Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary

Monday 20th November

Monday morning - had to get up at 7 to give Zoe a lift to her ongoing lift for college... bah... I love my warm bed now... (with my fabbo leccy blanket!) and hate leaving it! lol

Still... it's meant I have got to 1pm and sorted out a mountain of paperwork that I've been avoiding like the plague! Also cleaned up the bookcases and living room so have a bit of space now. Just want to polish and vac and maybe wash the floors before heading off for my weigh in - a day early due to my lovely cdc's work schedule (rather her than me I can tell you!)... so am not expecting miracles... will be happy with 3lbs or more - will be totally hacked off with anything less as I've stuck to it 100%. Still.. as I keep telling myself, as long as I am true to myself on this and stick to it then I am doing the right thing no matter what the scales say!!

I've been looking through the jobs paper this morning and umming and ahhing over what jobs to go for or not... there are some I know I can do so easily and they are ok but am I ready to settle for easy and ok? Not sure anymore - I feel like I want a challenge.

Don't get me wrong - I love my current job but I really need to work full time as my savings are fast diminishing...I have less than a year of savings left now to help pay my mortgage so I need to start thinking of solutions! I was wondering about trying to sell my jewellrey but as most of it is from Asda and Argos I don't think it woudl fetch much! lol

Started looking at the things I have and wondering if I would get much for anything, and the truth is, no! lol So... will hang on to me old stuff and search out a new living! The big problem is that I have done the management thing, the high pressure thing too., and it made me ill! SOooo I need to find a balance somehow... and also have a life!

Not so easy... despite lots of qualifications - was thinking of going to evening classes and do a PGCE and teach adults... perhaps in some IT things... oh heck.. I don't have a flamin' clue!

I shall await divine inspiration! (It usually works you know!)

"Eric" texted whilst I was in the pub and sounded sorry for himself.. went to bed early,,, lol I cheated and texted him to ask a question! LOL It wasn't a serious quiz by ANY stretch of the imagination! Everyone heckled the quizmaster and we all had a load of belly laughs. One woman did sour the evening a bit, my mate told them it was my birthday and this woman (who had been particularly vocal all evening) piped up with "how sad is that - spending your birthday in here!!!". I felt terrible. She was right, in a way, it was sad that on my birthday I should be sitting in a dump of a pub doing a crappy quiz. OR... if I look at it another way, it was the best way - I was with 2 very dear friends, doing something I enjoy, sticking to my diet and having a good laugh! The pub isn't the most celubrious venue - but it was clean and the staff were friendly and so were (most) of the locals! So... NOT so sad after all - eh?? :eek: :D

Gobby cow. LOL (she was drunk too - and very loud and very slim and went on at great length about the tiebreaker question being unfair as it was about how many calories are burned standing in a queue and she (very pointedly) said she thought it was a question for people who dieted and not for the likes of her!!! :mad: Thankfully she didn't look at me when she said it!! But I felt very inadequate.. and up to that point had felt very good.

Must learn to put on the old emotional armour before venturing out into the land of the slim and perfect!!

Have just got off the phone - my mother rang to moan about my poor stepsister... problem is, I can see both sides of things and I can completely and utterly empathise with them both!!! Still, she got off the phone in a better mood (I think). Who can tell? Sometimes it's easier than others... she started the conversation with that wonderful greeting I have come to know and love so well "I thought I'd ring because you sounded a bit off with me yesterday - I know I woke you up , but even so...."... *sigh*

Always a great way to start a positive chat eh? ;)

Perhaps she will avoid 9am Sunday morning calls... lol but I doubt it! Still, I'd rather she call and wake me than not be around to call me at all :rolleyes:

Right - am off to make some calls and then go and get weighed!! Texted "Eric" this morning - he is still very tired, bless him.. hoping to actually have a half decent conversation with him later - but don't expect to. I'm beginning to wish he lived a lot closer.. I would have suggested seeing him this evening, but I don't think I can face the 2 hour eachway drive on a weekday night!

We shall see if he rings me later...

Hope all who read this are having a great start to their week!

(feeling just a little bit sad today as this is the date we had hubby's funeral all those years ago... but it's ok.. not the same depth of sorrow there was a couple of weeks ago....)
 
Hey hun.. you are doing so well and should be really proud of yourself.

I think you and 'eric' will settle into each other in its own good time... he seems really interested so i'll be keeping my fingers crossed for ya..

just re the last bit of ur post bit hugs to ya babe and hope you will get through today with not too much saddness

love

Gen xx
 
Good luck for weigh in, im waiting with bated breath!!!
Hugs for today, glad the pain has eased, hope you can have some happy thoughts popping in too x
 
Thanks all ((hugs)) ... just had an email from "Eric" - it was a mass mail to his friends and it had his phone number on it! Yippee... lol That has to be a good sign! lol

Thanks for the lovely thoughts - I'm ok, just every now and again I remember.. y'know what that's like... but I also do have good and happy memories too.. and will do me best to focus on them - loud music in the car I think as I wend my way to my weigh in!! Catch up with you all later on xxx
 
Looking forward to it hun, maybe a bit of wham will blast the clouds away, im showing my age now!!!

Of course you will remember, for all good times there has to be sad ones too, thats how we get nice memories x
 
Got home about half an hour ago (12.45am) having gone to see "Eric" following my weigh in!

Went to Ailsa's for my early weigh-in and lost another 3.4lbs! I'm pleased with that, especially as it's only been 6 days. Next week should be a good one as it will be 8 days!

I was telling Ailsa all about "Eric" and how I really wanted to see him this evening and he texted whilst I was there to ask how the weigh-in had gone! So, I plucked up the courage and told him I'd like to see him and he said come on down! (well , sort of..)

Anyway, I went... and I have mixed feelings now about that.. got some real niggles playing in my head! Darn niggles! lol

Still,... we shall see. He didn't bat an eyelid about Saturday night in Brum, but then, why would he? He knows I won't mess about. We did have a bit of a serious moment though which was a bit odd...

As I left I saw him turn off the lights in the house and I was just pulling out of the parking space when he came into the kitchen to wave me off.. :) I was driving back and thought to myself... hmm... he didn't ask me to let him know when I get home... and ding... my phone went and there was a text from him asking me to text him to let him know I got home safely... lol

I am in complete muddle about him so I think I shall just play it very cool hereonin and see what happens. I won't see him at Christmas (well, perhaps once in the whole week) and he is at a family party on New Year's Eve which hacks me off big style, but hey.. me and Lucy will scout around and see what's on offer in the way of black tie dos , the only trouble is they will mean a dinner which I can't have...might see what's happening locally instead.. lol

So.. home and done the bins and tidied up a bit, hopped on here and off to bed now as work in the morning - then back to the hairdressers because they didn't do my roots properly last time!

Early night tomorrow night I think... snuggled up on me leccy blanket with the bookclub book and some nice music playing.... sounds like a plan!

Night night all.. xx
 
Hi Claire
Won't go into it here about "Eric" in too much detail, but I just think that I quite probably won't see him again :(... I have decided not to drive to see him again and that our next meeting should be either at my place or somewhere mid-way. Not even sure I want to drive that far. Feels too one-sided at the moment and we discussed that last night. Apart from that all I can say is that it's just an odd vibe... can't explain it. Will wait and see. Not heard from him today and don't expect to. In some ways I wish I hadn't gone to see him last night.:(

I am glad I am going up to Birmingham on Saturday though and probably to the quiz night again on Sunday with my mates (if I can stay awake long enough! lol).

Been a funny morning... funny peculiar not ha ha..
 
Ok... got me some help and I can now edit this thing! :D lol

Well... it's the evening and I'm cooking baked potatoes for my Zoe... :rolleyes: going to do some bacon and beans to pour on them too... how scrummy will that be???:p Lucky girl! lol

She came down a few minutes ago to show me a part of her bed!!! :eek: :eek: Turns out, lol... that she (and her young man!) have broken her bed!!!:D ;) ;) LMAO I laughed so much - she had been dreading telling me in case I was upset, but I just think it's hilarious and told her that they will both have to pay for it, and dismantle the old one and get rid of it too! LOL:eek: :rolleyes:

It reminded me of a chap I went out with some time ago now... :eek: and we went away for a romantic break and broke the bed in the hotel we were in! lol Fortunately it was very early on and we hadn't even unpacked..:rolleyes: so we sort of smoothed things down and then went with a false air of haughtiness and complained to reception that the bed seemed to move.. LOL :eek: We had snapped the flaming leg on it!! I did feel a bit guilty - but then... it was a pricey place and so I reckoned they should have got better beds anyway!! ;)

Feeling a bit brighter tonight :) - got loads done today AND... when I walked into the hairdressers (where I went just 2 weeks ago) she looked at me and exclaimed "blimey you've lost loads of weight - your clothes are hanging off you!"... lol So that was nice... and then , when I went to collect my prescription the pharmacist said she didn't recognise me immediately... :) Boosted my spirits.

The thing is... I had lost a lot of weight last year and then stacked it all back on and more by June this year.. I topped more than 25 stone at one point:eek: :rolleyes: ... will see if I can scan the pic on my passport which I did in June... I think there is a difference now..

I got a text a couple of hours ago from "Eric" apologising for not being in touch all day but that he has had a bad day... I replied saying that was ok I had guessed he might have and didn't want to hassle him. I just sent him another message just now asking if it's a good time to call him and his response was to ask if we could speak later - I of course said no problem. The thing is... he only has my mobile and I'm blowed if I'm going to call him!

I'm off now to get some work done, chill out in front of telly, have a radox bath (I treated myself to a couple of bottles) and then snuggle down in my warm bed with my book club book and a pint of water and an early(ish) night.

Made a bit of a boo boo today too:eek: :rolleyes: ... went to call my ex (to try to persuade him to pay back my mum the money he owes so she won't have to take him to court) and the number was for my ex-boyfriend who dumped me in May!!!!!!!!!:eek: :eek: I'm not sure which of us was more surprised!!! (me I think - at least he probably knew it was my number as I never hide my id!!)...

Anyway - niceties done I HAD to ask the question as to whether or not he was seeing anyone and he said no, well, on and off. Which means he is! lol

His mother is dreadfully ill so I'm going to call and see if its ok to visit her tomorrow afternoon. (She is terminally ill and he thinks that time is passing very swiftly for her now...:( ) I love her - she is a lovely lady. I feel so sad about her but will be cheerful and take a little something with me if she's up to having visitors. I need to do it in the afternoon or I shall be tempted to call on him... and that would NEVER do.. although we did agree to meet up for a chat sometime. I don't think we shall, but who knows.. he says he has lost loads of weight so I'm thinking that he will not be that impressed by mine, but that's ok, I'm not doing this for him or for any bloke - I'm doing it purely and simply for ME!!!

Will catch up tomorrow... night all xxx:)
 
Good morning :D

I REALLY didn't want to get up this morning - so warm in my bed with my leccy blanket... lol I know I'm harping on about it , but seriously, I think it's the best birthday present Zoe has ever got me!!! I was just logging off here last night and thinking about having my last "meal" of the day (toffee & walnut muffin - scrumdiddlyumptious!) and the phone rang - it was "Eric"..

He was in a real state! He had just said cheerio to his ex-wife as she had called in to discuss "the future" and Christmas. He was so wound up! He hates the house he's moved into and now his ex has told him that she is putting their marital home on the market he is in a flap because he thinks (and I would agree) that she is going to move away and take the children with her... it's his worst nightmare!

I felt so sorry for him, I could hear the upset in his voice.. then something happened and he dropped the phone, said he would call back in a minute.. he'd knocked over his drink.. the carpet in the house is light beige (not practical for him! nor for his little 'uns!) I texted him my house number - now, I know that sounds insignificant but it isn't... up until then he only had my mobile number. Anyway, I decided to get my stuff ready for the morning, cleared the kitchen up and had just told Zoe that I was going up to bed when the phone rang... it was him.

I sat and listened to him for about an hour.. he is really down about this place he's in. So.. I told him that he HAS to make it a home.,it's where he'll be living for at least 6 months so he MUST get used to it. We chatted and by the end of the call he sounded a lot better.

I still have no idea when we shall see one another again but my resolve not to be the one to drive down there is fast dissolving.... the thing is.. (and I know I'm justifying it to myself) that I have to take my grandma's Christmas presents to my mum (she lives 10 miles away from Eric) before the 6th December as she is trawling up to Scarborough to visit my nana.. (I managed to be strong and say no to going on this trip!) and she always takes the prezzies...

Anyway.. I offered to go down on Friday afternoon to help clean his old flat in preparation for the key handover and refund of his deposit... he's thinking about it. To be honest, I would happily go down and do that and not see him, just to help him out. He simply has so much on his plate at the moment that he can't see the wood for the trees - and, I know this is sexist, but he really is a typical man and gets his knickers in a knot about sorting out paperwork and contacting people about his change of address..also he is NOT practical about cleaning etc...

So... we shall see... I am on a course all day tomorrow at the Inland Revenue so won't be logging on here until the evening if then.. and if I haven't heard then I may well just chill out Friday and prepare for Saturday's WeMitts meet!!!

This afternoon I am hoping to go and see my ex's mum. I'm going to call her mid-morning and see if she's up to receiving visitors. It will be the first time I shall have seen her since we split up in the summer... but we have talked on the phone since then so it should be ok. The big difference is that I look a bit different now and she will too... I would appreciate it if any who read this could say a prayer/spare a kind thought for her and for me to know what to say and do when and if I get to see her. Thanks.

Right - better get on, boss coming in this morning at some point... hopefully not TOO late as I have a fair way to drive for my afternoon visit.. and I have heaps of work to do as yesterday I was most definitely on a go-slow!!

Stuck again 100% yesterday to diet - despite Zoe leaving an opened large bag of maltesers and half a packet of crunch-creams on the piano!!! I did look at them for a while... then I grabbed them and ran (yes, literally) into the kitchen and shoved them in the larder unit. I hate the fact that I am feeling more tempted! Grrr. Yesterday there were 2 slices of the most delicious looking pizza in the world sat in the fridge and I was sorely tempted but managed to resist.. might ask Zoe to throw away any leftovers to help me out a bit.

Anyway - hope you all have a lovely day! Will catch up later!
 
Another day closer to my goals!!

Well, it's gone half past 7 in the evening already and I am sat here (now.. before I continue,... if you are of a delicate disposition .. look away now!!).. so.. sat here in me bra and jeans because I wore a favourite top today as I wanted to impress my ex-s mother when I called, BUT, they were out all day so have had to put the top in the wash!! So, not a pleasant site.. monumental booooswums, rolls of flab and then me boots! Luverly! Still, at least you can't actually SEE me so it's ok.

What a day! Where to start... I guess where I left off might be a bit of a plan...

I couldn't get hold of the ex's mum so I texted him and asked him if they were going to be in as I didn't want to drive all the way there (40miles each way) for nothing. He said they were out all day so I replied that I would try again tomorrow or next week one day.. and sorry for bothering him. (I felt that too - that I WAS a bother...) Anyway, I've just had a chat with his mum and she sounded ok, considering. I'm going up to see her next week - probably Wednesday or Thursday. Told her that I had chatted to Colin and she asked me how that was.. told her what he had said about having a girlfriend and she said that he basically chats em up spends a few hours with them and then that's it. AND, so much for his huge weight loss... lol.. she says she can't see any difference! She'd have to be blind not to see the difference in me by next week! (Should be about 5 stone lighter than when she saw me in May!)

Anyway... enough of all that.. I hate that he is in my head again now.. BUT.. I will copy all our holiday pics ( I took us to Cork for 5 days for his birthday in March this year and we had the best time!) onto a cd and shove it through his letterbox on my way to hers next week (he will be at work so it will be safe - avoiding seeing him without warning - not fair and smacks of stalking!!).

So, where was I .. oh yeah, at work.. boss came in at 11.30! (I'm supposed to finish at 12) and eventually left at 1.15pm! Grrr... still... I get paid and he is a sweetheart really.. just sometimes a touch insensitive.. he has sent an email out asking for volunteers to organise an event.. I mean ... I wanted to wear a flashing neon sign with an arrow pointing at my head!!! I am ace at all that kind of thing - for goodness sake... I do it every year on a fairly major scale with the music festival! Anyway, I told him that I was disappointed that he hadn't immediately thought of me! Still, he has asked everyone else now so knickers! lol

I came back on here after he left.. then I was thinking of looking at new tops but it was peeing down with rain so I ran to the car and came home (via the biutchers). Ahh, now,, my butchers is lovely - a little family butcher in a small neighbouring town. They are great in there, no pressure and they sell the most gorgeous beetroot chutney and red onion marmalade (which is basically chutney too!) and both are delicious with sausages.. so I called in because Zoe has been moaning that she wants to eat proper food instead of all the pies she chose when we last did shopping together! So, I got stewing steak, braising steak, mince, chicken, sausages and a jar of beetroot chutney (in preparation for next summer when I may be able to have some!!) and came home - oh, and also got a skanky bone for the mutt!

Home and Zoe was already here in full chefs whites which looked like she had been in the back of the butchers herself!!! YUKK!

We had a nice chat about stuff and then I took her down to get her eyebrows done... she is so beautiful though.. I can't wait to get her and her sister in a lovely photo this Christmas.. am going to make them pose and will take loads and then put the best up on my photo wall in the kitchen.. anyway... sat and chatted to my beauty lady (I love her, she's great!)... and then off we set for home.. and I have cooked her this scrummy smelling chicken in white wine sauce with carrots, peas and sweetcorn and a small jacket potato. What she hasn't noticed either tonight or last night, is that I didn't put any fat on her spud! She usually lashes the marg on!

So, that's her fed and watered and, amazingly, upstairs tidying up her room! You should SEE the washing mountain that she literally dragged downstairs!!! It will take the rest of the week to get through it all! So, I did the honourable thing and shoved my stuff in first... lol Well... I only have one load, she has at least 5 PLUS just about every flippin towel!! lol

So... she has been forraging in the cupboard for the polish and I am back on here! oooh, I got a surprise call from a guy I know who is heavily into organising music gigs, he told me that he and his missis have split up! I am SO shocked... no-one else in the picture.. he said he simply was unhappy and wanted to make a break.. I'm sure there is lots more to it, but I felt sorry for his partner (not married but together for 6 years!)... so I tried calling her to see if she was ok but she was out. As you know, I have the outlook that there is always a silver lining to every situation (just some ain't all that clear!) and... tee hee.. there most definitely is to this!!! He asked if I was going to a gig at the end of the month at The Stables in Milton Keynes and I said no... I couldn't get a ticket and it was a sell out... I was blown away when he said I could have the ticket he had for it!!! FRONT ROW!!!!! I was SOOOOOOOOOOO chuffed! I mean.. I am sorry that he isn't going but wahayyyy I get to go now!!! Yeeeharrr.... I was on their waiting list so will email them and tell them to remove me... but I cannot believe my luck!! I LOVE the artists who are appearing and haven't seen them in AGES!! Oh my... I am soooooo excited! lol So, he's posting them to me and sending me an address I can send the cheque to! How fabbbbbb is that!????? We agreed that we will have to meet up for a good old chinwag before Chrimbo! He's a nice guy, not MY type, but a nice guy and has a real passion for his music. I can relate to that.. perhaps I should look for a job as an agent.... lol

Anyway... so,.. another thing to whack in me diary! OMG it's only 2 weeks away too! Yayyyyyy! lol

THEN, my mate rang me to moan about her internet being down.. this is the mate who has the most complicated love life in the universe and who I want to hear none of it from as she is being a right royal t*t! I don't mind hearing about all her other news, but about her love life - nah, not interested any more! She was asking me what had happened with "Eric" on Monday to make me think the way I am at the moment.. but I am, despite appearances, quite a private person on some things.. so I was suitably cagey. I did get a very brief text in reply to one from me this morning at 11am! Not a thing since then... ah well. Will leave him be.. he will be cleaning tonight I think so won't be in a good mood anyway, lol. The jury's still out on "Eric" at them moment! lol

We (mate and I) chatted generally then the oven pinged and I cut our conversation short.. horrible aren't I ? I just can't be asked at the moment though - having one of those weeks I think... funny really... can't be THAT week already can it? Hmm... will check diary (not that THAT is of any help!)..

So... Zoe's happily ensconced in her room, I'm sitting her almost au naturalle (or however you spell it) , the washing machine is resembling a drumming session full of spanners, the tumble drier is spluttering away, on the Radio I have Mike Harding wittering on about the Radio 2 Folk Awards (Which I love, actually!) OOOh, Nancy Kerr and James Fagan are nominees!!!! (We have booked them for the music festival next May!! yayyy... oh, I DO hope they win!!) and the dog is chewing his bone, the cat curled up in his new bed which he at first rejected but has finally sussed that he is NOT welcome on my bed, nor the keyboard!! So.. all is pretty well with the world and I'm off for a radox bath and to make serious headway into this book club book The Bonesetters Daughter!

Will have a weensy scout around the threads before logging off.. tee hee... well.. I am just ever so slightly addicted!!! xxx
 
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GROUCHY COW ALERT!!!!

Right - I am NOT a happy bunny!! In fact I am far from it!!:mad: :(

Why??:confused: Well... just about everything is crap crap crap today!!:mad: :mad: :mad: (well, no, that's not strictly true... :rolleyes: lol) but anyway - I wanna be a Grouchy Cow so here goes!!!!.....

First, I dropped Zoe off this morning, that was fine, and then I got to my course an hour early... so... armed with my muffin breakfast (I cooked it and shoved it into a placky bag) washed down with a litre of water (bought on the way)... I sat and did a quiz thing and read the paper.. well,. last weeks job pages... whilst sitting there I got a text from "Eric" to say he was sorry for not getting in touch yesterday but he was v tired and busy... :rolleyes: ahhh bless... (read in a TOTALLY sarcastic tone!!!!:mad: )... so I did the only thing a peeved gal can do... and wrote back... Hope you got everything done ok... and then told him what I was doing all day.:cool: No kiss at the end!! Humph..:mad: Several hours later, after the course finished... (2 hours earlier than expected!) I texted him to tell him I had been shopping and had argued with a cashier and was calming down and asked if he was ok? The reply was pretty much the same thing... yeah am ok, just very tired, no sleep... (ahhhhh bless - again :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: - same sarcastic tone please!)... (Lord I'm such a bag today!!)... so I simply wrote back.. ok, hope you get sleep soon. won't hassle you. take care. Threw the phone on the car seat and drove home under a black cloud...:mad: now... backtracking just a tad...:eek:

The course was on PAYE and I have to say, it was REALLY interesting!! I thoroughly enjoyed it!:eek: AND... AND... I didn't feel out of place, I felt like I was a professional, intelligent woman! I loved it!!!!! I understood everything!! I have signed up for LOADS of other freebie courses now too -:rolleyes: :eek: ;) am thinking about self-employment .... but that's in the embryonic stage in my head for now.. lol

So, course done, I went shopping.. this is where the day started to deteriorate.... I went into Evans to find some nice shoes/boots for Saturday... now, I HATE shopping for shoes, as I cannot wear heels. I can't remember if I have said before or not, but, when I was 18 I had a motorbike crash, crushed my right foot (got hit by a cement tanker)...ultimately ended up having 2 toes amputated and loads of ops and crap mobility.. so... it is VERY difficult to get nice shoes.. I live in my Cotton Traders hiking- style boots and I love 'em BUT they are NOT glam, not pretty, not feminine... BUT they are dead comfy and give my foot I need to enable me to walk without too much of a limp... and I have arthritis in my ankle blah blah de blah... now... I'm NOT saying all this for you to feel sorry for me, heck,I'm lucky to be alive, lucky to still HAVE my foot at all! BUT BUT BUT,, it IS sh*te not to be able to have sexy footwear.. or even half decent shoes! So... I went into Evans.. tried on some very expensive boots that I loved... but I simply couldn't balance on the 3cm heel.. I mean.. only 3 cm for petes sake!!!:( :mad: I tried some lovely shoes on.. but... they don't come over the foot enough to stay on as I have no big toe.. I was almost in tears... I felt sorry for the assistant who served me... she's a friend of my Zoe's and she knows what my foot is like... so I left empty-handed.. I was so fed up I couldn't be bothered to even look at clothes :(

On the way back to the car park I went into Wilkinsons and bought some car mats (great value at a tenner for the whole set and they look brill!:) )... and a lampshade for Zoe's room (hoping she liked it).. and toiletries.. and paper and um... what else.. chopping board..erm.. loaf of bread... emm... well I can't think what else now.. but I got lots of stuff and when I got to the till I saw that the cashier had a stunning amethyst ring on:eek: . I commented on it and, don't ask how, but a conversation ensued about ex-husbands and marriage.. she was telling me how she is seeing a man from Scotland that she met on the net, and how happy they were and I was saying how nice etc..:) then she let it slip that she and this man were both still married when they started their relationship a year ago..:eek: :mad: and that was it! RED RAG TO A BULL!!!! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: I didn't raise my voice, but I did make it very plain, in polite language, how I felt about affairs and marriages breaking down as a result... and despite inside being really really really REALLY cross and upset.... I still wished her well and happiness with her man. I was trembling as I left the shop and couldn't wait to get into my car!

I put the mats in before I drove off (having had the terse texting session with "Eric")... so I switched off my phone and threw it onto the seat and put on my Pretenders CD really loud and headed home in a huff! (Am just a big petulant kid!!!):rolleyes: :eek: :mad: :eek:

On the way I decided that I was going to go and rejoin the gym that I used to belong to last year... and earlier this year too... wasted loads of money as I didn't go after joining last time! I have decided that the machines at the gym will do the trick for toning up potential saggy bits and existing saggy bits, plus it will make me DO something of a weekday afternoon/evening ! On the way there I remembered that I had a parcel to send 1st class so did a quick detour to a neighbouring village and popped into the posties and got that sent..;) (Kirstin) .. then off to the newsagents for the jobs paper again! That done it was off to the gym... although I did forget and headed home up the hill and had to turn back!! :eek: :rolleyes: (Where is my head today!!!!!!:confused: :confused: )... so I nipped into the gym, and as I walked up to the reception the lady behind the desk grinned... I said.. remember me? lol and she did! (can't imagine why!) ... lol... so I told her I wanted to rejoin but not do anything too strenuous as am on the CD SS'ing .. but need to do something for toning and a little bit of exercise.. she was ace.. she said to me to see my GP and get him to refer me as it would be about half price that way!:D remember that he did that years ago, but they couldn't help me as their person who dealt with GP referals left on maternity leave and they said no-one was available - so I joined as a full member and I used to love it. (Just an aside but - I was 20kgs heavier then than I am now....) So, I have to make an appt with my GP and ask him to refer me again - I'm going to tell him that it will save the NHS a fortune in the long run as it will mean I may not be hammering at the trust's door for surgery after my weight loss!! - well, it has to be worth a try doesn't it!! ;)

So, back in the car and home. Got in and was so hungry (I did have half an orange bar at the course whilst everyone was tucking into complimentary biccies and hot chocolate!) and all I could smell was the scrummy beef casserole I made last night for Zoe. :( So... I spooned half of that into one of the foil dishes that I had bought at Wilkinsons and popped its lid on and wrote what it was and shoved it in the freezer.

The smell just hit a nerve and I stood in my kitchen,,, a blo*dy grown woman of 43... staring at the remaining casserole... and drooling... and thinking to myself... one piece of steak won't hurt.... just one... and I was rooted to the spot! Seriously - I couldn't move!:eek: I must have stared into that damn pot for a full minute before shaking myself, slamming the lid on... and reaching for the bouillon and the kettle!!

Got a pint of water, a pint of perfectly clear and a mug of steaming hot bouillon and left the kitchen. A few minutes later and that horrible feeling gone.. I went back and did some spuds for Zoe and put everything on to cook.

I let the dog into the garden and was totally stunned to find that the guy who came to do the garden today has destroyed my beautiful budlea (can't spell) plant!!! It was 6ft tall and gorgeous!!!!!! I just stood and stared!!! :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

I'd left him a note asking him to clear all the rubbish off the swing hammock and asking him to get rid of the weed tree. There was a tree that was a weed - when he first came to discuss the garden, I told him I wanted rid of the weed but to keep the budlea... today it's all gone!! I can't believe it!!:( :eek: I walked around in a daze!!:rolleyes:

I KNOW it's only a plant, but it was stunning!! It gave me a small amount of privacy in my garden and now there is none!!!! It attracted loads of butterflies and bees in the summer... I loved it!!!!!! I was gutted!!! Still am! Almost cried!! I KNOW that's ridiculous, but honestly, it's one of the very few things I like about my back garden! I am totally gutted... totally... I tried to call him at home and on his mobile... in the end I texted him.. I told him how upset I was,.. and that I couldn't believe it was gone and why had he done it!!!

So - the day was getting worse still!!!:( :(

I came in here and got online - checked my emails... at last, some good news... the guy who is selling me his ticket to the gig next Thursday had written to say he posted it this morning and it IS front row prime seat!! I am well chuffed about that! :)

Still hungry I started catching up on everyone's news on here and immediately my mood started to lift... also.. sitting listening to the radio chills me out a bit. Zoe came home from her driving lesson and she loves her lampshade (so that's another good thing) AND she was chuffed that I'd remembered to get some hairspray for her (not sure what she does with the stuff as she goes through it like nobody's business! Anyway it was only 80p a can so got her 2 !) so.. mega brownie points for mother of the year.. lol.. Told her about my day and she gave me a hug...:) we like hugs in our household!

Dished up her dinner - resisted the casserole again - NOT going to sabotage this diet because of a heap of crappy nonsense!!! NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRR

Came back in here (my study) and missed a damn call from "Eric"! So... called him back (costs a fortune!)... he let me reel off my day to him and when I told him how close I had come to cheating he was actually really great - he told me no no.. don't do it... you have done so amazingly so far, don't stop now, you are doing great... (that kinda thing) and I told him that I hadn't but I had WANTED TO! He then went on to tell me that he can't call me tonight as he's spending it with one of his girls and tomorrow he and his ex are taking the kids out for dinner as younger daughter gets her 11+ results.. Saturday he's at his sister's party and has the children - Sunday has the kids all day again too. So... doubt there will not be any phone calls and certainly no seeing of each other until who the hell knows when! Well, bo**ocks to him says I !!! Sorry - but it peeves me!!! I know, I know, I KNOW!!! I AM A GROUCHY COW!!!!!!!

MOOOOOOOOOOOO effin MOOOOOOOOOO!

I just want someone who wants me!!!!! IS that too much to ask? Is it????? I know, it isn't that he doesn't want me , it's just flippin' circumstances....but I'm fed up!! (Oh, I hate it when I get like this! I hate being so feckin' miserable!):mad: :(

I need to do something nice... hmmm... perhaps take some of my own advice and have a lovely deep hot bath... take the dog out (nah- would probably throttle him if he pulled too hard!). Could go to worship group practice, but SO not in the mood for that! DO fancy reading that book though.. so... as it's only 7.45pm now maybe, once Zoe and her mate have gone out.. I might take meself off up to bath and book time!

OR... I could look at the amazingly inspirational photos on here again.. they always make me think VERY hard!

OR ... I could start to look at what to pack for Saturday ( I am looking forward to that SO much - apart from what the hell to wear on my damn feet!)... mind you - Zoe has helped me decide on which top so that's ok...

Think I will go and switch on me leccy blanky, make another muffin and go to bed with me book. Try to forget about "Eric" and let him just get on with all his sh*t for now... might suggest if we talk again, that we just forget it until the new year - can't be doing with being so far down on his list to be honest.. and can't actually see that changing anyway! So ... maybe just knock it on the head altogether and forget about blokes until the weight is gone (nah, that's so NOT an option!)..

Right... I'm just finishing the other half of my orange bar and will have another mug of bouillon I think - it definitely keeps the temptation of cheating at bay! I know it's 12 cals a mug but I need to do something to stop me from falling into self-destruct mode!

Tomorrow is a brand new day - and after a good night's sleep I shall hopefully feel lots better about things (well, about some things anyway!).. might go play on the arcade awhile..:confused:

I was telling one of the women on the course today that I feel like I'm at a crossroads in my life... a whole new me is emerging... ...not sure I like her that much today though - she's a right crabby *****! Moaning on about stupid piddly unimportant rubbish... can even hear her thinking "bah humbug" about chrimbo too! blaaaaahhhhh
 
Ah honey i'm sorry you've had such a bad day!! You never have a boring one though do ya?!?!?!?!

Ummm personally i wouldn't call it a day with eric, he must like you to keep in touch so much and his circumstances are very difficult with the recent break up and trying to see lots of his kids and sort his house/flat out etc... But then again who's crazy enough to take dating advice from me hahahaha!!

I'm liking the idea of your leccy blankie - i used to have one when i was a teenage - all snug and cosy!! My nan got me into those!!

My house is very warm though and i sweat buckets at nights so prob not a good idea!!

Are you feeling any better now grouchbags? lol
 
Hey Jennie

Just found your thread... and read through ur bad day post!!!! Sorry to hear u had a shite day.. but at least u resisted the casserole - if its any consolation.. my mouth watered too just reading about little bits of steak!!!!!

I'm going to have to read back a bit and get all the gen on this eric.... not sure my advice will be any good tho.. i'm an arrogant , hard Biatch where men are concerned and not everyone is comfortable treating them quite as bad as I treat them... only when they deserve it of course.. i have my nice moments too!! But when i've caught up i'm sure to stick my four penneth in!!!!

As u said tomorrow is another day.. and its only a bloody friday.. it is the law that nothing can go wrong on a friday.. therefore things are looking up already.... :D Have a random grin and be happy u resisted food :)

Kx
 
Hi Hun!

Sorry to hear you've not had a good day but well done on resisting the grub you will reap the rewards at the scales hun, you really will:)

I think our mission at the weekend is to have a really good girly laugh and maybe find you a more 'local man'...maybe?;)

Really looking forward to meeting you and having a laugh....:D

Love
 
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