coffee aswell as cutting down to 2/3 cups a day instead of 10+ im saving over 3000cals a week couldnt believe it and the strange thing is im not missing the amount i used to drink thanks to my trusty bottle of water that is glued to my side lol i still need my cuppa first thing its what makes me human in the mornings without it im a complete cow lol and i even enjoy it more with just one sugar so all good on that front i think eventually i would like to cut it out all together but thats for later on in the year.
Thanks for all your help and support peeps and for listening its nice to know i can sound of here if the need be and i really think it helped, I hope everyone is having a good day I'll catch up on everyones diary tomorrow I'm off to have a hot choc before bed and get a semi early night xx

 

[jayde1148]

Sounds like a much better day hun you can always sound off here x x

 

[skinnylegs]

Have you thought about looking at the car boot or on gum tree for your exercise bike?
I've never thought of the sugar like that but that's amazing.
Keep strong.

 

[madmuppet]

Have you thought about looking at the car boot or on gum tree for your exercise bike?
I've never thought of the sugar like that but that's amazing.
Keep strong.

Have had a look but there hasnt been any close enough to me to get to am keeping a eye in the local paper and notice boards but think i am going to take the plunge at the weekend and get one from argos, have had a look just need to decide weather to get a manual or electronic one mmm decisions decisions lol
I was shocked when i worked out the sugar couldnt believe it but have really noticed how much ive got lefted in the cupboard from last shopping day so it cant be bad and really pleased i have stuck to one

Today hasnt been a bad day at all really, I could have been a bit more productive but i couldnt find the motivation to get stuck into anything for longer then 5 mins all morning so i ended up getting the dreaded 30 day shread dvd out and managed to huff and puff though that then once recovered blitzed the bathroom from top to bottom so not to bad. Have just finished my 40mins on the wii fit aswell so a good day exercise wise
Food today was 2 shakes, a huge salad and 2 crackers with alittle bit of peanut butter just fancied alittle something.
Have had no urges today but have felt really bloated not sure if thats a over intake of water or TOTM approching we will see.
Aim to do the shread dvd for the next 30days ache and pains permitting (feel fine at the mo but have a feeling going to ache in the morning )

Hope everyones having a good day xx

 

[madmuppet]

Morning all

Woke up this morning and felt no aches surprisingly so drop boys at school then came home and thought right lets crackon with day 2 of shred, mmm didnt take long for the aches to come then lmao but i did it all but the jumping jacks are a killer so i dont do them quite as they do my legs dont go out wide more of a half jumping jack bouncing while doing the arms right lol but hey by the end of the 30 days i'll be doing them, i havent decided weather to do 30 days level 1 of 10days and then move up to level 2 i suppose it all depends how im feeling by then

Am off to visit my mum for abit and then come home and sort some bits out before picking kids up and my nephew who ive got round for awhile after school.

Just a quick update of to grab a shake and take the walk to mums xx

 

[jayde1148]

Well done with the shred! I don't feel confident enough to do it!!! Have a great day x

 

[claire_oh]

Well done mad muppet! I have shred and i've looked at it a couple of times! I did once make a good go of it but my fitness is rubbish and I dont want to put myself off so i'm working my way up to it (very very very slowly). Hope youre having a great day.

 

[madmuppet]

Well done with the shred! I don't feel confident enough to do it!!! Have a great day x

Well done mad muppet! I have shred and i've looked at it a couple of times! I did once make a good go of it but my fitness is rubbish and I dont want to put myself off so i'm working my way up to it (very very very slowly). Hope youre having a great day.

I tried it once before in the summer of 2011 and did a few days but think because it was summer and hot i gave up as was sweating way to much lol
This time round orthough its really tough its definetly better in this cold weather then before so fingers crossed i will stick to it! Claire my fitness is pretty pants to but im hoping with the wii fit and the shred that it will get better lol like i said in previous post i have found the jumping jacks a killer and boy do i huff and puff but when it comes to squat and punches i love it as i get level with jillians head and it looks like im throwing punches at her lmao really hope i stick to it took a couple of dodgy pics today so i can see the difference at the end of the 30days still got to get my mum to take some proper ones for me though so i can post them at some point

Today has been a good day started with 30 day shred, walk to mums had a lovely morning chatting then home before getting kids and have just finished my 40mins on the wii.
Food diary
2 shakes
huge salad
2 crackers with alittle peanut butter
and a ski mousse

Hubby has been quite good since taking his pills properly he is far from right but the mood has eased in the house for that im very grateful as i seem to have my focus back He is working all weekend which is a pain in one way but also good as i can keep on better track and its easier to do 2 shakes and a meal when hes not about which i want to stick to for the weekend due to the major blip at the start of the week would really like to see a 2lb loss on monday morning not sure how it will go but i feel good so thats the main thing.

Actually looking forward to the shred in the morning it really set me up for the day even though i felt like dying its only for 20mins thats what i have to keep telling myself

Oooo and ordered my exercise bike which will be here next friday the 1st whoo hoo i cant wait going to try and build up to a hour on the bike when i get it will have to see how it goes but have sort of planned when im catching up on my tv crap and hubby on the pc i can sit and ride whilst watching the tv great in my mind just hope its that easy when i get it we will see

Hope everyone has had a great day xx

 

[madmuppet]

Ugg so didnt want to get out of bed this morning woke up at 7 and came down and sorted the boys breakfast then went back up for alittle while but couldnt get back to sleep so laid there thinking and then dreading getting up and doing 30 day shred but at 8.30 finally got up and came down had a bottle of water and then morning cuppa before having a chat with mum on the phone and warning her that if she doesnt hear from me anymore today then the shred has finshed me off

Did the shred and orthough i was dreading it after the first few mins i got into it and think i actually made improvement on the jumping jacks yay go me I do find myself looking forward to the end but once it gets there im surprised how quickly the time has gone so all good.

Off to have my first shake of the day and see what we can get up to have a great day peeps and i'll update again later x


Update
well it was a strange day lol had great intentions but then it all got abit hectic as had my friend drop a surprise visit on us in the late afternoon which was lovely but then put me right off track as they didnt leave till half 7 by which time dinner was going to be late.
Food diary
2 shakes
6 slices ham
tub of cottage cheese
2 ski mousses
8 seafood sticks
2 slices of bread
and then late last night had a big handful of peanut m&ms

The bread and M&Ms were late about 10ish and i wasnt hungrey but hubby fancied something and so did i i cant blame him what soever im blaming TOTM and general tiredness and chocolate craving wasnt impressed with myself though and regret it this morning but hey ho it could have been alot worst, it also didnt help as i didnt have a proper dinner due to mate being round and just sorting the kids sort of picked at a slice of ham everytime i walked though the kitchen as was hungrey but didnt have the time to sort myself something out. couldnt say to mate look its 6 i need to eat my dinner now lol (they were eating out later so couldnt even see if they wanted food either and i felt rude if i had sat down munching salad ) but shall make the effort next time however tired i am to make something better. It also didnt help that there is nothing in now till monday when i do the food shop so just rubbish :/