Blonde Logic's Stream of Consciousness/Diary
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Blonde Logic
Yes. You can.
Well, I don't have much to say! Can it be, I am fianlly full, AND out of words!! LOL
My husband commented tonight and said 'you are doing REALLY good!' I think we are both amazed how easy this is going. I have still not been tempted at all, and seeing others eat has been no problem. I just keep telling myself, one day, but not now.
In catching up in a long email to my long lost friend as above, I decided not to tell her I have gotten fat...because when I see her I wil be slim! SO no point, ay? sneaky! Can get away with this one.
Been kind of day dreaming about my trip back to California in May....going to blow a lot of peoples minds!!
Anyway - off to have my toffe bar, and another pint, and then its of to the land of nod.
X
My husband commented tonight and said 'you are doing REALLY good!' I think we are both amazed how easy this is going. I have still not been tempted at all, and seeing others eat has been no problem. I just keep telling myself, one day, but not now.
In catching up in a long email to my long lost friend as above, I decided not to tell her I have gotten fat...because when I see her I wil be slim! SO no point, ay? sneaky! Can get away with this one.
Been kind of day dreaming about my trip back to California in May....going to blow a lot of peoples minds!!
Anyway - off to have my toffe bar, and another pint, and then its of to the land of nod.
X
Blonde Logic
Yes. You can.
Thanks Katie!!! xx
Blonde Logic
Yes. You can.
DAY Ten
Well, feeling a bit disheartened. Thats probably too strong a word - but after my second mid-week pop in I am only down 1 pound. But it's down, and I said from the start as long as it is down, its in the right direction. I'm just greedy!! I wanted another 7 pound mid week loss!!
Feeling more convinced the way to be successful on this diet will be to give it 100%, which I have been. That was reinforced meeting two people tonight who stopped in to pick up some pouches, etc. They had lost 4 and 5 stones. A woman and a man, respectively. And they looked fantastic. She was beautiful! And really stylish! And not a trace she was once a size 22. That was really inspirational. Both of them never strayed from the program, and I believe that is key. I really hope I maintain this committment all the way through. I do plan to do this without any breaks. Start to finish. I have a day away in Amsterdam coming up in a month or so, my Birthday in April and a 3 week visit back home in May/June, and I really want to make it through all of those events whilst staying on the program. It will be probably the biggest challenge of my life. But if I go off the plan before i am done I think it would be disaster. So thats my choice.We'll see! I must keep my resolve.
Today had a moment at work where everyones lunches looked so nice....I reallllly wanted a taste, but of course I wasn't about too.
I have been imagining how my life is going to change, and I have been visualising my new eating lifestyle which is going to be much healthier then it has been. I look forward to fresh fruit, more veg, even though eating veg has never been a problem for me - I love veggies. But just purer food - les stuf fadded to it to dress it up. Just clean food.
Well. <sigh> I just can't help being puzzled why I only lost 1 pound!! lol It just keeps popping up in my head. Must be patient, must not be greedy. I am doing good - to go 10 days already without any 'food' seemed impossible to me a month ago, and I have proved I can do it. I just want to do it all faster. lol Today a friend at work turned around and put under my nose a gorgeous peice of chololate sponge with chololate fudge frosting and said, 'Look what I have! mmmmmm' !!! (she has no idea I am on a diet, so no blame at all! But it looked like a real American kind of cake, and it smelled like heaven.....but I was not really tempted! Visually I was, but I didn't falter. And I am pleased with that.
Must keep the resolve. Must keep the resolve. That is my mantra.
Well, I'm out of words, so nighty night.
Well, feeling a bit disheartened. Thats probably too strong a word - but after my second mid-week pop in I am only down 1 pound. But it's down, and I said from the start as long as it is down, its in the right direction. I'm just greedy!! I wanted another 7 pound mid week loss!!
Feeling more convinced the way to be successful on this diet will be to give it 100%, which I have been. That was reinforced meeting two people tonight who stopped in to pick up some pouches, etc. They had lost 4 and 5 stones. A woman and a man, respectively. And they looked fantastic. She was beautiful! And really stylish! And not a trace she was once a size 22. That was really inspirational. Both of them never strayed from the program, and I believe that is key. I really hope I maintain this committment all the way through. I do plan to do this without any breaks. Start to finish. I have a day away in Amsterdam coming up in a month or so, my Birthday in April and a 3 week visit back home in May/June, and I really want to make it through all of those events whilst staying on the program. It will be probably the biggest challenge of my life. But if I go off the plan before i am done I think it would be disaster. So thats my choice.We'll see! I must keep my resolve.
Today had a moment at work where everyones lunches looked so nice....I reallllly wanted a taste, but of course I wasn't about too.
I have been imagining how my life is going to change, and I have been visualising my new eating lifestyle which is going to be much healthier then it has been. I look forward to fresh fruit, more veg, even though eating veg has never been a problem for me - I love veggies. But just purer food - les stuf fadded to it to dress it up. Just clean food.
Well. <sigh> I just can't help being puzzled why I only lost 1 pound!! lol It just keeps popping up in my head. Must be patient, must not be greedy. I am doing good - to go 10 days already without any 'food' seemed impossible to me a month ago, and I have proved I can do it. I just want to do it all faster. lol Today a friend at work turned around and put under my nose a gorgeous peice of chololate sponge with chololate fudge frosting and said, 'Look what I have! mmmmmm' !!! (she has no idea I am on a diet, so no blame at all! But it looked like a real American kind of cake, and it smelled like heaven.....but I was not really tempted! Visually I was, but I didn't falter. And I am pleased with that.
Must keep the resolve. Must keep the resolve. That is my mantra.
Well, I'm out of words, so nighty night.
Last edited:
x-Katie-x
Gold Member
A pound is still a good loss and it has only been 3 days since weigh in .... you've got another 4 to go so don't worry 
Unfortunately those 7lb losses don't come every week but they will average out to at least 1 stone a month which we're not going to complain about that are we
You're doing brilliantly, staying strong and full of motivation - keep it going!
Unfortunately those 7lb losses don't come every week but they will average out to at least 1 stone a month which we're not going to complain about that are we
You're doing brilliantly, staying strong and full of motivation - keep it going!
Blonde Logic
Yes. You can.
No no! Not going to complaint about that at all!! I told my husband, looking at the big pitcure, I am 2 or 3 pounds away from a stone in 10 days, and thats pretty bloody good! I just liked the rush a big loss gives you!! hehe....going to be a weight loss junkie! I think I might skip nest weeks mid week - and wait for the gold at the end of the week. Will see. You don;t do the mid week ones do you?
Thanks Katie!!
xxx
Thanks Katie!!
xxx
Blonde Logic
Yes. You can.
Well, another weekend under my belt, successfully! Still on track with no close calls or anything like that. Oh wait - I take that back....last night I very nearly popped a grape in my mouth without even thinking about it!! It was a reflex!! I love grapes, and my inlaws always have them in a bowl so I just was going to grab one and caught myself!! Made me laugh, but I would have been well annoyed if I hadn't caught myself in time!!
First meal out with others last night went very well. I broke the news to mum and dad last night about the diet, unsure how they would feel. They were so supportive, and interested and asked a lot of questions, and were behind me. That was wonderful.
I realised, again, I find it very hard to say the word diet to anyone. It is as if as soon as I say that they will suddenly look me up and down, scrutinise by body, and make judgments. I know that is not the case, but its how I feel. It must be that chatter stuff. I just want to remain 'anonymous' still in some regards. I know that is not healthy and something I must work on. I get very uncomfortable thinking someone is looking at me.
I wa quite content with my soup and crisps as they ate Roast Beef with ALL the trimmings...roast spuds, yorkshires, etc. BUt I was fine! It was a bit of a wake up call, haveing been in abstinance now for 2 weeks, seeing the amount of food on their plates. So much food! Course, they are all slim, lucky with their metabolism, etc., but for me, it just seemed nearly obscene!! lol Thats what a couple of weeks away from food will do. Interesting.
Today we went up to Crawley to shop for some fun craft type things for me to do. For some reason I was hungry today. Or maybe I just thought I was. We stopped for petrol and my husband bought a poughmans baguette....and I had to look away - I just stared out the window while he ate, with th window down as it looked and smelled lovely and I really really wanted one. It was a simple baguetter = just cheese lettuce and tomato. The lettuce and tomato looked lush, and I wanted it. I felt this is going to be long. lol Months before I can have that baguette. lol But I managed, and am happy about that.
After walking every aisle of Hobbycraft, and then Halfords and Staples, my knees and feet were killing me. My knees are both still a bit tempermental after recent surgery. It just reinforced why I am doing this. Of course, there is a slight vain aspect, but I think at this stage in my life, I just don;t want to hurt anymore. I think once I don't hurt, then I will embrace the vain side of it!
I feel very lucky that this is going as easy for me as it is. I like every packet except the toffee shake, and a couple of the bars are just OK. But that makes such a difference. I have read where some are struggling and I feel so lucky because that makes it that much harder. My side effects are still minimal, if any at all. That in itself just cements in my mind, that I CAN DO THIS.
I am two weeks in. In two weeks I am a month in. In another month, more then half way through development. Time. It's all about time. I have been dealing with my weight my entire life. I will be doing this maybe 6 or 7 months. A mere whisper of my life.
Roll on.
First meal out with others last night went very well. I broke the news to mum and dad last night about the diet, unsure how they would feel. They were so supportive, and interested and asked a lot of questions, and were behind me. That was wonderful.
I realised, again, I find it very hard to say the word diet to anyone. It is as if as soon as I say that they will suddenly look me up and down, scrutinise by body, and make judgments. I know that is not the case, but its how I feel. It must be that chatter stuff. I just want to remain 'anonymous' still in some regards. I know that is not healthy and something I must work on. I get very uncomfortable thinking someone is looking at me.
I wa quite content with my soup and crisps as they ate Roast Beef with ALL the trimmings...roast spuds, yorkshires, etc. BUt I was fine! It was a bit of a wake up call, haveing been in abstinance now for 2 weeks, seeing the amount of food on their plates. So much food! Course, they are all slim, lucky with their metabolism, etc., but for me, it just seemed nearly obscene!! lol Thats what a couple of weeks away from food will do. Interesting.
Today we went up to Crawley to shop for some fun craft type things for me to do. For some reason I was hungry today. Or maybe I just thought I was. We stopped for petrol and my husband bought a poughmans baguette....and I had to look away - I just stared out the window while he ate, with th window down as it looked and smelled lovely and I really really wanted one. It was a simple baguetter = just cheese lettuce and tomato. The lettuce and tomato looked lush, and I wanted it. I felt this is going to be long. lol Months before I can have that baguette. lol But I managed, and am happy about that.
After walking every aisle of Hobbycraft, and then Halfords and Staples, my knees and feet were killing me. My knees are both still a bit tempermental after recent surgery. It just reinforced why I am doing this. Of course, there is a slight vain aspect, but I think at this stage in my life, I just don;t want to hurt anymore. I think once I don't hurt, then I will embrace the vain side of it!
I feel very lucky that this is going as easy for me as it is. I like every packet except the toffee shake, and a couple of the bars are just OK. But that makes such a difference. I have read where some are struggling and I feel so lucky because that makes it that much harder. My side effects are still minimal, if any at all. That in itself just cements in my mind, that I CAN DO THIS.
I am two weeks in. In two weeks I am a month in. In another month, more then half way through development. Time. It's all about time. I have been dealing with my weight my entire life. I will be doing this maybe 6 or 7 months. A mere whisper of my life.
Roll on.
x-Katie-x
Gold Member
You're very right you know, 6 or 7 months is nothing out of your life. I reckon at the moment that I will be in abstinence till at least July if not longer but I believe that I can happily live with that if it means that at the end of it I am slim and healthy - it's a long journey but I've got my good walking shoes on
My hubby has cooked 3 or 4 roasts this week and I've coped with them all but todays was by far tougher just because it was lamb and the smell was amazing - so I took thanks that I had a nose to smell something so nice and that was it, once I told myself that I was absolutely fine!
Got to admit that the smell that got me most last time I did LL was cucumber - when you're not eating your senses are alleviated I think and the smell of cucumber is just unreal.
My hubby has cooked 3 or 4 roasts this week and I've coped with them all but todays was by far tougher just because it was lamb and the smell was amazing - so I took thanks that I had a nose to smell something so nice and that was it, once I told myself that I was absolutely fine!
Got to admit that the smell that got me most last time I did LL was cucumber - when you're not eating your senses are alleviated I think and the smell of cucumber is just unreal.
Tange
Silver Member
Hey BL
I have been crying my eyes out reading this. Our stories are so similar its just not funny.
I will not say much more maybe one day I will be willing to share my stories of my guilt that make me self harm myself with food. How I can justify nearly any reason to eat.
You are an inspiration to me and I know you and I both will be successful at this I just know.
Hugs
Tan
I have been crying my eyes out reading this. Our stories are so similar its just not funny.
I will not say much more maybe one day I will be willing to share my stories of my guilt that make me self harm myself with food. How I can justify nearly any reason to eat.
You are an inspiration to me and I know you and I both will be successful at this I just know.
Hugs
Tan
Scrapmouse
Full Member
I have been reading your diary BL and it could be mine. I hav the same resolve as you and the determination to be sstrong and not lose any motivation until I finish.
Here's to us both losing well and doing a great job!
Here's to us both losing well and doing a great job!
Blonde Logic
Yes. You can.
DAY Sixteen
Wow - 16 days of this, and it has gone like that <snap!>!
Really settling in to this now. No more fear. No more anxiety. Only feelings of excitement and anxiousness. I cannot wait till June!
Before I began this, I anticipated struggle, hunger, cravings, emotional ups and downs, and so far, I see i worried about nothing.
I feel like I am taking care of ME, for the first time in a long long while.
It's a great feeling.
I am anxious to see more of a difference, physically, but I just have to be patient. What I do notice that is different, is I am not constantly thinking about food, like I used to. Sure, the occassional,= thought of this or that would taste lovely, but the thought is gone as soon as it comes.
My husband is praising my efforts, and my in-laws are rooting for me. My friend at work is supportive, and I am in control. Me! In control!! Who'd have thunk it!?
It's all good.
I'm so thankful.
X
Wow - 16 days of this, and it has gone like that <snap!>!
Really settling in to this now. No more fear. No more anxiety. Only feelings of excitement and anxiousness. I cannot wait till June!
Before I began this, I anticipated struggle, hunger, cravings, emotional ups and downs, and so far, I see i worried about nothing.
I feel like I am taking care of ME, for the first time in a long long while.
It's a great feeling.
I am anxious to see more of a difference, physically, but I just have to be patient. What I do notice that is different, is I am not constantly thinking about food, like I used to. Sure, the occassional,= thought of this or that would taste lovely, but the thought is gone as soon as it comes.
My husband is praising my efforts, and my in-laws are rooting for me. My friend at work is supportive, and I am in control. Me! In control!! Who'd have thunk it!?
It's all good.
I'm so thankful.
X
Blonde Logic
Yes. You can.
Aww, thank you Tange. That's really sweet, and I am sorry if I made you cry.
If I am an inspiration, it is only because so many here are inspiring me.
What a great chain of inspiration we ALL are!!!
<hugs back atcha darlin>!
X
x-Katie-x
Gold Member
What a brilliant post, it's great that you couldn't really sound more positive if you tried! It's even better cos it works in a couple of ways - it'll make any people who are new and struggling or just thinking about doing the diet realise that it's not as bad as you think it will be and that any bad early parts soon do disappear -- and it also serves to remind people who've been doing it for a while just how bloody good this diet can make you feel!
Thankfully as someone who is at exactly the same stage as you are I do feel exactly the same about it (..... and if I didn't I'd kick you
)
Blonde Logic
Yes. You can.
THanks ladies!!! You are both a part of my early success I will have you know!! As are several others.
X
X
mandy-1975
Regular Member
Hi Bl.....
I am sat her in work and have just read the whole of this thread!!!!!!!! it is so inspirational..... It sounds very simalar to me in your feelings, I too have some very deep demons that i think i get rid of and then wham, they come back and taunt me!!!!! mainly my mother and brothers voice telling me how worthless and fat and ugly and usless i am............
I wish i could write likew you do, it is fantastic, just the whole way you express yourself!!!!!!!!!!!! can't wait to keep reading!
I am sat her in work and have just read the whole of this thread!!!!!!!! it is so inspirational..... It sounds very simalar to me in your feelings, I too have some very deep demons that i think i get rid of and then wham, they come back and taunt me!!!!! mainly my mother and brothers voice telling me how worthless and fat and ugly and usless i am............
I wish i could write likew you do, it is fantastic, just the whole way you express yourself!!!!!!!!!!!! can't wait to keep reading!
Blonde Logic
Yes. You can.
Hi Mandy
THanks very much - it's really sad how damaging others words can be, isn't it? I know that is not the entire root of my problem, and I don't blame them - I have to take ultimate responsibility for what goes in my mouth - but I do feel that it does impact how we feel about ourselves, thereby making us not always make the right choice because we don't feel worth it, or something. I imagine it will all become clear over the coming months.
I'm sorry those things were said to you, and am glad you are learning that they are not true!!
Sometimes, being able to express yourself is not always a good thing....I never get to be the "mysterious woman" - for I just blurt out my life story to anyone that will listen and wear my heart on my sleeve - which is never a good thing!! lol
THanks very much - it's really sad how damaging others words can be, isn't it? I know that is not the entire root of my problem, and I don't blame them - I have to take ultimate responsibility for what goes in my mouth - but I do feel that it does impact how we feel about ourselves, thereby making us not always make the right choice because we don't feel worth it, or something. I imagine it will all become clear over the coming months.
I'm sorry those things were said to you, and am glad you are learning that they are not true!!
Sometimes, being able to express yourself is not always a good thing....I never get to be the "mysterious woman" - for I just blurt out my life story to anyone that will listen and wear my heart on my sleeve - which is never a good thing!! lol
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