Alpaca's stream of consciousness - IS BACK ON THE WAGON!

[Kat1e]

Morning Di

Glad to hear the bath salts helped a bit - hope you can get body feeling better soon
Xxx

 

[Alpaca]

Slept like a baby for 5 hrs - unheard of! must have been the magnesium salts. And definitely less achy - so all good!

Weight loss feels like such a huge mountain to climb right now - I've reverted back to feeling embarrassed about my size - which I know is bonkers - as it's hardly any different from a month ago - so am wearing figure hiding clothes. I know it doesn't make any sense, but, its all about my perception!

Thank you for your good wishes. At least I'm back on the wagon - in the dark and fat past I would have chucked it in and continued eating - hence the huge buffalo I became. So there is a change in the way I am - and movement in how we deal with things is good.

Baby steps! Which reminds me of a really good movie I watched ages ago with Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfuss - Dreyfuss was the psychiatrist and Murray an insane patient! I must hunt it out again! It was all about Murray repeating 'baby steps' whenever he tried something new! Hilarious!

 

[Dietkitty]

It was on TV about a week or so ago, called Don't forget about ......... ooh I forgot! Harry or something lol.

 

[Scrumbles]

Morning, Di!

So happy to see you're toughing it out and staying on the wagon - that isn't a "baby step", my dear, that is a giant leap! You've dragged yourself out of a mire of negativity by sheer force of will, and that takes a hell of a lot of doing. You've proven to yourself that you can turn things around if needs be: everyone falls occasionally, it's how you deal with it that matters and you've shown that you can get back up, dust yourself off and carry on, and frankly that's far more impressive than someone sticking rigidly to plan, because they've never been tested. You have, and you've come through it, so give yourself the credit you deserve (for once!).

Onwards and downwards! xxx

 

[Quak]

Afternoon Di, yes fragile is a good word, I am in absolutely the same place as you, had to go out and buy some 14 jeans as mine had given up the ghost with all the gigging......considering most of my jeans are a 10, I know if I don't get a lid on it now I am going to give myself such a mountain to climb again it will be impossible. So here I go again, hopefully and with some willpower from somewhere. Can we hold hands so it doesn't feel quite as lonely xxx

 

[Dietkitty]

We will be a circle of three back-on-the-wagonners

 

[moonlights]

It's definitely all about perception. Weirdly dieting makes me hate my body more. When I know I'm gaining I sort of adopt a lalala fingers in my ears approach (though I'm miserable underneath that) which allows me to eat all the wrong foods - but when I'm dieting I am forced to look at myself. Really it's only when I see photos of myself at my heaviest that I see a difference at all, or when I try on an old clothing item by accident. In the mirror I still see me as I was before I lost any weight. I still feel huge.

I am much much closer to being normal looking now though. Logically my head knows that. And if I stick to plan by the end of the month I'll hopefully be another half a stone or so closer. And so on.

Must say I think I'd die of joy at getting into size 14 jeans! The first size I don't think of as 'plus'!

 

[Alpaca]

Oh Bren! You poor darling! We need a group hug - Lisa, you and me - we are re-building our wagon and fighting off the injuns!! We need to light a circle of fire around the camp to keep wolves away and those pesky injuns (although i was always on the side of the injun when I was little - still am really) and also the odd cask of alcohol and carby vittels! lol

We can do it! Yes we can!! Love you! xx

 

[sammy1]

Hi I have been reading some if your diary and see that the pains in your knees etc are arthritis. I have the beginning of arthritis in my big toe joints and in one if my thumbs and was rec. an aloe vera supplement by a company called Freedom, it is called forever freedom and is specifically for arthritis, it helps mend the substance between the joints. I know someone whose xrays have shown a definite improvement. My pains have now gone, I don't know if it is the supplement or not, I will know better during the winter as that is when it gets worse.

 

[Dietkitty]

Where do you get it from Sammy? I've had to stop wearing my wonderful copper/magnetic bracelets due the the reaction on my skin.

 

[sammy1]

I get it from a lady who comes to our local shopping centre once a fortnight, but you can buy it on line, just Google freedom aloe vera, I take bout 40ml per day, although container says 240ml is a serving but I don't know anyone who takes that much.... it costs bout 30, and lasts bout 25 days, not cheap but I think it is worth it.

 

[Alpaca]

Feeling SO huge today - still 8lbs up from lowest bit it feels like stones more!!! What a nightmare our brains are!

Was 0.25lbs down this morning - wouldn't usually bother to post such a meagre amount but writing it down might help me feel better.

I definitely still have a huger tum and although I'm back to dashing around I do so very much feel like a whale

B - egg spinach mushrooms garlic 30g cheese coconut oil butter

 

[Dietkitty]

Feeling it with you today Di! My brain wouldn't switch off yesterday so I applied large amounts of vodka. It worked but was such a stupid thing to do and am now beating myself up big time

 

[stubbsey]

oh no, don't beat yourself up! we can't stay buoyant forever and at least you went for Voddy, so should not be a problem, sometimes we need a bit of a splurge whether its food or drink, and nobody can stay perfect all the time!

 

[Kat1e]

((hugs)) Di, Lisa, Bren - sounds like you all need some support and always most difficult getting on wagon. You're all great and love ya xxx

 

[Quak]

Thanks all, Di, we love you too, we will get through this and back out the other side. Katie, you are such a bloody inspiration, how do you do it without the mindf@ck that we put ourselves through? Tell us your secret hon xxxx

 

[moonlights]

It always feels like we're fighting ourselves, doesn't it. I'll say weekly weigh to you again and I promise you're not going to be even perceptibly bigger to someone looking at you than you were at your lowest. You're hyper aware because you're the one looking at your scales and it's a psychological killer, I know, I do it to myself too. Some days I feel like if I sat down I might accidentally squash Tokyo. You're on plan, you're on track, and you're losing. Just keep swimming xx

 

[sammy1]

Totally agree with ML....

 

[Alpaca]

Cals. 1474
Carbs - 13

Thank you so much! I think it's cos I never actually noticed any difference in my body when I was huge ... Gain a stone lose a stone - there was so much of me it didn't show and I'm just learning that actually it does show now I've lost some weight - by skirts not being floppy but snug, and spare tyres back with a vengeance - these changes are new to me... So it will take a while! I promise you though the belly is back! And needs to go! Lol

You guys are the best! And that magnesium bath I'm having is definitely easing my aches! Magical stuff!

 

[Quak]

Afternoon Di, wonder if it would work on my bunion, it kills me after a night out..........truly a sign of old age!!! xxx