A yummy (and happier and healthier) mummy - for good this time!

Thanks girls- it feels like its drained me and nothing has happened. I want to cry every time i think about it and i cant cheer myself up or shake it. Like a black cloud over my head.
They have to give you three working days notice of the meeting and because im part time she gave it to me yesterday.
We have got a union but in not part of it- im allowed a representative but not a union one. But choosing who is embarrassing- i have a complex history and i dont want everyone knowing! Its bad enough that I'm already not comfortable with the manager who is taking the meeting.

Plus i had an interview for a temporary admin role within my company last Friday but i don't think it went very well. I didnt contain my nerves. He said the candidates will find out by Friday but, once again, due to my part time hours i will find out on Monday...

Could be a doubly whammy for a bad day and i honestly dont know how I'll cope.
 
No need to apologise! Its good to get it all out. I can see your dilemma, a representative could help though especially if you're struggling with nerves. Hopefully you can get somebody nice & its their responsibility to be useful! Also if they have an ounce of professionalism they won't go round blurting your business.
Sounds like a really tough time at the moment, try and take some time out for yourself & do something nice if you can. Weathers supposed to be good today, maybe a short walk :) x
 
Don't apologise Lisa, I know it's really stressful. Could you take OH in or are you only allowed reps who work where you do. It might be worth joining the union if you are on absence review as they make sure that work keep to the rules for stuff like this. I hated the whole rule of they have to give you things days before - why exactly so it can play on your mind? I would havehad my documentation 5 mins before the meeting if I had my way.
 
I agree with that Snow! The meeting is just playing on my mind- my line manager noticed i wasn't quite myself today and had the cheek to ask me why...

And i didn't get the admin position- but at least i know now. I hit benchmark, passed the technical questions and had excellent examples but apparently didn't elaborate enough.
They gave the position to someone who works in a different department...
 
I wish i could shake this feeling- im just lacklustre and feel drained of energy and emotion. I wana cry but i cant because it wont help anyone and i dont know if I'll be able to stop.
Appetite is non existant so hoping that wont affect any potential losses this weekend!

Todays food (EE day)-
B: Nothing.
L: Coffee shop sandwich (60g WM bread hexB+2syns for full sized loaf, chicken in a thai marinade 3syns, cucumber, onion and red pepper). Yogurt. Banana. Satsuma.
D: Nothing.

Snacks: Fruit salad (apple, kiwi and grapes). Banana. 2 x plums.
Drinks: Starbucks large caramel latte (skimmed milk hexA+2syns and SF syrup). Flavoured fizzy water. 2 x cups of tea (sweetener and skimmed milk 1syn). Water.
Syn Total- 8syns
 
Feeling a little better today- although it may be due to it being a non-work day!!
Going to get through my meeting on Monday and then speak to a different team leader and ask for help with progression (probably not immediately after though!)- Ive come to the conclusion my team leader is temporary and she wants to enforce her seniority, if that means sending people through disciplinary procedures and being heartless then so be it.
I know I'm good at my job and i know I've got the experience to progress- i just need to maintain this mantra.

Or at least the above verbal diarrhoea was the conclusion of a very much sleepless night and loads of soul searching and sobbing at 3am!!

Back to food- mainly a guestimate today due to cake (but it was just a slither at playgroup!!)

Todays food (green day)-
B: Half a satsuma.
L: 40g reduced fat cheddar hexA1 and marmite on 60g WM toast hexB1. Yogurt. Banana.
D: Bachelors cheese and broccoli pasta n sauce (made with 100ml skimmed milk 2syns) Extra broccoli and 40g reduced fat cheddar hexA2.

Snacks: Banana. Satsuma. Yogurt. 2 x Alpen light bars hexB2. Small slice of coffee walnut cake approx 10syns??? Hopefully oversynning!
Drinks: 3 x cups of tea (1 with 1tsp sugar 1syn and the rest with sweetener and skimmed milk 1.5syns). Flavoured fizzy water. Water.
Syn Total- 14.5syns
 
I didnt stick to the 6syn Nandos dinner plan but i did at least try and stay near to plan instead of thinking f#*! it Im having a cheat day (which i know is starting to be a downfall! One meal does not mean i should be off plan for the whole day!) I even ordered the side salad for some superfree!

Was super hungry yesterday as well- i could've tipped the entire kitchen contents down my throat!!

Yesterdays food (EE day)-
B: Nothing.
L: Pasta in leftover tomato sauce (tinned tomatoes, mushrooms, Worcester sauce, onions and garlic) topped with 25g reduced fat cheddar part hexA.
D: NANDOS! Peri peri chicken pitta (no skin on the chicken so 3syns for marinade, 2syns for the smidge of mayo in the bottom and 7(??) for the smallish pitta) Spicy rice 2.5syns. Side salad with 1tbsp garlic peri peri sauce 0.5syn. Halloumi 3syns (from googling but not sure!)

Snacks: Banana. Yogurts. Asda G&C crisps 4.5syns. Grapes. Satsuma. 2 x Alpen light bars hexB. 2 x boiled eggs. Ham.
Drinks: Cups of tea (sweetener and skimmed milk part hexA). Flavoured fizzy water. Coke zero. Water.
Syn Total- 22.5syns

Slighty over my flexi allowance from yesterday but i had a good time and its not horrendous!
 
Grrr meant to be on plan or less today (to compensate for yesterday) but im actually over. Not hugely but booooo!!!!
I made the mistake of going shopping when i was hungry and bought snacks... 6syn mini oreos and 5.5syn bags of Jacobs oddities... Not horrific but still more than I usually use on snacks.

Diary to follow later but just thought id prewarn!!
 
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Todays food (EE day)-
B: Nothing.
L: Baxters chicken broth soup 400g hexB. Mini bag of oreos 6syns (so worth it!)
D: Smoked salmon potato salad (smoked salmon, new potatoes, peas, onions, 1tsp mustard 0.5syn, 2tbsp light mayo 4syns, lemon juice, splash of water)

Snacks: Hula hoops puft 3.5syns. Yogurt. 3 x satsumas(!) Grapes.
Drinks: Costa medium skinny vanilla latte (skimmed milk hexA and half syrup 2syns) 1 x cup of tea (sweetener and skimmed milk 0.5syn). Diet orangeade. Water.
Syn Total- 16.5syns
 
H2b is at his stag do tonight and I'm feeling really anxious that he isn't here!

My sleeping pattern is still messed up- wide awake at 5:30 this morning! It's the first formula one grand prix weekend of the season in Australia so i got up and watched the qualifying anyway but still annoyed that i can't seem to sleep and its making me a tad grouchy...
Hoping once my meeting on Monday is over that it'll ease off- still fretting about that a little.

Todays food (EE day)-
B: Nothing.
L: Sainsbury ravioli. Special K chewy bar hexB. Banana. Satsuma.
D: Chicken and chorizo gnocchi (250g gnocchi 4.5syns, 50g chorizo 3.5syns, onions, chilli, tinned tomatoes, bell peppers, chicken and garlic) topped with 25g reduced fat cheddar 4syns.

Snacks: Yogurt. Satsuma. Grapes.
Drinks: Starbucks medium skinny caramel latte (skimmed milk hexA and SF syrup). Diet orangeade. 2 x cups of tea (sweetener and skimmed milk 1syn).
Syn Total- 13syns
 
Absolutely shattered- was up at 4am to watch the Grand prix (although i wasnt happy with the result- I am patriotic but i hate Lewis Hamilton with a passion!) And what little sleep i had wasn't very good!

Doubt I'll get much relaxing sleep tonight either seems i have my meeting tomorrow. And of course i have to get through the majority of my day at work without a breakdown first!

Todays food (EE day)-
B: Half a banana.
L: 2 x tuna melts (60g WM toast hexB topped with tuna, 2tbsp light mayo 4syns and 25g reduced fat cheddar part hexA) Yogurt. Satsuma.
D: Salmon and veggie couscous (onion, bell peppers and cherry tomatoes).

Snacks: Yogurt. Mango. Grapes. Mini bag of oreos 6syns. Hula hoops puft 3.5syns.
Drinks: Cups of tea (sweetener and skimmed milk part hexA). Diet orangeade. Water.
Syn Total- 13.5syns
 
Thank you for the support girls. It was difficult- i don't like opening up about my history and the manager who took the meeting wasnt particularly understanding. Ive tried councillors and it doesn't work for me but he seems to think im my own worst enemy and i should find something to help me not relapse (like its in my complete control!)
He also didn't take into consideration that i went into work on two occasions when i was unwell and got sent home.
And decided that my sick record is worse than it seems- said my sick time should be pro-rata'd along with my hours, which makes sense but has never been explained to me before.
I got a formal written warning meaning i cant self-certify, dont get sick pay and it gets reviewed after a year.
 
Did meet up with h2b for lunch- unsure on syns but im sure they were horrific.
But seeing him and Reece did cheer me up.

Today's food (EE day)-
B: Nothing.
L: 7oz beef burger with a slice of swiss cheese, 2 rashers streaky bacon, salad and bbq sauce in a bun. Coleslaw. 2 x small onion rings. Couple of chips (literally about 4!! Reece nabbed most of them!)
D: Nothing.

Snacks: Satsuma. Plum. Grapes. Yogurt. Special K chewy bar hexB. Jacobs oddities 5.5syns.
Drinks: Starbucks medium skinny caramel latte (skimmed milk hexA and SF syrup). Water. Diet coke. Diet orangeade. Fruit tea.
Syn Total- 5.5syns + lunch
 
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