Jennie you poor tired thing.
sleep & rest is what you need most.
will oyu be able to get any before you set off for your W/E on the tiles?
Hi Jane
Will be trying my best to get to bed tonight by 9 and again tomorrow if at all possible.
Have already said no to taking part in evening meetings for church in the coming weeks and am not planning any more weekends away after Easter and then it will be my holiday in June, which, to be honest, in some respects I wish was now and in others, next year.
Head's in an odd place right now, well, it's still on my neck, but you know what I mean.
Lost my oomph but hoping this is temporary whilst I get used to my new routine. Last night I cried and told Zoe I was going to bed and would be wearing ear plugs so she would HAVE to sort the dog out. She was lovely about it and it's what I did. Ear plugs in and in bed and out like a light - bizarre dream about friends and food.. might expand another time. Woke feeling better but still tired, Zoe says I'm losing the dark rings under my eyes so perhaps another couple of nights before hitting Brum will do the trick. Got all the washing in the machine and on before bed last night, just got to remember to put it on the airer when home tonight.
Am desperate to eat food and the dog looked like he might go well on a spit roast or skewers.. remembered to bring soup this morning and have had that but still craving food.. TOTM is heavier than usual so I know that isn't helping things as it makes me feel washed out under normal circumstances! Still, that will all hopefully be done with by Saturday. When I book into the hotel at 2 I'm heading for an hours kip so no doubt will look like something the cat dragged in by the 3pm meet.. but it should buy me some energy. I think the last time I felt so tired was just after ex left me and I hadn't slept in weeks... still.. I do believe this is just a transitional phase and if I can weather it out and get the early nights (might forego Sunday pub quiz for a couple of weeks) then it will be ok. I'm realistic enough to also acknowledge that it is emotionally and physically challenging to take on 2 jobs and all the extra that I do/have done whilst also on a VLCD. Low energy going in, very high energy going out... not necessarily a great balance at the moment, but hey, am still hanging on in there - by my fingernails at the moment, but still there.
Yesterday I 'cheated' again and had 2 teaspoons of the lunch that was served. It was fish pie, cauli, carrots and peas. I took a tsp and helped meself to 2 tspns of the pie and then nicked a sprig/twig/bit of cauli and 2 carrot strips. All done without witnesses... felt ridiculous!!! (and guilty).. so did the washing up and wrote a thank you note to the cook. I sat there with my soup whilst the others tucked in.. I was very jealous. Especially when they had pudding.. very very rich looking (didn't dare even try it) choc mousse, blackberry cheesecake and frut loaf. There was the yummiest smelling granary bread out too and butter!
I'm clearly still not ready to cope with this kind of setting. I was cross that I had what I did, but it wasn't too bad (slippery slope alarm bells feckin clanging in my head now!!!)... I DO NOT WANT TO LOSE THE PLOT!!!!
I don't want to be told, it's ok, no harm done,
I need to STOP!! The urge to eat is not driven by hunger - I'm not hungry... it's driven by emotion. At the moment I feel under seige emotionally - I feel like the world is sitting on my shoulders and I can do sod all about it.
Perhaps tomorrow when I have had the house valued I will feel a bit more positive about why I am doing this and if it is actually worth it .. I just need to hang on in there for a couple of years and then I can, if not better sorted financially, sell up and live in a camper van/caravan/one-bed studio somewhere cheap. At the moment, if I sell, me and Zoe will be renting somewhere that will cost more than my frickin mortgage and what equity there is will be gone in a flash! It's madness.
I tried to explain it to my nan the other day but to her its simple - "sell house and but somewhere smaller"."Yeah nan, what about the mortgage?" "What's a mortgage?" Point made.
lol
Sorry - am a rambling waffling moron today. Boss been in and gone. THink he senses I'm not "all there" today so left pretty promptly.
Might try and get 15 minute cat-nap between jobs if traffic kind enough to allow the time.
Sorry, my posts of late seem to be very blergh.. and I don't like feeling this way, it takes me to unhappier memories and I don't like it!
What didn't help yesterday was a letter about the skydive I'm doing..you have to be UNDER 15 stone, not 16! I was gutted.. there's me telling everyone that I'm light enough to do the tandem jump and I'm not!!
I frickin will within the next month though -but it upset me as I have waited to get below 16 before contacting them.. and I felt so upset. Zoe had a letter turning down a job app too yesterday and she was in tears. So we aren't a very happy household at the moment!
Sheesh.. I know. If chance later.. I will tell you about yesterday day time.. there were some beautiful moments... I wish I'd taken my camera but felt it would be intrusive.. anyway.. will share more another time. Dunno why I came back on here again - I have a mountain of work and just felt like I needed a bolthole I guess.
Bah! Diets! lol Love em and hate em all at once! Happy days all
