ProPoints Azwethinkweiz (Sarah)s new food diary!

[Dubchick81]

I agree with babybelle hun.. Having routine and structure to your days might help, not hinder..
I do understand you being worried about it.. with Sean being there and people expecting it all to be better coz you're back working... Just keep talking (get talking to your parents about how u feel and how their negativity towards ur illness makes u feel) and hopefully you get your appointment for CBT sooner rather than later..
And you have my number/work email address so if any of it gets too much contact me and i'll talk you thru it if I can..
I think its safe to say any of the girls on here are willing to be there to help you thru in any way we can... xxx

 

[azwethinkweiz]

Your stronger than you think I bet! The routine might help you a little and just make sure you keep communicating with your boss

I don't feel very strong My boss isn't that easy to talk to especially about this sort of thing.

Who told you, you had to go back ? What are least looking forward to is it just the stress from working, or is it seeing your ex? Maybe If you try to pinpoint in your head what's making you scared and upset about going back you can work on that...I know it's hard to be positive I have my first therapist/cbt appointment in just over an hour scared xxx

My boss sent my doctor a letter saying they expect me back on Monday morning. She said I should give it a try. I've just had a really terrible week and I'm sick in bed now and then I'm expected to be up and all better in work monday morning. I'm freaking about the fact that I haven't done my job for nearly 3 months and afraid I'll be no good or won't be able to handle it. I don't particularly want to see my ex either. And everyone will be asking where I was etc. I'm just dreading it...

I agree with babybelle hun.. Having routine and structure to your days might help, not hinder..
I do understand you being worried about it.. with Sean being there and people expecting it all to be better coz you're back working... Just keep talking (get talking to your parents about how u feel and how their negativity towards ur illness makes u feel) and hopefully you get your appointment for CBT sooner rather than later..
And you have my number/work email address so if any of it gets too much contact me and i'll talk you thru it if I can..
I think its safe to say any of the girls on here are willing to be there to help you thru in any way we can... xxx

I can't imagine it being able to help me. My job is pretty much a pile of crap.
I can't talk to my parents, they don't want to hear it & mum thinks I'm just feeling sorry for myself anyway. Impossible to talk to about anything serious.

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[Tispy]

I don't feel very strong My boss isn't that easy to talk to especially about this sort of thing.



My boss sent my doctor a letter saying they expect me back on Monday morning. She said I should give it a try. I've just had a really terrible week and I'm sick in bed now and then I'm expected to be up and all better in work monday morning. I'm freaking about the fact that I haven't done my job for nearly 3 months and afraid I'll be no good or won't be able to handle it. I don't particularly want to see my ex either. And everyone will be asking where I was etc. I'm just dreading it...



I can't imagine it being able to help me. My job is pretty much a pile of crap.
I can't talk to my parents, they don't want to hear it & mum thinks I'm just feeling sorry for myself anyway. Impossible to talk to about anything serious.

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by rights your work CAN NOT tell your doctor they expect you to be back at work by a certain date. You only go back to work when the doctor feels you are well enough to cope. or at least thats what i have been told. Go back to your doctor and tell them how you are feeling. They may suggest to give it a try and then go back to them if you feel like you are not coping well.

 

[MrsLmc]

Hiya Sarah, just catching up now on all the goings on. I'm afraid I agree with Babybelle. It may be good to get back into a structured rountine, even one you don't particularly like. Go back and give it a go. It really is never gonna seem like the best time to go back EVER! Go back and if people ask questions, just say you've been unwell and leave it at that. Your boss I'm sure will try and be as helpful as he can because its in his interests that you are comfortable and happy at work. Voice your concerns to your doctor too. Best of luck Sarah xx

 

[Dubchick81]

Its gona be tough to go back now at any stage chic.. Always is after a long break.. I was off for 2 weeks when my Mam died (i know its nothing in comparison) but was panicking coming back.. My bosses were super good in fairness to them. Told me to take as much time as I needed and as it was so close to Chirstmas told me to hold off til after.. But I came back Christmas week to ease myself back in.. Didn't sleep a wink for nights before at the thought of all the whispers and fake "are you Ok"'s... Buts actually not as daunting as it is in yer head believe it or not.. I know its a complete different situation but I do understand where you are coming from..

How about ringing your boss and asking if you can come back doing half days for the first week or first few days even?
Then you least won't be around for lunchtime small talk...

 

[lydia150970]

Well you could give it a shot and see how you feel after the first day or two, you won't actually know how you will cope until you try, it its absolutely awful for you, then get back to the doctors and tell them. Also don't be so hard on yourself sweetie, just take everything one step at a time, give yourself little goals - and if you do go back then ask your boss for a phased return and also ask for a schedule to be put in place to help you settle back in (ie a reasonable schedule of what is expected of you and for someone that is suffering from depression) they can't do anything that could be deemed as bullying and you could wipe the floor with them. Maybe drop your boss an email with your expectations. I do think moving forward one of the things we need to work on (and I say we as in all your online friends will do everything we can to help you) is your confidence and your ability to stand up and stay "hold on a cotton second moment - thats no right" - improving your confidence and ability to stand up for yourself a bit more will, once the depression is sorted and lying dormat, will help you no end in improving your coping mechanisms!!

Stay strong my lovely, we are all behind you and here to support you x

 

[azwethinkweiz]

Thanks for the support ladies. I guess I've just had a really terrible week this week and the thoughts of going back to work in literally a few days made me completely distraught. It was like the icing on the cake.
I will give it a go even though my stomach is churning at the thought. At the moment I do feel like I can't ever say "No, this is not working" or I'll upset my boss again. I feel like if I go back then I should be able to handle it & do what's expected of me. My boss has already told the doctor that it's a pressured job that does have stress involved (& there's nothing they can do about it basically).

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[CarlyLanky140]

Hugs petal! I'm sure it will be nice to get back to it - and if it's too much make sure u tell someone petal!

What a tough week! But ur still standing u star! X

 

[azwethinkweiz]

Such a bad week Carly. Just everything seemed to go wrong at once. I'm sad about no birthday cards either (which probably sounds crazy selfish for which I apologise). I just really like getting a card, I don't expect lavish presents lol but I keep my cards in a box I have Sounds pretty silly now lol.

I managed some ravioli today & a bit of crusty roll. No puke yet so win win lol!!

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[Jaly]

Aw Sarah! I hope you're feeling better soon xx *hugs* We're all here for you! And although I've said it once, and it's not the same.. :X I'm sorry your day wasn't as perfect as it could've been. Hope your Dad is feeling better now.

 

[azwethinkweiz]

Aw Sarah! I hope you're feeling better soon xx *hugs* We're all here for you! And although I've said it once, and it's not the same.. :X I'm sorry your day wasn't as perfect as it could've been. Hope your Dad is feeling better now.

<img src="http://www.minimins.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=49018"/>

Haha thanks, that's the closest to a card I'm gonna get this year so thanks very much hon

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[Baby-belle]

I think anyone would feel a little upset about the card situ hunny.

 

[Dubchick81]

I defo would be... The card is more important to me than any present.. I don't like people spending their money on me.. Especially with how tough things are for people at the moment... I'm very much like u Sarah.. The gift is not important.. Its all about the card.. chin up xxx

How was WI?

 

[Baby-belle]

I defo would be... The card is more important to me than any present.. I don't like people spending their money on me.. Especially with how tough things are for people at the moment... I'm very much like u Sarah.. The gift is not important.. Its all about the card.. chin up xxx

How was WI?

I do love a present though lol but I like thoughtful ones money doesn't matter

 

[Dubchick81]

I do love a present though lol but I like thoughtful ones money doesn't matter

Ha ha.. Oh of course I like presents.. Something wrong with me if I didn't ha ha.. But the card is far more important to me.. My bf is crap with cards.. For my Christmas card he took one out of a multipack his mam bought and literally just wrote "Jono" on it... I near cried.. I'm not joking.. And had it not been in the middle of his sitting room with all his family there I would have smacked him with it... But he had one hidden upstairs for me.. Lucky him!! He doesn't like ppl to see his soppy side lol

 

[azwethinkweiz]

Maybe I'll get a card off a friend or something. I like cards a lot Doesn't really feel like I had a birthday cuz I didn't get a card lol!!

Did I tell ya Sean text me on my birthday Frances? And then he text every evening since. He ain't wangling his way back to me after what he did

I just weighed in there, I nearly forgot all about it lol! I've lost a pound which is a miracle after the food and drink of the weekend. So I'm 11st 1lb now. Getting closer to the 10s again

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[Dubchick81]

Maybe I'll get a card off a friend or something. I like cards a lot Doesn't really feel like I had a birthday cuz I didn't get a card lol!!

Did I tell ya Sean text me on my birthday Frances? And then he text every evening since. He ain't wangling his way back to me after what he did

I just weighed in there, I nearly forgot all about it lol! I've lost a pound which is a miracle after the food and drink of the weekend. So I'm 11st 1lb now. Getting closer to the 10s again

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Yea you mentioned you'd got texts but I assumed it was just a regular happy birthday have a great day...
Little sh1t!! Has he apologised at all for the way he ended things? R just ignoring the fact? (my guess is the latter..)
Please don't let him back in yer life to mess u around again babe.. you're worth a million of him.. Someone as selfish n uncaring as him certainly doesn't deserve you!! xx

Well done on your loss chic... That's excellent.. Maybe we needed some proper boldness to kick start our losses again.. Here's hoping..

 

[CarlyLanky140]

Well done for the loss x

 

[azwethinkweiz]

Yea you mentioned you'd got texts but I assumed it was just a regular happy birthday have a great day...
Little sh1t!! Has he apologised at all for the way he ended things? R just ignoring the fact? (my guess is the latter..)
Please don't let him back in yer life to mess u around again babe.. you're worth a million of him.. Someone as selfish n uncaring as him certainly doesn't deserve you!! xx

Well done on your loss chic... That's excellent.. Maybe we needed some proper boldness to kick start our losses again.. Here's hoping..

No he never apologised or even mentioned it!! It was a regular birthday text and I told him my dad was in the hospital & everything but he started getting a bit flirtatious last night (he had asked about my Dad & was complaining about failing his nct blah blah). I didn't flirt or anything. I know what I'm doing, trust me on this one hehe He'll soon realise his mistake & I'll be happily single. I don't forget easily and I won't forget that he deserted me when I needed him.

Yeah maybe me and you should hit the towns every weekend and somehow still lose weight lol! I'm pretty happy, back to BMI 25 & feeling positive about getting to the 10s again soon!

I still haven't eaten today, my stomach is much better than it was but even the thoughts of certain foods is making me queasy. Eurgh.
I was supposed to do the pieta house 5km run tonight with my parents but I don't think ANY of us are fit for it. My legs are like jelly just walking around

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[Dubchick81]

No he never apologised or even mentioned it!! It was a regular birthday text and I told him my dad was in the hospital & everything but he started getting a bit flirtatious last night (he had asked about my Dad & was complaining about failing his nct blah blah). I didn't flirt or anything. I know what I'm doing, trust me on this one hehe He'll soon realise his mistake & I'll be happily single. I don't forget easily and I won't forget that he deserted me when I needed him.

Yeah maybe me and you should hit the towns every weekend and somehow still lose weight lol! I'm pretty happy, back to BMI 25 & feeling positive about getting to the 10s again soon!

I still haven't eaten today, my stomach is much better than it was but even the thoughts of certain foods is making me queasy. Eurgh.
I was supposed to do the pieta house 5km run tonight with my parents but I don't think ANY of us are fit for it. My legs are like jelly just walking around

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Ha ha.. Wouldn't it be great if we could and still lose?!

In fairness hun i think it best you sit this one out.. Especially as you've not been able eat much the last few days..

You're doing brilliantlly hun.. well done.. All you're going thru and u'v not given up.. OK some days are tough but all in all you'r sticking with it.. Fair play xxx