Blonde Logic's Stream of Consciousness/Diary
- Thread starter Blonde Logic
- Start date
Spanglymum
Gold Member
By the way I haven't forgotten about giving you some book references - I've just been silly busy recently and haven't got around to it yet, sorry!!
Blonde Logic
Yes. You can.
Thank you so much everyone. Your support means the world to me. It really does. When I came back to MM's I was still in a pretty raw state. So I decided to just stick to my diary thread - I didn't feel I was really up for the main forum - and it's just gotten comfortable for me here - so it means alot you are hanging out in here with me. 
Feels cozy.
I had to also make a decision to try and spend a little less time online than I was before. lol So - I just wanted to say thank you.
And of course, TGIF!
I feel good. I really do feel good. Mentally. It is nice to be finished with my PTSD Treatments - did I mention that?? I can't remember. Was a bit shaky and felt a little scary - but now I just feel it was so worth it. I can almost feel the healing daily. And Kira, you are right - I am starting to fuss with hair, and makeup - accessorizing again - I do feel juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust about "back".
Have a great weekend everyone. Do something fun! And pat yourselves on the back for being so amazing.
xxx
Feels cozy. I had to also make a decision to try and spend a little less time online than I was before. lol So - I just wanted to say thank you.
And of course, TGIF!
I feel good. I really do feel good. Mentally. It is nice to be finished with my PTSD Treatments - did I mention that?? I can't remember. Was a bit shaky and felt a little scary - but now I just feel it was so worth it. I can almost feel the healing daily. And Kira, you are right - I am starting to fuss with hair, and makeup - accessorizing again - I do feel juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust about "back".
Have a great weekend everyone. Do something fun! And pat yourselves on the back for being so amazing.
xxx
Blonde Logic
Yes. You can.
Another 2 pounds gone!! With fingers crossed and a bit of luck - next time I weigh I will have only "teens" to lose!!!! That will be exciting!!!! Feeling refocused and strong again.....and will ride this out. I go on holiday back to California the end of November - I shouldbe able to sneak in another stone by then, if I behave and work hard - and that would be fab!! Roll on the end!
Hope everyone is alright.
Happy hump day!!!!
Hope everyone is alright.
Happy hump day!!!!
sexychick
Slim,slim,slim!
Blonde Logic said:Another 2 pounds gone!! With fingers crossed and a bit of luck - next time I weigh I will have only "teens" to lose!!!! That will be exciting!!!! Feeling refocused and strong again.....and will ride this out. I go on holiday back to California the end of November - I shouldbe able to sneak in another stone by then, if I behave and work hard - and that would be fab!! Roll on the end!
Hope everyone is alright.
Happy hump day!!!!
Hi and well done BL,so gad your back on track Hun!!
Keep up the good work,you will soon be at your goal!!
Sexy xx
MinnieMel
Why Be Normal?
Blonde Logic said:Another 2 pounds gone!! With fingers crossed and a bit of luck - next time I weigh I will have only "teens" to lose!!!! That will be exciting!!!! Feeling refocused and strong again.....and will ride this out. I go on holiday back to California the end of November - I shouldbe able to sneak in another stone by then, if I behave and work hard - and that would be fab!! Roll on the end!
Hope everyone is alright.
Happy hump day!!!!
Whoop!!! You are approaching the finish line!
Blonde Logic
Yes. You can.
Morning everyone,
THanks Kira - I am doing fine - just been very busy at work and at home. I am on holiday in 3 weeks - I can't wait!!! A break will be good.
Diet wise - I have summed it up - I am bored-to-death with abstinance. lol I am fighting with everything I have but it's getting almost impossible. I think because I am ending the diet shortly when I go on holiday at the end of the month.
When I get back, I am probably going to try and do it on my own, or do CD Step 2 (Same as LLLite) - I think my days of abstinance are cvoming to an end. And if it goes a bit clower now, it's not a big concern to me. I can get in to almost all my old clothes again, so a bit of exercise and toning should make everything fit better. I jt don;t think I can abstain anymore when we return.
So....thats about it with me. I have taken some photos recently and will post as soon as I work out getting them from my phone onto my PC. Both are new, and confusing.... lol
Hows everyone else getting on? :0
xxxx
THanks Kira - I am doing fine - just been very busy at work and at home. I am on holiday in 3 weeks - I can't wait!!! A break will be good.
Diet wise - I have summed it up - I am bored-to-death with abstinance. lol I am fighting with everything I have but it's getting almost impossible. I think because I am ending the diet shortly when I go on holiday at the end of the month.
When I get back, I am probably going to try and do it on my own, or do CD Step 2 (Same as LLLite) - I think my days of abstinance are cvoming to an end. And if it goes a bit clower now, it's not a big concern to me. I can get in to almost all my old clothes again, so a bit of exercise and toning should make everything fit better. I jt don;t think I can abstain anymore when we return.
So....thats about it with me. I have taken some photos recently and will post as soon as I work out getting them from my phone onto my PC. Both are new, and confusing.... lol
Hows everyone else getting on? :0
xxxx
AWh! BL so glad you are well! I completely understand having enough of abstinence especially when having done vlcd previously. It simply is much tougher after a first attempt. I'm moving to introduce food soon although I have a fear factor but I really never want to do a vlcd ever again and I propose to control portions and exert restraint with calorie counting. My sister in law has been using My Fitnesspal and I hadn't see her for a while and she looked great having lost 9kg simply planning and recording her food and drink. So I have commenced doing that for planning purposes. I don't want to feel I am on a diet for the rest of myself so seeing it as restraint seems a better approach for me mentally. However, I know from past experience is to nip the weight gain in the bud and use all my mental strength not to turn to food. I hope you will keep posting once you return from holidays and on your maintenance! x
missbiker
Silver Member
Hi BL ... another wee blast from the past here
I am so sorry to hear about your mom, and the subsequent turbulent time you had :bighug: .... but on the "up" side, you seem to be getting on top of things again - well done on your weight loss so far
I, too, have been struggling, and wish I had come to find your inspiration before now!! Thank you, once again, for the inspiration
Anyway, we are here now, onwards and downwards,
xx
I am so sorry to hear about your mom, and the subsequent turbulent time you had :bighug: .... but on the "up" side, you seem to be getting on top of things again - well done on your weight loss so far
I, too, have been struggling, and wish I had come to find your inspiration before now!! Thank you, once again, for the inspiration
Anyway, we are here now, onwards and downwards,
xx
Blonde Logic
Yes. You can.
Hi everyone! Missy wlecome back hope it goes great for you. Thank you for all your kind comments.
I just wanted to pop on and say hi I amd stil hear still doing good with the diet. I have just been very poorly with a flu and also verybusy getting ready for our trip back home next weekend
So I just wanted to say hi to everyone and Ihope everyone is doing GREAT!!!
Have a good weekend, and hopefullly I will have some time and noheadache (the glare of the screen hurts ) and I can catch up more properly.
Love you all!!!
BL
Missy wlecome back hope it goes great for you. Thank you for all your kind comments. I just wanted to pop on and say hi I amd stil hear still doing good with the diet. I have just been very poorly with a flu and also verybusy getting ready for our trip back home next weekend
So I just wanted to say hi to everyone and Ihope everyone is doing GREAT!!!
Have a good weekend, and hopefullly I will have some time and noheadache (the glare of the screen hurts
) and I can catch up more properly.Love you all!!!
BL
MinnieMel
Why Be Normal?
Happy Nearly Summer. Long time no hear.
Blonde Logic
Yes. You can.
Well....hi Mel. Hi everyone. Long time is right!
I really don't know what to say anymore when I come back to MMs. Things have not been good. Food related that is. I have really made a mess of things. I don;t really know where to start, but I wll tell you a few things for certain that I have learned (again in some cases) in my absence:
1. I HATE that so many of my life's waking hours are spent focused on food and fat and body image, etc. In whatever capacity - I am just sick to death of it. I am sure I have YEARS in total spent on this tiresome subject.
2. No matter what anyone says or thinks - RTM is the most vital, most integral part of having any kind of success in maintaining your weight loss. My metabolism has been crushed by doing VLCDs, so much so that I now think that they may be the only way I can lose weight again and I do not think this is a very good thing, at all. But more about that later, and I will be making a post on the main forum about RTM and Metabolism too.
3. Use it or lose it - is a true statement. I have lost the plot I have lost ALL coping mechanisms, and feel I have reverted, possible to the very beginning again, back to all my bad habits and behaviours. All I learned in CBT and put in to practice for the first couple of years, all of which showed me success and for the first time in my life, and happiness in my heart and soul, self acceptance and pride, etc., all of that will and strength and understanding i amassed and used, the managment skills -they are all gone. All of it. And the emotional responses to food, those knee jerk reactions I fought so hard to get rid of, and thought I had - are back.
4. The hardest thing I learned is that while success has been proven, and tasted, and LOVED, - hanging on to it is such a difficult and delicate balancing act - and held together only by the sheerest and most fragile vulnerable threads....which can break in and instant and become irrepairable, leaving the only option: go back to square one. The place you swore you would never go again.
That is where I am now. I am not a happy bunny. Just as I was reaching the goal I had set for myself - I threw it all away because of an argument. It was a case of "biting my nose to spite my face" which is what I did to my ex husband.....and I did it this time because something my husband said on our holiday felt far too much like something my ex husband had said - and in an instant, the damage was done.
I have a lot to work out. While I have not regained all of the 10 stone I lost, I may as well have, for the way I feel.
Ugh - I really don;t think I can even say anymore right now. (See reason 1. )
But I will be creeping back here, slowly but surely, bracing myself for what lies ahead. Another round and I pray the last one - I have got to get this sorted out or I am genuinely in danger of becoming one of those people who cannot walk because of their weight. My arthritis is worsening, my foot surgery a total failure, my knees are approaching the end of thie life and need replacing and my arthritis is in my hips now. I can barely get up my stairs. Its pretty bad. It is only because of the 25 years spent morbidly obese - the damage I did to them all those years is so evident because the slightest gain causes pain. Well, I am pretty much in agony at the moment.
I will come back later - this is enough for now. But I want to talk about the effect this has had on my metabolism, and how that has resulted in weight gain in what seems an impossibly short period of time - its bloody frightening.
I hope you are well Mel, and I miss chatting with everyone. I don;t know how interactive I will be just now - I really am truly sick of dealing with weight issues. I need to , but I am well sick of it.
xxxxx
I really don't know what to say anymore when I come back to MMs. Things have not been good. Food related that is. I have really made a mess of things. I don;t really know where to start, but I wll tell you a few things for certain that I have learned (again in some cases) in my absence:
1. I HATE that so many of my life's waking hours are spent focused on food and fat and body image, etc. In whatever capacity - I am just sick to death of it. I am sure I have YEARS in total spent on this tiresome subject.
2. No matter what anyone says or thinks - RTM is the most vital, most integral part of having any kind of success in maintaining your weight loss. My metabolism has been crushed by doing VLCDs, so much so that I now think that they may be the only way I can lose weight again and I do not think this is a very good thing, at all. But more about that later, and I will be making a post on the main forum about RTM and Metabolism too.
3. Use it or lose it - is a true statement. I have lost the plot I have lost ALL coping mechanisms, and feel I have reverted, possible to the very beginning again, back to all my bad habits and behaviours. All I learned in CBT and put in to practice for the first couple of years, all of which showed me success and for the first time in my life, and happiness in my heart and soul, self acceptance and pride, etc., all of that will and strength and understanding i amassed and used, the managment skills -they are all gone. All of it. And the emotional responses to food, those knee jerk reactions I fought so hard to get rid of, and thought I had - are back.
4. The hardest thing I learned is that while success has been proven, and tasted, and LOVED, - hanging on to it is such a difficult and delicate balancing act - and held together only by the sheerest and most fragile vulnerable threads....which can break in and instant and become irrepairable, leaving the only option: go back to square one. The place you swore you would never go again.
That is where I am now. I am not a happy bunny. Just as I was reaching the goal I had set for myself - I threw it all away because of an argument. It was a case of "biting my nose to spite my face" which is what I did to my ex husband.....and I did it this time because something my husband said on our holiday felt far too much like something my ex husband had said - and in an instant, the damage was done.
I have a lot to work out. While I have not regained all of the 10 stone I lost, I may as well have, for the way I feel.
Ugh - I really don;t think I can even say anymore right now. (See reason 1.
) But I will be creeping back here, slowly but surely, bracing myself for what lies ahead. Another round and I pray the last one - I have got to get this sorted out or I am genuinely in danger of becoming one of those people who cannot walk because of their weight. My arthritis is worsening, my foot surgery a total failure, my knees are approaching the end of thie life and need replacing and my arthritis is in my hips now. I can barely get up my stairs. Its pretty bad. It is only because of the 25 years spent morbidly obese - the damage I did to them all those years is so evident because the slightest gain causes pain. Well, I am pretty much in agony at the moment.
I will come back later - this is enough for now. But I want to talk about the effect this has had on my metabolism, and how that has resulted in weight gain in what seems an impossibly short period of time - its bloody frightening.
I hope you are well Mel, and I miss chatting with everyone. I don;t know how interactive I will be just now - I really am truly sick of dealing with weight issues. I need to , but I am well sick of it.
xxxxx
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