I decided to be a lame azz and have another pancake pack. I had planned out that I would have an almond butter sandwch, an apple and 3 (yes, 3, i couldnt decide on a flavour so decided to just go with one of each (!!!!!) ) packets of walkers french fries.
And then i stood in the kitchen and talked to myself. i ended up talking myself out of eating the real food and into a compromise...an extra pack for the day.l I feel much better...but still like a lame-o. At one point in the time, i owned this diet like crazy. These days...meh. Im very meh about it.
And Ive been tryiong to figure out why, lately. Then I went over and busied myself reading Lous latest posts and she was on about how shes lost 50lbs (go yoU!) and posting before pics...etc..and its just kinda..dawned on me.....this is probably why im so meh about it lately -
I first started VLCD in FEB 2013 - I only lasted a few weeks. But continued to diet/watch my food pretty much the whole time, trying bits of this and bits of that and even a bit of vlcd with food until Sept 2013 when I decided to start back, hardcore. And i did - until just before christmas. Then I kinda lost the plot and have had a hard time since then BUT I havent ever completely given up. Ive kept going and pushing, even if half-heartedly. Im not patting myself on the back here, btw. Im trying to come up with a reason for my current feelings of complacency. I guess thats what youd call it. So Ive been pushing and chipping away and constantly going at it....falling off and getting back on..and then...when i was looking at Lous pics....I realised...there is also THIS:
This is really where I started. This is where I came from...
And this is where i am right now (literally...just now..hence the scruffiness...lol)
And just to hammer it home...this tshirt....i wore last year on the 4th of July...here:
and now (when its not tied in a knot behind my back !!) the tshirt fits like this:
And I guess...for right now Im kinda just..happy with it. And I think I have to just be ok with that. Its ok that Im "complacent" for right now. Its gotta, surely, be ok for me to just be happy with where i am and to just kinda be over the diet - for right now?
I do still want to get to goal. Im not saying that i dont. Or that i wont. Im not saying i want to NOT WATCH my weight and that I just want a free-for-all.
But I am kinda just..tired of pushing. And of not ever giving myself a break. And of not ever being just ok with where I am now and what ive ACTUALLY accomplished - for the first time in my entire life.
Its gotta be ok for me to feel like this. And to be over feeling a bit disappointed with a 3lb loss in a week (!!).
I dunno.