Blimey - I can tell I was tired last night - my post was duplicated! Twit!
As for his intensity - MD, he was incredibly intense. Basically told me that he thought I was the best thing since sliced bread etc etc. *sigh At one point when we were walking through the woods on the Nature Trail walk he stopped and got very very serious. Told me that he was falling for me in a big way and that he would never do anything to hurt me and all he wanted to do was make me happy. I have to confess this scared the bejayzuz out of me and I felt sick inside. I really like his company and he did make me feel like I was the only woman on the planet all day and I know he would treat me wonderfully BUT... I dunno. There's so much more too... he has lots of health issues that he sort of drip fed me throughout the day and I could foresee a time when, if this were to go the distance, I would end up playing nursemaid... and I know that sounds mean, but I don't want to look ahead to that. I mean, even if he didn't have some of his health problems, there's no guarantee with anyone that something wouldn't happen to them and you'd end up looking after them... BUT... when at the very start of something... to know the list (although he tried to play them all down a lot)... I dunno. I really don't.
When I was with him it was really tempting to just agree to the long weekend in Amsterdam as I know I would have a fabulous time there with him.. and he would love it too. So what's the problem?? I really don't feel the same way for him as he does for me... that's the problem. There is this HUGE imbalance. Now, whether that will even out or not I don't know... I can't tell.
We sat in his car talking when we went back for me to get Zoe and he was very serious and I told him straight that I didn't know what I wanted right now and that what he'd said had scared me and I reminded him that I had dated a guy for 9 months once and never been close (in the biblical sense) so to bear that in mind if we did go away. I was very honest with him and told him I didn't feel the same way as he did and that I was far more reserved about my feelings and that I really didn't want him to rush me. It was difficult and I told him that perhaps we should just see how things go for a while before going away anywhere. He looked crestfallen and that was hard, but he said he understood and wouldn't rush me or put pressure on me, but you know what, I still felt pressured in a way.
Then there's a part of me that thinks - FFS!!! This man ticks almost all the boxes Jennie! When are you going to meet another one who will feel this way towards you, treat you so well and have his sole aim in life to keep you smiling!!! Possibly never... BUT... I cannot make myself feel differently towards him. I do like him and I love his company for the most part, but I once went out with a lad who was constantly agreeing with me just because he thought it would make me happy and it actually drove me nuts! I told him that too. lol
Flippin heck... the man IS lovely. He is great company. He's got really lovely eyes. He doesn't repulse me but he doesn't send shivers down my spine either. I'm not sure I could be a 'kept' woman... (although both my girls and my mother and sister are telling me they're sure I could get used to it!!!)... and I know he isn't being flash (I actually think he is probably pretty tight on the money front, lol, ironically!), but I think at the moment he's trying too hard. I understand that too, it's naff doing this dating lark at our age.
One moment which did make me grin like a loon, was between lunch and the country park he took me to browse around this huge place called Costco... because the cooler bag had split, and we were passing it, he suggested that we nip in there to get a new one... and there was some music playing and he grabbed me to do a salsa!!! LMAO
Whilst in there I was mooching around the clothes section and there were some Betty Jackson jackets that caught my eye and he asked if I liked them.. now, I am not stupid (well, ok, sometimes I am)... but ... I could tell what he was thinking.. so I said yes and tried them on.. but I knew I wasn't having one of them... a) too dear and b) no way was I going to let him spend more money on me!! (he wouldn't let go dutch on lunch).
So I screwed my nose up when trying them on and said I'd changed my mind. lol
The thing is, I really think if I said I liked something that he would probably (at this stage) buy it. I could be wrong, but I felt that way. As it was I picked up a book and a gift for some friends and when we got to the till he wouldn't let me pay and said I could give him the money later. Later came and he refused point blank. It was only a tenner but even so. I wasn't happy but then I managed to pay the parking at the country park so that knocked it back to a fiver so I don't feel too awful.
I'm in a real quandry about him. Can you tell? lol All you asked was when am I seeing him again,,, the answer is... tomorrow evening when I drop Zoe back to Hatfield, we are meeting up and going bowling
I'm dead tired though and won't be there until 7 and have told him I can't go out for a meal so make sure he's already eaten. lol Also asked him to meet me at her work so I can find my way home easily. (This also means I can refuse (again) his invitation to his home.) I don't want to go to his place. I don't want him coming to mine. I'm happy just seeing him on neutral territory.
I have been up front with him and told him that all I want to do right now is go out and about and have some really nice times. I can't be any straighter than that now can I ? I also told him I don't want to lead him on or give him any idea that there is more than that from me right now.
It would be very easy to go out with him for all the wrong reasons.
I wish he hadn't said about the trips abroad... and his ideas for Christmas if we are still seeing one another... Christmas is forever away to me right now.... I don't even want to think that far ahead.
I am looking forward to seeing him again tomorrow and I know we will laugh loads and have a great time... Zoe says I'm being far too picky... and that he sounds lovely,, I showed her a photo of him (I took it) and she was complimentary about him. (And she doesn't mince her words!) lol
She said I should just go for it., go to Amsterdam... let him spoil me and treat me lovely and just see where (if anywhere) it leads. I wish I had the same financial security as he has because then I might feel on a more even footing... mad aren't I ? HELP!!!
(Apologies... this is a major internal debate fighting out in my head at the moment - plus I was cross because I ate so much yesterday (despite knowing it wasn't huge portions) and the scales this morning indicate that it made a difference of 4lbs! how does that work??? I remember now why I put the damn scales away! Think they may be relegated back under Sarah's bed)
SSing today, weigh in at 4 this afternoon and supposed to be going out tonight to Peterborough but am really tired.
It doesn't help too that S rang this morning and my heart skipped a beat! Pathetic!!!!!!!
I smiled and told him that was really interesting and I hoped that the brocolli he was having would have the same effect! lol lol 
