Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary

So... it's Thursday and it's gone 5pm already and is pitch black outside! How depressing! I fell asleep in the chair at the pc for a while there... clearly am totally whacked out!

Have to head back to work for a meeting in just under 2 hours and that is bound to be a late one - yuck! They are always pretty tense too! Not looking forward to it and wish I had tomorrow off so I could have a lie in! Ah well... just being a lazy baggage! lol

Only heard from "Eric" the once today - I know he's really busy... his text was bemoaning the fact that his mobile phone bill is huge! (I'm not surprised - he rang me one evening for 2 hours on it!!)... hmm... wonder if he think's I'm not worth it... will have to wait and see I s'pose. I've sucumbed and sent him a text (only the 1 mind) telling him what I'm up to this evening and although I am really hoping he will call I haven't said so... but I don't think he will.

I know I shouldn't be so pathetic and whimpish about it all but I just am! lol I soooo want him to miss me! lol Still... he will have loads of opportunity to do so as I have no idea when we will see each other again... was hoping he just might suggest spending Sunday evening together somewhere (like a pub halfway between the two of us) but he will be so tired out after the move and then having the children...and then he has to get ready for a hectic work schedule next week too!

ANYWAY... nuff about that... did I tell you about yesterday afternoon? I got all waxed and polished... lol... I now have sparkly finger nails and beautiful pink toenails (all 8 of 'em)! lol

It took me up until this year to have my first ever pedicure... and I love the outcome! Back in 1982 I had a serious motorbike crash and crushed my right foot - broke every bone in it... had it pinned, wired... you name it they tried it.. finally they amputated my big toe, and then, a year later they amputated the one next to it.. well, very long story short.... I ain't so hot on me tootsies!! lol I hide them, disguise them... as I can't wear nice shoes I wear the most comfy walking boots which I love.. the thing is... they aren't very sexy... fine with jeans but no good with nice clothes..

Anyway... I don't hide them so much any more. I go barefoot as much as I can... and on holiday I didn't care who stared at my poor foot... AND... I had a pedicure! lol So now I love it! So anyway... I had me pedicure and manicure and got waxed (which was exceptionally painful for some reason!) and came away feeling great! Got home and logged on and although I had every intention of getting work done.. I was hopeless! In the end I got up at 5.30 this morning and did it all!

Work was mad, I had so many interupptions during my finance meeting, then another lady "just popped in" to do some photocopying, which turned into a major job AND she had put my number on her flier as the contact!!! (didn't ask me first mind you - NOR do I know the info I am supposed to be passing on!!!)... flamin' cheek.. lol THEN my boss came in and phaffed around for a while - well, in fairness,, he just sort of kept out of my way... lol

I got everything (well, nearly) done and was out of there in time to dash to the wine bar to meet my mate (whose birthday it was yesterday (got her a gorgeous necklace, earrings and bracelet set)... and we caught up on a few things... then it was time for the offski again, quick trip into the Co-Op then back home with the jobs paper... no sooner had I got in than I realised I had to collect a parcel from the post office! Had a bit of a moan at Zoe about it as, if she'd texted me I could've picked it up on the way back... still.. no big deal.. went back out and sent some birthday cards and picked up a pile of parcels!

My sister sent me TRUMPTONSHIRE the dvd set for my birthday!! YIPPEEEEEEEE

Zoe confiscated it and won't let me have it back until Sunday! ya boo hiss.... lol AND she grabbed any envelopes that looked remotely like cards! (She is far too like her mother at times! ROFL)

Then I made some chilli crisps... yummm and came on here. Said my bit on a heap of posts... you know what ... this site is full of such a diverse bunch of people! love it!!

Fell asleep at one point and bless her, Zoe told me to go sit in the living room for a kip... so... am doing the wee wee wiggle in my chair and that's my cue to get off here!!

Hope you all have a great evening! I'm going to have a wee (sorry if that's too much info...) then make a yummy muffin and have a snooze and off to work at 7! Will catch up with things tomorrow! toodle pip for now! x
 
Well, been home about an hour and feeling pretty good... just as I was thinking all those rotten insecure stupid thoughts again about "Eric" and he rang! We had a lovely chat and I told him about my taking Zoe and her boyfriend to the pics on Sunday afternoon... and I was saying that we might go to see Borat, or Prestige or casino Royale.. I started telling him that I can't believe I would want to see Casino Royale as when my dad was alive, if there was a Bond film on that was IT! Everything had to come to a gridning halt and we had to sit in silence through them...lol

He "Eric" told me that he would like for me and him to go and see that together...!:eek: so I promised to see something else... :D HOW cool is that!??

We chatted about all sorts of stuff and finally said bye after about an hour... it was great. He's got tomorrow off and so have I but he's packing the rest of his house and I'm going to blitz my bedroom and take Zoe for her Theory car test. I really hope she passes... she's been swotting up but I know she struggles with it.. So., if you have a faith please pray for her to succeed tomorrow as she sits her test!

ta ever so..

I need to go to bed and then have a lie in tomorrow... ah what bliss!!!;) I bet the bloomin dog will bark me out of bed at some ungodly hour!!

I just had a yummy chocmint muffin... :p really nice! I'm SO glad of these recipes... really don't think I could do it without them!

Oh... tonight's meeting at work was a quarterly one.. so I haven't seen some of the attendees since September and one (only one mind) pulled me aside and told me that I look such a lot better than last time she saw me... so I told her I'd lost a bit of weight and she laughed and said, I KNOW you have! I can see!!!! lol

I was really pleased. Nice that others (apart from family) can actually see a marked difference! :) Just wait until the next one in March!!! AND... the accounts went fantastically - I was so stressed out about it all and it went as smooth as anything. AND.... one of the speakers handed around a bowl of jelly babies... (oh lor' I LOVE them!) and I just handed it straight across.. but I WAS sorely tempted...

I always eat jelly babies by chomping off the head first, then the feet and eventually the body... yummmy yummmy yummmy.... :p
 
Lil' Lola said:
Just wanted to wish you all the best. You're determined, know what you want and I know that you'll succeed. Can relate so much to what you have said, and being a fellow sufferer of OSA can understand you not wanting to sleep with a mask. Believe me, I know, I have one! :( Darth Vader resides here. :)
Click to expand...

Going to get my star wars premiere on Dec 6th:( ... NOT looking forward to it! :( Any advice on how to handle it all:confused: ... I'm really petrified about it all... not least the staying in a hospital miles from home all on me own and trying to sleep in an alien (no pun intended ;) ) setting... and then having to drive home again in the morning....
 
LOL

I really had to concentrate hard there to work out what you were on about with with the star wars premiere!!
 
Zoe passed her theory test!! We both squealed with delight and I got her a Maccy D on the way home. I wonder what people who drove past us were thinking as she held(at my request) a chicken nugget under my nose for me to sniff! ohh it smelt heavenly! lol

So, we got home and I had some chilli crisps! My tub of Psyllium Husks has arrived and I'm going to scour the threads for the recipes I saw a few days ago.... plus I've emailed Westhills to ask her to send hers on to me too... so hopefully later or in the morning I shall be tucking into a hot filling bowl of a kind of porridge consistency!

Might go and have a muffin in a minute... just need to decide whether I want toffee walnut or choc mint... hmm... I've also got a vanilla for the first time... was thinking of using that as a sauce but not sure what it tastes like yet..

Apart from that I cleaned up my Christmas prezzie wardrobe today and have discovered gifts bought throughout the year that I had totally forgotten about!! MUST NOT buy any more until I've been through them all first and worked out if I really need to get any more!

Tired but had a lovely long chat again today with "Eric" and he told me that he had been trying to work out how to spend some time with me this afternoon but he still has such a lot of packing to do... I was chuffed to bits that he had even considered it! :D He makes me smile.

Right.. off to get ready for this evening - I'm picking up my mate Lucy as she wants to drink tonight and as I am SSing I'm not! So, no sweat to nip over to her town and pick her up and drop her home later... I'm looking forward to this evening. One of my mates was going to come up from Dunstable but she rang and said her son is coming home from uni for the weekend so I can't say I blame her! She's a fab friend - lol - when we had our babies (Sarah and Elliott) we used to have such a giggle! lol Ahh,... good memories!

I must arrange to see her on another day and soon! She works in Bedford and I'm often over that way to gigs at a place called the Ent Shed (its a brill venue!) at the Gordon Arms pub.

Think I'll have a browse through the threads and then tootle off and shower etc for tonight.

Hope everyone's having a good day x
 
Hey hun... have a great night tonight and a lovely weekend

that eric fella sounds like a keeper :D :D :D

love

Gen xx
 
ps.... won't be here on sunday... so HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.. hope you have a lovely day

love

Gen xxx
 
Cheers hun, just got home (00.15) and am wide awake! Had a fantastic evening, loads of laughter.. good conversation and the food smelt good... lol

They (5 of my mates) had these amazing meals of fresh made pizza and chicken goujons... it all smelt lush! Still... I sat there drinking me perfectly clear having a giggle and listening to the amazingly talente Chris Smyth!

AND... "Eric" texted and rang and asked to go on speakerphone to say hello to everyone... which he did!!! lol

I wasn't quite sure what to say as only 1 person there knew about him! lol After his hello I got the Spanish Inquisition... tee hee... I texted him to tell him as much and he laughed a LOT. He continued to text me throughout the evening .... it was lovely to know he was with me in spirit.. he even said on the phone that he was so sorry not to have been there!

I'm going to bed with a mega smile on my face and an evening of great memories!

My mate Lucy and I are going back there again tomorrow evening as there is a duet on called Lisa & Ronan and she sounds just like Tracey Chapman!! So that's tomorrow night taken care of! YIPPEEE!!!!

Sunday looks like it will be me, Zoe, Gaz, Lucy and our mate Leigh going to see Prestige! Am really pleased as I was dreading spending the day alone and fedup.. lol

I know "Eric" will call me too so that will be nice too!

*sigh... I'm so chilled out at the moment.. lol... had such a giggle tonight..! xx
 
What a lovely morning! :D Yesterday's weather was pants! :( Horrendous wind and rain... this morning it's a total contrast!:eek: Blue skies and sunshine! Unbelieveable! :D lol So... I might HAVE to clean the pond pump and wash the downstairs windows :confused: and then nip into Rushden and see if my copy of the book club book is in - I fancy sitting down this afternoon and chilling out with it! :)

Had a toffee & walnut muffin with psyllium husks in it, which was as yummy as ever! (Here's hoping the husks work too!)

I was laying in bed this morning thinking - as you do - about what life will be like when I'm not carrying around this extra person... :confused: (still not sure what my final target is but at least another 11 stone to go!)...and you know what - I can't picture it at all.:eek: Having never (since the age of 16) been able to buy clothes from a mainstream, high street store (not counting Evans / Yours / Size Up) I can't imagine what that will be like... and sitting in a dining chair with arms on it without getting jammed in (and garden chairs too!!).... blokes hankering after me... LOL... yeah right:rolleyes: ... going out of an evening and knowing I look great (instead of trying to convince myself before I settle for something I think doesn't look too gross). As I lay snuggled under the duvet I wondered if life would be very different or not... :confused: :confused:

I guess that time will tell...;)

Oh... whilst I remember.... I have been a bit miffed at people and some of my friends actually encouraging me to break the diet:mad: ... someone I work with said I should have a break from it at Christmas! A couple of my friends have said the same and, last night, one of my mates (who clearly hadn't listened) when ordering her food said..."come on, I'm sure you can have just a taste of these..." I was admamant though - no way!

I KNOW myself well enough to know that if I even taste something that will be it! That slippery slope will be like one of those extreme rides at Alton Towers.. not so much a slope as a downright drop into the oblivion of food all over again!! :(

Not really cross with them, they just don't understand what it's like to carry this weight around and how much I want this . I can't really blame them either as I have done so many diets over the years and fannied about sticking to them for a while, then deciding I feel great (best loss was 4 stone) and stopping and then piling all the weight back on again... they've seen a bit of that.. so I guess they think I will do the same this time...:eek: :rolleyes:

They might be right... I don't know...I'm not psychic... what I do know is that I am determined to stick to this and get to goal and maintain (which I have on the best authority is even tougher than SSing - and I believe it!!!) and enjoy my life to the full!

So, here's toasting (with my 2nd pint of water this morning) all of our good health and grit and determination to getting to where we all want to be at..:D :cool:

Cheers!
xx
 
great to hear you're so positive and determined to do this. Just ignore those people and get on with it as you want to do it and you will get to experience all those things soon enough :)
 
Thanks Kati :D I'll do my level best!

Am getting ready for tonight in a mo... off to the same wine bar as last night as there is a duet playing/singing and she is fantastic! Sounds just like Tracey Chapman! Fab!

"Eric" rang me twice but I missed his calls and when I called him back he couldn't talk as his daughters were there :( Still, it was nice to briefly say hello and hear that his day was going ok and he's got all his stuff shifted ok.

Looking forward to him calling me tomorrow!!!

Right, off to cook something for Zoe and her fella and them am out for the evening with my stunning, blonde, slim friend!! (I know it isn't right,but I always feel like the fat ugly mate - know what I mean??? and I KNOW she certainly doesn't see things that way at all, but I do.. hopefully as it is my local wine bar and I'm confident going in there on me todd, it shouldn't be too bad!)

Here's hoping! She is a lovely person and would probably be upset if she had any clue I felt this way... but I can't help it. At the moment I'm just having some weird feelings...

Am nice and stuffed at the moment having had chilli crisps followed by a toffee & walnut muffin washed down with a pint of perfectly clear and a pint of water and a mug of , umm, what's it called... I call it Marigold bovril... but it isn't ...lol you know the stuff... 1 tsp in mug of boiling water.. filled me right up and warmed me up too (have been REALLY chilled today).

Oh, and I got my book so will start it when I get home later!

Have a lovely evening all xxx
 
hope you have a good night tonight. I know what you mean about the friends I've aways felt like that with mine too when I've been out with them. Still do actually and I'm much slimmer than one of them now. The difference in us now though is that she is full of confidence. She has this kind of "look at me" attitude and has to be the centre of attention whereas I just stand by and let everyone get on with it. Act confident and it doesn't matter how different you and your friend are.
 
Hope you are having a great night, and happy birthday for tomorrow x
 
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