Belle's Journey
- Thread starter bellefrogette
- Start date
bellefrogette
Silver Member
Week 22
Weekly Review/Plan a head.
Last week – I felt I was still chasing the sleep dragon , fending off vampires and suffering from strawberry wine over dose, the creative aspect of my week went well and I did get home early on quite a few days, but could I sleep, hell no.-hence the horlicks.
So I am putting some tracks on the iPod in the bedroom. I was drinking 2 cds a day as well as other eating- fair enough and I had some wheatgrass, now I need another tray. Maybe I’ll pick one up tomorrow or wait till my special order of young shoots comes through on Tuesday.
Didn’t like the rigmarole at the hospital but then I do not like hospitals on the best of days. Haven’t been letting the neighbours cat in as often because My eyes started watering when it was around and when he stays over night he sometimes wakes me up during a fret full sleep cycle anyways.
Week 22.
Honestly I don’t know what I will do in week 22, I might understand better what works in retrospect. I would love to be in ketosis by the end of the week 22 . All I can see is that I need far more sleep than I am getting and find ways to get to sleep when I do get home. I do have some meditation tapes, rainforest, and whales. You name it; I have it, because getting to sleep is still proving less than straightforward. So I guess my goal is Sleep more. It’s fascinating that one can get melatonin at Costco in the America. . no problems ,but in the UK you have to see a specialist and have it specially prescribed.
Weekly Review/Plan a head.
Last week – I felt I was still chasing the sleep dragon , fending off vampires and suffering from strawberry wine over dose, the creative aspect of my week went well and I did get home early on quite a few days, but could I sleep, hell no.-hence the horlicks.
So I am putting some tracks on the iPod in the bedroom. I was drinking 2 cds a day as well as other eating- fair enough and I had some wheatgrass, now I need another tray. Maybe I’ll pick one up tomorrow or wait till my special order of young shoots comes through on Tuesday.
Didn’t like the rigmarole at the hospital but then I do not like hospitals on the best of days. Haven’t been letting the neighbours cat in as often because My eyes started watering when it was around and when he stays over night he sometimes wakes me up during a fret full sleep cycle anyways.
Week 22.
Honestly I don’t know what I will do in week 22, I might understand better what works in retrospect. I would love to be in ketosis by the end of the week 22 . All I can see is that I need far more sleep than I am getting and find ways to get to sleep when I do get home. I do have some meditation tapes, rainforest, and whales. You name it; I have it, because getting to sleep is still proving less than straightforward. So I guess my goal is Sleep more. It’s fascinating that one can get melatonin at Costco in the America. . no problems ,but in the UK you have to see a specialist and have it specially prescribed.
bellefrogette
Silver Member
Chapter 4: It’s Not About the Weight, but It’s Not Not About the Weight
2. On page 50, Geneen writes "In [the movie] Groundhog Day, when he realized he wasn't going to gain weight by eating a thousand cherry pies, Bill Murray ate like there was no tomorrow. But the charge dissipated as soon as he realized he could have as much food as he wanted without the usual consequences." When you eat compulsively, it may feel like there is no tomorrow, but after you've finished, the thing that drove you to eat still remains—today as well as tomorrow. What are the situations you use food to avoid?
2.(1)-It’s not a situation I am seeking to avoid, but the situation I am already eating over. So the underlying situation doesn’t go away, its not avoided at all. Its very present The main issues are
Tiredness/exhaustion- reasons various
Boredom- reasons various
Stress -arising from disorganisation, which happens easily when I get tired.
looking at this question I was wondering and feeling within. I generally do not eat for the common emotional reasons like unhappiness, anger; it’s not true that I eat down my emotions (that IS a revelation!) yet I have felt that I do and did eat for emotional reasons for years . I have even called my self an emotional eater (never a compulsive eater). But sitting here, feeling deeply into the issue I have to say no, I am not that . I am not an emotional eater, my emotions are not the issue.
My eating generally arises out of a protest of my body not my emotions. I am aware of psychosomatic theories and Mind as Body- body as a manifestation of mind and spirit. But my eating is very creaturely driven. Exhaustion. Not quite chronic fatigue, but certainly a persistant state of feeling below par. But if there is an element of chronic fatigue its an after effect of ......many things
I guess this taps onto what I was working with last week, just wanting to scream when I felt another emotional vampire shuffle up to me attempting to latch on over something she felt I could do for her or should be willing to do. Do I have Mother Theresa tatooed on my back where I can't see it or something..cos I do not freaking understand it?
I am not even by nature the consellor/mothering/nuturing/helper/service/hyper social- oriented type. hell I can't even stand being around women who yada yada yada doingthe social tango all day long... ( give me a still pond ,a book and a shady tree somewhere far far from the maddening crowd)...and yet as sure as night follows day ,if I am in those social situations trying to mind my own business and get on with my work..the social types almost take it personally..they have to talk to engage or because I am quiet they think I am a good listener...and that I'll want to listen to their latest story . Its my too friendly exterior. Some one who should know better said= well you can't help it if you are percieved as warm and compassionate because you are . Ok fine but I would like to not be a freaking beacon to emotional waifs and strays .
So Miss Roth that is my 'situation' ..Its partly the freaking non stop drain of certain people types, certain places and certain things...I get exhausted and I eat , not to make myself feel better but in a vain attempt to give myself some energy cos my body in energy deficit.
But energy draining situations will never stop, they are as they are..I will just have to get better at saying NO No NO and the more consicious I am of the consequences of not saying No the better I'll get at it . Also I refuse to be a victim..the responsibility is mine. I am mistress of my own destiny and captain of my ship.I don't owe anybody an iota of my energy, I am not an energy bank.Compassion and warmth to my fellow humans does not mean I open an artery for them to drink from.
L/H who threw a hissy fit earlier this week , at my cutting off with her said 'if she had too few boundaries I had too many and if she was overly concerned regarding whether people liked her I was too little concerned and as we were such opposites - guess what- we should work to gether. Hell freaking No.
Inspirational woman of the day
2. On page 50, Geneen writes "In [the movie] Groundhog Day, when he realized he wasn't going to gain weight by eating a thousand cherry pies, Bill Murray ate like there was no tomorrow. But the charge dissipated as soon as he realized he could have as much food as he wanted without the usual consequences." When you eat compulsively, it may feel like there is no tomorrow, but after you've finished, the thing that drove you to eat still remains—today as well as tomorrow. What are the situations you use food to avoid?
2.(1)-It’s not a situation I am seeking to avoid, but the situation I am already eating over. So the underlying situation doesn’t go away, its not avoided at all. Its very present The main issues are
Tiredness/exhaustion- reasons various
Boredom- reasons various
Stress -arising from disorganisation, which happens easily when I get tired.
looking at this question I was wondering and feeling within. I generally do not eat for the common emotional reasons like unhappiness, anger; it’s not true that I eat down my emotions (that IS a revelation!) yet I have felt that I do and did eat for emotional reasons for years . I have even called my self an emotional eater (never a compulsive eater). But sitting here, feeling deeply into the issue I have to say no, I am not that . I am not an emotional eater, my emotions are not the issue.
My eating generally arises out of a protest of my body not my emotions. I am aware of psychosomatic theories and Mind as Body- body as a manifestation of mind and spirit. But my eating is very creaturely driven. Exhaustion. Not quite chronic fatigue, but certainly a persistant state of feeling below par. But if there is an element of chronic fatigue its an after effect of ......many things
I guess this taps onto what I was working with last week, just wanting to scream when I felt another emotional vampire shuffle up to me attempting to latch on over something she felt I could do for her or should be willing to do. Do I have Mother Theresa tatooed on my back where I can't see it or something..cos I do not freaking understand it?
I am not even by nature the consellor/mothering/nuturing/helper/service/hyper social- oriented type. hell I can't even stand being around women who yada yada yada doingthe social tango all day long... ( give me a still pond ,a book and a shady tree somewhere far far from the maddening crowd)...and yet as sure as night follows day ,if I am in those social situations trying to mind my own business and get on with my work..the social types almost take it personally..they have to talk to engage or because I am quiet they think I am a good listener.
..and that I'll want to listen to their latest story . Its my too friendly exterior. Some one who should know better said= well you can't help it if you are percieved as warm and compassionate because you are . Ok fine but I would like to not be a freaking beacon to emotional waifs and strays .So Miss Roth that is my 'situation' ..Its partly the freaking non stop drain of certain people types, certain places and certain things...I get exhausted and I eat , not to make myself feel better but in a vain attempt to give myself some energy cos my body in energy deficit.
But energy draining situations will never stop, they are as they are..I will just have to get better at saying NO No NO and the more consicious I am of the consequences of not saying No the better I'll get at it . Also I refuse to be a victim..the responsibility is mine. I am mistress of my own destiny and captain of my ship.I don't owe anybody an iota of my energy, I am not an energy bank.Compassion and warmth to my fellow humans does not mean I open an artery for them to drink from.
L/H who threw a hissy fit earlier this week , at my cutting off with her said 'if she had too few boundaries I had too many and if she was overly concerned regarding whether people liked her I was too little concerned and as we were such opposites - guess what- we should work to gether. Hell freaking No.
Inspirational woman of the day
bellefrogette
Silver Member
Fascinating, I get oprahs newsletter and on her show she had Iyanla , who I had not seen around for a while, anyway in part of the interview in question on her site
'..Oprah says she could have called, and if she had, Oprah would have given Iyanla this advice: "Until you heal your past, you will continue to bleed and bleed and bleed."..'
and that so on the spot for what I was writting and feeling through this week. The part of my past which I feel is healed is my knowing I don't own anyone an iota of my energy. I grew up in a situation where 'worth' was define by how social, giving, self sacrificing, putting everyone first , sharing everything and then giving some more, of time, energy , expertise and definately dumbing down so no one felt bad about themselves or less than.And then that all crap was put on a freaking pedesatal like its the most spiritual virtuous form of being, certainly of being female.
I that if I ever thought ofmyself , gave to myself ..even a bit, if I knew what I wanted and went after it..well i was just plain selfish..talk about brain washing....
Even now I know I continue to bleed an aspect of that vibe, Not nearly as much as before, but the sniff it is there, and those needy emotional vampires can smell it across a crowded freeway..well tough ..the psychic kitchen is closed..Untill I learn how to stopped bleeding completely, garlic is on the menu.
so anyways I'll have another inspirational woman of the day
Iyanla, for her courage in apologising publically to Oprah cos Oprah has to put up with so much betrayal from so many so it must have been very hard for Iyanla to own up to what she had done.
Its also a lesson because despite it all, in sticking to her values Oprah goes from strength to strength.
'..Oprah says she could have called, and if she had, Oprah would have given Iyanla this advice: "Until you heal your past, you will continue to bleed and bleed and bleed."..'
and that so on the spot for what I was writting and feeling through this week. The part of my past which I feel is healed is my knowing I don't own anyone an iota of my energy. I grew up in a situation where 'worth' was define by how social, giving, self sacrificing, putting everyone first , sharing everything and then giving some more, of time, energy , expertise and definately dumbing down so no one felt bad about themselves or less than.And then that all crap was put on a freaking pedesatal like its the most spiritual virtuous form of being, certainly of being female.
I that if I ever thought ofmyself , gave to myself ..even a bit, if I knew what I wanted and went after it..well i was just plain selfish..talk about brain washing....
Even now I know I continue to bleed an aspect of that vibe, Not nearly as much as before, but the sniff it is there, and those needy emotional vampires can smell it across a crowded freeway..well tough ..the psychic kitchen is closed..Untill I learn how to stopped bleeding completely, garlic is on the menu.
so anyways I'll have another inspirational woman of the day
Iyanla, for her courage in apologising publically to Oprah cos Oprah has to put up with so much betrayal from so many so it must have been very hard for Iyanla to own up to what she had done.
Its also a lesson because despite it all, in sticking to her values Oprah goes from strength to strength.
bellefrogette
Silver Member
Hi Mel, got it, will PM you back.
Bella
Bella
bellefrogette
Silver Member
Chapter 4: It’s Not About the Weight, but It’s Not Not About the Weight
2. On page 50, Geneen writes …." When you eat compulsively, it may feel like there is no tomorrow, but after you've finished, the thing that drove you to eat still remains—today as well as tomorrow. What are the situations you use food to avoid?
2- (part b)-So no I am not eating over the past that has been dealt with within my inner developmental work over years. So I do not really need to revisit that in a major fashion. Just going through the workbook will be sufficient.
But its brilliant to know that the issue is in the emotional present because even though I am not a God- person, God knows I am tired of feeling that there might be some deep psychic psychological something That I have not death with, some wound, some neurosis, some self defeating shadow aspect of my psychic that requires my attention...yet again. I have no idea how folk who are in therapy for years do it.
When I have enough sleep, when I am not exhausted I can deal with and enjoy the day to day, easily. When I am rested I want to go out and get to the gym, I do not need any brutalizing rah rah rah, my actions are natural and smooth, I look to additional coaches for inspiration but not motivation . When I am exhausted even the eating is about attempting to give my body some respite, some comfort, even to get it to sleep.
No wonder I need the wheatgrass and the organic vegetable juice, I have been trying to get vital energy into my body from the onset, maybe I did not see it clearly and I worried about a load of bull regarding calories or how much green stuff is allowed on Cambridge. When did that really matter? It never did.
Truth be told CD or any VLCD provides the basic calories and vitamins and minerals and of course not over eating in itself releases a lot of energy .But for me the vitality and vibrancy is missing in my nutrition without the fresh green vegetable juice so maybe, just maybe this is all simpler than meets the eye.
Bella
2. On page 50, Geneen writes …." When you eat compulsively, it may feel like there is no tomorrow, but after you've finished, the thing that drove you to eat still remains—today as well as tomorrow. What are the situations you use food to avoid?
2- (part b)-So no I am not eating over the past that has been dealt with within my inner developmental work over years. So I do not really need to revisit that in a major fashion. Just going through the workbook will be sufficient.
But its brilliant to know that the issue is in the emotional present because even though I am not a God- person, God knows I am tired of feeling that there might be some deep psychic psychological something That I have not death with, some wound, some neurosis, some self defeating shadow aspect of my psychic that requires my attention...yet again. I have no idea how folk who are in therapy for years do it.
When I have enough sleep, when I am not exhausted I can deal with and enjoy the day to day, easily. When I am rested I want to go out and get to the gym, I do not need any brutalizing rah rah rah, my actions are natural and smooth, I look to additional coaches for inspiration but not motivation . When I am exhausted even the eating is about attempting to give my body some respite, some comfort, even to get it to sleep.
No wonder I need the wheatgrass and the organic vegetable juice, I have been trying to get vital energy into my body from the onset, maybe I did not see it clearly and I worried about a load of bull regarding calories or how much green stuff is allowed on Cambridge. When did that really matter? It never did.
Truth be told CD or any VLCD provides the basic calories and vitamins and minerals and of course not over eating in itself releases a lot of energy .But for me the vitality and vibrancy is missing in my nutrition without the fresh green vegetable juice so maybe, just maybe this is all simpler than meets the eye.
Bella
bellefrogette
Silver Member
I was listening in on a conference call meeting yesterday and a woman spoke with rare candour about her situation, she spoke of how she knew she had been infantilized all through her growing up and many of her problems were to do with her being in a state of perpetual immaturity and infancy even though she was an adult but only an adult 'technically'.
She spoke of her struggle and her determination to grow 'she up'. I guess the reason I call it rare is that in those meetings I often feel I am listening to children in adult bodies. At times it’s even freaky. I don’t like it, but I do get a great deal out of these meetings. Which work better for me because of the gender mix. But there is a marked difference in the tone of shares between the genders on average.
The men rarely talk about their inner child, inner boy...but some of the women seem to seek refuge in the concept and are forever taking care of it, listening to it, giving it what it lacked growing up.etc.well the theme of the meeting was.’ Growing up'...
so that was one reason this lady had what I felt was a very gritty honest share.
Infantalization is insidious and for me leads to women too often being co dependent and heavily emotionally needy...But it must be scary at some level to know one is an adult technically, but have the emotional coping skills of a 12 year old.... I am glad I heard this woman share because when I have spoken of being drained, one of the common themes with these vampire -women (I say women because paradoxically I would not put up with it in a man) is that at some level they want to be taken care of and at a deep unconscious level I know I am dealing with a child and that activates a form of distorted compassion and warmth, in me.
Then I feel resentful because consciously I know that the woman before me is meant to be an adult...and I am not her parent. Its a nightmare trying to focus her, trying to get her to be logical and feeling her stuckness within her emotions as they arise and her resorting to passive aggressive inner child crap…and the clingyness is awful. But I do know for sure that it’s not an ideal place to be. So while I have gone on for a while about emotional vampires I think hearing this woman speaks was my cue to be able to walk away with clear conscience...and a hint of compassion.
Inspirational woman of the day
Lorna Simpson, Artist and photographer.
She spoke of her struggle and her determination to grow 'she up'. I guess the reason I call it rare is that in those meetings I often feel I am listening to children in adult bodies. At times it’s even freaky. I don’t like it, but I do get a great deal out of these meetings. Which work better for me because of the gender mix. But there is a marked difference in the tone of shares between the genders on average.
The men rarely talk about their inner child, inner boy...but some of the women seem to seek refuge in the concept and are forever taking care of it, listening to it, giving it what it lacked growing up.etc.well the theme of the meeting was.’ Growing up'...
so that was one reason this lady had what I felt was a very gritty honest share.
Infantalization is insidious and for me leads to women too often being co dependent and heavily emotionally needy...But it must be scary at some level to know one is an adult technically, but have the emotional coping skills of a 12 year old.... I am glad I heard this woman share because when I have spoken of being drained, one of the common themes with these vampire -women (I say women because paradoxically I would not put up with it in a man) is that at some level they want to be taken care of and at a deep unconscious level I know I am dealing with a child and that activates a form of distorted compassion and warmth, in me.
Then I feel resentful because consciously I know that the woman before me is meant to be an adult...and I am not her parent. Its a nightmare trying to focus her, trying to get her to be logical and feeling her stuckness within her emotions as they arise and her resorting to passive aggressive inner child crap…and the clingyness is awful. But I do know for sure that it’s not an ideal place to be. So while I have gone on for a while about emotional vampires I think hearing this woman speaks was my cue to be able to walk away with clear conscience...and a hint of compassion.
Inspirational woman of the day
Lorna Simpson, Artist and photographer.
bellefrogette
Silver Member
So today is another appointment at the hospital..so they can take blood and run all their tests, well I aked for it but I suspect what is at stake is simpler..3 months of getting to bed early and getting enough of the right type of sleep. Right now I could easily go back to sleep
Chapter 4: It’s Not About the Weight, but It’s Not Not About the Weight
2. On page 50, Geneen writes …." When you eat compulsively, it may feel like there is no tomorrow, but after you've finished, the thing that drove you to eat still remains—today as well as tomorrow. What are the situations you use food to avoid?
2- (part c)
Its not that I want to avoid the tiredness and exhaustion, its that I am trying to do something about it ...over and over again…ineffectively
The reasons than I allow myself to get so exhausted is something I can deal with in a practical and systematic fashion.And in the first instance I just have to do less. My flat redecoration will just have to be put on hold till after seattle , because , for instance, that addittional chaos I do not want. Its all I can do to paint in this chaos as it is and declutter
The thing I have been somewhat concerned about ( well that's not true, I have been very concerned ) is that maybe, just maybe I was still eating because I had some unresolved emotional sore point , some deep well of pain, some feaster wound unhealed and the idea of that really bugged me, because it would mean that I have-not done the inner work to the degree I thought I have and in truth, the prospect of more inner work in a psycho therapeutic fashion, even though I do it with myself, made my heart sink. Yet a nother book on what ails me ? The idea of more new agey well meaning counselling psychobabble just felt like a descent into a type of hell. I am even going to delete Pema Chodrons ' getting unstuck' from my ipod unlistened to.
This place of seeing the situation as simple exhaustion feels cleaner, doable, light, incredibly light. But most of all it feels practical and its different.
Its a load off my mind and heart.I want joyful stuff.i want to listen to stuff that starts from the premise that I am wonderful, precious and that I can do it because guess what I am already doing it.This is why I prefer coaches over counsellors and therapists..I just feel the whole therapy culture is too problem centered and problematic emotions centered and so are some of the books I listen to and read. I am tired of misery and gloom. I am tired of contast healing. I am tired of contant craving for some unnameable something which I am supposed to want .. I am tired of the language on addiction and dis-ease in ALL its manifesation and feeling this is normal and most of all...... I am freaking mad at waking up tired all the time .
So Geneen good question,same place same time tomorrow.
Inspirational woman of the day. When I need a heavy weight, only O will do .
but , even Oprah with all her wisdom , courage , effort and power and sheer hard work did not escape the powerful cultural energetics of the womans body , weight , eating and food..but I think that Oprah has just been exhausted ,with not enough time for her own precious self and stillness and I bet she could tell a story or two about emotional and psychic vampires.
Chapter 4: It’s Not About the Weight, but It’s Not Not About the Weight
2. On page 50, Geneen writes …." When you eat compulsively, it may feel like there is no tomorrow, but after you've finished, the thing that drove you to eat still remains—today as well as tomorrow. What are the situations you use food to avoid?
2- (part c)
Its not that I want to avoid the tiredness and exhaustion, its that I am trying to do something about it ...over and over again…ineffectively
The reasons than I allow myself to get so exhausted is something I can deal with in a practical and systematic fashion.And in the first instance I just have to do less. My flat redecoration will just have to be put on hold till after seattle , because , for instance, that addittional chaos I do not want. Its all I can do to paint in this chaos as it is and declutter
The thing I have been somewhat concerned about ( well that's not true, I have been very concerned ) is that maybe, just maybe I was still eating because I had some unresolved emotional sore point , some deep well of pain, some feaster wound unhealed and the idea of that really bugged me, because it would mean that I have-not done the inner work to the degree I thought I have and in truth, the prospect of more inner work in a psycho therapeutic fashion, even though I do it with myself, made my heart sink. Yet a nother book on what ails me ? The idea of more new agey well meaning counselling psychobabble just felt like a descent into a type of hell. I am even going to delete Pema Chodrons ' getting unstuck' from my ipod unlistened to.
This place of seeing the situation as simple exhaustion feels cleaner, doable, light, incredibly light. But most of all it feels practical and its different.
Its a load off my mind and heart.I want joyful stuff.i want to listen to stuff that starts from the premise that I am wonderful, precious and that I can do it because guess what I am already doing it.This is why I prefer coaches over counsellors and therapists..I just feel the whole therapy culture is too problem centered and problematic emotions centered and so are some of the books I listen to and read.
I am tired of misery and gloom. I am tired of contast healing. I am tired of contant craving for some unnameable something which I am supposed to want .. I am tired of the language on addiction and dis-ease in ALL its manifesation and feeling this is normal and most of all...... I am freaking mad at waking up tired all the time .So Geneen good question,same place same time tomorrow.
Inspirational woman of the day. When I need a heavy weight, only O will do .
but , even Oprah with all her wisdom , courage , effort and power and sheer hard work did not escape the powerful cultural energetics of the womans body , weight , eating and food..but I think that Oprah has just been exhausted ,with not enough time for her own precious self and stillness and I bet she could tell a story or two about emotional and psychic vampires.
MinnieMel
Why Be Normal?
Proactive not reactive... I hear that. I know Oprah has stories to tell. Unfortunately, many related to her own flesh and blood (they can be the worst vampires, I think).
Bel,
Have you ever considered that you might have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)? Also, did they check your vitamin D levels?
I am going to have mine checked. I plan on making an appointment for a complete physical (I was going to wait until I was at goal, but think I might as well go and book one for myself and for my husband now.)
I hope things go well at the hopsital and you get a skilled person to do the blood draw.
MinnieMel
Bel,
Have you ever considered that you might have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)? Also, did they check your vitamin D levels?
I am going to have mine checked. I plan on making an appointment for a complete physical (I was going to wait until I was at goal, but think I might as well go and book one for myself and for my husband now.)
I hope things go well at the hopsital and you get a skilled person to do the blood draw.
MinnieMel
bellefrogette
Silver Member
Yes Mel, being proactive and insightful , not being emotionally reactive over and over again over the same sorry stuff like a child.
My angers will also dissipate and be no longer necessary as I grow in learning bondaries are neccesary and adult and express that. What is happening with me is what I have been writing, nothing to do with the seasons ..besides, honestly Mel I am just not into externals as a prime cause of anything..or at least I want to have done all I can do regarding me before I begin looking further afield.
And I am getting sharper with the women around me, some mutter that it's 'that diet she is on'...or PMT....One step at a time I'll create the network I want and need. I know there are creative joyous ,healthy vibrant women out there , full of laughter , strength and light ,who are not constantly talking about body, emotional trauma and their relationships..I just do not believe for a moment that it is the destiny of women to be caught up in this stuff for decades.
Bella
bellefrogette
Silver Member
Ok , yesterday evening I went to see Robert Moss
Mr Active dreaming .. a really good talk combining shamanisim and being awake, while awake and trance journeys. i also spent a few hours at Costa Coffee in waterstones photoreading a huge tack of dream books..
best ones I got
the woman at the hospital took blood from my wrist..which was a new one for me..I guess she was not going to mess about poking me with a needle , trying to find a vein in a more conventional spot.
Bella
Mr Active dreaming .. a really good talk combining shamanisim and being awake, while awake and trance journeys. i also spent a few hours at Costa Coffee in waterstones photoreading a huge tack of dream books..
best ones I got
the woman at the hospital took blood from my wrist..which was a new one for me..I guess she was not going to mess about poking me with a needle , trying to find a vein in a more conventional spot.
Bella
bellefrogette
Silver Member
The thing is , The thing that I do not want to admit is that it is very hard for me to learn how not to be drained? The Buddhists have a thing called 'idiot compassion' and those in the healing professions talk of burn out..its about excessive, complusive giving and poor bundaries....well thats as maybe, but I know I can do this thing, learn how to walk this world without being a bleeding heart.
Ok inspirational woman of the day -Madonna
Ok inspirational woman of the day -Madonna
bellefrogette
Silver Member
HI Mel,
re madonna, perhaps it is so, though I see her as primarily a person who wanted what she wanted and worked very hard to get it and mainly on her terms. I doubt that she wanted it all ( what is all anyway ) I chose her because of her stunning work ethic , endurance within her industry and her determination as well as her willingness to define herself because those are qualities I want in myself .And also because day by day, one day at a time I need to take inspiration from the strong ones,
so I do not fall back into the morass .Bella
MinnieMel
Why Be Normal?
Hi Bella --
By "all" I meant not sacrificing her career goals, art, etc. for motherhood, but by achieving a balance in her life. And, although, she is no longer in a marriage/relationship with the fathers of her children -- she seems to have a working parenting partnership.
MM
By "all" I meant not sacrificing her career goals, art, etc. for motherhood, but by achieving a balance in her life. And, although, she is no longer in a marriage/relationship with the fathers of her children -- she seems to have a working parenting partnership.
MM
bellefrogette
Silver Member
I do feel so much better this morning, I know its simply time, the drain won't stop till I stop, maybe all I can stand is a ladybird alighting on my arm, or maybe all I can stand is going for a ride on a wild free stallion .
I began a painting yesterday, and gave it a title , did not know what the title refered to but I slept on it and this morning I know and i do feel liberated. The merry go round has stopped and I can get off. Also I will go to the weekend workshop on active dreaming, I need it and I'll enjoy it, infact I think I wil enjoy the journey more from here on out .
I began a painting yesterday, and gave it a title , did not know what the title refered to but I slept on it and this morning I know and i do feel liberated. The merry go round has stopped and I can get off. Also I will go to the weekend workshop on active dreaming, I need it and I'll enjoy it, infact I think I wil enjoy the journey more from here on out .
bellefrogette
Silver Member
So what is on the menu today.
Class the the gallery tonight, but I wish the tutor would include more contemporay artists ..every artist he has shown so far has been white male and mostly dead.Its a tedious ,short sighted and quite frankly old fashioned approach to teaching any arena of art..but its still a great class.
I need fresh roses. Planet organic called 4 or 5 times yesterday, I missed all the calls..maybe my wheat grass is in and I generally just want to walk about, go to a book shop , go to the body shop, chase up my refund on groupon, basic stuff , oh yes and hoover.
tell himself to put more Orange flavour CD on order, low on egg nog CD as well.
Inspirational woman of the day, Eva .
Class the the gallery tonight, but I wish the tutor would include more contemporay artists ..every artist he has shown so far has been white male and mostly dead.Its a tedious ,short sighted and quite frankly old fashioned approach to teaching any arena of art..but its still a great class.
I need fresh roses. Planet organic called 4 or 5 times yesterday, I missed all the calls..maybe my wheat grass is in and I generally just want to walk about, go to a book shop , go to the body shop, chase up my refund on groupon, basic stuff , oh yes and hoover.
tell himself to put more Orange flavour CD on order, low on egg nog CD as well.
Inspirational woman of the day, Eva .
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bellefrogette
Silver Member
Chapter 4: It’s Not About the Weight, but It’s Not Not About the Weight
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bellefrogette
Silver Member
Chapter 4: It’s Not About the Weight, but It’s Not Not About the Weight
3. On page 51, Geneen writes, "Either you want to wake up or you want to go to sleep. You either want to live or you want do die. It's not about the weight." How do you feel about this? What does this mean in your own life?
3 (b) if I take it for granted that I am living or that I really want to live in a correct fashion I must begin paying attention and learning what things to avoid, what people to pull away from in my life, what ways of thinking have been giving away my power and compromising my values.
The decsion to ‘live life’ makes these choices important. I have been back from holiday for 8 weeks now. Quite a while. I sense all that could technically have been done by now, not just in terms of weight. In all areas.
But what was in place instead was a degree of weakness, repetitiveness, blur, vagueness and going round in circles. And a good dose of the superficial and the trivial.
It could have been a dynamic time, should have been . It was not .But to my credit i have gone through the things in my life step by step, that have been dead weight, stagnant weight.
Now I have cleared some space mentally . I have asked also asked some folk to either back off, give me space for now, or I have withdrawn.
I was increasing aware of the noise and the good advise and how despite it all I was going round in circles. The dynamic possibilities arise when I listen to myself and act on that . But to listen to myself , to really do that I have to be comfortable not listening to others.
It sounds basic, but it has not been .
Here is where I see the Geneen Roth question as having most merit. ..it makes me pay attention ....I interpret it as saying to me ....make a freaking decision and commitment then do everything possible to abide by that... day after day until it becomes the norm. I see the question warning not to get lost n superficial solution or weak responses and reactions to life. I see the question saying get real about the basics of the life I want and then to build on that.
Now of course , or it should be obvious , that I want to live, and that I want to live on my terms. I know what a ' half life ' and a life compromised to the nth degree ,so that no one will feel offended ...feels like .
I know I can be confused by the feed back from others so much so that I do not know if I am a ‘good person’ or not ,if I am right thinking or not .
Way back I remember when ,although my body was happy enough with CD ,it wanted green juice in the morning and I got a lot of push back from some of CD users like I 'wasn't doing it right' I wasn't being purist..I am not sure some of those main voices even post now, but the point is that I got distracted even angry ..instead of simply ignoring them and carrying on. But that happens in many areas of my life. And that is not living.
Inspirational woman of the day -Alice.
When I chose an inspirational woman of the day...I am affirming my life, not theirs . I do not know their stories, Infact I do not know them at all and I do not need to. It’s all symbolic. They all, in one way or the another represent women who have lived their lives on terms, which I appreciate....and terms that I wish to emulate. They are not role models, I do not seek a role model...my best self and my creative self is the only model I need..but these inspirational women remind me that life does not have to be little or dull or average..but I do need to know myself and take courage..and hang out with women in particular who are expressing courage in their life...or trying to .
3. On page 51, Geneen writes, "Either you want to wake up or you want to go to sleep. You either want to live or you want do die. It's not about the weight." How do you feel about this? What does this mean in your own life?
3 (b) if I take it for granted that I am living or that I really want to live in a correct fashion I must begin paying attention and learning what things to avoid, what people to pull away from in my life, what ways of thinking have been giving away my power and compromising my values.
The decsion to ‘live life’ makes these choices important. I have been back from holiday for 8 weeks now. Quite a while. I sense all that could technically have been done by now, not just in terms of weight. In all areas.
But what was in place instead was a degree of weakness, repetitiveness, blur, vagueness and going round in circles. And a good dose of the superficial and the trivial.
It could have been a dynamic time, should have been . It was not .But to my credit i have gone through the things in my life step by step, that have been dead weight, stagnant weight.
Now I have cleared some space mentally . I have asked also asked some folk to either back off, give me space for now, or I have withdrawn.
I was increasing aware of the noise and the good advise and how despite it all I was going round in circles. The dynamic possibilities arise when I listen to myself and act on that . But to listen to myself , to really do that I have to be comfortable not listening to others.
It sounds basic, but it has not been .
Here is where I see the Geneen Roth question as having most merit. ..it makes me pay attention ....I interpret it as saying to me ....make a freaking decision and commitment then do everything possible to abide by that... day after day until it becomes the norm. I see the question warning not to get lost n superficial solution or weak responses and reactions to life. I see the question saying get real about the basics of the life I want and then to build on that.
Now of course , or it should be obvious , that I want to live, and that I want to live on my terms. I know what a ' half life ' and a life compromised to the nth degree ,so that no one will feel offended ...feels like .
I know I can be confused by the feed back from others so much so that I do not know if I am a ‘good person’ or not ,if I am right thinking or not .
Way back I remember when ,although my body was happy enough with CD ,it wanted green juice in the morning and I got a lot of push back from some of CD users like I 'wasn't doing it right' I wasn't being purist..I am not sure some of those main voices even post now, but the point is that I got distracted even angry ..instead of simply ignoring them and carrying on. But that happens in many areas of my life. And that is not living.
Inspirational woman of the day -Alice.
When I chose an inspirational woman of the day...I am affirming my life, not theirs . I do not know their stories, Infact I do not know them at all and I do not need to. It’s all symbolic. They all, in one way or the another represent women who have lived their lives on terms, which I appreciate....and terms that I wish to emulate. They are not role models, I do not seek a role model...my best self and my creative self is the only model I need..but these inspirational women remind me that life does not have to be little or dull or average..but I do need to know myself and take courage..and hang out with women in particular who are expressing courage in their life...or trying to .
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