Morning BL,
Thank you all so much. It is always nice to see that support never leaves MMs.
<hugs>
Iam going through ups and downs anticipating the diet. I am excited because I know I will be "saved" quickly. And the weight will fall. cBut it will be months on a VLCD again. I reckon at least 5 give or take with RTM, etc. So it is a long time again without the pleasure of food. But that is OK. It has to be done. I am excited to have a selection fo clothing to wear. I have refused to buy larger clothes again, so I am SQUEEZING into a small selection of clothes I bought last year when I attempted this again. Which tells me I am even bigger then when I reattempted last time.
I know how you feel -- I refused to buy bigger clothes when I regained about 2 stones of my loss... and I was living in the cropped jeans I'd not tossed because they were "put away". (It was rather embarrassing in late autumn to be in cropped jeans.)
I'm lucky in a procrastinator -- because i then "found" several pairs of trousers I bought during LL in 2008 that I had in a pile waiting to be hemmed. I never hemmed them as I went through that size so fast. I hemmed them and most of them fit - sadly none are too big.
Also, I finally bought a few (on clearance) bigger britches and have been good about not "growing out" of those. I've been in this limbo for most of the past two years. I've been yoyoing in a ten pound zone of being between 20 and 30 pounds overweight. So, I've learned how to maintain overweight -- now i need to relose and learn how to maintain healthy weight.
I don;t think I can ever trust myself to eat choclate again. I firmly believe that is what triggered me into this latese and most severe of ever binge mode as that has been all I want. I may have to say goodbye to that forever. We'll see.
I have a good friend who gave up chocolate for Lent -- lost a few pounds and found that she felt so much better for it. She has been chocolate free for over five years.
I think that a little dark chocolate is okay (and a little is all you need). I'm working towards "dairy free" so I've given up milk chocolate. I've been trying to avoid lactose for awhile now as I've realized my mild intolerance has become worse. So, maybe giving up "dairy" once you've begun RTM would work.
Man I have made a mess of things. I really have. I am so lucky my husband is so supportinve. If I didn;t have him, and his acceptance o=and love for me no matter what I look like, I don;t think I could cope - I really don;t think I could get myself out of this alone.
We've all been there -- and whatever doesn't break you really does make you stronger. And, if you were unable to cope with the loss of your mother and your weight loss issues simultaneously, then grieving comes first. But, now that you are stronger and the wounds are healing (I know they'll always hurt, but they'll become more bearable over time), you can refocus and commit to improving your health (which your mother would want you to do).
I'm glad you have your husband and aware you're blessed. You have always spoken highly of him.
What we do to ourselves with our hearts and our heads. Sheesh.
True dat!
Anyway, this is really just me thinking out loud.
It's your diary, so this is an ideal place to process.
Now I better get on to work.
I hoe your job is going okay -- and YAY! It's Friday!
I love you ladies!! Thank you so much for jumping back on to help me - I don;t feel very deserving, but it means the world that you do.,
xxxxxxx
You are deserving. You have been so inspirational to so many of us. Your were so generous sharing your thoughts and experiences when you were on LL -- and it was very helpful. So thanks again.
Min good for your for continuing your education - you are a real little learner you are! And all the education you get, whether you think you need or wnat or will even use, will benefit you inthe long run. Its good to soak up as much knowledge as you can now. I wish I had been more scholastically inclined. So good for you.
It's never too late. You can make that your maintenance goal. Once you're doing well in maintenance learn something new. I had started piano lessons (I broke my wrist and haven't gone back, but I will). I tried to learn to crochet - it didn't go well, but I've not given up -- I give it another try. And, even though I have about 7 years of Uni (Associates in Business Data Processing, BA in History, MA in History and the U.S. equivalent of a PGCE) --I've often felt I needed to go back to school to retrain. (However, my son is still an undergraduate and we're funding him. Plus, I feel my educational investment has not paid off monetarily -- so, can I really justify further spending?)
Yes, you and I did hit some very rough times at the same time. I do know that has been a huge part of my problem. Not all, but a large part. Grief - well, it's not meant to be easy, is it....but sometimes, its sooooo hard. Circumstances can really wreak havoc on ones heart and head. I spent last year on a couch for PTSD treatment to aid in my grieving - I was suffering with nightmares and flashbacks, etc., and it was a tough tough year. But the counseling was very effective. I just passed the anniversary of moms death day before yesterday, and by this time last year I wa a mess - and this year, I am fine. Sad, and missing mom - but me, I am OK. And that is good. We do have to go through it to our lowest point - you are right there.
I'm glad you have worked through it as well. There are two thinks we can never escape in life - death and taxes. And both suck. lol
I had a rough year this year with my dad -- he nearly died -- was in the hospital or a rehabilitation center from July 20th through December 14th, I flew out on July 31st to be with him in the hospital when he was so very ill (it's a long story... But the short version is -- he was getting weaker and weaker -- he fell and fractured his L3 vertebra, they realized he had a very low hemoglobin and hemocrit levels, they scoped him and saw healed peptic ulcers in his stomach and decided that was the cause, they also realized that the chronic back pain that had debilitated him for years and led to a pain med addiction was really a necrotic hip, they operated hoping to fix both the back and hip in one operation (this is where I'm there) and he nearly dies as his blood levels are so low -- the anesthesiologist insisted they stop and not do the hip (as the blood loss is quite a bit with that surgery), good thing they did -- as he had a perforated ulcer in his duodenum. So, they had to stabilize him -- and I had to persuade a surgeon to operated on his abdomen. He had that surgery (removing 40% of his stomach because of the ulcers and a pre-cancerous stoma). Then he had to to rehab to get healthy enough to have his hip replaced. I went home after three weeks, then flew back in October for two weeks whilst he had his hip replaced. Then we went (as a family to visit) in April. It has been a very stressful and expensive 9 months. I've noticed that I've actually lost a lot of hair -- it has significantly thinned. I'm hoping it'll thicken back up (or at the very least stop). Long story for the short version. My dad is doing better than he has in years, but he's 79 and I've certainly had a reality check. I hope I don't lose it completely when he passes.
Mel talked a lot about Slim and Save? How are you finding it? Tasty enough? I considered that but really need that weekly check in - that works best for me.
Well, lets get down to brass tacks you and I and do again what we know can be done.
xxxxx
I like products and am still having one now and then, but SSing wasn't working for me. I need to find something that works and I think I need a weekly check in... but I've tried two local CDCs and neither one of them worked well (one was dreadful -- saw her once), the other was lovely but unreliable. So, I'm thinking of going to WWers. It does work -- takes longer than a VLCD -- but you're learning how to manage as you lose.
I hope you have a good day.
